HOW TO QUIT, PROFESSIONAL-LIKE

I realize the FSU story is amusing Orson, but this is taking it too far…

Ummm, link goes to the Bowden piece, big guy. Don’t want to promote the competition TOO much, do ya?

Whatever you do, don’t look directly at his tie!

for all the baby birds: http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=319866

I looked at the tie. Towards the bottom, the streams cross.

Once that link is fixed, the posts pointing out that it now links to the wrong story will look goofy. Once it is fixed.

see…the rice band was right.

I’ll assume they instruct you to purposely tone down the brilliance in your Sporting News pieces, to avoid the proletariet going blind from reading them.

#6: How’s this?

“That SN piece is hilarious, Orson. You’ve done it again!”

This begs the question, which one of these methods did you employ most recently? Falcon, Blimp, Retriever, or simple no show tactics?

For some reason, I look at that picture and I think he is the inspiration for the gym teacher from Beavis and Butthead….
“Respect?! Those boys never showed me any respect! It took every ounce of self-control for me not to kill them!”
-Coach Buzzcut

#10
He probaly did it the way I would do it, via ringback tone, you call your present boss and hang up, so when your present boss calls you back, he instantly heres “Take this job and shove it….” by Johnny Paycheck….

#11: not there’s a way to quit
Go to the AD and say “I’m taking a better job. Don’t like it? Go ahead son…KICK ME IN THE JIMMY!!!”

He looks like Bill Paxton’s assistant manager on Big Love. Todd Grahm is probably a polygamist too.

Can you imagine? Multiple wives. Multiple anniversaries. Multiple Valentine’s day gifts. Multiple birthdays. Multiple anniversaries. Multiple periods. Damn. They better be into some hardcore kinky shit to make all that worth it.

The “2 year rule” is interesting given Urban’s resume as a HC Prior to landing at UF…

This season was his first-ever 3rd year as a head coach at the same school wasn’t it?

#14
Yeh I thought about that too while watching the show….it would be a living hell if all 3 of his wives were pregnant 6 months apart for 3 yrs straight….that would be hell on earth….problem is, I havent seen many hot mormon chicks that are into polygamy…seems its the most homeliest chicks that would fit right in at a Holiness/Snake handling church backwoods type with mechanics hands at best……but I am basing this ill conceived notion on the only good looking Mormon I’ve ever seen and that is Marie Osmond…..now if I could pick my team…. Shania Twain, Jessica Simpson, and that Sophia Veraga…I could work with that… Shania on Monday, Jess on Weds, Sophia on Fri, and potluck during the weekend would be the “schedule”…

Ah…a spa of 365 days.

Will,

Arbitrary coaching rules are always designed so as not to make the coach of your favorite program appear to be a tool. For example:

Players should never be allowed to run onto the field after a first quarter touchdown unless they have lost to a rival 15 of 17 times. Should your winning percentage against a rival exceed 20% over a 20 year period, storming the field against them is not allowed.

The best part is the gym teacher was the hank hill voice, even looked like him to a degree – think it was mike judge doing the voice, so its makes sense.

Urban Mantooth is a saint.

Biggus makes a good point.

Also, every time I see Tommy Tuberville and his pine box comment thrown into one of these, I cringe. Seeing as how he has only had two HC jobs and has been at AU for 9 years (astonishing that 4 have been since jetgate) and he was at Ole Miss for 4 (I think), I would think by this point his comment could be chalked up to “being made in haste.”

1. - I’m embarassed that I can correct you on this. But it’s the neighbor who sounds a lot like Hank Hill.

You know if Tuberville had just had some people carry him to the Auburn city limits in a pine box his statement would have been A-okay.

Oxford. Fuck.

“being made in haste”

Didn’t he make the “pine box” statement within a day or so of taking the money and running to the Toilet-paperingiest village on the Plains?

Sure we’re all a bit shocked his eye hasn’t wandered since (much as we’re shocked there are headphones big enough to cover his massive ears)…but I think he could also qualify as Patient Zero in this current era of coaching douchebaggery.

Maybe you’re right, Will. I’m sure no coach ever changed schools before 1998. Tubs started it all – then apparently turned a new leaf. I’m fine with that.

#25
I agree……I wish we as adults could get away with the stuff head coaches get away with…
“Honey, you know I wouldnt go to a strip club without you..”…….I blame the agents….Jimmy Sexton is behind all of the most notorious coaching searches and non denials and even bold denials and denial denials…
Agents-who have never coached a down of Football-run the game, and the NCAA,MLB,NFL,NBA…hell all of it…I blame them…Boras and Sexton—-Original Mercenaries..

I forget, I have to dumb this down for Auburn folks:

Again, it’s not that he Tubs took the Auburn job.

It’s the “I’m not leaving” followed 24 hours later by leaving.

Tommy Bowden never claimed he was staying at Tulane (though I’d wager many a rock-petter wishes he had now).
Urban never said he was sticking around at Utah.

Ears, on the other hand, said there was no way he was leaving…right before he left.

Beavis Commentary Dept:

#22, Yes it is the neighbor who sounds like Hank Hill, his name is “Anderson”. I think there was a very funny episode where Beavis and Butt-Head pruned Anderson’s tree. They used a chain saw to cut the tree just above the base and said or sang, in an Axl Rose falsetto, “You’re gonna die”.

Mr. Pelican: Blame agents? Nah, blame Ty Willingham or Zola Budd.

I also add to #28’s statement, that Wingnut cost us a few games down the stretch due to “head in his/au’s ass”

Mainly, he never addessed the issue with his team face to face. That is how you define “chickenshit” in my book. Pales in comparison to the current douchebags, but was still shitty nonethless.

Thats why we were pissed, and some (including yours truly) still are.

Oh well, fuck him.

Spencer Hall?!? Guess the joke is on me for thinking Orson Swindle was real. But as hilarious a name as Orson was, it is ten times better than Spencer Hall, which just sucks.

Tubs has actually lived down his Ole Miss two-step since this year he could have easily bailed on Auburn to whatever job he wanted but instead remained on the Plains.

“DAMMIT I SAID KICK ME IN THE JIMMY!!!”

“DO IT AGAIN! DO IT HARD!”