THE PREJUDICED GUIDE TO YOUR NATIONAL TITLE CONTENDERS

Corrupt, mongrel, swampdwelling cheats riding through life on an airboat filled with siphoned gasoline and stuffed to the gills with guns, rancid butter, and animal hide and attending massive, orgiastic parties nightly despite suffering from four types of visible cancerous tumors. Fond of both murder and parties, and fonder of the combination thereof. Unemployed. Cheated or bribed their way to wherever they are in a most festive fashion that no one seemed to mind, really. Carrying a gun? No. Carrying guns? Oh, yes.

Shit, son…We do all that before breffix, down here. A breffix that starts out with a good roux, by the way. All good meals start with a good roux, as the sweet baby Jebus intended when he died for our sins way back in the olden days.

I, as an Oklahoman, am jealous that the above footage was attributed to West Virginia.

That’s right, to be a state, you have to touch a state.

What a coincidence, I was just reading the Nov 2007 issue of Scientific America article re: branes and powers of 10 this morning while trying to get over my hangover and the nagging feeling that I left one of my guns at the party/murder scene.

That video ….

Well, I guess you can’t really make that sh!t up.

Hey, isn’t Nick Saban from WVa?

Boston College

Plays in the ACC period

“he blowed it all to hell…lookat’em.”

video = awesome.

The problem with Connecticut is that everyone living in Connecticut hates Connecticut and wishes they lived in Boston or New York. But we have a lot of money, are threatened by minorities and are generally two to five years behind any trend. Oh, and we (not I) like women’s college basketball. We should be punished for harboring the chick game for so long…if it was for the UConn women, chickball would have disappeared long ago.

It’s a shame Boston College is no longer in the mix. They would be like WFVa, but with a worse accent, drving around in the yaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Actually, Missouri’s the state with the meth problem. It’s about the only thing they’ve ever been #1 in, actually.

because in our world, Lady Justice operates with a blazing sword and a pair of flawless tits that bounce on her chest like gumdrop-topped jello casseroles from heaven.

Damn, that’s good writing.

Actually, Missouri’s the state with the meth problem, not us. Look it up, I’m frrlz. It’s about the only thing they’ve ever been #1 in, actually.

Fred Phelps agrees with your prejudiced assesment. Since he is from Topeka, his investigation is this close (holding fingers ever so close together) to proving to himself that Mangino or someone on the KU team is in fact gay or a gay enabler. Once that happens, let the protest begin…

Damn your servers, Orson. Damn them to hell.

The only thing that would have made that video better is Benny Lava dancing in that mud while smoking Pall Malls.

Doing a google search for “worst meth problem in the us” it seems that everyone is vying for the title. West, northwest, midwest, Tennessee, Hawaii, and that’s just the first page of links. I think we should decide it on the field and take the decision out of the hands of the op-ed writers and government panels. Who’s with me? Meth-off 2008!!!

1. (and by extension #12): At least we don’t have Fred Phelps. In fact, we get in fights with Fred Phelps.

But you’re right, Orson: no one knows much about Missouri, except that we have some guy named Poo Holes playing for our baseball team and St Louis is a very dangerous city.

Garth fucking Brooks is a worthless die hard OSU poke. But Jim Ross, of WWF fame, is a lifetime Sooner fan known to have come out to wrestle a time or two to the tune of Boomer Sooner and recently spotted quite often on the sidelines. Doesn’t quash the love-handle observation though.

No youtube at work. But guessing any WV video would be an excert from “Dancing Outlaw” featuring Jesco White. WV has very little video footage otherwise. The most entertaining part is when he talks about huffing lighter fluid. Good times.

El Hombre,

When I drove through it, I noticed that half of the state looks a lot like Kansas, and then I saw this crazy thing called “topography” as I went along. Isn’t Branson in Missouri? The old folk Mecca?

Connecticut is a state? Damn. I thought it was a suburb of New York or Boston.

the people in the video learned to drive and drink from their cousins near Northport Alabama

they would not put up a B. Bryant shrine in their mobile home and were banished to W. Virginia

excerpt

Before I am accused of being illiterate by virtue of an SEC degree.

We know you just hate Missouri so much that you wanted to type it twice, Pete. Fess up.

For the non West Virginians in the crowd let me assure you that the video, taken out in Boone County, is in fact 100% real. I have met the dancing outlaw. The father of a friend of mine is his attorney!

lol at the video….i live in west virginia and yes there are people like that here…they are rednecks, but hell, they are our rednecks…go mounties, beat louisville

#16: the Methical National Championship (?)

Whatever their equivalent of the Harris poll turns out to be, I’m volunteering based on my Burning Man experience.

1. - Pat Summit is going to bitchslap you with her dick for your comments.

Where’s the corndog love?

Missouri gave us Nelly. You know, of “m i crooked letter crooked letter o u r i” fame. And it’s the birthplace of Redd Foxx you big dummy.

Excuse me Mr. Swindle, but I think you forgot DRUNKEN Corrupt, mongrel, swampdwelling cheats.

I trust you won’t make such a mistake again if you know whats good for you.

“The Dancing Outlaw” = The most entertaining documentary of all time

Does drunken even really need to be mentioned, Billy?

Brawndo’s got what the BCS craves… Electrolytes!!

#20: We here in Columbia believe that Branson is its own autonomous part of the state, similar to how Monaco works. But with less Formula One and more country music.

Best part of that video? I could not understand one fucking word any of those goobers said.

Hippies. Stinking, no-good, football-hating hippies struck with the luck of having a gazillionaire loon like Phil Knight subsidizing their football program. And they play on the West Coast. They’re closer to China than they are to Bear Bryant or Woody Hayes’ corpse, and probably commies just lyin’ in the grass to take your guns and tax you till the hair falls off your nutsack. They might not even play with pigskin–it’s probably some cruelty-free ball produced from laytex and soycrap made in a factory with a big sign that says "This Is A Safe Place for Women"–just like the sign they should hang over the whole damn Pac-10.

Go Ducks!

We do have a reputation to protect my man.

It’s really pronounced fort? This is going to screw me up for a while…..

Jesco in 2008.

Video reminds me of SCTV’s “Blowed ’em up good” skits.

Orson,
100 Cocktails to you for fitting Jesco White into your blog.
You, sir, are a man amoung men.
Last I saw Jesco, he was in charge of 4th QTR game management at UF form about 02-04.

F

“…because in our world, Lady Justice operates with a blazing sword and a pair of flawless tits that bounce on her chest like gumdrop-topped jello casseroles from heaven.”

EyeSocket is right; that’s good stuff. And speaking of tits, the following is a little Peckinpahish homage from the movie, "The Ballad of Cable Hogue’:

“Did it ever occur to you how wise and bountiful God was to put breasts on a woman? Just the right number in just the right places.”

Amen…………

10E-26 yards = too much for ND to pick up on 4th down

Going to the AU-WFV game in morgantown next year. I need to track down Jesco. I’m sure he’ll dance for booze.

Darth got me thinking. Has anyone hit the bouncing girl in the ad, with the water balloon? I am not going to risk that at work. What happens… no wait, don’t tell me I want to leave it open to my imagination, which is no doubt better than what actually happens…

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Yes, that is much better… mmmmmmmmm.

just make sure you don’t have any sloppy, slimy eggs.
i’m serial.

Gosh, didn’t Florida win the National Championship in 1996, the year after getting crushed 62-24 in 1995? How in the heck did you guys do that? How in the world did Florida come back exactly 1 year after being demolished and win a National Championship?

Could it be that many of the same players came back the next year and they had a little chip on their shoulder and were determined not to let the same thing happen again?

they didn’t have to play the 95 ’husker team again.

make fun of oklahoma all you want, but when your state is overrun by rampant lesbians hellbent on the destruction of your baby faucet, don’t come crying to me

and i know someone else mentioned it, but it’s worth repeating: garth brooks is an osu aggy

…we got the big dog daddy, which makes florida state extremely jealous…

tOSU,

Actually, they lost the last game of the season and got lucky as you assholes and Nebraska choked away your shots. Then Arizona State choked theirs away while Florida revenged themselves on FSU. So thanks tOSU, you have been indirectly then directly responsible for Florida’s two national titles.

One thing about LSU: Miles could throw any game in the garbage at any time.

All it takes is a cute call on fourth down when all he needs is five inches. Then BOOM you’ve been penalized and proceed to give up a punt return for a TD.

Or going for the end zone from the 22 with 8 seconds left when all you need is a field goal to win.

Crap like this bit him in the ass against KY. How long before it happens again.

Tiger: Boone County, WV (home of the Whites) is about 3 hrs. south of M-town. You’ll probably find no shortage of gel-headed, collar-poppin’ Jersey mall kids, however.

Video is incredible, was I the only one that notice Mayme’s shirt said Crimson Tide on it?

#50: Dying by rampant lesbians hellbent on destruction of my baby faucet is my favorite dream.

yes, mayma likely got the shirt for at dollar at gabriels…goggle gabriel brothers

1) Call travel agent
2) Enjoy the natives in West by God Virginia
3) Die fulfilled

You know, I lived in Massachusetts from 1988-2001 and I can remember every single time Ive been to CT, which is very few times. It’s not that I was far either, my school had 2 or three kids FROM Connecticut. It’s just that unless you’re gonna gamble, or something, there’s no reason to go there unless you’re a resident. Not that MA is a peach, that state can lick my sweaty balls, dear god, that place blows.

Wow. You summed up Ohio State fans quite well, and I’m one of them.

all I know is that the folks in Kentucky and Alabama and Florida and Virginia should be thankin’ their lucky stars about now that they are OUT of this and no longer subject to ridicule.

oh, wait. they are subject to ridicule because they are no longer in this hunt. life is good.

What we know about UConn:

They have at minimum one douchebag guitar player
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?p=1739

Irony : a bunch of West Virginia residents drinking and mud riding to a song from a band that got killed in a plane crash.

Their coach is fat, too. Planet fat. There’s a serious predjudice right there, since a man that big might inhale any trophies or microphones placed in front of him.

Planet fat. Excellent choice of words.

My co-worker is a KU grad and he and his buddies wore shirts at this year’s KU/ / A&M game that said “Our coach ate your 12th man.”

If Jesco had been in his right mind, and not on the drugs and alcohol, he’d have killed everyone there and then turned the gun on himself.

But only if he’d been in his right mind. God bless you, Jesco.

More on Karl Marx, that fucking commie (filthy) bastard…

“in one of the worst, and hence the cheapest quarters of London. He has two rooms, the one with the view of the street being the drawing-room, behind it the bedroom. There is not one piece of good, solid furniture in the entire flat. Everything is broken, tattered and torn, finger-thick dust everywhere, and everything in the greatest disorder; a large, old fashioned table, covered with waxcloth, stands in the middle of the drawing-room, on it lie manuscripts, books, newspapers, then the children’s toys, bits and pieces of the woman’s sewing things, next to it a few teacups with broken rims, dirty spoons, knives, forks, candlesticks, inkpot, glasses, dutch clay pipes, tobacco-ash, in a word all kinds of trash, and everything on one table; a junk-dealer would be ashamed of it. When you enter the Marx flat your sight is dimmed by tobacco and coal smoke so that you grope around at first as if you were in a cave, until your eyes get used to these fumes and, as in a fog, you gradually notice a few objects. Everything is dirty, everything covered with dust; it is dangerous to sit down. Here is a chair with only three legs, there the children play kitchen on another chair that happens to be whole; true — it is offered to the visitor, but the children’s kitchen is not removed; if you sit on it you risk a pair of trousers. But nothing of this embarrasses Marx or his wife in the least; you are received in the friendliest manner, are cordially offered a pipe, tobacco, and whatever else there is; a spirited conversation makes up for the domestic defects and in the end you become reconciled because of the company, find it interesting, even original. This is the faithful portrait of the family life of the communist leader Marx.” (quoted by Summers 1991: 120 – 121)

Just to point out…I highly doubt that Garth Brooks is anywhere close to being an OU fan.

The dude did track and field at OSU and still appears in their commercials.

Now Toby Keith yes, so much so that the royalties he was receiving from OSU playing “Should have been a cowboy” went straight to the OU Athletic Department. So OSU stopped playing it.

Bravo, bravo!
slow clap building

Two other little known facts about Oklahoma:

1. They have one of the highest incarceration rates of women.
2. Oklahoma is probably #2 behind Texas for sending protestant missionaries overseas.

“…a pair of flawless tits that bounce on her chest like gumdrop-topped jello casseroles from heaven.” Yes, I realize it’s been referenced 3 times already – exactly half the number of times I re-read that passage. What, like you’ve never read your favorite book more than once? It’s literature, man! Get on board!!

You just know someone in that video is going to leave this earth with the words

“Watch this!”

Connecticut’s for fucking… that’s all I know about it.

Connecticut’s for fucking… that’s all I know about it.

Proper fucked?

Connecticut’s for fucking… that’s all there is to do

If not for the accents, that video could easily pass for upstate NY.

Orson, my disappointment knows no bounds.

Child fundamentalists making sacrifices to beastgods in cornfields? Nebraska.

Murderous highway spreekillers? Hello! Charlie Starkweather on line 1? Nebraska, like the freaking Springsteen album.

Crushing boredom? That’s a push, dude.

Spheroid coach — they’ve got that one locked down.

You know, I met Jesco once. We were at a bar in Boone County one night (don’t ask why), and I’ll be damned if he didn’t show up and start dancin’. I will be able to die fulfilled.

To any of you “outsiders” that want to meet him, don’t bother. He will kill you. That is not a joke. I love West Virginia.

Ah….Jesco White. My finace’s from WV and she’s never heard of him. She’s no scarred for life.

Those people…..they are the salt of the earth!!!

On a seperate note, try convincing some high school kid from Florida who’s seen that video to come play for the old gold and blue.

DAMMIT!

#69:
(Other) famous redneck last words:
“Here, hold my beer.”

Something tells me that chick in the video knows how to rebuild a carburetor…
IF I was from West Fucking Virginia….BTW, by the looks of it , the only fucking in West Virginia must be in the family, thats why the slogan “West Fucking Virginia” is all relative…..literally….ZING!
As I was saying, if I was from WV, I wouldnt admit it. I am pretty sure this is an biography of Rich Rodriquez…seems like he changed his name to protect the innocent…
Can we prove that “Deliverance” didnt actually happen and was filmed using real people from this video???
I mean this makes other states white trash people proud not to be from West Virginia, at least in Tenn and Alabama we have electricity and running water in our trailer parks, and our trailers are at least 1991 models and not ’79….Jesco White, more than likely stumble onto the recipe for crystal meth via huffing lighter fluid and gasoline……well Nick, if your from West Virginia, please buy it so you can destroy it.

How about the guy with the mullet riding the dirtbike? I wouldn’t be wearing a helmet either.

Umm, I’m from West Virginia. I’m pretty sure he’s the most extreme hillbilly in all the world. Hence, he’s famous for it.
Actually, it’s all just a big production to keep idiot Ohioans and Virginians from ruining our fine state.

pelican pants, i’m being dissed by someone who calls himself pelican pants?

actually, a lot of this is just a West Virginia thang. you wouldn’t understand.

@51 – Not that I always agree with the other tOSU, but I believe In-N-Out Burger was directly responsible for the 2nd UF NC.

our trailers are at least 1991 models and not ‘79

In WFV’s defense, this footage is at least 20 years old. So you know Jesco having a 1991 model trailer with a Elvis room would be sort of impossible.

I too am from Alabama, and scenes such as this were not uncommon in that neck of the woods at that time either. I am sure that WV has progressed as well.

That said, I will be extremely disappointed when WFV doesn’t live up to the standard set by the Whites when I visit next September.

You even fit in a sa-weet Idiocracy reference?!? Orson, I dub thee Beef Supreme of teh internets.

Their fans are meth-smoking fiends trying desperately to flee their desolate, ancient grain-silo haunted surroundings.

I interviewed for a job in Lawrence earlier this week and didn’t notice any meth.

Well, not too much, anyway. But there was a sweet shirt in a shop along Massachusetts Ave. that said “Our Coach Beat Anorexia!”

#81
Not making fun , just have personal experience in WV as my dad and his family were from there…
All of his 4 brothers and 3 sisters and parents-divorced- live with in a 2 square mile radius on about 30 acres. One, Uncle Jerry, lives inside a trailer, in the bed room with no light and no bed,and sleeps inside a Refrigerator box duck taped to a deep freezer box, kinda like a cardboard condominium,
he is schizophrenic genius with electronics and with the right training could be the next UnaBomber, looks like a bald Osama Bin Laden, even with the camo jacket he has had since Vietnam, and his Gateway drug was heroin during the war, and now I am sure he is had moved on to meth….painkillers and Pabst Blue Ribbon…
his other brother Donnie lives at the other end of the trailer, smokes a lot of weed he grows on someone elses property, and looks just like Jesco prior to Jesco getting his life together…neither drive a car legally due to DUI and being runover dog crazy…I visited there once for Christmas when I was 8, my mom shortly thereafter reminded me that I was adopted…I swore I would never go back since I now view WV as Americas own little Third World Country…thank God they only have coal as a resource, had it been oil like in Saudi, those people would be billionares and we be at war with a bunch of Mountain men insurgents with money…

I’m from West Virginia and I can laugh at the video (hell, it was funny), but it amazes me how many people actually think that’s what people from West Virginia look like and how they act; I’ve never encountered anything like that in my life. I’ve been through towns in NC, SC, GA, AL, LA and FL that were every bit as white-trash or redneck than anything I’ve ever seen in WV.

For those Auburn folks making the trip to Morgantown next September, enjoy yourselves and I hope you take a different opinion of Morgantown, the State and West Virginians back with you.

.

Please reset the game clock to 4:20!
Go Ducks

I want a rematch of UO and OU in the Grandaddy of ’Em All!

It has everything: meth vs. pot; rednecks vs. hippies; heartland vs. left coast (see previous); chicken fried steak vs. cruelty-free, organic tofu; Bud Light vs. Deschutes Black Butte Porter; a team with a paperclip on its helmet vs. a team with glow-in-the-dark uniforms; Dust Bowl vs. knee-high rainwater; pick-ups vs. Priuses; players who get paid for jobs they don’t do vs. refs who get paid for jobs they can’t do; wagons vs. waterfowl; shotgun-toting cheerleaders vs. a mascot who’ll beat your ass; Nike vs…well, Nike. OK, it doesn’t have everything, but it has enough.