HEY, A BIG CFL PLAYER’S CRAPPING ON YOUR HOUSE.
HT: With Leather.
Neighbor: Jeez, Ted. That’s quite a thing you got there.
Ted: Thanks. Man, isn’t it awesome? It only cost four thousand dollars. It’s amazing what you can get these days.
Neighbor: Oh, my.
Ted: I know! My daughter’s teeth are totally fucked up. Like someone nailed a coral reef in her mouth. It’s wild in there. But when an opportunity comes along like this one, you have to leap, right?
Neighbor: Oh, yeah. So, you’re a huge CFL fan?
Ted: What? Holy shit, where the fuck do you breathe, man? That’s an Ohio State Buckeye, man.
Neighbor: Oh, I’m sorry. I got confused there for a second. And you went to Michigan, right?
Ted: No way! Class of ‘92, THE Ohio State University. You have to say it that way.
Neighbor: Apologies. I just assumed as much, since a huge Buckeye that looks like he’s taking a shit on someone’s house should, metaphorically speaking, go above a Michigan fan’s house.
Ted: Oh…um….hey! Just got that one! Nice!
Neighbor: No problem. Here’s a court order saying to take it down in the next 36 hours before my children get rickets. We haven’t seen the sun in three days.
Ted: Fuck.
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51
Will says:
#34 & #37– the Simpsons mentioned the joke because the world’s most famous Simpson at the time was a man named Orenthal James Simpson, who happened to be accused of double-murder, and who was a childhood sufferer of rickets.
That’s what makes it funny- it was a hat tip to the malnutrition of a CFB legend turned accused felon.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:19 pm
52
oc phil says:
SKLM: What’s with all the tOSU hate today? Do you have a big regional issue and since Notre Dame is irrelevant now you have to find another midwestern school to pick on?
Actually all the young women you mentioned in #45 frequently show class. It is just of the low variety.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:02 pm
53
Albino Tornado says:
CarlintheMarlin — “that guy” named Pete Ricketts is the former COO of Ameritrade, the largest online brokerage. His family’s worth a cool 2.6 billion dollars. He was running for the U.S. Senate, not some bumfuck school board.
Also, he was born in Nebraska City and lives in Omaha, both of which are on the Missouri River. That’s the squiggly part of Nebraska’s border, which is on the EAST side.
Other than that, you know, you were 100% right.
December 21st, 2007 at 9:55 pm
54
poguemahone says:
@48
Oh, please. Even Notre Dame fans knew they had no chance last year with their secondary vs. three first round draft picks. All I’m going to say is that LSU is 70th in sacks allowed and tOSU is top-5 in sacks. What about that, or anything else, makes you so confident?
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 am
55
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
Top 5 against that schedule! Awesome
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:56 pm
56
StageCoach says:
@ 54 poguemahone
Shhhhhh, please let our southern friends rant on as they wish. What they never understand is that when you denigrate your opponent, you also denigrate your victory over said opponent. Not to mention the awesome humiliation that comes with having lost to said incompetent opponent.
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:08 pm
57
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
@56
What happened to that logic last year?
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:35 pm
58
justanotherbuckeye says:
@57
What happened to the Big10 being 2-1 v SEC last year? That’s logic that doesn’t fly with you right?
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:14 pm
59
poguemahone says:
Average offense Ohio State has played:
ranked 59th – averaging 395 yds/game.
Ohio State gives up 225 yds/game on average.
Average offense LSU has played:
ranked 80th – averaging 340 yds/ game
LSU gave up an average of 283 yds/ game.
So Ohio State played better offenses across the board and held under their average by more than twice the amount LSU’s D holds opposing offenses under their average. Yes, I’m a statwhore, and proud of it. But don’t pretend we haven’t played great offenses for one second.
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
60
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
0-8 . Besides that I’ll take #1, you can have the rest.
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:54 pm
61
poguemahone says:
OSU being 0-8 versus the SEC in bowl games has as much relevance to the MNC as OSU being undefeated all-time vs. LSU.
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:31 pm
62
David Puddy says:
in the spirit of Canadian Football…JOY TO THE ROUGE!
Besides, what could be more fun than punting on 3rd down, 110-yard fields, 20-yard endzones, and uprights on the goalline? Nothing, I contend!
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm
63
StageCoach says:
@ 57
It is the same logic every year, all the time. Are there bonehead Buckeye fans? Sure, like everywhere. But I don’t know anyone who didn’t respect Florida going into the game last year. Believing in your team is as it should be. Giving respect to your oponent is also part of the deal.
When OSU loses, you invariably hear (from Tress & the players) praise of the opponent for a job well done. When the Bucks win, you hear them sing the same praises for the opponent’s talent & effort exerted. I respect that classiness from anyone willing to show it, be they Buckeye, Trojan, Wolverine, whomever. There is no more bitter rivalry than OSU-Michigan, but the games are always classy and full of respect for one another.
That said, review the things said by the Gators after last year’s MNC game. Sadly, I was not surprised to hear it from the players, but Meyer was a real disappointment. I expected more from an Ohio guy.
Congrats, sincerely, to LSU for a fine season. If my Bucks are able to pull off the impossible upset, I will be more than happy to have them as a National Champion, having defeated a really good SEC team to do it.
December 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
64
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
#61
0-9 . Will that help you understand.
December 23rd, 2007 at 8:12 am
65
Socraticsilence says:
Just going out on a limb here but maybe Florida’s players said the thing aobut OSU not being that great becauase they were true, I mean from every indication we recieved last year 4-5 SEC opponents were more difficult than OSU. As for Meyer, given the crap he took about “whining an undeserving team into the game” I think he was polite in his triumph.
December 23rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm
66
Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ says:
As I remember it there were people wanting OSU to play Michigan again for the MNC. Just add a team to the televen and have a Conf. Champ game. That will solve your “layoff” problem. Plus, make some cash.
December 24th, 2007 at 1:06 am
67
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Well if tOSU played such a tough strong schedule, whats all the hub-bub?
Bravo to tOSU for finding the shortcut to the MNC by having no real Conf Championship and no bye week…all they are doing is working the system…
and finding an easy way to the MNC, just to get their eyes drilled out to a healthy, Michigan man coached LSU team…or insert your next SEC champion here________(more than likely Florida or Georgia for the next 2 yrs) ……Big 10 or Pac 10 champ vs SEC champ…dont know if Big 12 will make it back since they are like 1 outta three the last couple times they have been there….1 fer Texas, 0-2 for Okla. vs LSU and USC……I think Michigan will do better next year, should be interesting to see how a traditional Big 10 school does w/ a gimmicky offense…
December 24th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
68
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I vote Notre Dame to the Big 10….should fit right in ……
then in 4 yrs you would have some decent comp…Michigan, tOSU, Illini,ND….Zooker should make it fun for a lil bit til he gets another gig
December 24th, 2007 at 12:59 pm