Commenter and hot blogger jailbait Tattooed Mess(iah) brings us his report from the ACC Championship game. Booze, traitorous BC fans, and the sizzling style of ACC football all add up to…well, a pretty good summary of watching a pretty mediocre football game. Enjoy.

11:00 AM/Pre-Game: Good morning, Vietnam! Er, EDSBS as it were. I normally wouldn’t be excited to be in Jacksonville, but being able to do a write up for the best college football site on the net makes it worthwhile. Time to set up the grill and crack open a cold one. Or 12. While scouting for a restroom, a friend and I notice a sign at the entrance to the stadium that reads “No Alcohol Beyond This Point”. Damn NCAA regulations. Now I have to get drunk enough to carry me for at least a couple hours. After a hamburger, a couple hot dogs, and an unhealthy amount of alcohol it’s time to make our way into our seats.


A coke. This big. Loaded with Crown, please.

Upon getting to the stadium, I realize that we don’t just have club seats, we have Crown Royal Touchdown Club Seats. Yup, the only place in the entire stadium where they serve alcohol. At least I saved myself from having to buy as many $8 beers and $15 mixed drinks. There’s another “No Alcohol Beyond This Point” sign as you walk through the doors and into the stands, but that’s solved with the help of a few soda cups. Apparently we aren’t the only ones who had the idea, as there are countless straws with way too much foam in them to be holding a soft drink. Fuck you, NCAA regulations!

1:00 PM/1st Quarter: We get to our seats just in time for kickoff, or so we think. Everyone’s just standing around still so I’ll mention a something I notice already: VTech absolutely dominates the crowd. Their side of the stadium is packed, with no visible BC fans. BC’s side of the stadium is…a little less full, and it’s easy to spot the Hokies.

Here comes the kickoff, and BC’s going to get the ball first. After a touchback, they march the ball 62 yards down the field before having to settle for a field goal. Having not watched a lot of BC football this year, I don’t understand the groans and audible “Oh, fuck”s coming from the crowd. Then I witness Steve Aponavicius kick the ball so flat it would’ve hit a lineman in the head it it hadn’t been tipped first.

Virginia Tech doesn’t do much better their first drive: Glennon sacked for a loss of four, Brandon Ore rushes for a loss of one, Glennon incomplete pass, punt. ACC football: Feel the Excitement! Whoa, I take that back. Jamie Silva strips the ball out of Glennon’s hand and takes it 51 yards to the house! And BC fans show their enthusiasm by clapping
politely.

2nd Quarter: The second quarter starts with a 37 yarder by BC. Maybe their kicker’s not so bad after all. VT gets the ball and takes it down the field with the help of some questionable BC penalties. A five yard pass later and its BC 10 – VT 7.

Matt Ryan does his best Tebow impression (it’s not a very good one. Just be YOU, man!) and runs it 14 yards in for a touchdown. The reactionary refrain of “Oh, fuck” alerts me to the fact that Steve Imfuckingatrocious has just had his extra point attempt blocked and
returned for a two point conversion. By VT.

It’s OK, though, as Jamie Silva intercepts Glennon’s pass on the first play of the drive…and before I can get that sentence out, BC’s punts it away. After a nice little drive, the Hokies score a touchdown to tie it at 16 going into the half. I’ll be right back after I get to the
required level of drunk to watch this game.

3rd Quarter: Now that the teams have gotten acquainted with each other and the coaches have had time to adjust, the second quarter should be better, right? WRONG! Punt, punt, punt, failed 4th down conversion, punt, punt and the 3rd quarter is over. Apparently being so drunk you’re finding a few of the BC girls attractive is not drunk enough.

4th Quarter: Oh, sweet, another punt. And another. I’m just glad the scoring drought is over as Glennon completes one 24 yards to Royal for the go ahead score. 23-16, VT. There are mixed reactions on the Boston College side of the stadium, but none of them are good. Some are sad, some are angry, but none are showing that same confidence in Matt Ryan
that was there earlier in the season. it’s kind of sad how they’re almost resigned to their fate.

It’s alright, the clock says 6:30. Plenty of time. Unless, that is, Matt Ryan wants to lead the team down to the VTech 13 just to throw an interception. It doesn’t amount to anything, though, and there’s still a chance with BC getting the ball at their own 35 with 28 seconds to
go. The Hokie faithful are going fucking apeshit. Where was this fire when Virginia Tech had the ball any of this half? After two incomplete passes, Matt Ryan says, “Fuck it, I’m going deep!”. Or he would have, if the ball hadn’t been tipped, caught by Xavier Adibi, and returned 40 yards for the pick-6 heartbreaker. That’s game, folks.

Since alcohol sales stopped at the beginning of the 4th Quarter, BC fans looking for a pick-me-up and VT fans looking to celebrate will no doubt be clashing at The Landing in just a few minutes. I wish I could stay, but…who the hell am I kidding, I’m ready to get the fuck out of here.

Your final score from Jacksonville is Virginia Tech 30, Boston College
16.

Final Note: Leaving the restroom after the game, I heard one BC fan say to the other, “It’s OK, I made $1,000 on this game.” Let that be a lesson in karma to all of you.