The body count for week ten continues to mount. Follow along as we play doctor on the internet with the ACC, Big Ten, and Big East.


Ray Nitschke didn’t get injured. He waited until he died to get hurt.

ACC

–Boston College safety Wes Davis is questionable for the game against Florida State due to “an injured head.” We and the AP will leave it up to your imagination whether that’s a concussion, fractured skull, or “rusty rake embedded in forehead.”

–Clemson wideout Jacoby Ford is definitely out for the rest of the season with a broken ankle. There, now that’s specific injury reportage.

–No injuries for Duke this week besides the indignity of their existence.

–Florida State’s roster looks like a farmer’s market that a senior citizen just plowed through: over the course of the season, 15 players have been injured or suspended for discipline/academic issues. The most important of numerous injuries: running back Antone Smith is probable for the game, meaning he’s probably actually injured his ankle, and he’s probably gonna play anyway.

–Georgia Tech’s RB Rashaun Grant is out for the season with an ankle injury.

–Maryland offensive lineman Bruce Campbell is questionable for this weekend with an ankle injury, and will fill the time by being hungry like the wolf and fighting the undead. Ahoy!

–Miami quarterback Kyle Wright is probable for the NC State game thanks to ankle/knee/ruptured self-esteem issues.

–Virginia RB Cedric Peerman is questionable for this weekend’s game with an ankle injury.

Big East

–Cincinnati has no significant injuries. Pussies.

–Louisville tackle Adrian Grady tore his pectoral muscle, by far the coolest injury you can have next to a “Lisfranc” fracture, because you have to have pecs so huge they literally fly off your body when flexed. Lisfranc, in case you didn’t know, is French for “wang.” Clinton Portis pioneered this injury when he was at Miami.

–Pittsburgh guard Joe Thomas is probable with a strained groin for the game against Syracuse. We know there’s nothing funny about a strained groin, but there is something funny about a strained groin that is not ours.

–Two cogs of the South Florida offense–WR Amarri Jackson and RB Mike Ford–are both probable for USF’s game versus Cincy. (Who has no significant injuries. Pussies…unless they just won’t ever admit they’re hurt. Mind bullets, man.)

–Syracuse, like Duke, only suffers the indignity of being Syracuse. That’s all the injury one needs.

Big Ten

–Illinois had a minivan crash’s worth of injuries in the game against Ball State, who may not beat you, but will maim you: WR Kyle Hudson, DE Derek Walker, TE Michael Hoomanawanui, safety Garrett Edwards, and RB Troy Pollard are all questionable for Saturday’s game against Minnesota after facing Ball State.

–If Illinois crashed a minivan, Iowa’s whole goddamn tour bus plunged off a cliff. Eleven players are suspended or probable/questionable for the game, most notably RB Albert Young (shoulder) and LB Mike Klinkenborg (broken hand.) Iowa’s a deadly place full of sharp corners, bathtubs without grip strips, and countless farm machines to get limbs caught in, evidently.

–Indiana running back Bryan Payton has an “undisclosed” injury and is questionable.

–Michigan State linebacker Sir Darean Adams is out due to an injured criminal record.

–Michigan has no injuries because Lloyd Carr doesn’t talk about them. But Henne and Hart are likely starting even with nagging injuries. We found this out through reading the papers magic!

–Minnesota has some injured players on defense. They will lay down on the sidelines for a change instead of lying prostrate on the field and weeping as they’ve done for most of the season.

–Wisconsin’s P.J. Hill is probable with a bruised left foot for the OSU game.