PLAY STATION HELPS MIAMI PREP FOR BLACKSBURG
Kayne’s been to Blacksburg. We’ve played “White Cliffs of Dover” in front of thousands.Miami receiver Kayne Farquharson has plenty of experience playing in Blacksburg against Virginia Tech. Hell, he can even control the weather there, since the only time he’s played there is a as a participant in a game of PlayStation football.
Farqurharson, who has never played a game at Virginia Tech, said he has a pretty good idea of what to expect Saturday from playing the video game NCAA Football 08 on Playstation. He feels it’s just as intense when playing on the road in cyber games against the Hokies.
“I got an idea,” Farqurharson said. “On the Playstation, you got home-field advantage. You press L2 [button] against the team and the joystick will rattle. The screen will shake. … The joystick vibrates. They scream hard. They scream real hard. That’s the closest I’ve been to Blacksburg.”
This could explain so much about Miami’s offense this season…someone grab Patrick Nix’s playbook, stat! If our theory is true, the audible calls should be something like “LEFT STICK D-PAD UP CHECK!” For variation, we imagine they toggle back and forth between XBox and PS3 setups.
Also, if this qualifies as experience, we’ve got vast experience at the following jobs: professional guitarist, ping-pong player, mercenary-for-hire, assassin, government operative, Italian plumber, zombie slayer, charismatic Sim, builder of cities and entire civilizations, and as defender of humanity against a cruel race of unstoppable parasitic aliens. Oh, and as the Heisman-winning qb for the six-time NCAA champion Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders. Not many men can throw for fifty TDs and run for 40 more in a season, but we’re not normal, people.
(HT: The Great Barstoolio)









1
Scalz1 says:
Lars Umlat.
Is today “Metal Friday” ?? Are you in a mood toaday, Orson ?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
2
Cincy says:
WANTED: multi-talented amateur with 5 years experience in various fields including but not limited to:
-Accomplished PGA tour pro.
-Undefeated heavyweight boxing record.
-Clean service record for feudal Japanese lord of your choice.
-Ability to get laid despite having the first name “Larry”
-100+ hrs flight time in the fucking Space Shuttle.
-Flawless dancing routine WITHOUT using the rail.
-Performs succesful early-game rushes without being accused of map-hacking.
If you feel you meet these requirements contact da U c/o Randy Shannon before Saturday, Nov 16.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
3
Cincy says:
Ryan Leaf says: “I don’t think its tough to play in Blacksburg”
November 16th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
4
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Based on Kayne Farquharson (pronounced fuck-ur-arse-on) requirements, I could go to war as a 4 Star General based on all the missions I have logged on Call of Duty, SOCOM Navy SEALS, Medal of Honor, Halo 3,Half Life, Counterstrike, while working Black Ops for the CIA, NSA, FBI, Homeland Security, DARPA, and various Pharmaceutical companies in the 3rd world….and for fun, on weekends I put Jeff Gordon in the wall, just for fun, and dare him to do anything about it…….
November 16th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
5
Steve says:
Shit…Does this mean I’m going to jail for all those hookers I ran over?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
6
Allahver Fist says:
If VTech’s lunchbox ain’t in the NCAA game, Kayne’s gonna shit when he sees it. Advantage Hokies.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
7
Biggus Rickus says:
Huh, I guess I’m qualified to wear gay outfits, wield a sword bigger than me and p4wn the underwater polo game of Blitzball. I could be this guy.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
8
okhrana says:
In that case, i am available to the people of Austria to lead them in a glorious war to conquer the world.
I also have experience in Great Britain, the Mughal Empire, Muscovy/Novgorod/Russia, Brandenburg, the Ottoman empire, The Shawnee Tribe and many many others.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
9
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker says:
Goddamnit I HATE the Hokies, but they got a point here… Kayne’s toast unless Va Tech is starting Glass Joe and fucking Q-bert this week, whom he CAN wup ass on…
November 16th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
10
This...Is...East Lansing says:
Unfortunately, I don’t think Kayne’s Jersey is going to give him +20 against suck.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
11
Rival says:
#5
No – hookers aren’t people.
But you’d better stop shooting random citizens just to see how good you are with the sniper rifle.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
12
Touchdown74 says:
After last night, I don’t care who is playing who, just let TARYN MOWATT do all starting lineups. Period. Like forever.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
13
Hokie Andrew says:
Terry… how can you hate the Hokies? Unless of course you’re a Hoo, or worse an ‘Eer in which case, right back atcha, lawya.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
14
zlionsfan says:
I’m looking for part-time work; I’m really good at rolling up objects into a very large ball.
Also, you’d better hire me, because I can roll up the universe.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
15
Boy Howdy says:
You took my Eddie Knox away, you bastards.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
16
montani semper liberi says:
It’s got to be tough for Play Station to accurately render Coach Goiter and the rest of the castrated turkeys, not to mention all of that godawful orange.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
17
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker says:
@12-
Gotta be the most obnoxious fans i have been around. Not all of them, of course, but a few bad apples can sure ruin the bunch in my book. It’s the blatantly stupid ones that believe they are the best team on earth and the best school on earth and that their women don’t have lots of VD, which we all know all 3 of these aren’t always true… Most of these fans are the ones that didn’t even go to school there.
Just a personal opinion.
I do hear that Alabama fans are pretty horrible, too, but that is a whole ‘nother thread-jack right there…
November 16th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
18
Gator KK says:
#13: Katamari is stoneriffic!
Everytime I hear an athlete talk about NCAA it’s always on the PS2. Do they not know the high-def glory of the Xbox 360 version?
November 16th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
19
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker says:
I just have a problem with people claiming such huge allegiance to college teams from schools with which they have no affiliation whatsoever. Did you go there? Your kids? Father play there? Met your wife at a bar on that campus? No? THEN PICK A TEAM IN THE FUCKING NFL AND GO CHEER FOR THEM!!! Don’t glom on to a good program just because they are local, that is just too impish for me, and a little too bandwagon’eer for me, also. You never see a bunch of rednecks driving around with stickers on their trucks supporting a shitty local team because they’re the closest, but there is never a shortage of white vans or other hoopties riding around with stickers and logos from their closest winning program.
Shit- the high school near my home is undefeated this year, and there’s nothing like high school football, but you don’t see me plastering my car with their stickers do you? No, I didn’t go there and I rightfully don’t give a shit.
…but they do have some fierce talent on the cheerleading squad…
November 16th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
20
Aerobab says:
“Not many men can throw for fifty TDs and run for 40 more in a season… “
You can if you’re named TEEEEE-BOWWWWWW!
November 16th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
21
corey bailey says:
BTW a video game designed for a Mississippi State Fan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlqLLZQLNiA
The Ironic thing of course is that Video Games require electricity.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
22
Out of Conference says:
#5/11 – but you don’t get their cash unless you’re kill them in person. I save the golf club for the hookers after getting my health points raised, of course. Why she never has as much cash on her that you just gave her for the action must have something to do with intelligent design.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
23
pfhokie says:
I have to admit that some of our fans are pretty obnoxious. However, I think that’s pretty much the case everywhere.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
24
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I say, if I could live a video game, it would be GTA:Vice City…. Drugs, 80’s music, blatant rip off of Miami Vice down to the clothes,and hilarious talk radio and commercials, no rules, just right..Lambo’s that are easy to steal, dirt bikes that you can jump from roof top to roof top, no regard for pedestrians, thats the life right there…and probaly a pretty good football team close by, with Michael Irvin ridin dirty or dyin with ya, complete with cousins crackpipe….
November 16th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
25
robert says:
1. I have some experience flying for the Soviets, US Marine Corps, Finland and the Royal Navy during World War Two, with over 250 kills. Does this mean I can fly Predators with the Hellfire missiles yet?
2. okhrana, stop playing Europa Universalis.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
26
Hokie Andrew says:
Terry… fair enough as I think that applies to every school’s bandwagon non-associated fans. There are a lot of Hokies around though… we’ve got something like 200,000 living alumni, plus the assorted children and parents, etc etc. And just in case you were wondering I am a bonafide VT alum. I’d say my fanhood is intense, but not obnoxious. I travel to a lot of away games so I appreciate being treated well as a visiting fan and I do my best to return the favor when folks visit Lane Stadium.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
27
Brian says:
I can’t find the mention of it, but I read once that a, I think Dutch, kid who had previously only used microsoft flight simulator to learn how to operate a 747 successfully tookoff and landed the real simulator (essentially the real thing) when given the chance. So who knows, maybe that shit works.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
28
tOSU_radar says:
Sure you may be an elite mercenary or even a 4-star general, but you’ll eventually succumb to dysentery.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
29
UgasTexan says:
Props on the Taryn Mowatt call. I’m down with that.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
30
Brian says:
Milhouse: Hey, kid: stop wearing your backpack over one shoulder. We invented that, copycats.
Shelbyville Milhouse: Uh, you copied us!
Milhouse: Step over this line and say that! I’ll kick your butt! [quietly] …at Nintendo.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
31
The Bull-Gator says:
Biggus Rickus, my entire picture of you and personality is totally and irrevocably shattered.
Well done, good sir.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
32
Terry Tate, Office Linebacker says:
Hokies-
You seem to get my point, that all teams have some douche-nozzels for fans, mostly their non-alumnae fanbase. I can’t say that any school is immune to that, except maybe Hawaii residents or Alaska State University, if such a thing exists- that’s not bandwagonning, that’s just a lack of options.
I would have to say, though, that despite the legit population of Hokie nation, there are far too many emmigrants into the Hokie nation locally and they seem to be the most obnoxious that I have encountered in a long time. Va Tech and WVU are just as bad, just for diffferent reasons. Also really mind-numbingly idiotic are Alabama, Texas, LSU, and any Big East team’s fans that just started loving their local schools despite never stepping foot on their campus- or even worse, those Big East alum who never went to a game or owned any fan gear until the last couple years. Just like all the fucking ass-rape-horrible Boston fans lately…
November 16th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
33
The Bull-Gator says:
I’m highly qualified as an NFL coach of 30 undefeated seasons with 500 points a season average. Also, I have saved the universe with my jedi buddies from Malak and have saved the Jade Empire at least twice, and pulled off the threesome.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
34
gerry dorsey says:
damn…hokie andrew brought a smiley to the party. who knew??
November 16th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
35
Dawg 05 says:
Who needs a professional duck hunter, an Italian plumber and kart racer, a bad dude who saved the president, a ninja turtle, an airship flying paladin, an airship flying esper, an airship flying spiky haired kid, a cybernetically enhanced super human who specializes in running over english speaking aliens with a warthog, a jedi master and a sith lord? Anyone? What, you mean these aren’t life skills?
November 16th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
36
Hokie Andrew says:
32 – No doubt, though none of those can compare to the Doucheistan that is the vast immigrant population of Notre Dame “phans.” There’s more of them than all the bandwagoneers for the other schools combined.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
37
Biggus Rickus says:
Bull-Gator,
I saw that picture over a year ago and it’s haunted me ever since. I mean, it was sad enough that someone designed that costume for a video game character, but sad doesn’t even approach the amount of pity I feel for the kid who thought it was so cool he had to wear it.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
38
Baron says:
50 and 40? Teebags, 2009.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
39
pfhokie says:
Terry, I don’t think that idiot fans can be isolated to the Southeast or the Big East. Nor can it be attributed to those “undesirables” who never went to the school. To be honest, I found that these local fans are some of the best at VT. Just because they didn’t attend doesn’t mean they can’t be great fans or have to go root for the NFL. Unfortunately, most of the worst fans I’ve encountered or heard about are the students. However, that is the case everywhere. Twenty-year olds and loads of alcohol are bad combinations.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
40
MightyMightyMitzu says:
God Bless You for throwing the Blue Raiders a bone, Orson
November 16th, 2007 at 4:25 pm