BLOGTOBERFEST: COCKTAILS EDITION!
by Orson on Oct 26, 2007 12:14 PM EDT
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PrintOnly the finest of mixtures from around the internet.
Mr2Cents shows us the Hokie mascot's take on last night's late collapse against Boston College.
What goes better with cocktails than a little Russian roulette? Nothing, of course, especially when it's this year's BCS hunt done Deer Hunter-style by Joel at Rocky Top Talk. The slapping noise is irresistibly addictive.
Joe Cribbs Car Wash thinks we're defying Occam/Ockham's Razor by assuming Auburn's offensive line coach had anything to do with Glenn Dorsey's chop block.
Saurian Sagacity and Senator Blutarsky swap digs for the week in honor of the World's Largest Coke Orgy, and they couldn't be more civil about the whole thing. Pity.
Kyle has a martini-dry line on Louisville's status as the next great football program in America:
The Cardinals, by contrast, have been hampered somewhat by what might be called the Dippin' Dots syndrome. After spending two decades as the "ice cream of the future," shouldn't Dippin' Dots, at some point, have become the ice cream of the present?
Our Sporting News Column is up, and riddled with the inaccuracies, mistakes, and run-on sentences you've come to know and...um...tolerate here. People REALLY don't like it when you pick against their team. It's like you've insulted their children, only they don't have any children, or don't actually take care of them and in fact only get visitation rights with no interaction 12 weekends a year. Yes, you can look at them. but only through a television, or sitting a hundred to two hundred yards away...
West Virginia's defense...exists, actually. Their run D is the main reason we've picked them to beat Rutgers, along with the inherent instability of the college football world this year. It's been like watching the end of The Dirty Dozen; the instant the camera switches to someone, they're cut down in a hail of gunfire, leading to the next guy, who's cut down in a hail of gunfire, leading to etc...etc...
You can't drink. British sailors of the 17th century, though, could. On this weekend of the cocktail party, take heed of the greats of the past as celebrated by CNN. Our personal favorite: Lord Admiral Edward Russell's great punchbowl escapade.
The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.
The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.
A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.
The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.
The British conquered the world for a reason: they were looking for more aspirin.
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Somehow Lord Admiral Russell and Jamarcus HAVE to be related.
by GamecockTony on Oct 26, 2007 12:16 PM EDT reply actions
I am of the belief that if I watch The Dirty Dozen enough times, Jefferson will make it to the truck alive. He will make it someday.
“RUN JEFFERSON RUN!!!”
by UkraineNotWeak on Oct 26, 2007 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
I guess instead of say 100 (or 1000) cocktails to so-and-so, we can now just say 1 Lord Admiral Russell to you, sir.
In other news, it’s too bad only about 13 people in the country can watch this weekend’s Herpes Bowl, where Patient Zero Michigan takes on Anything-You-Can-Do-We-Can-Do-Better… Twice Minnesota in the big house.
I will be attending said bowl in a full body condom. (It’s supposed to rain in Ann Arbor.)
by Dave on Oct 26, 2007 12:24 PM EDT reply actions
Damn, that Spencer Hall fella just jinxed the Huskies. Lame.
Uhh, West Virginia has a defense? And they proved that how? Stopping the unstoppable Slyvester Crooms? Throttling the juggernauts of East Carolina and Marshall? Let’s save this talk for Sunday to see if Ray Rice busts out another 40-carry, 200-yard game.
by Edsall is God on Oct 26, 2007 12:25 PM EDT reply actions
A 19th Century Legend of the US Navy:
OFFSHORE SAILING LOG OF USS CONSTITUTION
(The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned warship in the world, the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service, as printed in “Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft”, a periodical from the Oceanographer of the US Navy.)
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.
On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 6,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English merchant vessels and took aboard their rum. By this > time, Constitution had run out of shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 40,000 gallons aboard and headed for home.
On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum and no whiskey. She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and men and 38,600 gallons of water.
by John on Oct 26, 2007 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
O’Toole and Finney had a similar punchbowl party in the fall of ’64. They called it “Monday Night on the Veranda”.
by jebus on Oct 26, 2007 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, you will need to do your next column on the Sporting News with Subcommandante Wayne in order to appease the irate Ohio State fans posting in your comments.
by Nick on Oct 26, 2007 12:51 PM EDT reply actions
Hmm. Domers, how much booze would it take to fill Stonehenge?
by Rusty on Oct 26, 2007 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
No one in their right mind would drink cask water in the 18th century when perfectly good booze was to be had. But better packaging helped make it possible to stow fresh water for extended periods, less than a hundred years after the Constitution’s epic 200,000-gallon voyage. The US Navy did away with the rum ration during the Civil War, and the Brits kept it up until 1970.
A Constitution’s Cruise to all of us. It is Friday, and tomorrow is our holy day.
by PJ from NU in SF on Oct 26, 2007 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
That’s 2.8 gallons of booze per day if you use 475 men, 200,000 gallons, and 150 days at sea. Of course thats what angry seas, no wenches, gross food, and bad living conditions will get you.
by Brian on Oct 26, 2007 1:09 PM EDT reply actions
By my calculations, that’s 194,000 gallons of rum & wine & scotch. Divide that by 475 and again by 182 days, and you get 2.25 gallons/day. And that does not include the rum & wine & whisky from the 12 scuttled vessels.
That’s some serious drinkin, even for The Orgeron.
by yoyofutbawl on Oct 26, 2007 1:13 PM EDT reply actions
Excellent writing, Spencer (if that indeed is your real name). I can only imagine the kind of restraint it took to not include a MAO! (slap) or two when discussing SE Asia vacation locales.
by Raider Red on Oct 26, 2007 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
Thanks for jinxing SC in your Sporting News column there. That’s great.
As for the USS Constitution story, I call bullshit on the 40,000 gallons of whisky – I found an estimate that in the 1760s the legal distilleries were only producing about that much a year.
Mind you, the same estimate put illegally distilled whisky production at ~580,000 gallons for a year (for a population of 1.25 million people). I just can’t see anyone in the west of Scotland sitting idly by and letting someone make off with nearly 100 barrels of whisky… unless they were sleeping off the night before or something.
by DC Trojan on Oct 26, 2007 1:35 PM EDT reply actions
Haha Orson…..everybody knows that nobody’s parents would name them after a dormitory….(Present Bama company excepted, of course….)
quite the prankster you are, but no flies on us….
by kt on Oct 26, 2007 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
But if that is your real name…you’ve got some great jobs dude!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_Control:_The_People%E2%80%99s_War_on_Internet_Porn
Traffic Control: The People’s War On Internet Porn
(DVD 2007 Edited by Spencer Hall)
by kt on Oct 26, 2007 1:56 PM EDT reply actions
But if that is your real name…you’ve got some great jobs dude!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_Control:_The_People%E2%80%99s_War_on_Internet_Porn
Traffic Control: The People’s War On Internet Porn
(DVD 2007 Edited by Spencer Hall)
Football blogging and Porn Investigation
by kt on Oct 26, 2007 1:57 PM EDT reply actions
Yep… total nut punch of a loss. Got to recover the onside kick. What a night.
by Hokie Andrew on Oct 26, 2007 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
I used the USS Constitution vs. HMS Java battle as a history lesson/quiz round when I taught Boy Scouts sailing to get their merit badge for it. Next time, I will certainly use the 1779-1780 booze run as a better example.
by Out of Conference on Oct 26, 2007 2:41 PM EDT reply actions
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