XMAS TUNES YULE not HATE: MELE KALIKIMAKA

by Orson on Dec 21, 2007 11:20 AM EST

We swear there's football content coming. With a chance to write about America's best-dressed coach and dinner guest, FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger, there's no chance of this NOT happening before 2 p.m.

However, we've caught Festivus fever, and nothing can stop us from posting the finest in both bad and awesome Christmas music. If your list does not include "White Christmas," you can be forgiven; it's played to death, a bit sleepy, and was once used as the theme of a proposed float for the KKK in a Tennessee parade during our youth. If you're not feeling it, that's just fine by us.

Take yourself to the wastelands, though, if you piss on Mele Kalikimaka, because the song fills us with total and complete joy. Pair it with the pool scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and let simmer for three minutes. Randy Quaid was thin back then, man.

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Now I’m in the Christmas spirit…thanks for reminding me of the Christmas bonus I surely won’t get this year.

by Fraggle Rock on Dec 21, 2007 11:25 AM EST reply actions

That reminds me . . . where’s my dickie?

by Kernel on Dec 21, 2007 11:27 AM EST reply actions

Where’s Jingle Bell Rock by Hall and Oates? It’s really not Christmas until we see that jewel by those fucktards.

by Fraggle Rock on Dec 21, 2007 11:30 AM EST reply actions

Somewhere in the Americans With Disabilities Act there are provisions against discrimination towards those with YouTube blockers. Fail.

by Allahver Fist on Dec 21, 2007 11:33 AM EST reply actions

“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

by Doug on Dec 21, 2007 11:42 AM EST reply actions

you talk about a song i will be singing the rest of the day…its this motherfucker.

by gerry dorsey on Dec 21, 2007 11:53 AM EST reply actions

Well Gerry, this it truly is……….the gift that keeps on giving.

by Last Dragon on Dec 21, 2007 11:59 AM EST reply actions

“Your College’s Ads Are Teh Sux0rz” was a much better feature.

by PeteJayhawk on Dec 21, 2007 12:10 PM EST reply actions

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.

I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where?s the Tylenol?

by Rival on Dec 21, 2007 12:37 PM EST reply actions

“It’s Christmas-time in Hollis, Queens,
Mom’s cookin’ chicken and collard greens . . . .”

by DevilGrad on Dec 21, 2007 12:45 PM EST reply actions

Re #10: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BKTPVl6q7bU

by DevilGrad on Dec 21, 2007 1:15 PM EST reply actions

Hey, June Jones, does viewing this count as being “exposed” to Hawai’ian culture?

by Will (the other one) on Dec 21, 2007 1:30 PM EST reply actions

I’m too much of a haole to embrace this one. Next!

by DC Trojan on Dec 21, 2007 1:38 PM EST reply actions

Any “not HATE” list that doesn’t include the greatest Christmas song of all time is, sadly, not credited.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ltiY-BqvOIU

by Chuck on Dec 21, 2007 1:45 PM EST reply actions

Thanks for the memories Orson.

Not of Chevy Chase, but rather of Pheobe Cates in Ridgemont High.

by hunglikehussain on Dec 21, 2007 2:10 PM EST reply actions

Listen to the Stiff Little Fingers version of “White Christmas” and you’ll never rip on the song again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRuURvGzXBk&feature=related

by mhentz on Dec 21, 2007 4:02 PM EST reply actions

Well at first I was gonna call you out for making KKK references while being from Franklin, TN which is well know as being composed of A: Yankees and B: Rich People. But seeing as you were born waaaay back in 76, I suppose the Klan may still have a had a hold in the area then.

by Mighty MightyMitzu on Dec 22, 2007 7:17 PM EST reply actions