JIMMY CLAUSEN IS NOTRE DAME'S PRETTIEST PONY (THIS WEEK)

Wasn’t there some monty-python skit about being sacked?

That is a decidedly NOT [handsome] pony. His hair spikes perfectly off his head reminding one of rays of sunshine.

Methinks the Claussen photo is pinned to the wrong end of the donkey also.

It figures that ND would think the white pony was prettier.

Ah Yesss…
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A Møøse once bit my sister…

Costume Designer
HAZEL PETHIG

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…

We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…

We apologise again for the fault in the
subtitles. Those responsible for sacking
the people who have just been sacked,
have been sacked.

Production Manager JULIAN DOYLE
Assistant Director GERRY HARRISON
Special Effects JOHN HORTON
Choreography LEO KHARIBIAN
Fight Director & Period Consultant JOHN WALLER
Make Up Artists PEARL RASHBASS, PAM LUKE
Special Effects Photography JULIAN DOYLE
Animation Assistance LUCINDA COWELL, KATE HEPBURN
Møøse Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA

Lighting Cameraman TERRY BEDFORD
Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT
Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL

Designer ROY SMITH
Møøse choreographed by HORST PROT III
Miss Taylor’s Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME
Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG

Editor JOHN HACKNEY
Møøses noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-SLATER WALKER
Large møøse on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and “O” Level Geography by BO BENN
Suggestive poses for the møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER
Antler-care by LIV THATCHER

The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.

The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

Executive Producer
JOHN GOLDSTONE & “RALPH” The Wonder Llama

Producer
MARK FORSTATER

Assisted By
EARL J. LLAMA
MILT Q. LLAMA III
SY LLAMA
MERLE Z. LLAMA IX

Directed By

40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM “LLAMA-FRESH” FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY

and

TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES

It’s been fun to have such a bad season this year. I always wondered what it was like for the rest of you guys. especially when Fat Phil loses 6 games and the Zooker drops 5 games and whatnot. It certainly gives me a better view into y’alls psyches.

Moral of the Story: Don’t announce your letter of intent at a press conference at the College Football Hall of Fame.

Karma is a bitch.

Welcome to my world, Wooderson.

And remember, kids, that those sack totals don’t include the number of times a Notre Dame quarterback has been hit after throwing the ball. Skin color might not be important when they’re all black and blue.

Sure makes it easy to decide on a depth chart, though — just rank ’em based on “functional limbs, remaining number of.”

Trying hard – SO HARD – to get a particular Ginuwine song out my head now. Do not want.

"So let me just say people better enjoy it now, have their fun now."

Is that really a quote? I always thought it was just hatefull attribution. That’s the football equivalent of “bring it on.”

As Bugs Bunny would say, “what a nim-cow-poop.”

Wooderson,
So you are a really new Irish fan? Because to accurately sympathize with Tenn or Florida for 6 & 5 loss seasons you only need to take a short stroll down memory lane to:
2004 = 6-6
2003 = 5-7
2001 = 5-6
1999 = 5-7
Notre Dame… a tradition of losing.

Weis really does belong at Notre Dame, because nowhere else could you find such blind & unjustified arrogance.

Wooderson,

You know I’d have thought the Davie/Willingham years would have given you much more insight into despair than Florida and Tennessee fans combined.

Wooderson,

Making the safe assumption – that ND loses out – you have to go back to 1946 (Florida) and 1906 (Tennessee) to find either of those teams go through an entire year with 1 or no wins.

The only psyche you’re getting a look at is Temple.

I’m pretty sure Florida was either 0-11 or 1-10 Pell’s first year back in ’79.

Well as a ND fan I thought the article was pretty funny – good milk carton analogy, although in fairness to Charlie I don’t think he consumes anything as healthy as milk.

10 – I think a tradition of moronic coaches is more accurate for those years, and I would hardly say being mediocre/crappy for about a decade qualifies as a ‘tradition’

Why the bitterness folks? Enjoy it while it lasts this year.

Oh and Sharpley is the one that throws into insane coverages. Every time he lets go of the ball I envision that Peyton Manning commercial where there are sharks swimming around Harrison.

I never thought I’d say this, but fat sacks of shit like Charlie Weis make me think that fat sacks of shit like Phil Fulmer maybe aren’t so bad after all. Maybe.

This deserves to be posted:

Real Men of Genius: Mr. Delusional Notre Dame Fan

http://youtube.com/watch?v=p0Y7yjxJVlc

This is a question posed to me by my Notre Dame grad father…

“If the offensive line is so embarassingly bad last year, why is it going to be better next year? Does Weis have five blue chippers that can block people coming in next year?”

The point: Nothing else about Notre Dame’s woes matter except the offensive line. I have no idea if the QBs, WRs or RBs are good because they have no chance. And I have no idea if the defense is any good because they’re on the field 50 minutes a game.

That was kinda my point, actually. We have no chance to see either one of them in action, not properly, because even when they play a complete game they’re never on their feet for an entire set of downs.

Honestly, if I were a Notre Dame fan I’d want Weis gone if there’s anyone worth a shit out there this year. It’s one thing to be this woefully bad your first year with a bunch of guys learning a new system and an empty cupboard. It’s another to be in your third year and have absolutely nobody who can block (who knows what other offensive deficiencies go unnoticed becaus of it). The defense actually seems slightly improved, though it’s hard to tell for sure.

The Irish suck so bad that the fun has gone right out of bashing them, but right about when I start feeling a little sorry for their fans, I read something like Wooderson’s post above. That’s when I get warm and fuzzy thinking that Notre Dame will go yet another year without winning a bowl game. I’ll never get tired of that streak.

The schadenfreude at ND’s skill position players being on their backs more frequently than….well…Catholic schoolgirls just never gets old.

Please keep Charlie around, South Bend. For all of our sakes.

If the ND QBs stay on their backs anymore Upgrayedd is gonna come to get his money.
Because you see, a pimp’s love is different from out love…

Makes me hate UCLA for losing even more. Besides me hating them for having a black coach, that is.

Compared to Casey and Rick, Jimmy looks like Brad Pitt. At first I really wanted Jimmy to be a Vol so I could see him get sacked by the SEC defenses, but I’m happy that I don’t have to look at his creepy Clausen smile or his disgusting spiked hair. He looks like he belongs in a night club on Staten Island. His hair looks like it could cut glass.

Of all the reasons I’m glad J-Clau passed on Tennessee, the shiningest is his father.

Holly: Great post. Wish you would do more of these in the future.

Wooderson: Although a lot of us are laughing at ND right now, many of us USC fans vividly remember the downers of the Hackett and other eras. Everyone goes though these things, but I do not think Weis will be able to get ND out of this mess.

ND Fans: What cracks me up now is that ND is an underdog against Air Force! At Home! How in the world is that possible? Attack of the killer cupcakes!

Don’t get me started on Sharpley. That kid doesn’t throw a lot of interceptions because he doesn’t throw the ball near anyone… his receiver, the defender, the guy holding the down marker. I’m not saying he’s inaccurate, but I don’t think he could hit Charlie in the gut with a pass – and they can see Charlie from SkyLab.

I’m an ND alum and this year is quite painful. No one has brought this up, probably from having taste, but since I don’t – I think much of this years blame goes to Charlie for being so consumed in the offseason over the whole gastric bypass malpractice trial. Tough sledding the first 8 games out of the gate, I understand that. But it’s almost to me like he had ideas, but not enough time to really think them through in the offseason.

did karl dorrell (or one of his coordinators as the case may be) get “weised?”

What can I say. Our OL sucks. We’re not going to lose out, as was suggested above, but sur,e it’s been somewhat disappointing.

but still, your hate gives us strength. The last thing I think you guys want ot be doing right now is putting ND into an “us against the world” position, especially with the #1 recruiting class in the country coming in.

I also think none of you have any clue about how the cupboard exactly was stocked, so I don’t really get upset with your glee at our misfortune (remember holly we have a two game winning streak against you).

If anyone bothered to pay attention to the fact that we have exactly 7 seniors on our team, then maybe you’d be more incluned to understand the leadership issues we’ve been facing. Ty Willing ham gets all the credit for that, and yes, while he’s not calling for a 4th and 8 pass instead of a GW field goal, it shouldn’t get to the point where we’re even tied with navy. But alas, the Golfing Wonder of Washington deigned only to recruit 3 OL in 2 years, and so we’re stuck playing true freshmen and true sophomores.

I know I know, excuses excuses, but Charlie is right: get your laughs in now. if you think that’s arrogance, I could care less.

If you think that says to the world “bring it on”, well, we haven’t quit on the season even at 1-8, and I doubt you’ll see any issues of that sort pop up. sorry we don’t go raping women, shooting AK’s, dealing drugs, and boozing it up like the rest of the hillbillies, but you know what, I know you all wish we did so you could feel that much better about your teams. “See, they’re just like us!”

Well, We’re not you, and damned if we aren’t proud of it. Charlie isn’t going anywhere, for better or for worse, so look out because you won’t be laughing soon.

Wooderson,

HAHAHAHAHAHA When was the last significant Notre Dame win exactly? ’93 FSU?

I think since the NCAA seems to love ND, they will more than likely allow them to "buy " an offensive line and look the other way since their poster child of education, religion, and athletics is getting waxed by the service academies…..Have they tried to watch the movie “Rudy”? Except this time Rudy could actually start for this team? even at his age….. hey what would be fun is to let LSU play Notre Dame again, in an exhibition……except LSU could only use 7 players on offense and defense, just to make it fair…I think ND gets 77 hung on them

Hope that was cathartic. Now go get your shinebox.

1. - what will be even better is next week when ND is a dog to DUKE at home. in football. I hope gameday goes to south bend for the Pillowfight of the Century. no matter who corso picks, he will put a frilly pink pillowcase on his head.

That pic of Clausen’s head on the horse is the BEST PHOTOSHOP IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. For a brief moment I thought Clausen really had the body of a carousel horse and I’m still not 100% that the pic has been altered.

Number one recruiting class coming in?
Puh—leeeze….based on who’s ratings? Charlie Weis?
Having a #1 class doesnt translate into wins, you have to have a coach to do something with the “so called talent” coming in. I think ND is so far behind that they are at least 3 yrs out to being in another bowl game, and when they make it, they will get thumped again,and again, and again and again…..

Just when I was starting to feel sorry for those ND pukes, some jackass comes along and makes the hate flow anew.

Wooderson:

Nowadays, Notre Dame is not Notre Dame anymore. You know it and we all know it. Kind of sad, actually.

As I posted a few days ago:

“People want to say that the Irish don’t have talent or experience, but when I did some research, I just can find justification for this level of futility. Even if Ty Willingham left them dry, the past 2 offseasons, Weis has pulled in the #5 & 11 recruiting classes according to Scout.com. You would think there has to be some young talent there. But the starting lineup is not plagued by youth like some other teams were at the start of the year:
Offense:
2 Fr, 3 Soph, 4 Jr, 3 Sr
(I included Clausen since he has been the QB for most of the season, but isn’t now).
Defense:
1 Fr, 2 Soph, 2 Jr, 6 Sr
It’s hard to cry "we’re just too young" with those lineups, especially on defense.
I know ND’s defense is decent and that most of the problems are with the offense, but really should they be performing on this level.”

I’d also like to point out that I’ve had “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” by Sir(ish) Elton John stuck in my head since I read “Butterflies Are Free.” So thanks Holly.

email exchange i just had with a Domer friend:
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ME: So I hear Clausen is going to be the starter this week. What the hell is Weis doing? He must be spinning the Wheel of Quarterbacks or something and the needle landed on Jimmy.

HER: Pretty much. I’m not too sure Weis knows anything at this point. I think they should get rid of Weis and have an ND grad celebrity coach for each of the final 3 games. Regis could coach, then maybe Joe Montana, and we could top it off with Phil Donohue.
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It’s really not that bad an idea.

I certainly didn’t bother to read the whole bit about ND’s craptitude. I can’t believe someone that’s not a ND fanatic took the time to do so. Unless their priest gave them the task as penance.

“sorry we don’t go raping women, shooting AK’s, dealing drugs, and boozing it up like the rest of the hillbillies”

Wooderson, I’m pretty sure you just described a group of Colombian pirates, not hillbillies.

Regarding the not having any seniors though, Clemson has I believe 8 scholarship seniors and yet I’m still quite positive we could beat Navy. ND isn’t the only young team in the country. And as for people being scared of ND having the #1 recruiting class, I don’t know too many people that are scared of a bunch of overrated freshmen.

Clemson327,

Gerogia has 11 or 12, half of whom are kickers or walk-ons. Florida has something like 9. That’s two off the top of my head who have put together at least respectable seasons (in fact, one of them could end up winning the SEC).

Pelican @ 30

LSU would commit enough penalties to make it a 63-14 escape.

The mini-Ditkas would only win by two touchdowns.

Holly you sadistic ingrate!!!

Instead of making light of the this tragic and painful situation (sniff, sniff, clump in throat, eyes welling) you should be grateful that the Weis magic kept lil Jimmy out of Knoxville and send slender Charlie several dozen of those Tennessee dazies (isn’t that where the uniform color comes from?) and a care package featuring you famous cheese straws (its possible all theese losses might cause him to loose weight – neh).

Wooderson – you’ve got red hair, don’t you!

Please don’t charge the field.

I can’t believe the number of times I hear the domers crow on about the #1 recruiting class.

Letter of intent day is still in February. The number of projected recruits now means nothing. Even if they say they are still holding things could change very quickly if they start jumping ship.

But even if they don’t lose a single player at this point they still won’t finish up as #1 in the rankings. The early lead in the rankings is due to attracting the sort of die hard players who have no doubt about where they are going (the incoming QB Crist, for example, goes to a Catholic HS named….Notre Dame). There are number of players with plenty of stars still out there who have not announced decisions and may wait till the end. Notre Dame is in first place now because they have a bunch of good players who have committed early. They will still end up with a good class, but it won’t be the #1 that the domers keep talking about.

Marcillac, any benefits we derived were wiped out by ND’s swiping of Harrison Smith.

“…so look out because you won’t be laughing soon.”

Not until this Saturday is my guess.

I don’t know 49… I’m still laughing my ass off about last weekend!

Wooderson, there’s no point in trying to argue rationally about ND with the haters. It’s a religious thing, like trying to convince Osama Bin Laden to recognize the legitimacy of Israel.

Hell, I am still laughing @ Wooderson, I can’t help it,
sounds to me he is complaining that they cant win because they dont have enough thuggery amongst them, is the way I see it thru my SEC Tinted Glasses…
I think you actually want a mix of thoroughbreds, with the occasional wild mustangs and broncos that you have to occasionally crack the whip on and reign in, or even use the Taser from time to time, at least they will run fast, cant be tamed or tackled instead of recruiting a bunch of IINDEPENDENT sheep that get devoured week in week out by the wolves of Div 1 football ….Hell I bet Troy from the SUNBELT Conference(SEC Stepchild) could beat ND, in ND, in the Shadow of First Down Jesus, even after spotting them 14 points

Ah, yes. Notre Dame: Returning to Glory Since 1993.

Profkid: I’m not laughing at Notre Dame because they’re Catholic, I’m laughing because their football team has turned into a full-time blooper reel, they haven’t beaten us in South Bend since the first Clinton administration, and all their fans do is keep talking shit as if the Glory Days never even left.

There are other teams as comically bad. And no, most of them don’t take anywhere near as much shit from the rest of us. But you know what? Their fans don’t dish out nearly as much shit even during their good years as you do in the midst of Worst Season Ever. If you can dish it out, you better learn to take it when your turn comes.

If I told a Minnesota fan his team sucked, he’d just say “No shit, Sherlock.” If I tell a ND fan his team sucks, I get the kind of crap Wooderson’s been spewing. Unmitigated arrogance combined with a total disconnect with reality … that’s the kind of thing that gets you hated. Not religion. (Well, religion might have something to do with it for some people. But I’d laugh all the same if you were a Buddhist, Zoroastrian, Quaker, Lutheran, Muslim, atheist, or secular school.)

#52, I’d love to hear a rational argument defending the “ND is on the rise again; watch out next year” stance from a Domer Homer. It’s an impossibility.

Fear not, ND faithful there IS a glimmer of hope, it cannot possibly be worse next year… (unless Weis pitches the enviable no-hitter, a football fan can dream, can’t he?).

Unbridled arrogance, accompanied by a lack of results and perspective…

I am, NOTRE DAME.

Any team with a stone cold tool featured at QB ought to be humbled a little. The fact that it’s Notre Dame makes it exponentially more funny and I would guess that much more humbling to the Domers. Who would have ever thought that their relationship with the almighty would go love/hate (at least from his perspective).

See what I mean?

SpartanDan – where did I suggest anti-Catholicism? The hatred of ND is similar to a religious article of faith in that it is impervious to logic and reason. That’s all I meant.

And for all the grief about obnoxious ND fans, on thread after thread on the interwebs after ND items there are waves of anti-ND hate with the occasional whisper of protest by an ND fan. Sure, we have our obnoxious fans, but so does every school. Or did Ohio State shut down when I wasn’t looking?

As for you “Fletch,” there is indeed hope for next year. a) There have been flashes of talent in the youngsters this year; b) Weis continues to recruit strongly; c) Weis has shown a willingness to learn and correct his ways; and d) he understands the expectations of teh place. Will he succeed? Hell if I know. But it’s enough for me to be willing to wait and see.

i hate the rankings of recruiting classes. last year a 4-star committs to boise state and the next week all of a sudden he is 3-star. a 3-star is considering boise state, gets an offer from USC, and the next week he’s a 4-star. yes these happened last year and happen all the time.

these days with the proliferation of the internet a lot more ahtletes can be recruited than the so-called star rankers can rank….those rankings are mostly hype and who offers.

by the way, did you domers catch where ivan maisel said ND would not be 8-1 with boise state’s schedule and BSU would not be 1-8 with notre dame’s? OUCH!

i think charlie “ate the chocolate factory” weiss has mike shanahan syndrome. he has the blind arrogance to think he can outscheme anyone, anytime, anywhere and with any player.

All I can gather from those Domer Homers is:
“The Freshmen are coming! The Freshmen are coming! Just wait, you’ll see and you’ll all be sorry!
Just wait! Yeah motherfuckers! Just wait til our number one rated 5 star spectacular freshman class signs up and gets here…they’ll probaly sign up in Feb. and be on the field in March bitches!!! We’ll see whats up NOW!!! Thats right! Freshmen lookin for some fresh meat! A supernova of recruitment that only Charlie Weiss, if left alone, could only super-geniusly, covertly, undercoverly, put together!!! All you doubters and haters can suck on it when our Freshmen go undefeated next year! It will be time to erect Touchdown Holy Ghost!! Hail Mary full of grace and all in ya face!!” Yep that about sums up the vibe I’ve been getting on about every intrawebs and innernets and message boards. So after they go 1-10 again, there will always be the next class……..oh yeh, Navy won-BOOM Motherfuckers!!!

We are just pokin fun at ND because,he its easy, fun and its ND!!! and maybe to hopefully light a fire under the fans that will in turn light a fire under Weiss who will in turn light a fire under his team to actually go out and beat somebodies ass…If you look at the team and the team is a reflection of a coach, your basically looking at someone that “has lost that lovin feeling” if ya catch my drift.. You gotta have spark, spunk, desire, ya gotta want it, and I am sorry, Charlie Weiss just doesnt want it…Maybe its because of his Gasket Bypast( I know, this chick I knew called it that and we never corrected her on it, just laughed internally every time she said it-“I lost 50lbs after that Gasket Bypast”)
lawsuit, but homeboy aint got the Eye of the Tiger and I am sure Regis Philben will personally punch him in the nuts, then in his belly scar….

>>> SpartanDan – where did I suggest anti-Catholicism? The hatred of ND is similar to a religious article of faith in that it is impervious to logic and reason. That’s all I meant.

Well, when you mentioned religion and compared it to getting Osama to recognize Israel (which is a real religious issue), the implication that you are actually talking about religion is significant. My mistake. (And I don’t hate ND. The one time I’ve been there, the fans were pretty nice. The reason it’s funny when you guys suck is that guys like your friend Wooderson won’t stop talking smack even when your team is spectacularly awful. It’s like watching the school bully get his ass kicked by a fourth-grader, then start talking shit as soon as said fourth-grader is out of fist range.)

As for other schools’ fans … most of them know better than to talk shit when their team is 1-8. If OSU went 1-8 and their fans were still yapping, it’d be just as hilarious.

Wooderson – dear God man, someone was using your name yesterday. Probably the tosuguy- although I didn’t catch any Anti-Bama comments he might have snuck in. I hope you’re back today. Your posts are usually pretty damn funny.