CURIOUS INDEX, 11/20/2007
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Your soundtrack for this edition of the CI. Is it over? AIIIIIIGGGHHH!!!! Les Miles choked up when asked about the Michigan job at his weekly press conference, fighting back tears and stating that he has not been contacted about the Michigan job…yet. “It’s unfair to Michigan to say that they should. It’s unfair to me and my team. I promise you this, what I’m doing is what you should do — let it rest. I’m playing football for LSU. I love this team.” Miles teared up and paused for 15 seconds before composing himself. “And I’ll not do anything to hurt it,” he said as his voice broke. “Any questions?” Ooh, he’s crying because he won’t hurt the team, because talking about the Michigan job he’s already taken would hurt LSU! Or, he’s not going to take the job if it’s offered because he’s so emotionally tied to LSU! It’s great how you can read whatever you like into this! So go ahead and do that! (Oh, and the obligatory “Your coach is a total pussy because he cried” comment. Because we’ve never cried. Nope. Ever. Especially not at Dumbo where Dumbo’s mom gets locked up and he visits her and they touch trunks through the bars…excuse us for a moment..) HT: Sports by Brooks. Bill Callahan will “learn his fate” on Saturday, according to the AP. The choice of words amuses us: BILL CALLAHAN, YOU ARE TO DIE BY WEASEL ATTACK ON SATURDAY. Callahan: “You impudent hillbillies, I bid you adieu from the mouth of hell, where I shall keep a parlor seat open for you and you especially.” His “fate” is that he’s going to be fired, in case you’ve been, you know, doing something else for the past three months. The Institute of Awesome Studies brings us the news that college students often take advantage of football games to drink a lot. “These results indicate drinking is connected not only to the game itself, but to the social context associated with the event,” Fromme said in a statement. “Most events associated with heavy drinking occur only once a year, such as spring break, but the weekly football schedule presents students with more regular opportunities to drink.” We object with the “events associated with heavy drinking occur only once a year,” as Peter O’Toole still lives and breathes on this planet with we mortals. Linebacker Geno Hayes of the Florida State Seminoles says Tim Tebow “is going down” in Saturday’s game against the Florida Gators in Gainesville. “We are going to have the attitude that Tim Tebow is going down this week,” Hayes said. “That’s what we’re going to say, that Tim Tebow is going down. Y’all put that down. Tim Tebow is going down this week. That’s attitude.” Well, yes, that certainly attitude. We’d love to make fun of Hayes here, but he’s a very, very serious guy. Hayes was the guy who, when he was confronted by police during a nightclub fight earlier this season, chose being tasered over cooperation. So while he may not have a good understanding of the human body’s ability to function while being electrocuted, we can’t short him on commitment to his goals. Cal’s season officially hit bottom at halftime during the Washington game, not afterwards when Cal lost to the Huskies in Seattle. Why? The halftime entertainment, former Cal-Berkeley student William Hung, demolished halftime clad in Huskies gear.
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1
wvjgrad69 says:
that’s the Institute of Obvious Studies.
Sadly, someone will get a Ph.D. based on it.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:05 am
2
DevilGrad says:
Hung’s not *allowed* to wear Cal gear. Those folks were the first to hear him sing.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:06 am
3
Biggus Rickus says:
Other events associated with heavy drinking for college students: Post-exam blowout, some dude buys kegs of beer, drink specials every night of the week at various bars.
Also, couldn’t Washington find a hat to fit William’s Downs-like melon? Give the man his dignity at least. Oh wait…
November 20th, 2007 at 9:07 am
4
Seven Years in Gainesville says:
Since time immemorial, it has been tradition in the state of Florida that whenever the Gators have an exceptional player, the Semi — wait, we’re not supposed to say their name — anyway, THEY go outside the rules of the game to commit battery on that player in an effort to injure him. Their coaching staff, at minimum, turns a blind eye to it (aw, shucks, boys will be boys, dadgumit), but sometimes, like Mickey Andrews this year, they encourage it.
“Andrews was asked if he had a plan to stop Tebow.
“Yeah, but you get put into jail for it,” Andrews teased.”
I’m sure his plan involves hookers and blow, or perhaps kidnapping, and not intent to inflict bodily harm. Yeah, that’s it.
VIVA HATE!
November 20th, 2007 at 9:07 am
5
The Bull-Gator says:
Or maybe ankle twisting? Something like that happened to some Florida running back . . . oh yeah, Earnest Graham. Still bullshit to this day. I can’t wait for the 7 seconds later “accidental” late hit to Tebow’s knee.
You stay classy, FSU.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:20 am
6
Scalz1 says:
Darnell Dockett thinks Hayes’ quotes is ” a bit harsh”
November 20th, 2007 at 9:28 am
7
Orson Swindle says:
Darnell Dockett can die in a fire.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:33 am
8
skinnyphatman says:
Rumor is that William Hung has been in training with Kobayashi. Sadly, William has not learned nor practiced the fine art of regurgitating said weenies, nor the fact that each and every lunch is not an actual competition. Perhaps an intervention is needed…
William, push away from the table my man.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:37 am
9
HFS says:
I’m very disappointed that the Hung story did not include a YouTube clip.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:39 am
10
GatorAM says:
I hate them SO MUCH… flames, on the side of my face… heathing, breathle-, heathing breaths…
I hate florida state. repeat infinity.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:41 am
11
Zombie Lane Fenner says:
Graham isn’t the first guy to get grabbed in the pile. That’s football. The attempted stomp on Rexy’s ahnd probably should ahve set Spurrier off more.
The most egregious cheap shot in the series was Mo Mitchell taking out Bunkley’s knee from behind after the play in 02.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:42 am
12
rjsplow says:
I think Florida shouldn’t worry about Geno Hayes, they should worry about finding anyone on the team who is healthy enough to play cornerback. Right now it looks like three undersized underclassman (two freshman and and a sophomore) against 6′5″ Fagg and 6′6″ Carr…. This game has me legitimately scared…
Oh yeah, and I spit at the TV last weekend during the Cardinals/Lions NFL game because Dockett plays for Arizona.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:44 am
13
Scalz1 says:
Orson, I think we’ve discovered your nemisis:
The child of Jen Sturger and Darnell Dockett.
The offspring would be something like Akira.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:44 am
14
gerry dorsey says:
I saw a peanut stand, heard a rubber band,
I saw a needle that winked its eye.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly
wait…what??
November 20th, 2007 at 9:46 am
15
Jerkwheat says:
My favorite part of the Les Miles presser…
“Ar-Kansas”
November 20th, 2007 at 9:47 am
16
NoleinTexas says:
Geno Hayes welcomes the tase, bro, because he’s felt pain far beyond what 5,000 volts can offer.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:03 am
17
NoleinTexas says:
#4
Mickey has a plan, but in a terrible strategic mistake, he plans to stop Tebow with insider trading and speeding in construction zones.
We’re so boned.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:05 am
18
Brian says:
I used to get all choked up for “Follow That Bird” with the sesame street characters.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:07 am
19
D-nice says:
Jeff Tedford may be a great coach (which the commentators ALWAYS remind us), but Cal has a tendency to start hot, finish cold, getting hopes up along the way.
In all fairness, Cal isn’t the only school who does this. But, when, for example, Clemson is 6-0, everyone smartly sees the writing on the wall and doesn’t start talking national champioship or BCS Bowl.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:14 am
20
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I get choked up when I watch the Green Mile…it is such a same for someone of that size not playing pro football…and being able to heal on the spot, he’d probaly play for the Patriots….
Did he sayTebow is going down? Really? Who doesnt know that? Not that there is anything wrong with that……
November 20th, 2007 at 10:16 am
21
Mr Pelican Pants says:
SHAME not SAME…wheres my damn coffee
November 20th, 2007 at 10:17 am
22
Rival says:
De’ Cody Fagg is 6′5″?
Man, that’s a big Fagg.
{snicker}
November 20th, 2007 at 10:18 am
23
Out of Conference says:
The raw feed I saw of Miles’ presser was that someone slipped him some habenero taffy just before he was asked about the Michigan job.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:25 am
24
NativeSon says:
7
Orson, I’ve got two tickets to Phoenix. We’ll be back in time for fava beans and a nice chianti. See you at the gate.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:27 am
25
m says:
1. god willy hung got FAT.
2. darnell dockett can indeed die in a fire. ill never forget what he did to graham. one of my favorite gators while i was at uf
who the fuck cares about FSU. yeah, i hate them, but i hate a lot of things. they’re dirty people. they’re either the kids who wear “jncos” and polyester blend button down black shirts with dragons on the side…. or they look like one of john gotti jr’s crew.
disgusting, dirty, worthless people.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am
26
SEC Supremacist says:
I also disagree with the analysis on college drinking. There are many great reasons to drink. I concur with #3, but need to add a few more.
You pass a test
You fail a test
You are studying for a test
You have a paper due in 3 hours
You pick up a hot girl
Said girl dumps you
You found an unopened bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in the parking lot
You’re thirsty and all you have in the apartment is liquor and water
Just a few of the great reasons for college students to drink.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:40 am
27
Scalz1 says:
#25
I’ve got no dog in this fight, but:
“they’re dirty people. they’re either the kids who wear “jncos” and polyester blend button down black shirts with dragons on the side…. or they look like one of john gotti jr’s crew. ”
As opposed to the Realtree and jort sporting people at good ‘ol UF ?
November 20th, 2007 at 10:42 am
28
OhioDawg says:
Callahan threw his hat in the ring for the Michigan job.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:45 am
29
Because They Can says:
#19 – I agree
I think Cal sucks more now than when they really sucked because their suckage the last few years has been proceeded by undeserved hype and a fast start (and proclamations of guaranteed future championships from genius Tedford) followed by the realization that they actually suck pretty bad after all. Before they just sucked right off the bat, which I find less sucky over all. But you’re right about the Clemson comparison…nobody really buys it no matter how close they come to not sucking.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:47 am
30
Kate says:
Speaking of “various eccentri” how about that Saban likening the UL-Monroe loss to “other” catastrophes, like, oh I don’t know, Pearl Harbor and 9/11?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/ncaa/11/19/saban.tactics.ap/index.html
November 20th, 2007 at 10:54 am
31
Tater Salad says:
Just to throw this out there…
Fuck Auburn. Hate week!
Not conceding defeat, but you’ll likely enjoy number 6 this week.
On the bright side, it looks like Mr. Groves won’t be up against Chris “Lookout!” Capps. Should be Caldwell at RT, which should be interesting. That may slow the bloodletting.
Roll tide anyway, I’ll be pumping sunshine by Thursday I’m sure.
Keep it down home, cuzz
November 20th, 2007 at 10:55 am
32
m says:
#27 aren’t you like some big 10 apologist? what do you even know?
the jort insult gets thrown at florida from other SEC schools because of their history of not being able to beat us.
do we have fans who wear jorts? YEAP. but thats what happens when you have older, non alumni fans from Bradford, Gilchrist, and Levy county, Florida. you think i havent spotted georgia fans wearing jorts? tennessee? cmon.
i’m talking about the student body. and my assessment of fsu’s study body is pretty accurate. and then there’s jen sturgeon
November 20th, 2007 at 10:59 am
33
d761 says:
Tater,
Well, you know, sometimes it takes something like 9/11, Pearl Harbor or a loss to ULM to prime the pump in relation to winning.
Seriously, I’d be very surprised if both teams didn’t come out ready to punch someone in the mouth. Should be a good game.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:00 am
34
Scalz1 says:
Apologist ? No. And, as I’ve stated, I have no dog in the fight.
My assessment of UF’s students is dead on.
Why ? Because I live in Florida, and have been to UF plenty of times. Or, the fact that a UF student, when the temp dips below 60, will wear jeans, sweatshirt, gloves, beanie hat, AND FLIP FLOPS. So, if I was a UF fan/student, I don’t think I would make the correlation between fashion and social stature.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:06 am
35
Tater Salad says:
32:
Was wondering when I’d see that pop up this morning. As soon as I heard those words I knew it was perfect fodder.
Probably not the best idea to use those references in a football presser. I personally wasn’t offended, because I understood his point, but that kind of language is probably better left to a speech to his players.
Anyone with half a brain knows he wasn’t equating PH or 9/11 with a loss in football. Won’t stop rival posters from being disingenuous and feigning offense. Or a reporter for the Huntsville Times that has his pants pulled down at the presser, for that matter…
November 20th, 2007 at 11:07 am
36
TigerNacho says:
Thanksgiving holiday dilemmas for a Tiger fan:
Miles might leave. Spurrier – that’s the hot rumor – might come.
LSU could play for a national championship. Humanity Advanced could derail that train easily on Friday.
An oil well fire has shut down I-10 west of Baton Rouge for the next two weeks. Traffic is already at a crawl on alternate routes. I can’t make my inlaws in Baton Rouge for Thankgiving. And I’ll have to leave 12 hours early to make the 1:30 p.m. ArKansas game on Friday.
The stress of this season is going to kill me. (Although missing the inlaws is some solice)
November 20th, 2007 at 11:09 am
37
The Bull-Gator says:
Zombie –
I understand the whole being in the pile thing, I had some deep gouges taken out of my arm in a game once. However, in a nationally televised game where you are obviously in the open and EVERYONE can see you twist his ankle, it’s not the same. It was akin to taking a shot on a QB two or three seconds late. It wasn’t your run-of-the-mill pile stuff.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:11 am
38
Mitch Cumstein says:
How’s this for a vote of confidence for Chan the Man?
“We are asking for maximum effort and support from everyone associated with our program — our administration, Coach Gailey and his staff, our coaches and certainly our Georgia Tech fans.” – Tech AD.
Sounds like he is saying, don’t go out there and embarrass us.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:14 am
39
m says:
i’m proud of our flip flops. wish i could wear them in ATL.
uf student body dresses well… for the most part. do we look like ole miss on game day? no, and thank god.
fsu’s student body looks one part anime-lover and one part piscataway new jersey. it’s really a horrific mix. they’re definitely the kids i hated in middle school and h.s. juvenile? yes. but when it comes to FSU there’s really nothing else to do
November 20th, 2007 at 11:15 am
40
NativeSon says:
#36
“It was akin to taking a shot on a QB two or three seconds late.”
I’m already looking for that to happen at least twice this Saturday. Waiting for Vegas to post the over/under.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:19 am
41
NativeSon says:
Sorry, #37.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:19 am
42
Scalz1 says:
#39
Yes, but do the kids in the SEC dress faster than the Big 10?
November 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am
43
Cincy says:
William Hung?? Come on, that can’t be a real name.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:42 am
44
Tim says:
Going all the way back to Dumbo? You cried about Cedric in the 4th Harry Potter movie.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
45
dashriprock says:
Twenty years it took me to completely wipe that Godley & Creme video from my mind. Damn you Orson! Damn you to hell!
November 20th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
46
Dave says:
Niedermeyer? Dead! Tebow? Going down!
November 20th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
47
PW says:
Are we really making generalizations about an entire student body’s wardrobe? As a UF grad and current FSU Law student, I really see no difference in the way people dress at the two institutions.
Can’t we just stick to “Bobby Bowden is old” and “FSU players are Criminals” and “FSU football is mediocre” jokes?
November 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
48
Brian says:
#38 – Our GT AD is the man. Its true, I hope we don’t embarrass the shit out of ourselves this weekend after scraaaaaaping by over UNC last week.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
49
Harris says:
I watched that Dumbo clip on YouTube a few weeks ago. That might be the saddest and most beautiful moment in film. I’ll gut anybody who says different.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
50
m says:
PW, though I’m a double grad of UF, I’m still female. Which means I still should be inherently ashamed of myself… and still able to criticize even the most superficial of things, like wardrobes. So yes, on top of FSU’s general sucktitude, criminals, and the fact that it has a circus… I still think they dress ugly.
November 20th, 2007 at 1:07 pm