BCS TITLE GAME TO FEATURE LOCAL MAN, EIGHT LIVE DINGOS
by Orson on Dec 3, 2007 1:19 PM EST
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PrintThis year's BCS game will feature local man Ted Warburton versus eight live dingoes, according to SEC commisioner Mike Slive in a press conference last night announcing the participants for this year's BCS title game.
"At no point in the history of the BCS have we had more interest in the BCS, and I can safely and confidently say that at no point in the history of the game have we put together a more compelling matchup than Mr. Warburton versus this fine team of mad, crazed dingoes."
Warburton, a copywriter for a large local utility company, seemed as surprised as the rest of the country that the college football season would come down to this. That it would involve him at all was doubly surprising for the the 34 year-old University of North Carolina graduate.
"I mean, it should have come down to a one-loss Kansas team, or even a two-loss Georgia team. There's no rule that you have to win your conference championship, right? Mark Richt said as much in his press conference yesterday. Or even, if you're so fascinated with the difference between no, one, and two losses, well...you could have had Hawaii in there, man."
"Plus, I don't know how putting me on a field with eight dingoes proves anything. I don't have a wife and kids, but I do have a cat, and she'll need to be fed if anything happens to me. The money's nice, but it's a lot of risk to take. Plus, it's not really a football game, is it?"
Big East commish and BCS tycoon Mike Tranghese downplayed the clamor of complaints and criticisms surrounding the choice of Warburton versus dingo for the game.
"What we put on is a heckuva show, people, and that's what we're going to give the viewing public who tune in to this game. It's been a topsy-turvy year in college football, and what better way to end it than with a good, old-fashioned classic: a two-loss Ted Warburton versus an undefeated pack of eight highly athletic dingoes."
The matchup, per ESPN writer Ivan Maisel, does have its upside.
"Dingoes are opportunistic carnivores, and unafraid of most of what you'll throw at them, defensively speaking. They try to limit their mistakes and work the numbers, most of the time, and that's precisely what they'll do against Ted here. He'll have his hands full...of dingo fur, mostly."
Warburton's two losses this year were widely regarded by AP voters as "quality losses:" one, losing a girlfriend to his "lack of commitment," and breaking his leg in a cycling accident. While there were others in the pack with fewer losses, Warburton's strong performance throughout the year tilted the scales in his favor.
"Really, he was hampered by injury and a tough foe, a girlfriend wanting to settle down," said Sporting News writer Matt Hayes. "Those two have taken down plenty of great teams in season. But when you look at his resume this year, there's a lot of strengths: scoring not twice, but three times with that hot divorcee in the Bahamas, mowing his yard four weeks in a row, and flossing regularly throughout the year, including the hectic holidays."
"In a year of almost-rans, he's the closest we've got to a championship contender."
The dingoes, for their part, are excited.
"rrrttggghhhRROOOAOAAAHHHHRRRR snrragggrrlglh ROOAOOOROOOOAAARRRGH YOUUUWWWL Ssnrarrgglhhhf, GrrrgghhhgHghhhgllll groarrggar gnsicnorhf grrrrswgghhHHHhh," they said following the press conference, a noise widely interpreted to mean somehing between "we're honored to be facing such a great opponent in a great venue," or "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!"
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The least they could have done was have The Orgeron vs. the wolves. I’d pay to see that. And put my money on him.
by yoyofutbawl on Dec 3, 2007 1:23 PM EST reply actions
I’m still a fan of the African Wild Dog after watching planet earth… turns out you can’t have those as pets, though.
by TX_FL on Dec 3, 2007 1:24 PM EST reply actions
Are we sure that was a quote from the dingoes or a snippet from Ole Miss’s press conference introducing its new head coach?
by notthequarterback on Dec 3, 2007 1:34 PM EST reply actions
I think it was the fact that he’s showed his mettle against the ruthless cougar on a neutral site was what put Ted over the top in the Polls.
by Brian on Dec 3, 2007 1:37 PM EST reply actions
Don’t let the Auburn athletic administration know of this. There will be dingos galore for security at Jordan Hare. The running attack will be a point of emphasis with the Wideouts and DBs wearing padded suits.
by SonofSamford on Dec 3, 2007 1:38 PM EST reply actions
That “lack of commitment” loss really isn’t a loss though, just doesn’t count per se, since it wasn’t in regulation of the relationship.
by Sarah on Dec 3, 2007 1:40 PM EST reply actions
Professional Wrastlin’ Dept:
Tempted to note the the clowns responsible for the BCS mess of a system (((instead of a playoff system that would be as American as apple pie))) have less credibility than Mr. McMahon who organizes the WWE “championship” matches…..
….but that would be too insulting to Mr. McMahon.
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Dec 3, 2007 1:43 PM EST reply actions
On the plus side, the dingoes have a higher graduation success rate than 13 of the current top 25 teams.
by DevilGrad on Dec 3, 2007 1:45 PM EST reply actions
Meryl Streep’s taking the Dingos and giving the points.
by Geaux Irish on Dec 3, 2007 1:46 PM EST reply actions
Don’t forget, Ted, go for the throat. Grab the throat and don’t let go! Don’t let go until they quit breathing!
by beast in 'bama on Dec 3, 2007 1:48 PM EST reply actions
Which one of the dingos is auditioning for the first round of the Draft?
by Techie on Dec 3, 2007 1:48 PM EST reply actions
That was honorary captain Michael Vick, BTW.
by beast in 'bama on Dec 3, 2007 1:49 PM EST reply actions
Ted? Are you serious, BCS? His girlfriend killed him and that was at his place. The bike accident happens, but there is no excuse for the girlfriend loss. Georgia deserves it more. The dingos are going to kill Ted.
by Quinton on Dec 3, 2007 1:51 PM EST reply actions
michigan ought to hire the orgeron. i’m being serious. stop laughing. consider the [NAME REDACTED]: abrasive, divisive, and headstrong, he was a suspect-class before he even set foot in gainesville. he was one hell of a recruiter, a workout fanatic who lifted with the defensive linemen, and did i mention the recruiting? all that was missing was that magical something on saturdays, something coaches in the SEC must have or FAIL: the ability to win. the eessssseeeeseeeee is effing hard, especially when you are a mediocre coach; however, the big televen is subprime, as evidenced by the success of [NAME REDACTED]. he took his recruiting prowess up north, got some quark-fast boys from down south, and whipped the falling giant in his lair. now, dacoachO is a better recruiter, and with the exception of that boneheaded call in the egg bowl, is a decent enough gameday coach who juuuuust couldn’t quite cut it in the esssseeeeeeseee. if michigan wants to stand a snowball’s chance in hell of beating Cheaty McSweatervest again, they reeeeaaalllly need dacoachO.
by Cameron Siggs on Dec 3, 2007 1:53 PM EST reply actions
I’m taking Ted in the upset. The man flosses during the holidays, for God’s sake!! THE HOLIDAYS!!
by Aerobab on Dec 3, 2007 1:54 PM EST reply actions
Maybe the dingos ate your baby, mr. miles.
by RaginCajunRebel on Dec 3, 2007 1:55 PM EST reply actions
and i am sorry for the threadjack. insert the following HTML into my above post:
…
by Cameron Siggs on Dec 3, 2007 1:55 PM EST reply actions
What about the sharks riding on the backs of elephants? Are you trying to tell me a mere pack of dingoes is more deserving? The dingoes have loaded up on babies and already dead carcasses. The sharks riding elephants have trampled and eaten everyone in their path, including an entire school of ill-tempered sea bass.
by Biggus Rickus on Dec 3, 2007 1:56 PM EST reply actions
Isn’t this where we talk about how much faster Warburton is than the dingoes?
by Brian O'Blivion on Dec 3, 2007 1:57 PM EST reply actions
ESPN is reporting that Ted’s Life Coach is leaving him to work with some old stodgy guy up north.
by Brian on Dec 3, 2007 1:58 PM EST reply actions
University of North Carolina and BCS championship just don’t go together.
by Herb on Dec 3, 2007 1:58 PM EST reply actions
Are we going to double the fun by adding babies?
by El Hombre on Dec 3, 2007 1:59 PM EST reply actions
fark fark fark fark fark
http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/View.aspx?wereinurbcs128411819879061509.jpg
by Cameron Siggs on Dec 3, 2007 2:00 PM EST reply actions
i petted a dingo while i was in australia. killed an inland tipan by accident as well. true story.
by kleph on Dec 3, 2007 2:02 PM EST reply actions
funny, when I was in peru I petted an alpaca and killed a bottle of rum.
by oc phil on Dec 3, 2007 2:09 PM EST reply actions
inland tipan? Is that some kind of poisonous snake?
by rusty on Dec 3, 2007 2:15 PM EST reply actions
taipan, sorry. and if anyone wants a dingo photo to give the lolcat treatment, send me an e-mail
by kleph on Dec 3, 2007 2:20 PM EST reply actions
This wouldn’t have happened if Glenn Dorsey hadn’t been chop blocked by Auburn.
Only he could have stopped the dingoes.
-Verne Lundquist.
by Eric on Dec 3, 2007 2:24 PM EST reply actions
Ted’s not going to see anything fancy, those dingos just pin their ears back and come right at you.
by Unhappy Monkey on Dec 3, 2007 2:25 PM EST reply actions
Eight dingoes?
You mean they picked a dingo team from a school so small it only plays eight-man dingo ball? That’s an atrocity.
It’s a shame Notre Dingo was unavailable. That game would have sold out.
by Blog Goliard on Dec 3, 2007 2:27 PM EST reply actions
Your Mike Patrick random BCS fact of the Day:
The ACC is 1-8 in BCS games. The 1 win? FSU over VT.
by Erdinger on Dec 3, 2007 2:31 PM EST reply actions
Hey, it’s not the Dingoes’ fault that they back-doored their way into the game. They played the schedule that was put in front of them, that’s all a team can do.
by bitterhorn on Dec 3, 2007 2:32 PM EST reply actions
D ogs
I n
N ational title
G ame
O pportunity
E quals
S upremacy
See how stupid this looks, SEC fans?
by Land of Os(borne) on Dec 3, 2007 2:34 PM EST reply actions
Oddsmakers have set the over/under for dismembered limbs at a deceptive 4.5; more than Ted has but 8 four-legged dingos gives Ted a pretty good opportunity to do some damage.
by NDTom on Dec 3, 2007 2:35 PM EST reply actions
I know one thing….them Dingos hung “half a hundred” on the Championship bowl divison Droolin’ Infants….they literally ate them alive, on offense and defense….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 2:40 PM EST reply actions
At Notre Dingo, the coach eats all the babies before the players can get to them.
by DevilGrad on Dec 3, 2007 2:42 PM EST reply actions
Hey, either the coach eats the babies, or the babies grow up to eat the coach.
It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, y’know.
by Blog Goliard on Dec 3, 2007 2:47 PM EST reply actions
Half a hundred!!!! Uga would est those dingoes for lunch! He’s bred for fightin! My keyboard tastes funny!!! HALF A HUNDRED!!! Goooo Dawgs!!!!
by Chg on Dec 3, 2007 2:48 PM EST reply actions
The oddsmakers have it wrong…I think Ted might have experience with this type of foe:
by Brian on Dec 3, 2007 2:49 PM EST reply actions
As long as the Dingos dont bite on the “Fake Fetchin the Stick” play that Ted likes to run at opportune times, the Dingos could either run up the score on Ted, or get neutered if they let Ted hang around too long…Teds secret offensive weapon is a play called “The Tazer” which causes most defenses of the canine variety to instantly freeze in their tracks, allowing Ted to slip by the initial rush and set up a one-on-one situation deep in the secondary….a bad deal since it Ted usually drags a couple of defenders with him and he is hard to stop once he gets a full head of steam…
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 2:52 PM EST reply actions
Orson,
Mike Vick would like to have a word with you…..
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 2:54 PM EST reply actions
FACTS:
LSU will win big against OSU.
there will be a lot of fights in the quarter on january 7th
by dougls on Dec 3, 2007 2:57 PM EST reply actions
Meh. If only the Drop Bears weren’t on probation…
Those bastards’ll get you everytime, and you don’t even see ’em coming.
by Will (the other one) on Dec 3, 2007 2:57 PM EST reply actions
Did I mention that the Dingo’s are glad that Mike Vick didnt get in the MNC game? With what he did to “the real number one team”….the game that will go down in history as the “Shock-N-Awe” game of 2007…
the Middle Ga Pit Bulls simply lost too many players to ….uhh….injury and had no answer for a running, athletic QB…..when I say they put it all on the field that day…..well……uhh…..some say some of those players never left……..and the ones that finished the game will never be the same……..Mike Vick was hemmed up later by the Law Doggs, and , well, you know the rest….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 3:00 PM EST reply actions
laws, ain’t that the truth. shifty as they are deadly, they are.
by kleph on Dec 3, 2007 3:01 PM EST reply actions
#41:
You missed the obligatory spelling of FOX, CBS, or ESPN in there. That sign will never make it on TV…
by Geaux Irish on Dec 3, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
LOLOLOL I meant to say….“Shock-n-Paw” get it?
Shock-n-Paw??? LOL I kill me…..
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 3:03 PM EST reply actions
#51
Oooooooo, you put it in caps, it MUST be true!
Memo to algore: In all future correspondence, refer to it as GLOBAL WARMING
by sherlock hemlock on Dec 3, 2007 3:11 PM EST reply actions
How could his girlfriend break up with him? He hung half a hundred on her meal alone at Ruth’s Chris the night she called it off.
by PW on Dec 3, 2007 3:14 PM EST reply actions
Word on the street is that Ted Warburton is a Werewolf with Darren McFadden for a dick.
by That Pederast Hanrahan on Dec 3, 2007 3:26 PM EST reply actions
Dingoes stop off @ Archie Manning’s- take a dump in the front yard and run off with Brangelina’s little Cambodian kid on the way to the Superdome. References to “John Goodman like” agility coming from Warburton were to much for the wild dogs to take.
by Shy one on Dec 3, 2007 3:26 PM EST reply actions
Drop Bears! Bwah!
I’d salute you, sir, but I’m too consumed by jealousy from not having thought of it first.
(P.S. I hear the Hoop Snakes had a lethal rushing attack this year.)
by Blog Goliard on Dec 3, 2007 3:30 PM EST reply actions
Are those Dingos from the SEC? If so, Ted better have an answer for their speed and talent, unless the Dingo’s trainer is Les Miles, then they will simply sleep in the middle of the field til halftime, then they will wake up cranky and eventually take over the field…his only hope is to drag it out to overtime…
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 3:36 PM EST reply actions
The Dingos were ranked #1 twice. They had their shot and lost it both times. I think the team that is playing the best ball in America right now should be in the game: Beluga Whales.
No one wants a piece of Redshirt Freshman Sensation Wooouu-Wwwweee-Wooo-Click-Click!
by Dawg 05 on Dec 3, 2007 3:49 PM EST reply actions
#61
Ted will be safe if he puts Vegemite behind his ears vs the Dropbears….lol…
The undefeated Chupracabra’s are on the outside looking in since they didnt have any quality competition in their schedule
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 3:50 PM EST reply actions
Yeah, sure half a hundred. But most of those points were scored in OT…
by CKGator on Dec 3, 2007 3:50 PM EST reply actions
The Dingos will have you know that they are undefeated in regulation play……dont look at their record, they want to be judged on their “body of work”
because now, they have 51 days to sit around and lick their balls….Why? Because they can….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 3:54 PM EST reply actions
The Hoop Snake rushing attack was well done, sir. Though I believe they suffered a “lopsided” defeat at the hands of 1-AA “Central Texas’s Fightin’ Wild Haggis”
by Brian on Dec 3, 2007 4:01 PM EST reply actions
Herbstreit is reporting that on Wednesday, the dingoes head coach will be announced as the new coach of the jackalopes, fulfilling a lifelong dream and ambition.
by CKGator on Dec 3, 2007 4:01 PM EST reply actions
#62
If Les is their trainer, they most definitely will not be neutered. Les likes his balls. This, of course, makes them prone to hump most anything with a leg, including Ted.
by NativeSon on Dec 3, 2007 4:02 PM EST reply actions
If I were a jackalope fan, I’d be pissed. sure they didn’t make it to the conference championship game, but they had the same record as the dingos and were ranked higher before this weekend.
by NDTom on Dec 3, 2007 4:06 PM EST reply actions
What about the Fuck Lions? The Dingoes lost 2 games when they were ranked #1? LET THOSE FUCK LIONS PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
by DallasTiger on Dec 3, 2007 4:08 PM EST reply actions
41-
Eye
Salute
(Personally)
You Now
for you made me laugh. Look at me, I’m on TV, right behind that sign I colored.
by Devil's Millhopper on Dec 3, 2007 4:17 PM EST reply actions
#69
Seems these dingos have a little Tennessee “leghound” in them, once they get started, its best just to let them finish….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 4:30 PM EST reply actions
Bowl
Champions
Series
Seriously
Undermines
Xcellence
Wooo I’m on the TV…………Herbstreit is premature in EVERYTHING he does…..signed….Mrs Herbstreit
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 3, 2007 4:42 PM EST reply actions
#74:
Isn’t Mrs. Herbstreit just a psuedonym for Chris Fowler?
by Geaux Irish on Dec 3, 2007 4:59 PM EST reply actions
Anybody have an NCAA rulebook handy?
How many yards do you get for humping? Is there a loss of down involved?
If it’s only five yards, I’ll take the Dingoes and lay the points…
by Blog Goliard on Dec 3, 2007 5:05 PM EST reply actions
Les Miles: All right, Herbstreit… you called down the thunder, well now you’ve got it! You see that?
[pulls open his coat, revealing a set of purple and gold tattooed balls.]
Les Miles: It says Head Coach – LSU!
Kirk Herbstreit: [terrified, pleading] Les, please, I…
Les Miles: [referring to Hayley Lafontaine’s dad, laying dead] Take a good look at him, Kirk… ‘cause that’s how you’re gonna end up!
[shoves Kirk down roughly with his boot]
Les Miles: The Buckeyes are finished, you understand? I see a red sash, I kill the man wearin’ it!
[lets Kirk up to run for his life]
Les Miles: So run, you cur… RUN! Tell all the other curs The Balls are comin’!
[shouts]
Les Miles: You tell ‘em I’M coming… and hell’s coming with me, you hear?…
[louder]
Les Miles: Hell’s coming with me!
by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Dec 3, 2007 5:49 PM EST reply actions
#76
It falls under the “Excessive Celebration” penalty and thus assessed on the kickoff.
by NativeSon on Dec 3, 2007 6:51 PM EST reply actions
Herb: That might change around 2010. As SMQ put it, we are the oncoming buzzsaw of the post-Florida State ACC.
by Digital Headbutt on Dec 4, 2007 9:56 AM EST reply actions
And I have my money on Warburton; he knows his way around dingoes.
by Digital Headbutt on Dec 4, 2007 9:57 AM EST reply actions
#77
Johnny Ringoooo says Miles aint no daisy….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Dec 4, 2007 10:09 PM EST reply actions
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