Perrilloux, sit down, have a drink.

We have a lawyer we can call at 2:45 a.m. in our cellphone. We have several, actually, mostly because everyone we knew went to law school, a sort of advanced youth camp for adolescents that only costs 20-30K a year and involves learning unlearning the English language and playing golf. The conversations usually run something like this:

O: dOOd.

Lawya: d00d.

O: I just watched Pathfinder. Vikings rool. Ahm drunk.

Lawya: Going back to bed now.

O: fuck you!

Lawya: (Click!)

This may be the first thing we have in common with Ryan Perrilloux, who was allegedly beaten up along with linebacker Derrick Odom at The Varsity in Baton Rouge. You don’t party with your pregnant girlfriend? Playa, shine up and get the lady out the house once in a while. Even pregnant ladies can crank dat.

According to a police report, bouncers at the Varsity claimed they were forced to escort LSU football players Perrilloux and Odom outside the club after they refused to leave. Parish law says bars must close at 2 a.m. Bouncers also said several subjects made statements that they would leave and come back with guns.

Perilloux and Odom told police they were unfairly treated by the bouncers, and that the bouncers shoved them and their pregnant girlfriends out of the club. No charges have been filed and no arrests have been made.

Odom, previously involved in a fracas at an apartment complex, also posted this following whatever happened on Friday night at the club on his Facebook page on Saturday morning according to the LSU Reveille.

Odom’s public profile on Facebook, an online social network, featured a status message early Saturday morning that may have alluded to the situation.

“Derrick is sayin the fight dont end til u die BITCH,” Odom apparently wrote at 8:02am.

Odom updated his page just minutes later with another message.

“Derrick is trippin on how these fools try to run up on u behind ya back when they know they cant fuck wit u 1 on 1 but he got something that will shut all that shit down,” he wrote at 8:05 a.m. Saturday.

He has to be referring to sterling conflict resolution skills, in which case he can apply to law school and kill two birds with one stone for Perriloux, being both his lawyer and his, um…lawya. Miles is holding both out of practice pending some investigation and clarification regarding the incident, but remember these three things from the incident:

1. Ryan Perriloux has a lawyer he can call at 2:45 a.m.

2. Even if you are a pregnant lady, you can get tossed out of a Baton Rouge club.

3. Never, ever Facebook at 8 in the morning following a night of clubbin’. Even if the fight dont end til u die BITCH.