SHAMELESS PLUG: MEAT MARKET

Fantastic read – rippped through it in about 6 and 1/2.
Am not much of a recruiting fanatic and in some ways find the process even more seedy and disturbing than I did before, but anyone interested in great writing on college football must get this.

Who was Bruce’s Coach-O interpreter?

Coach O,
We hardly knew ye.
Its been real, fun and entertaining. If I wasnt afraid of getting blanket parties by the Head Coach and watching the Coaching staff tear apart a hotel room before a HOME game, I would turn back time and walk on and go undercover, just for the entertainment value alone..to be in the locker room in the first introduction of the legend of Coach O….“Wild Boys!!!” and watching him form-tackle former Qb Robert Lane for no apparent reason and subsequently injuring his shoulder after Coach O blindsided and dumped him, thus having to move him to tight end, priceless….

How’s all that talent Orgeron is putting together in Oxford doing??

Uh…Jerrell Powe never became eligible?…most of the kids in the book end up elsewhere?….really?…oh and six in the SEC?…oh…might be fired if he loses out?

I miss the ole Wednesdays With Ed Series that was done on one of the Bama boards a few years back…

Vol I
Welcome to Coach O’s site and our new feature —

Wednesdays With Ed…

“Woke up buck nekkid this morning. That felt good, so I called over to South Panola and I said “Coach, you got any god-danged players that I ain’t offered yet.” Sumbitch said “No, Coach O!” so I hung up and called Chief Thundercloud Junior High in Minot, North Dakota and before the girl could say “Porcupine Athletics,” I said “I’m offering your whole damn team and I don’t want to wait on ‘em to graduate, neither, I want their little war-whoopin’ tomahawk-slingin’ butts here this spring and ready to whup some Starkville ass.” Then I hung up. That felt good.

“Went out to the mailbox to get some eggs and somebody had stolen our delivery. There was a little old Lady who looked like Barbara Bush (Editor’s Note: The Bushes are dear friends of Dennis and Kim Franchione) and I figured she’d stole ‘em, so I kneed her a few times in the solar plexus and back-slapped her in the false teeth. Then Mrs. O yelled out ’Ed, honey, they don’t put eggs in the mailbox here, that’s back in Louisiana.’ So I helped the old lady up, offered scholarships to her 12 grand-kids and went back inside.

“I was still starvin’, though, so I put on some gym shorts (per the terms of my contract with Ole Miss, I had to) and a pair of flip-flops and headed downtown to Smitty’s. Went through the hole in the fence around the yard. Every damn fence I build has a hole in it. Anyway, went to Smitty’s, kicked the door open and yelled “any damn Starkvillers in here can just head on back to Brokeback Mountain right now.” Everybody in the place said “Hotty Toddy, O!” so I sat on down, ordered a dozen scrambled and a bottle of green tabasco sauce and head-butted the guy in the next booth.

“The eggs were damn good, so I offered scholarships to every cook and bus-boy in the place. Stopped at the Eli-Mart and bought beer for the coaches’ meeting and headed home.

“That’s all today. Check in Friday for Mrs. O’s Corner, when she talks about some frilly-ass dinner with some University people and gives my favorite recipe for gator-head.”

Be of good cheer…
*****************
Vol II
Wednesdays with Ed

“We brought a fine group of quarterbacks in to visit our campus last week and offered them scholarships. This was an elite group. The best of the best. The “creme de la creme,” as Grandma O used to say at goat-milking time. There were 643 of them.

“We wanted their visit to be different so we stripped them down, gave ’em a cold shower, doused ’em with lye and carbolic acid and stood ’em buck nekkid in the locker room. The high school athlete today likes that.

“I had a chance to speak to them. First, I ripped off my shirt. Then, one of our managers brought me another shirt, so I snatched it out of his hands, ripped it to shreds, tore of the manager’s shirt, ripped it to shreds, then bit off his right ear.

“I turned and said "BY GOD, that right there is why I love Ole Miss and you should to!

‘If it was up to me, we wouldn’t have any damn quarterbacks. Outscoring teams is a sissy-ass way to win! We’d put 22 linemen out there and just beat the other team into submission — that’s real football. But we’ve got some candy-ass alumni who say ‘Coach O, we want to score a touchdown this year!’ So I brought your asses in here to make them happy.

“Now, the rest of you maggots repeat after me —

“form-tackle former Qb Robert Lane for no apparent reason and subsequently injuring his shoulder after Coach O blindsided and dumped him, thus having to move him to tight end, priceless…”

Where do you get this handy-tard shit? Robert Lane was moved to Tight-end cause he sucked at throwing the football. Passing…Kind of a requisite to playing QB.

Been saying it all season. Right or Wrong…No Matter what…The O will be back next season for Jevan Snead-ball.

Will John Thompson and Dan Werner be back? I sure as shit hope not.

Oooh, I found them archived.

EDSBS needs to get that writer on staff YESTERDAY!

Ole Miss is a tuff gig…ask Tuberville….I am sure Tuberville set Ed up for that job as an On the Job Training kinda thing. Can we swap South Florida for Ole Miss?

I don’t think this is a referendum on Coach O’s win-loss record. The book isn’t about the 2007 Ole Miss season. It’s about a guy trying to build a program through hard work and insanity. The Orgeron is like a synthesis of James Carville and Solomon Grundy. This book is a fucking great read.

I never heard that the O took out Lane’s shoulder, but I did hear that he tackled him for no apparent reason.

It was on that forwarded email that depicted O’s first meeting with his new team. You know, “Wild Boys,” making everyone take out their earrings, threatening all the players, etc.

Everyone that remotely follows football in the South received that forward. At the time, I thought it was the funniest thing I had read in years.

Bruce Feldman:
Yes, you may use that for the paperback jacket.
kthxbai

I miss the Orgeron. Our D definitely played better when they were scared of him. Shit, I cheered louder because I was scared of him, and I was 2500 miles away in my living room.

i fucking love the orgeron. i’m gonna start retaincoacho.com

Jebus,

You’re right the Ole Miss season is completely tangential to the story. That CoachO’s skill as a game day coach continue to be a matter of discussion and concern is not the point. That he is an interesting and entertaining character very much is. Learning about recruiting is hardly an edifying experience but the story is hard to top.

I refuse to watch any football from a conference that doesn’t involve The Orgeron.

Posted by King Biscuit on May 31, 2006
Wednesdays With Ed

Well, we’re all down here at the damn SEC Meetings in Destin and if you think that sounds as fun as a barrel of monkeys, you’ve never seen Phillip Fulmer in a Speedo.

Now, I am not an easy man to disgust. Sometimes, growing up in hard times on the Hairy Bayou, Mama Orgeron had to put whatever was available in the gumbo pot and ask questions later. And I’ve BY-GOD seen some things since then. Hell, once we’re having Easter dinner and I just cough up this finger that I’d bit off a boy who jumped offsides in spring practice a couple of days earlier. Landed right in the yams.

But I got to admit when I heard the Tennessee contingent down by the pool — they were hollering “what do you mean, you ain’t got Jimmy Buffett’s version of ’Rocky Top?” — I was concerned. And, sure enough, there Phil was, lying in these three beach chairs they’d pulled together for him. And then he stands up.

Well, there’s a lot of crying and screaming. The weak-ass Starkviller contingent, hell, they just faint dead away. Even my two little boys, Jackie Fargeuax Orgeron and Tojo Yamamoteaux Orgeron, are getting a little puffy-eyed. So !I said to myself "Ed, you are the BY-GOD HEAD COACH at Ole Miss. A great school. The school of … well, I tried to think of some tough-ass people who went to Ole Miss but could only come up with William Faulkner and that Miss America from 1962, so I just said “Screw it, you’re BY-GOD Ed Orgeron!” And I turned and looked square at those cheeks.

Did you ever see one of those big 50-gallon drums of pure lard that they use at the big croaker fryins’ they have down in St. Tammany Parish, before they melt that lard down? Well, picture that snow-white lard just sittin’ there with an orange shoestring placed squarely down the middle, multiply it by about 30X and you’ll get some idea of what I was looking at. Pure white and only one little indentation on it.

“What the hell is that dent?” I asked.

So Mark Richt, who is hiding under a lounge chair, says “That’s David Cucliffe’s nose print.”

Well, we’d been getting a side view but then Fatboy wheels around and we’re suddenly facing it STRAIGHT-ON. I turn to Mrs. O and say “Honey, if he had the jalapeno bean dip at the reception last night, we’re dead where we stand. So I got to do something!”

“So I yell out that "I am offering FULL FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIPS TO OLE MISS to the family of any cabana boy who’ll find me a beach towel big enough to cover that up with. Hell, I figure any cabana boy who’d even approach it would have to be tough enough to be BY-GOD OLE MISS MATERIAL. But hell, every cabana boy in the place has high-tailed it back to Havana, apparently. SO I go inside to the ballroom and start ripping up the carpet with my bare hands and teeth. I’ve just about got it pulled up when Mrs. O comes in and yells, “Forget it, Ed! He’s headed for the ocean!”

Hell, I ain’t a big Destin fan, but it ain’t Starkville or Hattiesburg so it doesn’t deserve a tsunami. Fortunately, though, Phil didn’t go cannon-ballin’ into the Gulf, just sort of eases himself in. It did raise the tide pretty considerable — got a bunch of salt-water in the pool — but if anybody was killed other than a few LSU fans that were having a dune-side corn-dog roast, I didn’t hear about it.

Well, they finally woke ol’ retired-ass Roy Kramer up from his nap and he rolled down to the beach and took Phil a pair of coaching shorts to put on over his Speedo. I never did understand why Phil’s coaching shorts were in Roy’s bedroom, but then, I’m pretty new in this league.

After that, I got in the official Ole Miss speedboat and went down the coast drinkin’ a few beers and offerin’a few scholarships. We’ve had a lot more activities at Destin, but I will have to get to them later, I guess.

Be of good cheer.

/threadjack/
LSU coach Les Miles said Ryan Perrilloux and Derrick Odom will not practice Monday with the team, and that the team will prepare for this weekend’s contest against Alabama assuming it will be without those two players. Miles said backup quarterbacks Andrew Hatch and Jarrett Lee would be in position to take snaps on Saturday should Perrilloux not be available to play.

According to a police report, bouncers at the Varsity claimed they were forced to escort LSU football players Perrilloux and Odom outside the club after they refused to leave. Parish law says bars must close at 2 a.m. Bouncers also said several subjects made statements that they would leave and come back with guns.

Perilloux and Odom told police they were unfairly treated by the bouncers, and that the bouncers shoved them and their pregnant girlfriends out of the club. No charges have been filed and no arrests have been made.

#5: Those “Wednesdays with Ed” are classic. I could be anal and point out that Smitty’s closed (and became snooty “208”) before The O got there. Instead I will be nostalgic and a little sad to point it out.

#12: All the writers at the “Football Friday” signing at Square Books commented on how much the fans in Southern California loved The Orgeron. Yet, way more Ole Miss fans than I care to count beg for his dismissal, going so far as to hope for more losses (doesn’t matter, they’re stuck with him for at least another year, can’t afford to buy his last year out when they’re still hurtin’ from paying off Cutcliffe). There’s a theory that So. Cal. loves him because he fits their Hollywood stereotype of what a Southerner is.

The book makes for a good, easy read. It lacks context though.

The book makes for a good, easy read. It lacks any academic context though.

If you believe that scholarship athletes represent nothing more than ill paid athletes, Feldman’s book will not only change your belief but it will reinforce it.

Croominator, I liked him because he’s mad as a hatter and he had our defense ready to play. I don’t know that many southerners, but I know enough to know that the Orgeron is a law unto himself.

Whatever he does we have to pray that The Orgeron retains a prominent place in college football. The entertainment value is huge and well nigh irreplacable.

He’s definitely getting some noticeable talent down in Oxford (Green-Ellis, Oher, etc.) Problem is, the coaching is well below the talent pool.

MS State getting to a bowl probably won’t help his chances.

Trojan,

To my midwester ears Sir Alex is more difficult to understand than The Orgeron. Slightly greater success rate on the field, at least in the top position, though.

Marcillac, my parents are from Glasgow and even they have trouble understanding some of the locals when they go back. For some reason, even though my grandfather was from Kippen not Govan, that’s who Sir Alex reminds me of.

Fortunately or not, the Orgeron doesn’t remind me of any family members…

MANAHSTILLWISH EVERYDAYSHOULDBELEMSDAY WUSSSTULUPDAYTED!

#17
If we can gets Glenn Dorseys attorney’s version of it and get him suspended, well Alabama will have something to work with.

1. Croominator. Naw, the USC fans just love the Orgeron because he is awesome. He was a perfect fit for the crazy coach niche left vacant by Marv Goux.

Sometimes those guys work out better as assistants than head coaches.

….I sat 24 rows up from the Ole Miss bench last Saturday, and I tell you that the nutbaggery contest between Orgeron and Will Muschamp was worth the price of admission! On one occasion, an Ole Miss player clobbered Pat Sims from behind, at least 5 seconds after the whistle. Ole Miss drew a 15-yard flag, and Coach O went on a clipboard-throwing tirade that lasted at least 5 minutes. At one point, I thought he was going to body-slam the offending player…

What does it say about me that I easily understand Coach O? I never would have thought Cajun translates so easily into Hillbilly.

“What the hell is that dent?” I asked.

So Mark Richt, who is hiding under a lounge chair, says “That’s David Cutcliffe’s nose print.”
-—————————————————
Awesome.

ORGERMANDIAS

with apologies to Mr P.B. Shelley

I met a traveller from down in futbawl land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in a Grove. Near them in some grass
Half sunk, a shatter’d visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of a cold coonass
Tell that Pete Boone well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp’d on these lifeless things
The headbutt that mock’d them and the ripped shirt that skeered
And on the pedestal these words appear
“IdaOrgermandias!!! KingOcoaches!!!”
LoookamahhummaanWildBoyz, LesMiles, an despair!!!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and sylvan Grove stretches all the way to
Vaught-Hemingway.