COMMENTING GENIUS
Blue is blue, and your team sucks!Deadspin’s been tracking them for a while, but this cutting-edge technology thing ESPN’s been all over has really allowed them to tap into the soul of the fan with selected comments of the day. We mention this one because it’s college football-related, slightly news pertinent, and allows us to take the offramp to random sodomy jokes as we’re wont to do.
Bowden needs to quit worrying about beating JoePa for the wins lead… do what’s best… retire.
Well, the formal announcement of Bowden sunset phase has already been made, so he’s already basically done that by announcing Jimbo Fisher as the “coach in waiting.”
But that really is the most insightful thing they could find in ESPN’s vault of commenters talking about college football. We’re immensely proud we can find at least three to four comments in the first, oh, three or four comments of each thread on EDSBS that trump this one for intelligence or insight. But what ESPN’s really missing out is on the comedy potential of their featured comment, which could just sneak in so much humor in a single line without most people noticing. For example:
“Bowden should do what’s best…masturbating with a silicone glove to amateur porn using really, really good expensive lube, like a fifteen dollar bottle of Eros or something. Because, IMHO, that really is the best.”
–Steve, Tallahassee
“Kirk Ferentz sued my dog for libel. True story. The dog won representing himself, and today they call him Jim Delany, Big Ten commissioner. The fucker never even calls anymore.”
–Neil391, Akron, OH.
“I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy.”
–TeddyBallGag, Indianapolis.
“Hey, do you know who would make a great football coach at Michigan? PARIS HILTON Pr0n MKE HER SAY MAI HOW B1G!!!”
–Ivanovich0289
“Hey, did you read Mark Isenberg’s lastest Money Players column? It’s awesome.”
–M. Isenberg
They’re just missing out on so much potential here. Leave your own brilliant ESPN college football comment of the day below.









51
Alagator says:
Does this mean that Jimbo is now the newest Prince of Wails?
December 10th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
52
Throw the Long one says:
Colt Brennon slung it around at some girl at Colorado and got kicked out of school. Then he slung it around at Hawaii and they think it’s great.
December 10th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
53
Holly says:
“You know, I think this “Spread Option” is really going to catch on!”
–BigTenleven4EVA
December 10th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
54
Devin McCullen says:
Who wants to go to a bowl game when we can watch our tapes of all of the Pats games, rank Brady’s touchdowns and e-mail it to Simmons?
ProudMasshole
December 10th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
55
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“We are playing a team in a bowl game that runs the spread offense, which is a gimmicky fad, what possibly could go wrong?”
LloydMNC’97
December 10th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
56
Cool Hand Mike says:
OSU by 24 over LSU. Bet on it!
-ArtSchlicter-
December 10th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
57
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“If I’d won the Heisman, I’d thank my mom, Wild Irish Rose, and my father(I think) Cap’n Morgan, and my sponsors, ReNewtrient and Trojan, and Happy Feet Bail Bonds…”
Colt12-n-Oh!
December 10th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
58
Kevin says:
“Ok, I’ve got a large pepperoni, now is that for delivery or pick up?”
-ChaseDaniel2017
December 10th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
59
BamaCPA says:
“I’m bringin SexyBack to Oxford ! ”
HDN
December 10th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
60
DevilGrad says:
Olemissah gonna ruahdadayah dat dey fyah dacoachO.
– FootbawObservah, just moved from Oxford, MS
December 10th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
61
Doug says:
“Why hasn’t anyone mentioned Charlie Weiss for the Arkansas job?”
-NnOwtBurger08
December 10th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
62
OPS says:
I don’t care what anyone says, Lee Corso is walking proof that you can be middle-aged and sexy!
–FSUSunshineScooter
December 10th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
63
Cameron Siggs says:
“Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate pick ur n00 coach.” – Ceiling Cat
December 10th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
64
Cameron Siggs says:
“Ceiling Cat is watching you
masturbatepick ur n00 coach.” – Ceiling CatDecember 10th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
65
John says:
“Why haven’t more people mentioned Terry Bowden for the Arkansas job?” –
AU93NationalChamps
December 10th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
66
Doug says:
jhdfg8sfjhv87sdtvjjjj
-Jerrell Powell
December 10th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
67
Kate says:
So this is ESPN.com. It’s for sports news. It was brought to my attention by a user. Of the internet. And three-fourths of the comments here are inaccurate. FICTION. GARBAGE. Where are we at in society? The moderator that lets this stuff on the web is GARBAGE. If you wanna make fun of me, say it to my face, not on some messageboard. Are you kidding me? Come after ME. I’m a MAN! I’M FORTY!
– OKCowboyMike
December 10th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
68
Eirishis says:
This was a rough year for Notre Dame. I’m not sure Weis is the answer.
-UWillie5765295749
December 11th, 2007 at 12:44 am
69
DC Trojan says:
Houston Nutt has a small dick and only uses his fingers on his blackberry. He’ll leave Ole Miss as unsatisfied as me… I mean Arkansas.
(Why don’t you text me, Houston honey?)
– DBraggHottie1
December 11th, 2007 at 1:09 am
70
Beergut says:
Conference and national titles don’t matter. What counts is how many consecutive 10-win seasons you have.
—MackisDaMan
December 11th, 2007 at 4:15 am
71
NativeSon says:
Undefeated in regulation is really the only record that matters. And we won ‘em all. On to NOLA!
-3rdTimezaChrm2007
December 11th, 2007 at 6:40 am
72
yoyofutbawl says:
I’m Nick Saban, and I don’t have time for this thread.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
73
Coop says:
OOC, you had me at 29, but then 48 came along.
Leverage, via a friend >>>> conference championships
- Guess who
December 11th, 2007 at 10:43 am
74
Out of Conference says:
Nice one, Coop.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:04 am