CURIOUS INDEX, 12/13/07

Tennessee’s Cutcliffe to Duke?!?!

Say it ain’t so…yet!

“immortality is a national championship”

Actually, Immortality is a warm gun. The Beatles told me so.

“…and he’s buying a stairway to heaven’.

Did the EDSBS server resign to coach the Falcons?

To everyone enjoying Michigan’s coaching search out of sheer schadenfreude:
To quote Silky Johnson, I hope all the bad stuff in the world happens to you and no one else.

“immortality is a national championship”

“immorality is how you get there”

As an Alabama fan, I’m a connoisseur of horribly bad coaching searches. I often open up a bottle of ’86 Bowden Shunned. Or ’97 Fax Campaign Dubose. And, of course, there any number of recent Mal Moore vintage bottles.

With that said (and to show my lack of hate-eration on this issue), what the hell is Michigan doing with this search? From a very long distance, this appears to be the worst. coaching. search. ever.

It appears Biblically bad. Maybe one of you Michigan fans can explain to me how this is all some elaborate smokescreen/master plan.

Terrence Moore ripped Blank a new one in his column today. He is an angry man. Explain to me why Arkansas is so hyped about this guy? He’ll have a couple of good seasons, and the rip ass for another job. Shit, this guy moves like a bad case of the clap in a whore house.

I’m pretty sure that when the MSU contingent rolls in for the Liberty Bowl it will resemble the cast from Hank Williams Jr.‘s “All My Rowdy Friends” video. That’s one helluva lot of overalls.

LSU Freek’s genius escoterica has finally surpassed my limited ability to comprehend. I don’t get it?

Immorality is easy. You just try hard not to die.

(unlike, say, the EDSBS servers)

It’s a natural for a Blue Hen to wanna coach at Michigan – he’s already used to those gawd-awful helmets.

What do the women’s teams at Oregon State call themselves? Beaverettes? Lady Beavers is redundant and unecessary.

BTW, years ago there was a girls’ dorm at Ole Miss named Hoar Hall. Wonder if it still bears that name.

Wow, Arkansas is paying a lot of money to finish 4th or 5th in the SEC West.

1. -

It’s quite easy to understand, actually. See, this is all a smokescreen so that they can hire Ron English. Because of the length of time this search has taken, they will hire him on an “Interim basis,” like they did when they hired Carr. That way, being the liberal instituion they are, they can say they hired a black coach. If he’s good next year (i.e., beats tOSU), they will keep him on. When he’s bad next year, they can say he was only an interim coach anyway, and fire him without being accused of being Notre Dame (i.e., a racist instituion that hates blacks more than Bush).

If Sylvester at Mississippi started coaching a girl’s soccer team would it be known as:

Croom’s Maroon Poon?

Techie@10, you dropped a ‘t’…still makes sense though.

#9: Obviously Georgia, being in the SEC, will bring unholy wrath and destruction upon the hapless Hawaiians in the Sugar Bowl, meaning the Rainbow Warriors’ playbook must consist of Holy Water and Hail Marys (both kinds) in order to have a chance in hell of winning. Much like a demon upon an old priest (June Jones) and his young acolyte (Colt Brennan).

Also, lithe cheerleaders in funny bent crab-walk-esque positions both deeply fascinates and makes young males giggle. So the picture wins all around.

PS: While we’re on Georgia, you know what’s funny about Mark Richt? He’s calling for a Blackout of the Sugar Bowl just like the home game against Auburn. Obviously no one told him and he probably doesn’t care that Hawaii’s colors are black too. He probably thinks they’ll actually show in rainbow colors.

You know what’s funny about Atlantans? In the AJC sports comments section they’re lauding Richt because he’s “classy” and “loyal” unlike that other (former) Georgia-area coach, Petrino. Richt, the guy who let his entire team flood the endzone in a cheap exhibition of “In your face” theatrics a “classy” guy?

I hope Colt Brennan scores at least 15 touchdowns and the Samoans on defense drill Stafford and Moreno.

YesIamaGatorfan.

#9: As opposed to the d-bags in red pants floating around the Sugar Bowl?

What, no “Beaver Jokes” tag? Nitany Fuck Lions vs. Beavers?

Also, is anybody other than ESPN and myself giddy as a school girl about the pending implosion of MLB?

Anyone besides me think that if they somehow made a movie about Delaware’s head coach, they’d get Daniel-Day Lewis to play him?

so that’s what its come down to for mr. martin up in ann arbor huh??

“hey lloyd!! any other teams out there wear the same unis as us? delaware!! are you fucking serious?? who’s their coach?? call his ass.”

http://www.citizenlink.org/content/A000006108.cfm

This link explains where Tim Tebow, nearly aborted, came to be….seems like his mom contracted dysentery in the Phillipines and was advised against giving birth to Tebow, but due to the drugs she wasnt supposed to take, and Tebow wasnt supposed to be normal, she chose to go on, and now we have a superhuman football mutant. Thanks mom…now where do we get the antedote….Defensive coordinators need to know…..

My wife is having a boy in January….need to know where to get the superhuman genotrope drugs she was using so my offspring can join the Tebow mutant army…..this story, from being almost aborted to the new face of College footballs golden boy….is beyond comprehension…..My prediction….?
Tebow writes a book….simply called….“The One”….
go ahead, imply all the Matrix parallels ya want, all he is missing is the Coax jack in the back of his neck…..I still think he has the ability to speed or slow up time at will….cant prove it…..need to take more red pills

The antidote for Tebow = graduation or the NFL.

You know what is REALLY funny about the citizens of Atlanta? The charade that they give a shit about the Falcons or any pro sports team for that matter. The mock outrage is hysterical. They get more fired up when their shortcuts through traffic are blocked than a loss by the Falcons, Hawks, Braves or whatever the hockey team is called… if it weren’t for the UGA fans and transplants, Atlanta area TV would probably drop all sports coverage and have multiple channels of HGTV and Bravo.

12 – I was waiting on someone to make the crack about Delaware copying Michigan’s helmets. Low hanging fruit, my man.

For any Ohio State fans mocking Michigan’s coaching search, what was Tressel, your #4 choice? I recall that Stoops and at least two others said no thanks to you guys, and you got an I-AA coach who, after numerous years, built an extremely strong I-AA program who won a couple of national titles while getting disemboweled by Marshall or Georgia Southern in the finals in other seasons.

Conversely, Keeler has an odd record. This would be his 2nd national title at Delaware if he can defeat Appy, but he has also had 6-6, 5-6, and 6-5 seasons in his 6 year tenure at Delaware.

Basically, a feast or famine (famine equaling mediocrity in this context) guy.

Kate,

Scoreboard.

Peace,

ya lawya

Wow, who knew a football could have a neat hand writing?

@ Hail State

My thoughts exactly.

21 – If this isn’t a sign that all Gators should become pro-lifers, i don’t know what is.

Kate @ 16: Your post raises an interesting observation. Hawaii went from their colors being the rainbow (all possible colors in the visible spectrum) to being black (the total absence of light and therefore color), making them the holder of the largest possible shift of team colors possible award.

OK, it’s interesting to me. Well, maybe not. Is there anything else on the wide world of web?

Re: eternity being a stretch – Penn State seems content with it.

1. Bobby D: It is a visual riff on the mediocre horror flick, “the Grudge”

#10, it’s an Exorcist reference.

http://re3.mm-a8.yimg.com/image/4143753911

Coop @25

tOSU hire of Tressel came 17 days after they fired John Cooper after the bowl game vs. South Carolina. While they talked to other candidates Andy Geiger didn’t offer the job. Everybody complained that there was no movement on the hiring front and then they announced JT. It seemed longer, but only 17 days. BTW, he was worth the wait.

Tressel also led YSU to 4 championships in 6 appearances. This year is his 9th championship game in the last 17 seasons. He is 5-3 so far. That is impressive no matter who you pull for.

Kate @ #16:

Well, I hope you get cooties and Lloyd Carr farts on you in the Capital One Bowl!

I mean, as long as we’re tossing out completely stupid comments here.

Try to keep up, Kate.

Georgia’s the home team in the Sugar.

Jim Donnan is… gasp! IMMORTAL??? Wow. Just wow.

Kate: your hate gives me pleasure! Enjoy Orlando!

For the record: Hawaii’s colors are green and white.

National championships give you immortality.

Case in point….Lou Holtz.

@ #13

South Carolina’s paying even more to finish last in the East. What bowl game is the Great Steve Spurrier going to this year? LOL.

1. - Crabapple

Tressel was at Youngstown State for 15 seasons, winning his first national championship in Year 6 or 7. Delaware’s coach may have two of them in that span, come Friday night. Point being, it took Tressel a while to build up Youngstown State, longer than it took Keeler to continue Raymond’s success at Delaware.

As for your “search” Geiger approached at least 2-3 guys, who all said no thanks. Saying Tressel was Ohio State’s first “offer” is technically right, letter of the law, but is the exact same thing as arguing that Bobby Petrino was Arkansas’ first “offer” if you are a spirit of the law guy.

You only “offer” after an agreement in principle has been reached. I trust you understand that concept.

However, if you truly believe that Tressel was option #1 for Ohio State, you are either beyond delusional or suffer from convenient short-term amnesia.

And, as for you not regretting your decision, no shit. That was basically my point for Michigan, were Michigan to hire Keeler. He “could” be another Tressel.

Kate, with respect, Fuck you.

Kate @ #16 and doug@ # 35

A special Capital One Bowl preview of the halftime show…brought to you by LLLyod Carr.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw7cAIwQsNo

SunDawg:
You have to forgive us Florida fans who got tired of hearing how classless our fanbase is and how classless our coach was/is during our 17 year or so “streak”—- when some of us are aware that the epitome of class, Vince Dooley, took an undefeated squad and ran up the score on a 2-6 Florida team in 1971; or some of us watched your fans run on the field and climb goalposts well before a game had ended (UTenn, 2000), or saw your most recent coach purposely encourage his team disrupt the play of the game in order to obtain some personal fouls.
Yes, you have scoreboard.
We are all on the same tilt-a-whirl.
And fuck you back.

Pretty soon, there will have to be a “no transfer-sit out a year of coaching rule” and we will call it the “Petrino Rule”, kinda like the horsecollar tackle, except for coaching…once it starts costing money, less coaches will try that shit….Jacks Jacks, no trade backs…your stuck with Petrino……

1. - Hailstate, I hope there is sarcsam I just can’t detect in that statement – how much did alabama pay to finish 5th in the West this year? More than $2.5 mill per year

Seconded, Ltrain.

Mutt fans are always the first to bring up what a “classy” christian their coach is, but he recruits the same borderline thugs the rest of us do, so that talk needs to be retired.

Silly Orson,

You spelled Lawya Milloy’s name wrong!

Proofread, man, there are people reading this junk!

Ltrain and Mr. Wrong, I forgive you.

PS I didn’t bring up any of that, plus I was fighting the Cold War in 1971 and Dooley was out of my control. Good luck with your bowl game.

Ltrain, Mr. Wrong…

When one of UGA’s players plays the game after getting arrested for stealing a car, then you can talk.

And the photoshop fark is clearly referencing the “Spiderwalk” scene from The Exorcist. Of course that movie came out prior to 1990 so of course most Gator fans won’t believe it existed.

Hey, now, let’s be fair—it was his own car he was stealing. That’s like, you know, betting on you own dog in a dogfight, and like scarcely even illegal, right?

#24: I would cut Atlantans slack on complaining about traffic, because, honestly, the traffic IS terrible.

#37: Their colors are green and white, but both players and fans like to show up in black.

#36: I know, home team advantage helped so much when it was Arkansas in Baton Rouge, and South Carolina in Athens, and Stanford at the Coliseum, LA-Monroe at Bryant-Denny, and Pitt in Morgantown… oh, wait.

#30: No, there is nothing.

(And #16 was actually in reference to the current #10.)

Katie:

1. referred to your assertions about the Dawgs wearing black and that “obviously no one told (Richt) and he probably doesn’t care that Hawaii’s colors are black too. He probably thinks they’ll actually show in rainbow colors,” and implied nothing about home-field advantage.

I suspect he knows a trifle more about the Fighting Rainbows than you do (among other things).

@49

Well they made movies in years other than 1980 also but you wouldn’t know it by talking to UGA fans.

They’re still hung up on the likes of Private Benjamin and Nine to Five.

Hey Mr. Pelican Pants,

Keep us posted on the January developments, okay?

Oh, and even though we’re not planning on having any more kids, (I’m a man! I’m 42!) let me know if you find any of them Tebow drugs. I could use them myself.

#52: Good Saint Richt surely knows much more than I do. I will never know, for instance, how on earth to find the laughable gall to argue on national television that my team should go to the MNC after having been beat by the eventual 6-6 Gamecocks and losing an SEC title game berth because of a then 9-3 Tennessee. I will never know, for instance, how to justify making a show of viciously yanking my players off the Vanderbilt star one week and letting them run wild in the endzone under my direct order and approval the next.

Could anyone explain the reasoning, because I just dunno?

#45, the correct amount, according to the sign I saw on Gameday:

“$32 million…Worth Every Penny.”

That’s $4 million a year to get Croomed and Warhawked. I could have done that for much less.

Did Petrino write his letter on a grocery bag?

As regards the Oregon State mascot:

When I first moved to Oregon many many years ago there was an Oregon State volleyball game on the teevee. Now, imagine for a moment that you are the Oregon State women’s volleyball manager. You have a number of choices of what to put on the team jerseys:

“Oregon State”

“OSU”

“O State”

“State”

or:

“Beavers”

Now guess which one they chose.

1. - No, people wear green mostly to Aloha Stadium. The team sometimes wears black at home, because its cool or something. But the fans still wear green.

Kate, for what it’s worth, after the Vandy game the players interviewed said they didn’t intentionally stomp on the logo at mid-field: they rushed the field after the game-winning fieldgoal and the mass of bodies drifted to mid-field. Could be total BS; I haven’t seen a replay and don’t know for sure. CMR interpreted it as a purposeful act and started yanking players off the logo.

Pretty sure after he shared this story with his wife she suggested he stop being such a tight-ass and let the boys have a little fun, ergo the post-touchdown celebration the following week.

Say what you will, I think the team has played with much more unity since Vandy. As you noted, prior to that they lost to the not-going-to-a-bowl Cocks and failed to apprear against the Vols.

#60, A rational UGA fan is a hard find nowadays. You are absolutely right that UGA’s played better the 2nd half of the season than the 1st. But that’s not all I heard for the week or so leading up to the BCS selections. I heard, ad nauseum, via the internets and ATL radio, that is was UGA’s devine right to play in the BCSCG, not even having won their division, very well their conference. Presumably based on the resume of beating UF (3 loss), AU (4 loss), and Ky (5 loss) in the last part of the season.

Just saying.

Mr. Fletcher, who you callin’ rational! [thanks, I had to get that out].

I was a little surprised to see a 2-loss UGA team in the top 5 at the end of the season, especially with undefeated and 1-loss teams ranked lower. I think the pollsters had an “oh shit” moment when the # 1 and #2 teams lost during the last week. The final rankings were part reshuffling and part beauty contest. I’m happy with the Sugar Bowl and look forward to next year.

As to the media build up, I know we were mocking Urban last year on his claim for a chance at the big dance, but his campaign paid off and proved us wrong. I would have expected the UGA faithful to do no less.

You guys go out and do the SEC proud! See you next year.