Remember, you can’t solve a mystery on an empty stomach, something Hercule Poirot certainly believed. In fact, your mind works best after ingesting a light salad, four rolls slathered in butter, a cheese plate, some pate, a whole roasted duck, a side of braised endives, five glasses of claret, strawberries topped with creme fraiche, three cups of coffee, and two vodka tonics to finish. (For the digestion, you know.)

Now we’re ready to solve a mystery! Just, please: no chase scenes. You don’t want to see a grown man turn inside out and vomit impolitely on another gentleman’s bowler.

The mustache of the day? Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot.


Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!