COMMENTING GENIUS
Blue is blue, and your team sucks!Deadspin’s been tracking them for a while, but this cutting-edge technology thing ESPN’s been all over has really allowed them to tap into the soul of the fan with selected comments of the day. We mention this one because it’s college football-related, slightly news pertinent, and allows us to take the offramp to random sodomy jokes as we’re wont to do.
Bowden needs to quit worrying about beating JoePa for the wins lead… do what’s best… retire.
Well, the formal announcement of Bowden sunset phase has already been made, so he’s already basically done that by announcing Jimbo Fisher as the “coach in waiting.”
But that really is the most insightful thing they could find in ESPN’s vault of commenters talking about college football. We’re immensely proud we can find at least three to four comments in the first, oh, three or four comments of each thread on EDSBS that trump this one for intelligence or insight. But what ESPN’s really missing out is on the comedy potential of their featured comment, which could just sneak in so much humor in a single line without most people noticing. For example:
“Bowden should do what’s best…masturbating with a silicone glove to amateur porn using really, really good expensive lube, like a fifteen dollar bottle of Eros or something. Because, IMHO, that really is the best.”
–Steve, Tallahassee
“Kirk Ferentz sued my dog for libel. True story. The dog won representing himself, and today they call him Jim Delany, Big Ten commissioner. The fucker never even calls anymore.”
–Neil391, Akron, OH.
“I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy.”
–TeddyBallGag, Indianapolis.
“Hey, do you know who would make a great football coach at Michigan? PARIS HILTON Pr0n MKE HER SAY MAI HOW B1G!!!”
–Ivanovich0289
“Hey, did you read Mark Isenberg’s lastest Money Players column? It’s awesome.”
–M. Isenberg
They’re just missing out on so much potential here. Leave your own brilliant ESPN college football comment of the day below.









1
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Kirk Herbstreit is reporting that the new replacement for Bobby Bowden, Jimbo Fisher, is now retiring…Sources say he will retire right after the Gaylord Hotels Bowl game….and that he is taking Georgia Techs Def. Coordinator Jon Tenuta with him…
December 10th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
2
fallex says:
Matt Ryan got facking jawbbed for the heisman!
-patsfan07
December 10th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
3
Charlestownecock says:
“H3eisman doesn’t like black people”
- D. MacF through spokesperson K. West
December 10th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
4
John says:
“How can college football have a champion without a playoff? Retarded.”
December 10th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
5
kleph says:
you just are begging to have jeff swamp the comment thread thing, aren’t you?
December 10th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
6
Mr. Egger says:
The citizens of Bristol, Conn. should do what’s best, and lay siege to the ESPN campus burning it all down to the ground.
December 10th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
7
spartymike says:
She only uncuffs me to go to the pressbox…if you’re reading this, send help.
-BellottiNanny
December 10th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
8
Mr. Egger says:
The insightful comment of the day for ESPN…
“Kirk Herbstreit is a hypocrite who is often wrong when he attempts analysis, but his smiling face does let make my girlfriend shut up when I’m watching football.”
December 10th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
9
Sabanite says:
“Les Miles should leave Baton Rouge and go to Michigan…he is such a poopy head!”
-H.LaFontaine
December 10th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
10
RUinsane says:
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010
101010101010101010101010101010
1010101010
101010101010101010101010101010
101010101010101010101010101010
-1010101010
December 10th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
11
Doug says:
u know whod make the perfct coach @ Arkansas? Houston Nutt from ole miss. MAKE THE CALL
—HawgFan4Life7627
December 10th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
12
The Bull-Gator says:
I love Chan Gailey’s Lamp
December 10th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
13
pain in the ass says:
lay siege and burn down to mr. eggers home, the day georgia burned.
-pain in the ass
December 10th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
14
DevilGrad says:
Lee Corso is the MVP of ESPN’s college football coverage — because he makes both Herbstreit and Mark May look like geniuses by comparison. (There’th ththill no help for Holth.)
December 10th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
15
Brian O'Blivion says:
“Uhhhh….nevermind.”
-Geno Hayes
December 10th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
16
Raleigh Urbain says:
I don’t want to imply anything here, but I am pretty sure that those inbred, mountain-jobbing, molasses drinking, barefoot cracker, peanut shelling, cro magnons in a a certain conference whose name happens to be the same as the governmental regulatory body charged with regulating securities are cheating to get a speed advantage.
J. Delaney
December 10th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
17
Sabanite says:
“I love being a Gator, and all of Gator nation …and Holly’s boobs”
-Timmy15
December 10th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
18
The Bull-Gator says:
I am so glad ESPN & Steven A are giving us a real, accurate, unbiased view of sports without any added trash. I am glad that there is still a beacon of light in a sea of underground blog ne’er-do-wells who would lead us astray from the righful world wide leader.
-!yborN
December 10th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
19
DevilGrad says:
Fuck dat, spider!
— AppySt08
December 10th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
20
Edsall is God says:
“Michigan should hire Brady Hoke! Les Miles sux.”
- LlllCarrPwnsU
December 10th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
21
PW says:
Soup,
Meet screen.
December 10th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
22
The Bull-Gator says:
I am so glad we will always have our traditional bowl season. We all know that the Rose Bowl still is and always will be the best bowl! And I say “good job” to the league presidents for standing up for their kids and not letting them play extra games that would upset their academics! These silly playoffs would so hurt our kids academically!
-TCHansen$$$
December 10th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
23
NDTom says:
the BCS is totally broke, someone should fix it
-dmbsmartguy02
December 10th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
24
Oops Pow Surprise says:
UCLA should be looking to the Big Ten for their next hire. There’s some great coaching talent in Champaign that’s dying to get out of there.
– XxTheZookHook42069xX
December 10th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
25
Rival says:
“Oh, God! Not again!!!”
-tOSU fan
December 10th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
26
Doug says:
LSU is going to roll in the national title game. Mark it down.
— JTressel36271
December 10th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
27
Ed says:
It’s time for the original Budweiser Hot Seat herself, Erin Andrews, to assume her rightful place in the pricking, er pecking, order at da Mouse. I’m thinking a new reality show, “Girlfriends of the BCS. Presented by Chick (get it?) Fil A.”
She could break out the whip as she drills the lasses (and make them like it!). One obvious competition would be the “Nick Saban Does Not Have Time for This Shit,” whereby the lovelies would have to strip down to bikinis and then shower and dry themselves.
December 10th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
28
The Bull-Gator says:
I have a Fahk Lyon. Let me sho u it.
Fur realz.
- MSlowCum75
December 10th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
29
Out of Conference says:
“When I said we’d win the East, I meant the Eastern half of South Carolina.”
-maybecorso’sright@agustanational.com
December 10th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
30
ChiDave says:
“I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy.”
I had trying to stifle laughter… please… give warning when you’re going to type something like that.
December 10th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
31
bitterhorn says:
01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101000 00100000 01101100 00110011 00110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101101 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100111 01100101 01101110 01101001 01110101 01110011 00100001
December 10th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
32
Techie says:
“I think that what matters most is that NFL coaching experience. It really brings the college game to a whole new level.”
-Enola_Gailey.
December 10th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
33
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“The Coaches Poll should be 90% of the BCS formula”
HalMummy
Sidenote: He voted Hawaii #1
December 10th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
34
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“The Heisman should be for Juniors and Seniors only….like the prom”
Dmac#5
December 10th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
35
Craig says:
“ESPN doesn’t know shit. I’m way smarter about (insert subject) and you can read my extensive musings about this on my awesome blog.”
- Comment by (insert link to blog)
December 10th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
36
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“If your a QB and your from Florida, and your last name is Palmer or Tebow, you should be banned from ESPN.”
KHerbstreit93
December 10th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
37
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“May the Lord bless you and keep you, KHerbstreit93.”
He15man Gaytor
December 10th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
38
howboutdemgators says:
T BO CANT THROW. MY SYSTEM RULZ. COLT4 HEISMAN.
-JJ
December 10th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
39
HFS says:
Can someone please start enforcing the NCAA ban on text messaging? My phone just melted. Third one this week.
- GainesvilleHighClassOf09
December 10th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
40
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“Technically, now I am a system QB….the Federal Pen. System….”
ATLShock-N-Paw #7
December 10th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
41
One And Done says:
“Going for the Hat Trick with the torn newspaper trick for the BCS preview. Come one, come all.” – LHoltz1869
December 10th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
42
Parker says:
Mobile QBs are overrated.
-GoBlueNavarreHenne
December 10th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
43
john r says:
I got gutted by Glenn Dorsey’s chainsaw.
-EAinge15
December 10th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
44
Devin McCullen says:
“I wish that mean old grouch Les Miles would move to Michigan already”
-Hayleyluvsponies
December 10th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
45
john r says:
I heard that.
-AubyTubby
December 10th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
46
Cool Hand Mike says:
“So Michael and Marcus let the dogs out?”
BeamerDreamer1999
December 10th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
47
Cool Hand Mike says:
I saw a pitbull drinking a pina colada @ Hokie Vick’s.
His hair was perfect!
-FBeamer1999-
December 10th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
48
Out of Conference says:
(_____) you’re dead to me. All this sucking up to Orson is about as typical as a gamecock fan talking about next season.
-Coop
December 10th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
49
rjsplow says:
“Kornheiser, Tirico and Jaws make up the worst booth in MNF history. If my right leg worked properly, I’d kick that combed-over blathering new york nerd Kornheiser up and down the block. I wonder if there’s an opening for an announcer for the new American Gladiator….”
-J. TheismannSkins7
December 10th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
50
Cool Hand Mike says:
“Saban & Me, BFF”
D. LeBatard
December 10th, 2007 at 4:30 pm