COMMENTING GENIUS
Blue is blue, and your team sucks!Deadspin’s been tracking them for a while, but this cutting-edge technology thing ESPN’s been all over has really allowed them to tap into the soul of the fan with selected comments of the day. We mention this one because it’s college football-related, slightly news pertinent, and allows us to take the offramp to random sodomy jokes as we’re wont to do.
Bowden needs to quit worrying about beating JoePa for the wins lead… do what’s best… retire.
Well, the formal announcement of Bowden sunset phase has already been made, so he’s already basically done that by announcing Jimbo Fisher as the “coach in waiting.”
But that really is the most insightful thing they could find in ESPN’s vault of commenters talking about college football. We’re immensely proud we can find at least three to four comments in the first, oh, three or four comments of each thread on EDSBS that trump this one for intelligence or insight. But what ESPN’s really missing out is on the comedy potential of their featured comment, which could just sneak in so much humor in a single line without most people noticing. For example:
“Bowden should do what’s best…masturbating with a silicone glove to amateur porn using really, really good expensive lube, like a fifteen dollar bottle of Eros or something. Because, IMHO, that really is the best.”
–Steve, Tallahassee
“Kirk Ferentz sued my dog for libel. True story. The dog won representing himself, and today they call him Jim Delany, Big Ten commissioner. The fucker never even calls anymore.”
–Neil391, Akron, OH.
“I bet Holly Rowe is a firm kind of squishy.”
–TeddyBallGag, Indianapolis.
“Hey, do you know who would make a great football coach at Michigan? PARIS HILTON Pr0n MKE HER SAY MAI HOW B1G!!!”
–Ivanovich0289
“Hey, did you read Mark Isenberg’s lastest Money Players column? It’s awesome.”
–M. Isenberg
They’re just missing out on so much potential here. Leave your own brilliant ESPN college football comment of the day below.












74
Nice one, Coop.
Comment by Out of Conference — December 11, 2007 @ 11:04 am
73
OOC, you had me at 29, but then 48 came along.
Leverage, via a friend >>>> conference championships
- Guess who
Comment by Coop — December 11, 2007 @ 10:43 am
72
I’m Nick Saban, and I don’t have time for this thread.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — December 11, 2007 @ 10:22 am
71
Undefeated in regulation is really the only record that matters. And we won ‘em all. On to NOLA!
-3rdTimezaChrm2007
Comment by NativeSon — December 11, 2007 @ 6:40 am
70
Conference and national titles don’t matter. What counts is how many consecutive 10-win seasons you have.
—MackisDaMan
Comment by Beergut — December 11, 2007 @ 4:15 am
69
Houston Nutt has a small dick and only uses his fingers on his blackberry. He’ll leave Ole Miss as unsatisfied as me… I mean Arkansas.
(Why don’t you text me, Houston honey?)
– DBraggHottie1
Comment by DC Trojan — December 11, 2007 @ 1:09 am
68
This was a rough year for Notre Dame. I’m not sure Weis is the answer.
-UWillie5765295749
Comment by Eirishis — December 11, 2007 @ 12:44 am
67
So this is ESPN.com. It’s for sports news. It was brought to my attention by a user. Of the internet. And three-fourths of the comments here are inaccurate. FICTION. GARBAGE. Where are we at in society? The moderator that lets this stuff on the web is GARBAGE. If you wanna make fun of me, say it to my face, not on some messageboard. Are you kidding me? Come after ME. I’m a MAN! I’M FORTY!
– OKCowboyMike
Comment by Kate — December 10, 2007 @ 8:40 pm
66
jhdfg8sfjhv87sdtvjjjj
-Jerrell Powell
Comment by Doug — December 10, 2007 @ 8:35 pm
65
“Why haven’t more people mentioned Terry Bowden for the Arkansas job?” -
AU93NationalChamps
Comment by John — December 10, 2007 @ 8:26 pm
64
“Ceiling Cat is watching you
masturbatepick ur n00 coach.” - Ceiling CatComment by Cameron Siggs — December 10, 2007 @ 7:25 pm
63
“Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate pick ur n00 coach.” - Ceiling Cat
Comment by Cameron Siggs — December 10, 2007 @ 7:23 pm
62
I don’t care what anyone says, Lee Corso is walking proof that you can be middle-aged and sexy!
–FSUSunshineScooter
Comment by OPS — December 10, 2007 @ 7:03 pm
61
“Why hasn’t anyone mentioned Charlie Weiss for the Arkansas job?”
-NnOwtBurger08
Comment by Doug — December 10, 2007 @ 6:51 pm
60
Olemissah gonna ruahdadayah dat dey fyah dacoachO.
– FootbawObservah, just moved from Oxford, MS
Comment by DevilGrad — December 10, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
59
“I’m bringin SexyBack to Oxford ! ”
HDN
Comment by BamaCPA — December 10, 2007 @ 6:30 pm
58
“Ok, I’ve got a large pepperoni, now is that for delivery or pick up?”
-ChaseDaniel2017
Comment by Kevin — December 10, 2007 @ 6:04 pm
57
“If I’d won the Heisman, I’d thank my mom, Wild Irish Rose, and my father(I think) Cap’n Morgan, and my sponsors, ReNewtrient and Trojan, and Happy Feet Bail Bonds…”
Colt12-n-Oh!
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — December 10, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
56
OSU by 24 over LSU. Bet on it!
-ArtSchlicter-
Comment by Cool Hand Mike — December 10, 2007 @ 5:58 pm
55
“We are playing a team in a bowl game that runs the spread offense, which is a gimmicky fad, what possibly could go wrong?”
LloydMNC’97
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — December 10, 2007 @ 5:37 pm
54
Who wants to go to a bowl game when we can watch our tapes of all of the Pats games, rank Brady’s touchdowns and e-mail it to Simmons?
ProudMasshole
Comment by Devin McCullen — December 10, 2007 @ 4:56 pm
53
“You know, I think this “Spread Option” is really going to catch on!”
–BigTenleven4EVA
Comment by Holly — December 10, 2007 @ 4:55 pm
52
Colt Brennon slung it around at some girl at Colorado and got kicked out of school. Then he slung it around at Hawaii and they think it’s great.
Comment by Throw the Long one — December 10, 2007 @ 4:52 pm
51
Does this mean that Jimbo is now the newest Prince of Wails?
Comment by Alagator — December 10, 2007 @ 4:32 pm