COMMENTING GENIUS
by Orson on Dec 10, 2007 2:54 PM EST
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Blue is blue, and your team sucks!Deadspin's been tracking them for a while, but this cutting-edge technology thing ESPN's been all over has really allowed them to tap into the soul of the fan with selected comments of the day. We mention this one because it's college football-related, slightly news pertinent, and allows us to take the offramp to random sodomy jokes as we're wont to do.
Bowden needs to quit worrying about beating JoePa for the wins lead... do what's best... retire.
Well, the formal announcement of Bowden sunset phase has already been made, so he's already basically done that by announcing Jimbo Fisher as the "coach in waiting."
But that really is the most insightful thing they could find in ESPN's vault of commenters talking about college football. We're immensely proud we can find at least three to four comments in the first, oh, three or four comments of each thread on EDSBS that trump this one for intelligence or insight. But what ESPN's really missing out is on the comedy potential of their featured comment, which could just sneak in so much humor in a single line without most people noticing. For example:
"Bowden should do what's best...masturbating with a silicone glove to amateur porn using really, really good expensive lube, like a fifteen dollar bottle of Eros or something. Because, IMHO, that really is the best."
--Steve, Tallahassee
"Kirk Ferentz sued my dog for libel. True story. The dog won representing himself, and today they call him Jim Delany, Big Ten commissioner. The fucker never even calls anymore."
--Neil391, Akron, OH.
"I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy."
--TeddyBallGag, Indianapolis.
"Hey, do you know who would make a great football coach at Michigan? PARIS HILTON Pr0n MKE HER SAY MAI HOW B1G!!!"
--Ivanovich0289
"Hey, did you read Mark Isenberg's lastest Money Players column? It's awesome."
--M. Isenberg
They're just missing out on so much potential here. Leave your own brilliant ESPN college football comment of the day below.
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Kirk Herbstreit is reporting that the new replacement for Bobby Bowden, Jimbo Fisher, is now retiring…Sources say he will retire right after the Gaylord Hotels Bowl game….and that he is taking Georgia Techs Def. Coordinator Jon Tenuta with him…
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
Matt Ryan got facking jawbbed for the heisman!
-patsfan07
by fallex on Dec 10, 2007 3:08 PM EST reply actions
“H3eisman doesn’t like black people”
- D. MacF through spokesperson K. West
by Charlestownecock on Dec 10, 2007 3:09 PM EST reply actions
“How can college football have a champion without a playoff? Retarded.”
by John on Dec 10, 2007 3:09 PM EST reply actions
you just are begging to have jeff swamp the comment thread thing, aren’t you?
by kleph on Dec 10, 2007 3:11 PM EST reply actions
The citizens of Bristol, Conn. should do what’s best, and lay siege to the ESPN campus burning it all down to the ground.
by Mr. Egger on Dec 10, 2007 3:16 PM EST reply actions
She only uncuffs me to go to the pressbox…if you’re reading this, send help.
-BellottiNanny
by spartymike on Dec 10, 2007 3:19 PM EST reply actions
The insightful comment of the day for ESPN…
“Kirk Herbstreit is a hypocrite who is often wrong when he attempts analysis, but his smiling face does let make my girlfriend shut up when I’m watching football.”
by Mr. Egger on Dec 10, 2007 3:19 PM EST reply actions
“Les Miles should leave Baton Rouge and go to Michigan…he is such a poopy head!”
-H.LaFontaine
by Sabanite on Dec 10, 2007 3:20 PM EST reply actions
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by RUinsane on Dec 10, 2007 3:21 PM EST reply actions
u know whod make the perfct coach @ Arkansas? Houston Nutt from ole miss. MAKE THE CALL
HawgFan4Life7627
by Doug on Dec 10, 2007 3:23 PM EST reply actions
lay siege and burn down to mr. eggers home, the day georgia burned.
-pain in the ass
by pain in the ass on Dec 10, 2007 3:24 PM EST reply actions
Lee Corso is the MVP of ESPN’s college football coverage — because he makes both Herbstreit and Mark May look like geniuses by comparison. (There’th ththill no help for Holth.)
by DevilGrad on Dec 10, 2007 3:24 PM EST reply actions
I don’t want to imply anything here, but I am pretty sure that those inbred, mountain-jobbing, molasses drinking, barefoot cracker, peanut shelling, cro magnons in a a certain conference whose name happens to be the same as the governmental regulatory body charged with regulating securities are cheating to get a speed advantage.
J. Delaney
by Raleigh Urbain on Dec 10, 2007 3:28 PM EST reply actions
“I love being a Gator, and all of Gator nation …and Holly’s boobs”
-Timmy15
by Sabanite on Dec 10, 2007 3:29 PM EST reply actions
I am so glad ESPN & Steven A are giving us a real, accurate, unbiased view of sports without any added trash. I am glad that there is still a beacon of light in a sea of underground blog ne’er-do-wells who would lead us astray from the righful world wide leader.
-!yborN
by The Bull-Gator on Dec 10, 2007 3:30 PM EST reply actions
“Michigan should hire Brady Hoke! Les Miles sux.”
- LlllCarrPwnsU
by Edsall is God on Dec 10, 2007 3:31 PM EST reply actions
I am so glad we will always have our traditional bowl season. We all know that the Rose Bowl still is and always will be the best bowl! And I say “good job” to the league presidents for standing up for their kids and not letting them play extra games that would upset their academics! These silly playoffs would so hurt our kids academically!
-TCHansen$$$
by The Bull-Gator on Dec 10, 2007 3:34 PM EST reply actions
the BCS is totally broke, someone should fix it
-dmbsmartguy02
by NDTom on Dec 10, 2007 3:34 PM EST reply actions
UCLA should be looking to the Big Ten for their next hire. There’s some great coaching talent in Champaign that’s dying to get out of there.
— XxTheZookHook42069xX
by Oops Pow Surprise on Dec 10, 2007 3:36 PM EST reply actions
LSU is going to roll in the national title game. Mark it down.
JTressel36271
by Doug on Dec 10, 2007 3:37 PM EST reply actions
It’s time for the original Budweiser Hot Seat herself, Erin Andrews, to assume her rightful place in the pricking, er pecking, order at da Mouse. I’m thinking a new reality show, “Girlfriends of the BCS. Presented by Chick (get it?) Fil A.”
She could break out the whip as she drills the lasses (and make them like it!). One obvious competition would be the “Nick Saban Does Not Have Time for This Shit,” whereby the lovelies would have to strip down to bikinis and then shower and dry themselves.
by Ed on Dec 10, 2007 3:38 PM EST reply actions
I have a Fahk Lyon. Let me sho u it.
Fur realz.
- MSlowCum75
by The Bull-Gator on Dec 10, 2007 3:38 PM EST reply actions
“When I said we’d win the East, I meant the Eastern half of South Carolina.”
-maybecorso’sright@agustanational.com
by Out of Conference on Dec 10, 2007 3:40 PM EST reply actions
I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy.
I had trying to stifle laughter… please… give warning when you’re going to type something like that.
by ChiDave on Dec 10, 2007 3:42 PM EST reply actions
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by bitterhorn on Dec 10, 2007 3:47 PM EST reply actions
“I think that what matters most is that NFL coaching experience. It really brings the college game to a whole new level.”
-Enola_Gailey.
by Techie on Dec 10, 2007 3:48 PM EST reply actions
“The Coaches Poll should be 90% of the BCS formula”
HalMummy
Sidenote: He voted Hawaii #1
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 3:54 PM EST reply actions
“The Heisman should be for Juniors and Seniors only….like the prom”
Dmac#5
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 3:57 PM EST reply actions
“ESPN doesn’t know shit. I’m way smarter about (insert subject) and you can read my extensive musings about this on my awesome blog.”
- Comment by (insert link to blog)
by Craig on Dec 10, 2007 4:01 PM EST reply actions
“If your a QB and your from Florida, and your last name is Palmer or Tebow, you should be banned from ESPN.”
KHerbstreit93
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 4:03 PM EST reply actions
“May the Lord bless you and keep you, KHerbstreit93.”
He15man Gaytor
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 4:05 PM EST reply actions
T BO CANT THROW. MY SYSTEM RULZ. COLT4 HEISMAN.
-JJ
by howboutdemgators on Dec 10, 2007 4:06 PM EST reply actions
Can someone please start enforcing the NCAA ban on text messaging? My phone just melted. Third one this week.
- GainesvilleHighClassOf09
by HFS on Dec 10, 2007 4:08 PM EST reply actions
“Technically, now I am a system QB….the Federal Pen. System….”
ATLShock-N-Paw #7
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 4:08 PM EST reply actions
“Going for the Hat Trick with the torn newspaper trick for the BCS preview. Come one, come all.” – LHoltz1869
by One And Done on Dec 10, 2007 4:08 PM EST reply actions
I got gutted by Glenn Dorsey’s chainsaw.
-EAinge15
by john r on Dec 10, 2007 4:09 PM EST reply actions
“I wish that mean old grouch Les Miles would move to Michigan already”
-Hayleyluvsponies
by Devin McCullen on Dec 10, 2007 4:10 PM EST reply actions
“So Michael and Marcus let the dogs out?”
BeamerDreamer1999
by Cool Hand Mike on Dec 10, 2007 4:16 PM EST reply actions
I saw a pitbull drinking a pina colada @ Hokie Vick’s.
His hair was perfect!
FBeamer1999
by Cool Hand Mike on Dec 10, 2007 4:19 PM EST reply actions
(_) you’re dead to me. All this sucking up to Orson is about as typical as a gamecock fan talking about next season.
-Coop
by Out of Conference on Dec 10, 2007 4:20 PM EST reply actions
“Kornheiser, Tirico and Jaws make up the worst booth in MNF history. If my right leg worked properly, I’d kick that combed-over blathering new york nerd Kornheiser up and down the block. I wonder if there’s an opening for an announcer for the new American Gladiator….”
-J. TheismannSkins7
by rjsplow on Dec 10, 2007 4:29 PM EST reply actions
Does this mean that Jimbo is now the newest Prince of Wails?
by Alagator on Dec 10, 2007 4:32 PM EST reply actions
Colt Brennon slung it around at some girl at Colorado and got kicked out of school. Then he slung it around at Hawaii and they think it’s great.
by Throw the Long one on Dec 10, 2007 4:52 PM EST reply actions
“You know, I think this “Spread Option” is really going to catch on!"
—BigTenleven4EVA
by Holly on Dec 10, 2007 4:55 PM EST reply actions
Who wants to go to a bowl game when we can watch our tapes of all of the Pats games, rank Brady’s touchdowns and e-mail it to Simmons?
ProudMasshole
by Devin McCullen on Dec 10, 2007 4:56 PM EST reply actions
“We are playing a team in a bowl game that runs the spread offense, which is a gimmicky fad, what possibly could go wrong?”
LloydMNC’97
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 5:37 PM EST reply actions
OSU by 24 over LSU. Bet on it!
ArtSchlicter
by Cool Hand Mike on Dec 10, 2007 5:58 PM EST reply actions
“If I’d won the Heisman, I’d thank my mom, Wild Irish Rose, and my father(I think) Cap’n Morgan, and my sponsors, ReNewtrient and Trojan, and Happy Feet Bail Bonds…”
Colt12-n-Oh!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 10, 2007 6:01 PM EST reply actions
“Ok, I’ve got a large pepperoni, now is that for delivery or pick up?”
-ChaseDaniel2017
by Kevin on Dec 10, 2007 6:04 PM EST reply actions
Olemissah gonna ruahdadayah dat dey fyah dacoachO.
— FootbawObservah, just moved from Oxford, MS
by DevilGrad on Dec 10, 2007 6:48 PM EST reply actions
“Why hasn’t anyone mentioned Charlie Weiss for the Arkansas job?”
-NnOwtBurger08
by Doug on Dec 10, 2007 6:51 PM EST reply actions
I don’t care what anyone says, Lee Corso is walking proof that you can be middle-aged and sexy!
—FSUSunshineScooter
by OPS on Dec 10, 2007 7:03 PM EST reply actions
“Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate pick ur n00 coach.” – Ceiling Cat
by Cameron Siggs on Dec 10, 2007 7:23 PM EST reply actions
“Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate pick ur n00 coach.” – Ceiling Cat
by Cameron Siggs on Dec 10, 2007 7:25 PM EST reply actions
“Why haven’t more people mentioned Terry Bowden for the Arkansas job?” -
AU93NationalChamps
by John on Dec 10, 2007 8:26 PM EST reply actions
So this is ESPN.com. It’s for sports news. It was brought to my attention by a user. Of the internet. And three-fourths of the comments here are inaccurate. FICTION. GARBAGE. Where are we at in society? The moderator that lets this stuff on the web is GARBAGE. If you wanna make fun of me, say it to my face, not on some messageboard. Are you kidding me? Come after ME. I’m a MAN! I’M FORTY!
— OKCowboyMike
by Kate on Dec 10, 2007 8:40 PM EST reply actions
This was a rough year for Notre Dame. I’m not sure Weis is the answer.
-UWillie5765295749
by Eirishis on Dec 11, 2007 12:44 AM EST reply actions
Houston Nutt has a small dick and only uses his fingers on his blackberry. He’ll leave Ole Miss as unsatisfied as me… I mean Arkansas.
(Why don’t you text me, Houston honey?)
— DBraggHottie1
by DC Trojan on Dec 11, 2007 1:09 AM EST reply actions
Conference and national titles don’t matter. What counts is how many consecutive 10-win seasons you have.
—-MackisDaMan
by Beergut on Dec 11, 2007 4:15 AM EST reply actions
Undefeated in regulation is really the only record that matters. And we won ’em all. On to NOLA!
-3rdTimezaChrm2007
by NativeSon on Dec 11, 2007 6:40 AM EST reply actions
I’m Nick Saban, and I don’t have time for this thread.
by yoyofutbawl on Dec 11, 2007 10:22 AM EST reply actions
OOC, you had me at 29, but then 48 came along.
Leverage, via a friend >>>> conference championships
- Guess who
by Coop on Dec 11, 2007 10:43 AM EST reply actions
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