JIM LEAVITT IS TOO INTENSE FOR CHRISTMAS.

by Orson on Dec 19, 2007 12:32 PM EST

Jim Leavitt is a legendarily intense man. Watch his large ears turn red on the sidelines, and you'll see a man firmly in the grips of a rage that makes cardiologists around the nation smile with delight. (Yes, yes. Buy me another boat, sweet rageaholics.)

Leavitt is so intense he has no time for your...your...weak, human holidays. (HT: Troy.)

"I haven't looked that far ahead. That's probably wrong. That's really the truth, too. That's sad, isn't it. I really haven't. I'm really thinking -- you don't want to hear it -- thinking about practice. I really have not thought about what we're going to do Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. I did think about this: with the players leaving Friday, I thought it'd be a great time, because it's so quiet, Friday and Saturday, getting some work done in the office with film. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, would I come here and do some work? God, I hope not. I hope I don't.

If you've watched Intervention and seen an addict who says something like "Hey, I'm sober today, but who knows about tomorrow?"...well, you know that is a clear sign that person will be shivering at a bus stop the next day even though it's 80 degrees outside wearing the universal outfit of the Intervention junkie: an old t-shirt and sweatpants cut into shorts.

In other words: you know Leavitt's going into the office those days, and you know he has no idea what his children want, what their names are, or even the color of their eyes. You might be able to actually just ploink him down into a strange house, give him random gifts, and he'd assume this was where he was supposed to be and begin jovially exchanging hugs. We hold that the results of this experiment would stand up even if he dropped Leavitt into an Asian, Hispanic, or Black household.

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Leavitt is raising a fine nest of cuckoos and cowbirds this year.

by Allahver Fist on Dec 19, 2007 12:48 PM EST reply actions

He will do what other Coaches do for Christmas…he’ll send a Grad. Asst to the local Wal-Mart, buy the gifts,have him deliver them, then on Christmas morning, have the Grad Asst. get up at 4am,go back to Coach Leavitts house again, put the gifts that are to be put together, then film Leavitts kids opening the gifts, so he can review the film, once he is done looking at game film,later on, say about 9pm that night….and Orson, check this link…it is to Hair Metal, what Yacht Rock is to smoothhh…the best waste of time and ruining productivity at work ever…
http://www.sleazeroxx.com

by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 19, 2007 12:51 PM EST reply actions

Harmonica, Kwanzaa Dept:

Drop Leavitt into a Jewish or African American home (where they are right in the middle of Hanika or Kwanzaa) and he still would have no clue that he is in the wrong place. oops, is Leavitt Jewish?…nevermind….

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Dec 19, 2007 1:03 PM EST reply actions

Threadjack…
word out of Columbia is the Ol’ Ball Coach is going to hire Brian Van Gorder as the new DC.

by Fraggle Rock on Dec 19, 2007 1:07 PM EST reply actions

Is it wrong that my fiance and I enjoy watching Intervention while drinking? What about after bong hits?

by AllWhoYonder on Dec 19, 2007 1:07 PM EST reply actions

Threadjack #2
Meyer to the Falcons?

by NDTom on Dec 19, 2007 1:10 PM EST reply actions

Threadjack #3

Falcons franchise moving to LA?

by Rival on Dec 19, 2007 1:18 PM EST reply actions

“God, I hope not.” The man has a monkey riding him like a jockey, complete with the whip and unusually small stature. I hope he seeks the help he needs or that USF goes 2-10 next year, which would accomplish the same thing. Or maybe that would cause him to spend all his time playing NCAA 2008.

by Biggus Rickus on Dec 19, 2007 1:19 PM EST reply actions

Give Leavitt a Mohawk like Grothe’s. He needs one.

by yoyofutbawl on Dec 19, 2007 1:31 PM EST reply actions

I think if you dropped Leavitt into an African-American household he would assume he was on a recruiting trip. Hopefully for his family’s sake they aren’t actually African-American, because how embarrassing would it be for him to revoke his son’s scholarship because he couldn’t actually play, when his son had already committed to USF 14 times over the past 5 years (once for each time Leavitt was home during his son’s waking hours).

by Herb on Dec 19, 2007 1:51 PM EST reply actions

Thats fantastic, “watch game film of opening presents”

He watches the film from the last couple christmases, and the diagrams up plays for his wife for this year’s festivities…

OK honey here’s what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna hit Johnny with the end around — put his xbox game in a clothing box, and suzy is going to get the fake-out, her best present is gonna be mysteriously hidden behind the tree and wont surface until a short time after all the other presents are opened. Then, then, when they think its all over, we pull the double end around and the new puppy comes running out from the kitchen. And not to be outdone, we go for the hail mary where we throw the half eaten reindeer treats out on the lawn so it looks legit, those fools never saw a game plan like this! (slaps wife’s ass enthusiastically).

by Brian on Dec 19, 2007 1:58 PM EST reply actions

Jim Leavitt’s Christmas film breakdown/gameplanning is SO GOOD that his kids are 20 and 25, and still think Santa is REAL.

by Brian on Dec 19, 2007 2:01 PM EST reply actions

Also keeping the cardiologists’ pockets lined with caviar, Saban scheduled practice for Christmas day.

Here’s your present: a tip drill.

by JC on Dec 19, 2007 2:11 PM EST reply actions

sweatpants cut into shorts = sworts!

by Unhappy Monkey on Dec 19, 2007 2:12 PM EST reply actions

Brian @ 11, when I think “end-around” for the Holidays, it’s less on the theme of “Nut-cracker” and more on the theme of “Nut Buster” – which is why that play call is for the missus to back up under center, as it were.

by DC Trojan on Dec 19, 2007 2:12 PM EST reply actions

#11
Brian, you read my mind…..Coaches game plan for everything and draw more diagrams than Prof. Charlie Eppes from “Numbers”…..They cant relate to anything unless its: 1. Drawn up 2. Practiced 3. Filmed 4. Walked Thru a few times 5. Then,once the game is actually played, critique all involved when, win or lose, about how slow or fast they were at their position on a particular play. 6. Then no matter what, windsprints….
Yes coaches actually do this ritual when it comes to sex, especially the film part…I bet right now if you broke into Sabans or Leavitts house, there is a dark cement room with hyerogliphic rudementary sex drawings on a Dry-Erase boards, and a breakdown on when"the coverage was blown"….err wait, that may be an actual play during sex…..you guys can make your own jokes here_________….I just picture the coaches hopping out of bed then running wind sprints down the hall cause it on the schedule…..

by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 19, 2007 4:00 PM EST reply actions

Myself, I’ve always labeled Leavitt and Saban as Festivus men myself…..no time for that Chrismas shit, all we need is a Fence pole, airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength, and BOOM, we’re done….

by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 19, 2007 4:07 PM EST reply actions