Pass The Cyanide, Please
We Longhorn fans have had an interesting ride during Mack Brown’s 10 years in Austin. 1998-2003 were filled with promise, but mostly near-misses. 2004 saw Vince Young take over under center and another loss to Oklahoma – our fifth in a row. Vince never lost a game after that, though, winning back to back Rose Bowls along the way, including Texas’ perfect run through 2005 to the national title.
Ah, those were the days. The team was loose. The best player in college football history was doing things none of us had ever seen. And Mack Freaking Brown had 50 Cent in his iPod.
Vince Young is a god. For real.
But oh how things are regressing to the mean. Since small town hero Colt McCoy beat Oklahoma last season, the Longhorns have quickly tumbled back to the pack. Texas lost back to back games to K-State and A&M last year, choking away the South Division to Oklahoma, who promptly won their fourth Big 12 title under Bob Stoops. After the game? Malcolm Kelly celebrates:
I’m sensing a pattern here…
Fast forward to today, and Oklahoma’s won their fifth Big 12 title under Stoops, with his fifth different quarterback. Meanwhile, Texas fans are prepping for their fourth trip to the Holiday Bowl in the past eight seasons. Freshman wunderkind Colt McCoy has become the Sophomore Slump. Texas has looked listless for two straight seasons… and today we may have found out why.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Austin American-Statesman presents: Area Athletes’ Top 10 Songs To Workout/Get Pumped Up To.
Colt McCoy’s Top 10
1. (tie) ‘She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy,’ Kenny Chesney and ‘I Can Still Make Cheyenne,’ George Strait
2. ‘Good Directions,’ Billy Currington
3. ‘Tuesday’s Gone,’ Lynyrd Skynyrd
4. ‘Big City,’ Merle Haggard
5. ‘Cowboy Song,’ Thin Lizzy
6. ‘Yellow Ledbetter,’ Pearl Jam
7. ‘Bad Company,’ Bad Company
8. ‘Hotel California,’ Eagles
9. ‘Lost and Found,’ Randy Rogers Band
10. ‘She’s Every Woman,’ Garth Brooks
One of these things is not like the others.
God help the Longhorns…
(Hat Tip: Barking Carnival)









1
Signal to Noise says:
Man, slow songs like “Yellow Ledbetter” and “Hotel California” to get pumped up? Kenny Chesney does not lend itself to “swagger” in any way.
“I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin’ Eagles, man!”
December 4th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
2
Dr. StrangeCock says:
Pearl Jam would like to have its name removed from consideration in any future Colt McCoy redneck-centric playlists.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
3
Geaux Irish says:
Gary Barnett thinks that Katie Hnida’s playlist is better.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
4
DirkDawggler says:
Wow. You found Waldo.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
5
Rowdie Gaines says:
Worst.Playlsit.Ever…oh yeah, and Fuck Texas
December 4th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
6
The Last Dragon says:
Ummmmm…..Vince Young not a God anymore. You seen that guy play this year???
December 4th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
7
Brian says:
At least they didn’t say Dave Matthews – me no like.
Heh, I thought this list was a joke at first.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
8
baconboy says:
I think the kid who the Oklahoma remix is what Orson must have looked like when he was 12.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
9
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Girly Music Dept:
After reading that playlist, Texas University ought to send their team, coaches and hangers on’ to one of those “How to be a Man” work shops. After banging Afrincan drums for a weekend or so, and getting ripped a new one by a “Curly-type” from City Slickers, they might be able to man up and listen to something other than girly-man music.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
10
Tony the Tiger says:
Oh. My. God.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
11
baconboy says:
who made, that is…I hate it when I leave out important words…
December 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
12
Techie says:
Since when is Hotel California a song to get pumped to?
UT Fans:
Send Colt some iTunes gift cards for Christmas:
Iron Maiden
Pantera
Metallica
Slayer
Opeth
You know, anything to get him a pulse.
Dethklok and DragonForce, whatever it takes.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
13
Gurn says:
“the greatest player in the history of college football”?
He’s not even the best player in the history of Texas football.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
14
Holly says:
About as sexxxy as your ill-advised scrambling, Colt.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
15
Scalz1 says:
ohhhhh .. that’s why Vince Young is a god. He had a towel around his head.
Wait, what ?
You sure it’s not “I’m every woman”, Whitney Houston ?
December 4th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
16
King Puppy says:
“They’ll see tough.”
“And by tough, I mean sleeveless t-shirts and a turtle-like visage.”
December 4th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
17
PW says:
Since #1 is a tie, shouldn’t the next song on the list be #3? I mean, his top ten includes eleven songs.
Who the hell says ten and means eleven…and doesn’t play anyone out of conference?
December 4th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
18
Peter Bean says:
#13, you’re oh so wrong. Nobody at Texas has ever done anything like what VY did his junior year. And if he had stayed for a senior year, he’d have finished his career 43-2, with untouchable numbers.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
19
Brian O'Blivion says:
Best workout music ever would have to be Rage Against the Machine. I always get a few extra reps during the “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!” part of “Killing in the Name”
December 4th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
20
Land of Os(borne) says:
Nebraska fans think Colt’s a bit of a hick.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
21
Geaux Irish says:
Eurovision has better music than Colt’s iPod.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2006/05/23/orson-on-finebaum-eurovision-song-contest/
December 4th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
22
Gurn says:
#18 —
So you’re convinced UT would have gone undefeated his hypothetical senior year, huh? Okay.
I think the greatest football player ever at Texas was the Tyler Rose, Earl Campbell. And I think he’s in the top five all-time in college football.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
23
willet says:
Is the world just finding out that Mack is an awful coach?
BTW
Kenny Chesney is gay. Not there is anything wrong with that.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
24
PW says:
Peter,
Isn’t Vince Young essentially a black Tim Tebow?
December 4th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
25
Cincy says:
Anyone here concerned that the golfer on that list is sporting that much wood for Judas Priest.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
26
Peter Bean says:
Gurn – I think so. Vince was more or less unstoppable by the time he moved on to the NFL. But the Tyler Rose was absurd to watch, too. Can’t go wrong with either.
#24 – that’s one way to look at it.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
27
Jorgé the Bass Player says:
Is it true one can go to a drive-thru in Texas and buy a bottle of Old Crow or some other kind of booze? The body nazis in Ohio won’t allow us to do that.
I’m also told that back in the good ‘ol days, before the Feds started using highway funding for leverage, Texans could drink in the car.
Can anyone confirm this?
December 4th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
28
dawg james dawg says:
Best palyer ever was named Walker and he went to UGA.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
29
Herb says:
You ustacould have an open container in a car in NC if you weren’t driving back when I was a kid (parents wouldn’t let me for some reason then). Those damn Feds made us change that.
I’ve personally bought a mixed drink at a drive through Hurricane shop in Louisiana (it’s not an open container until you put your straw in!), but I can’t vouch for Texas.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
30
Herb says:
#24, isn’t Colt McCoy the white Chris Leak?
December 4th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
31
baconboy says:
We do have drive-thru liquor stores in Texas. Smith County, which is where Tyler is located, is a dry county and there are lots of drive thru liquor stores right outside the county limits. Don’t even have to get out of the car.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
32
Doug says:
“Hi. I’m Colt McCoy. And guess what: The H is O.”
December 4th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
33
Will (the other one) says:
Opeth is nice, but there’s too many quiet stretches.
He needs the Devin Townsend Physicist album, Strapping Young Lad, anything by Nile, or if all else fails:
Slayer-Rain in Blood
December 4th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
34
Touchdown74 says:
I’m not so worried about Colt’s musical tastes as much as Omar Uresti’s infatuation with Judas Priest. Seriously, a 39 yo male golfer that into Rob Halford? That is a punchline waiting to happen kids…DISCUSS!
December 4th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
35
Kenny says:
The comments, much like the BCS, seem flawed today.
Also, Big City is a great song. But probably doesn’t win you a lot of football games.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
36
Coop says:
The greatest college football player, EVER? Wow, our regular teacher never tries to bludgeon us to death with hyperbole, especially when an obvious conflict of interest would be present.
Is this what we are going to get for the rest of the week?
December 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
37
George P. Burdell says:
Isn’t there some rule about not being able to complain for 5 years when you win a national title?
December 4th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
38
DevilGrad says:
As amusing as this is, I have to disagree with Peter’s premise. After all, Todd Boeckman told the guys from the Four-Letter during their interminable BCS show on Sunday night that he got word that WVU and Mizzou lost [i]while attending a Kenny Chesney concert[/i].
December 4th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
39
D-nice says:
You may like a broad variety of music, even stupid pop and girly music. So fire up the Duran Duran at home, and crank the Dixie Chicks in your car – I won[t mind.
But, lor the love of God, the only music that you can include on a PUBLIC play list (even if your lying) really has to be metal or hardcore hip-hop. At least try to create the image of a hyped up macho athlete – it’s what the fans want.
@19 is correct – the list should really include a Rage Against the Machine song, and at least one song with “kill: in the title. AC/DC and NWA should really be part of the equation.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
40
UTEx says:
I am not a fan of country music but I would certianly rather see Texas players listening to McCoy’s type of music than gansta rap. I remember (too many years ago) eating at a restaurant in Dallas after the Texas-OU game and in walked what seemed to be about a fourth of the OU team. Thugs. I then understood why Texas still allows concealed weapons. We brace ourselves for the OU invasion in October.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
41
DC Trojan says:
So you’re telling me that country video about the tractor humper is not a joke?
December 4th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
42
mv says:
Comment 40 – “I am not a fan of country music but I would certianly rather see Texas players listening to McCoy’s type of music than gansta rap.”
thanks dad
don’t like OU, but Malcolm’s freestyle is dirty, but he mentions “purple” ain’t that bad for the kids
December 4th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
43
UgasTexan says:
First, a crappy work-out playlist. If you can’t make your own, just choose a pre-made one at iTunes.
Second, how can anyone living in Austin, Texas get any enjoyment from crap country? This guy is at the heart of the universe when it comes to “real” Texas music and there’s no mention of Robert Earl Keen or Dale Watson? Just the same top 40, CMT shit that all dumbass necks listen to? God, man, get some Shaver or at least some WIllie. Somebody needs to help Colt out here.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
44
Jorgé the Bass Player says:
What the hell happened to country music, anyway?
December 4th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
45
oc phil says:
Jorge: It still sucks.
December 4th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
46
Boozey McHound says:
@31
so does Gainesville.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
47
Brian O'Blivion says:
Say whatever you want about country music (I like Hank, Jr), but the hottest women are at country concerts and are country music fans, by far.
I’ve seen bands like Ministry and Rage in concert, and also seen Dirks Bentley. The worst looking girl at the Dirks show was better than anything you will find at a Ministry or Slayer concert. Just sayin’.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
48
slap-of-WAC says:
That playlist is 40% “songs that get heavy rotation on country music radio”, 40% “songs they played at your parents’ prom” , plus a Pearl Jam song and a Merle Haggard song (which really should have been “The Fightin’ Side Of Me”, get with it, McCoy). So, um, huuuuh?
On the plus side, he didn’t list anything by Animal Collective, so the terrorists still lose. Go Warriors!
December 4th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
49
Crabapple Buck says:
#38 DevilGrad
Todd Boeckman was actually at a Brad Paisley concert. I don’t know if there is a difference or not.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
50
I R A Darth Aggie says:
*chuckles* heh, heh, heh…
December 4th, 2007 at 4:41 pm