CURIOUS INDEX, 10/25/07

The real shame about those textbooks is that some of them hadn’t been colored in yet.

Trevor Matich…accomplishing the unthinkable by making me miss trev alberts.

Matich is really just a giant fat suit character portrayed by Trev Alberts

Why is Mearth so angry with those men?

100 cocktails for the MMMMW clip!

Trevor Matich – another analyst that I’m suspecting never really played football…just a paid actor they signed to play the part.

I don’t care if it’s only Thursday, Hrothgar… I want bunda

“We just lose interest in losing teams we have no emotional investment in, like the entire nation of Bangladesh, for example (though it’s really not their fault they’re the drainpipe of every major river in South Asia.)”

Every major river? Nice h8 on the Indus, asshole.

NO SERIOUSLY THEY’RE IN REAL TROUBLE THIS TIME!!!

Isn’t that a different tectonic plate, TCOAN?

“I’m Ed Orgeron,” Tuberville heard from across the line. “I want to get into coaching.”

Maybe that’s what Tommy T “heard,” but we can only shake in terror at what Coach O probably “said.” I’m sure it was something along the lines of “you’re all a bunch of fucking pussies – now hire me now now now.” Which I can’t even begin to translate into what it actually “sounded like.”

Also, the link to the Decatur Daily says “oregon” at the end. I hope Mr. Dellenger is already running.

1. -

Thanks. It had been 20 minutes. I was worried that I would have to take the bullet on that one.

This would also explain the size of Tuberville’s ears.

 In exchange for not preparing him in a gumbo, and ladling him over rice, Coach O agreed to just let TT be his mode of transportation, and used his ears as reigns.

Hmm. I wasn’t thinking about South Asia in geologic terms. Still, though, even if the Indus is right on the plate border, what about the Narmada and the Krishna? Or the Godavari?

I’m on a roll today. Think we’ll be having curry for dinner.

Orson, do you hold a grudge against Matich for his less than complementary comments about the OBC while he was in D.C.?

well, at least we know the Alabama textbooks won’t be showing up on the USED shelves.

or was the players’ error actually buying the books and opening them?

Wait, is Alabama in trouble for giving student athletes textbooks???? Is that really a problem? They should get a gold star for athletes that actually receive textbooks (see Crowder, Channing).

Wait, is Alabama in trouble for giving student athletes textbooks???? Is that really a problem? They should get a gold star for athletes that actually receive textbooks (see Crowder, Channing).

At least one non-SEC school will be watching the Alabama case with interest, since the NCAA just last week drilled Ball State pretty hard for a case that sounds pretty damn similar to the one they just opened in Alabama.

Look at Saban blaming the bookstore! Why didn’t we think of that?

I honestly can’t believe this shit. Mal Moore’s head should be impaled on a spike at Malfunction Junction as a warning to future A.D.’s. Jesus.

According to how they supposedly dole out books, though, the players had to have had someone in the bookstore in on it. The bookstore gets a copy of their schedules, bags the books, and the players pick them up. How do you fuck that up???

Poor Tubs. Perhaps he can hire The Orgeron after this year.

BTW, the eed-iot Decatur paper made John Grisham an Ole Missy grad – I’m sure he’d be surprized to hear that. Law Skool ain’t the same thing.

Maybe Orson was just thinking of SE Asia in Risk terms. It is in Siam, after all and India is just to the left.

So 20 years ago, Tommy Tuberville helps jump-start the career of a strapping young lad of questionable sanity who would later win the head-coaching position at Ole Miss, thereby ensuring Tuberville’s Auburn squad at least one layup win per season starting in ’05?

Dude, if Tubbs planned that, he is fucking diabolical. He’s like Karl Rove, Miss Havisham, and Neve Campbell’s character from “Wild Things” rolled into one.

Grammar, and punctuation is my, failing, today. Like, such as, in the Iraq.

Orson, you have that clip on speed dial, don’t you? One of my faves!

Bama case only involves the 5 football players while the Ball State case involved 89 students-athletes in 10 sports. Pretty big difference. And as of now, Bama is conducting an internal investigation and the NCAA is not involved. Stay tuned.

+10 cocktails for the Great Expectations reference. I liked it when she caught on fire.

+10 cocktails for Doug & the Great Expectations reference. I liked it when she caught on fire.

papa lou,

i hope you’re not trying to imply that the ncaa is likely to “take it easy” on alabama.

Alabama still uses textbooks and not MicroTablet PC’s to wirelessly download .pdf’s for that weeks class???
I am sure Tommy Tuberville would start most of the bar fights with his smart ass attitude and Coach O would mop up for him. That Baton Rouge fight was the only one reported that we know of….Coach O invented the Octagon, whilst Tubervile would simply start the fight then fly off by flapping his ears, leaving the carnage to Coach O…..

Orson,
Does an arrest made during the season relating to an off season incident (Michigand St players mentioned above) have any impact on past or future Fulmner Cups?

thanks in advance,
F

Reports that Bama’s complaince office has received calls from EVERY other SEC school’s compliance office…seems most SEC schools use the same system…

What good are books if the players can’t read them?

We shouldn’t be too hard on Alabama. Obviously they’re going to have a learning curve mixing athletes and textbooks for the first time.

it’s a mad mad mad mad mad orgeron

lpretty clear that dantonio learned his lessons at the knee of the sweatervest. it happened in april!

#26, the initial reports stated it involved more than just football players.

I do know this, however. Glen Coffee was particularly brazen.

“OMG there’s a counterfeit Jeans Ring operating out of my car-hole!!!”

Dam the Ganges and Brahmaputra!

Actually Guy, thanks to your now-ex-assistant coach, we’ve seen more of your program than we want to. Now you’re not just a bunch of losers, you’re a bunch of losers who PISS ON THE BAR!!!

I could see Tuberville playing the Dana Carvey-Ross Perot SNL character, taking The Orgeron out on a nice drive in the country, and then trying to leave him on the side of the road, only to have The Orgeron run down the car like the Sasquatch.

Either that, or some kind of Lenny and George thing where The Orgeron pets bunnies too hard and kills them.

I know a guy that fucked Orgeron in the ass. His dick was pinched completely off by the clinching power of Coach O’s mighty ass muscles.

In all seriousness, bama has about as much chance of getting probation for this as AU has of losing Tuberville to another school.

saban doesn’t have time for textbook-gate.

Hey that pic of that big eared troll looking thing looks like the love child of Coach O and Tommy Tuberville…they call it “The Thing Which WEDONNASPEEKABAWT”

So is Louisiana then the Bangladesh of North America or is Bangladesh the Louisiana of Asia?

If Louisiana is the Bangladesh of North America it makes the SEC South East Asia. Small countries that passionately fight each other and where outsiders venture in at their own risk. From what hear the outsiders that do venture into the SEC do not come back the same.

36,

Actually, initial reports stated that the school would look into all student-athletes out of an abundance of caution. They had (and maybe have) no idea who else might be involved, if any. Due diligence and stuff. At least that’s what I am hoping

Gerry Dorsey, that’s exactly what I’m implying. As in “the NCAA is so mad at Kentucky they’re putting Cleveland State on probation again.” You may think you got the shaft over the whole Albert Means deal, but trust me, any non-BCS school caught as deep at UA was in that case would have been given the death penalty. Mid-majors generally get hit much harder for violations than the big-money types do. We’re the indigent defendants with overworked, underfunded rookie attorneys from the public defender’s office of the college sports world…

Sabanite - yep, and that’s exactly how it started at BSU, too. With a handful of football players. The internal audit turned up more (although it should be noted that a good portion of those 89 athletes simply bought the “recommended” texts in addition to the “required” ones for their own classes, which is technically an extra-benefits violation…)

Like UA, we discovered, reported and investigated the violations on our own, fired the compliance director for failing to implement a better system (even though all state schools in Indiana used the same system at the time), dropped mass suspensions on the football and women’s volleyball teams, essentially sacrificing our 2005 football season, and changed ADs. We also suspended our best tennis player before an NCAA tournament match.

Yet, we were still punished with scholarship losses, two years’ probation and slapped with a “lack of institutional control” tag for what Orson noted is a pretty minor offense, and one that we dealt with in good faith (the NCAA would never have learned about it on their own).

We’re not looking for the Tide to get hammered here, nor are we looking for BSU to be absolved of their sins. Just looking for a consistent standard of justice from the typically inconsistent NCAA…

[/semi-lucid, non-comedic post]

Papa-

It is utterly absurd that recommended texts are considered extra benefits. Not surprising, though, considering it’s the NCAA. Horse shit.

NO SERIOUSLY THEY’RE IN REAL TROUBLE THIS TIME!!!!"

(someone had to do it)

Tater Salad: the NCAA can’t risk too many players getting educated in case they start to notice the discrepancy between the value of the revenue they generate and the scholarships and “informal benefits” that they receive.

Well the punishment should be—-having to do to Detention hall with Nick Saban as the Monitor, just like the Breakfast Club, and have them read each and every textbook in question, cover to cover.
Saban-“I heard a Ruckus”
Coffee-’ Describe the Ruckus"
Saban-“Goddammit I heard a Ruckus, Aight?”

Yo the problem was that kids were getting extra books, to I would assume, sell, or return at the end of the semester for cash money.

Everbody does this. One Auburn Alum that know this is yet another case of Bull Sh*t. Who cares? Play Ball, Dammit.

Guy Morriss thinks that people are watching Baylor play on Saturdays?

Orfon, Matich did say that Bowden is still one of the top coaches in the country, and he did say that FSU hasn’t done a good job at developing players.

But it is not the head coach that works with players on developing their fundamenals, it is the assistents. Bowden identified a problem, and brought in new assistants to address it. Did you ever play football? Do you have any idea what coaches do?