The Mad Hungarian is our Mustache of the Day for obvious reasons.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Turn off the snark meter for an instant. Difficult, we know, but we swear there’s a switch for this. Off? Excellent.

Now critically evaluate the following statement made by Greg Robinson, football coach for Syracuse. Give points for empirical support and evidence presented. Ready, scientists? Empiricize!

I’m good. Just ask me.

“I think my record can show that I’m a good football coach,” the 7-26 Robinson said three days after falling to South Florida, 41-10. “Do I make every decision that’s perfect? I can’t tell you that. No. I believe that if we continue to recruit and continue to get good players, then we’re going to be a good football team.”

Greg Robinson is 7-26 thus far. His best record at Syracuse was 4-8 in 2006. The average margin of loss for the Orangemen has gone from 17.4 points in 05 to 23.5 points in each loss for 2007, and that’s with games against Cincinnati and Connecticut to come. His classes have averaged around 53rd in Rivals’ class rankings. He’s 2-8 thus far.

By the numbers, this does not support a statement of being a good coach, making this an inaccurate statement at best. He did, according to the report, pound the lectern 24 times in a span of 45 seconds, an average of 1.88 seconds between thumps. This is ample evidence that for all his flaws as a self-evaluator of his own coaching record, he could make a passable drummer.

Dennis Dixon is behind Tim Tebow in every major statistical category. If you’re the sort who assumes there’s some kind of logic in this world and that things are decided by the elegant implications of numbers alone, then go right ahead then and do that. We assume Galileo always recants, that people still step down open elevator shafts without looking, and there’s a confident 15 year-old girl out there right now jumping up and down after sex, confident she won’t get pregnant.

It isn’t about raw numbers, and never will be. Oregon only has one loss to Florida’s three, mostly because of the efficient and more importantly consistent play of Dennis Dixon. Plus: he’s a senior, and that gets you more awards because there’s some kind of age clause written into college football awards.* They only go to juniors and seniors because four is more than three, and three is more than two, and it’s very, very American to reward people not based on performance, but on age and seniority. Wait, we’re sorry. That’s Japan. We regret the error.

Anyway, if he doesn’t botch his biggest resume line–leading Oregon to a Pac-10 title and a shot at the national crown–Dennis Dixon’s walking away with a professional curse and postseason award hardware thingies. Not that we care, since by rule we don’t. However, remember one small crime that happened along the way: a talking baby video in support of Dennis Dixon’s candidacy for whatever award it is that gets given to a very good college football player after the season over four or five other equally good college football players.

Talking babies are an abomination second only to dancing infants and, as mentioned in the video, the defense for the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

*You have to squint, but it’s etched right there in the bottom of all of them, along with the born-on date of the beer inside. Another little-known fact about post-season awards is they are filled with beer. Kenny Stabler was the first one to figure this out, actually.

We’re zipping around the internet in our virtual smart car, puttering along, you know, just thinking of checking the college football schedule on ESPN.com. So we stop by the front page, waiting for the annoying auto-start video to play, when we notice…this.

We honestly can’t describe how funny this is. So there. Just look at it, and consider that “FOR THE LOVE OF ROD” is currently the actual headline on ESPN.com. Then close your office door, lay down on the floor, and laugh. And when you stop, remember that A-Rod is allegedly into the “muscular she-male” type, and know that we will only mention the decrepit 19th century garden party game that is baseball when it has to do with major media providers inadvertently making penis-lust jokes.

Note: The RSS feed is up and working as:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/edsbs/rss2

Live it learn it love it! ADD never felt so good.

The finest of the finest of the finest of the Blogosphere, all just waiting for your otherwise productive eyes. Your company’s future=ska-roooed.

Washington qb and Tim Tebow double Jake Locker will not go out of bounds even though he suffered a hellacious hit along the sidelines that knocked him out of the game. Hey, it worked for Dave Ragone, and if that isn’t a ringing endorsement of something, we don’t know what is.

Deuce of Davenport makes a bit of time for the Cal band doing video game theme music. Name them all and we will get a live girl to sleep with you! Ha! Because video game guys never get laid! Get it!

Black Heart, Gold Pants has a maturity test for you. We failed miserably.

As usual, an economist points out just how stupid and irrational you are. Ohio State economist Trevon Logan studies how voters vote in the AP poll, and comes to the following conclusions in a new paper. His conclusions:

Contrary to conventional wisdom, I find that (1) it is better to lose later in the season than earlier, (2) AP voters do not pay attention to the strength of a defeated opponent, and (3) the benefit of winning by a large margin is negligible. I conclude by noting how these results inform debates about a potential playoff in college football.

Meaning the “once you’re good, it’s hard to convince people you’re un-good” theory of AP voting is likely true. Another interesting question is what we’ll call the “Kansas Question:” how long must a team win out before polls designate them as being legitimate contenders?

Chad Henne joins Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson as openly enthusiastic public Soulja Boys. Life before Flash animation was a dark, sad place.

Nebraska’s rage knows no depths. This is proof.

This Guinness commercial has been haunting our dreams. Who are these little men? Why do they die every time we drink a Guinness? What goes on in their souls? And why are they wearing helmets? We get inside on of their brains in this piece below. No, we’re not on cold medicine.)

I look so tough: the chin jutted forward, the helmet down. I don’t even know why we wear helmets: there’s the boom, the whoosh out of the cannons, and then the meaningless impact, chaos, and disintegration that is my life.

That may look like bravado. But it’s only looks. You see bravery. I see a hollow man rocketing toward the only destiny he’s ever known or ever will know: falling, gravity, and ultimately my demise in a mist of droplets of what used to be my soul. (more…)

Notes and admissions of naked, inept error follow.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	LSU	1
2	Oregon	1
3	Oklahoma	2
4	Kansas	—
5	West Virginia	2
6	Missouri	—
7	Ohio State	6
8	Arizona State	1
9	Georgia	2
10	Virginia Tech	3
11	Texas	4
12	Southern Cal	—
13	Clemson	5
14	Florida	5
15	Illinois	11
16	Virginia	—
17	Boise State	4
18	Tennessee	8
19	Boston College	9
20	Cincinnati	6
21	Kentucky	5
22	Wisconsin	4
23	Connecticut	15
24	South Florida	—
25	Brigham Young	1

As usual, the readers are far smarter than we are. We claimed that Virginia Tech had won their game versus Chandoridicus Gailey the First while Clemson and Virginia had dropped their matchups. Untrue: Virginia won theirs 28-23, while Clemson did lose theirs. We blame the error on only ourselves and a futile attempt to intuit anything about college football from a win or loss to Georgia Tech. We bump down our irrational exuberance on Virginia substantially, while curbing our innate, undying SEC homerism by putting one-loss ASU over new-model villain-type UGA. Don’t forget that Tennessee shut them out for one half, as pointed out by commenters below, since Georgia eventually scored 14 points in that game. Corrected. That team’s still in there somewhere, Solja Boy or not.

Also: We bump Illinois. A stout run game, a good defense, and a well-managed, conservative play-action passing game will get you far in the Big Ten and elsewhere. Again, if they beat us in a bowl game, the site goes dark for a day with a picture of [NAME REDACTED] as the only content.

Arbitrary line call one: Oklahoma over Kansas. We’re David Hume-skeptical to the end on Kansas until they beat Missouri. Kansas right now feels like the Jason White-era Sooners teams: astonishing numbers, flashy play, and a sick feeling that they’ll cave in the last two games of the season under defensive pressure from a competent foe.

Arbitrary line call two: We’re not ranking Penn State because they’ve got three losses and are sluggish, uninteresting, and not keeping pace with the back of the pack in terms of trend. That’s why it’s just one ballot–because we could totally be wrong here, and are more than happy to admit it. However, they get no vote from us. There’s a moaning at the door here, hold on…JoePa! Why are you clutching at my scalp?…OHHHHH GOOOODDDDD NOOOOOOO!!!! (Num num num num num BRAAAAAINNNNS!!!)