Rumor has it that embattled Michigan AD Bill Martin missed out on the services of Les Miles because he was sailing all weekend. Miles (who behind closed doors in coaching circles is not known for his patience) responded by accepting an extension with LSU while Martin was out to sea. If this is true (and I read it on a blog, so it certainly is), Martin joins the proud tradition of failed watersports enthusiasts like John Kerry, R Kelly, and Brutus Beefcake.
Martin may take some heat over this, but he should really just be thankful he wasn’t killed by pirates.
[Also, carrying this metaphor to its logical conclusion casts (sorry) Miles as a giant cantankerous marlin that kills old people, and who can't get behind that? --H.]
Asked how quickly he can get things righted, Weis responded: “Not fast enough. That’s probably as fair an answer as I can say,” Weis said Monday at a news conference. “I think that the arrow is definitely pointing up. You already know what my goal is every time we play, and every time we play my expectation is to win that game. But we can’t get good enough fast enough as far as I’m concerned.”
I have to agree here: things are looking up. I honestly thought they’d lose to Duke and Stanford.
UCLA Needs To Hire Coach With Swagger
So says a crusty looking old dude at the LA Times, anyway: “Those who lead the teams that get the attention in Los Angeles have a common thread. They are people who conduct their business with a style and a swagger. They either came with name recognition or quickly acquired it here. The style and swagger aren’t always the same, but all have some form of it… So, for at least a couple of weeks, Guerrero has our spotlight. We don’t ask much, just a coach with style, swagger and success.”
If you’re having trouble imagining Pete Carroll reading the LA Times this morning, allow me to assist you…
We Longhorn fans have had an interesting ride during Mack Brown’s 10 years in Austin. 1998-2003 were filled with promise, but mostly near-misses. 2004 saw Vince Young take over under center and another loss to Oklahoma – our fifth in a row. Vince never lost a game after that, though, winning back to back Rose Bowls along the way, including Texas’ perfect run through 2005 to the national title.
Ah, those were the days. The team was loose. The best player in college football history was doing things none of us had ever seen. And Mack Freaking Brown had 50 Cent in his iPod.
Vince Young is a god. For real.
But oh how things are regressing to the mean. Since small town hero Colt McCoy beat Oklahoma last season, the Longhorns have quickly tumbled back to the pack. Texas lost back to back games to K-State and A&M last year, choking away the South Division to Oklahoma, who promptly won their fourth Big 12 title under Bob Stoops. After the game? Malcolm Kelly celebrates:
I’m sensing a pattern here…
Fast forward to today, and Oklahoma’s won their fifth Big 12 title under Stoops, with his fifth different quarterback. Meanwhile, Texas fans are prepping for their fourth trip to the Holiday Bowl in the past eight seasons. Freshman wunderkind Colt McCoy has become the Sophomore Slump. Texas has looked listless for two straight seasons… and today we may have found out why.
Colt McCoy’s Top 10
1. (tie) ‘She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy,’ Kenny Chesney and ‘I Can Still Make Cheyenne,’ George Strait
2. ‘Good Directions,’ Billy Currington
3. ‘Tuesday’s Gone,’ Lynyrd Skynyrd
4. ‘Big City,’ Merle Haggard
5. ‘Cowboy Song,’ Thin Lizzy
6. ‘Yellow Ledbetter,’ Pearl Jam
7. ‘Bad Company,’ Bad Company
8. ‘Hotel California,’ Eagles
9. ‘Lost and Found,’ Randy Rogers Band
10. ‘She’s Every Woman,’ Garth Brooks
Show me your scruples… If you weren’t quite convinced that this whole BCS system is a giant, steaming pile of elephant dung, you will be once you get through the coaches ballots. Among my favorties:
**Lllloyd Carr – the 4 L version – voted his Wolverines 21st, a full ten spots ahead of their actual ranking. Oregon, the team Lloyd could not stay within 30 points of at home, is not on his ballot at all.
**Dennis Franchione, apparently not content to fuck one football program in the ass, sent a parting shot to Hawaii, ranking them 22nd. Hal Mumme, seeing the team he wished he had, voted the Rainbow Warriors #1.
**Tommy Bowden threw darts at his ballot. Oklahoma landed in the 10 spot, four behind… Missouri. Mkay.
**The lone moralist in college football? Mack Brown, of course. Every coach except the Longhorns’ voted their team higher than their actual finish. As noted at DC Sports Blog: “The most stark moral offenders are: Lloyd Carr (10 spots difference), Mike Bellotti (8), Chris Petersen (6), Mike Riley (5), Randy Edsall (5), Tommy Bowden (5), Mike Leach (4), Ron Zook (4) and Phillip Fulmer (4). Frank Beamer (3) didn’t quite make this cut, but he was the only coach to vote Virginia Tech No. 2, meaning he tried to put his own team in the title game and no one else did.”
**Howard Schnellenberger? Marching to his own beat. USC is ranked behind… Boise State?
Crazy Requires Charisma Hawaii coach June Jones says Tim Tebow is a “system quarterback” and his own gunslinger Colt Brennan is college football’s best player. (HT: Wiz) Lord knows this blog couldn’t survive without all the feet coaches lodge in their mouths, but I’m a firm believer that if you’re gonna take the plunge into the abyss of absurd quotes, you gotta do so with charisma. Think pirates.
June Jones?
HU-man. RO-bot.
Brian Cook suicide watch: day 13Page 6 gossip columnist Michigan blogger Brian Cook has battled through games of footsy with both Kirk Ferentz and Les Miles. Now… Ball State’s Brady Hoke? MGoBlog suggests this is Hoke putting his own name into the Big Program Job Search channels, but Occam’s Razor suggests a far simpler, more logical explanation: Tressel!
Your uniforms match my penalty flag. Oregon State may have gotten the last laugh, but not without a valiant fight from the officials, who tried oh so hard to keep the Ducks in Saturday’s Civil War. And as Oregon State blogger Building The Dam points out, that may not have been much of a coincidence. Eugene officiating conspiracies: not going away any time soon! You gotta love it.
With the gap week here, we see a perfect opportunity to look after our interests in the southwestern wing of our “Chinese friends network.” We’re off to the ranch for vacation, and we’re not kidding: we’re going to a ranch for vacation, where the website for the place mentions that they can teach you how to pen and rope cattle. This should be an especially useful skill at tailgates, but we’re already offering up our collarbone as the bone of choice for gravity to break this trip.
Our all-star roster of guest bloggers will include:
Peter Bean of Burnt Orange Nation, who will provide The Curious Index each morning.
Jebus from Black Heart, Gold Pants, who will be manning the current events and well-captioned photo division.
Holly from Ladies… and Snarkastic, who will be posting whatever she likes.
…and a few more, depending on the weather, rotation of the earth, and the whimsy of the internet gods.
Enjoy the guests, attempt to be pleasant to them, and have a stellar week. We’re off to work on our Javier Bardem haircut and wander through the desert looking for stray suitcases of cash. What could go wrong?
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About us
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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