And you thought it would be the guy named “Penn Wagers.” Get your perjoratives right: SEC officials are homers, Pac-10 officials are buffoons, and Big 10 officials are corrupt. An exaggeration, sure: but an investigation into Stephen Pamon, who worked the crew at the Illinois/Ohio State game among others, sprays stink all over the league’s officiating. Yahoo! Sports (the excalamation point is for actual! investigative! reporting!) has the full report, but in summary:

A Big Ten football officiating team that came under scrutiny for its performance in two conference games last month was led by a crew chief with a history of bankruptcy, casino gambling, child abuse and allegations of sexual harassment, a Yahoo! Sports investigation has revealed.

Meaning that your hopes of becoming a Big Ten referee aren’t dashed forever, friend! Because who hasn’t gotten at least a couple of those on the record, especially the bankruptcy/casino gambling combo. They go together like herpes and Hedonism 2, man.

SMU to get the Dork Penalty? Southern Methodist University is talking to Dennis Franchione. Whatever comes your way is completely deserved, SMU, if you let Dennis Franchione have the stick. A damnable idea by any standards, especially when you consider you’ll have to pay for a newsletter now, Mustangs fans. (HT: Dave and David.)

Ohio State swears they’re not slow. It’s just the pants, really. Austin Murphy’s article explaining how Ohio State is looking to minimize the impact of the fifty day layoff, stay focused, and avoid a repeat of last year’s 41–14 demolition at the tails and teeth of the Florida Gators. (Apologies–no matter how we type that, it comes out in bold type.) One extremely irrational thought: that Ohio State, allegedly distracted by Arizona’s nightlife, will be better focused by spending only five days
in New Orleans, a place known for wholesome living and early bedtimes.

No, a thousand times, no: Neuheisel to UCLA: a desperation play? Rick’s taking odds on his own hire, and has some awesome teasers if you’ve got the coin to back them up.

We’re slaves to a good “They Live” reference. LSUFreek, again.