We’ll go ahead and air the rumors currently flying through the ether re: ongoing coaching coups just to get them out there and test their validity. Again: these contain rumors, which may not even be considered something like a fact-like substances. In fact, your soundtrack for all of them is below, and should be played throughout the reading of each rumor.

Pelini to Nebraska.

Probability: Only slightly fishy. For a rumor, this is practically the equivalent of a Bears and Stearns WOOO! rating in the bond market. Skip Bertman’s already gotten tiffy over the fact that Tom Osborn didn’t even seek his permission to speak with Pelini, a just rage since Pelini is still technically pulling pay from LSU. Pelini would be another first-time head coach at the college level, but when you cut him, he does not leak hydraulic fluid as cyborg Bill Callahan did. Pelini, for those who may have forgotten, was the defensive coordinator for Nebraska back in the Solich era when they did not merrily spank passing receivers and running backs on their way to the Huskers’ endzone.

Tuberville to Arkansas.

Probability: Corpse-reeky. A fun fiction with its roots in the ancient rift between Bobby Lowder, megabooster at Auburn, and Tuberville, who survived Lowder’s attempts to depose him before going undefeated in 2004 and making the point megamoot while beating Alabama 6 times in a row. Again, Tuberville is represented by Jimmy Sexton, who as Paul Finebaum will repeat for the next two weeks, thrives on this kind of chaos.

Wannstedt gone?

Probability: pungently plausible. Wannstedt’s done little to cosmetically improve the Pitt program during his now three-year tenure: no bowl games, humiliating defeats to conference rivals (see West Virginia’s demolition of them last year and the potential sequel this weekend for comparison) and Tom Lemming talking about how great their recruiting classes are. They’ll likely opt for stability, but if you refresh your RSS reader and you see “WANNSTEDT FIRED,” you’ll ruin no screens with the splashy surprise of a spit take, eh? We wouldn’t.

Spurrier to LSU.

Probability: Bad mayonnaise crawling from the jar, picking up a gun, and walking to the nearest convenience store to rob it. Spurrier is undoubtedly frustrated with South Carolina. That’s not scuttlebutt or hearsay, that’s what you can read in The State every two weeks or so during the season and once a month during the offseason. The facilities aren’t up to par, they’re not admitting the athletes Spurrier needs, and the players have a pesky case of collective dumb they can’t shake–all true in varying degrees, and all complaints made publicly by Spurrier.

Any and all considerations of his itchiness to win seem to be contingent on Spurrier feeling his mortality and “wanting to win one more” before the curtain call of retirement. This assumes you believe Spurrier thinks he’s a.) mortal, and b.) not a fit 35 year old guy with a hot sports car and rock hard abs. He clearly thinks he is exactly this, of course, so time is no concern. He goes nowhere is our guess, both out of loyalty (he does have some) and proximity to Augusta National, his favorite pissing grounds.