CAPTION CONTEST: RIVER CITY RIVALRY
That’s college football’s most Dadaist rivalry trophy, the River City Rivalry, being hoisted in triumph by its unlikely holders, the Pitt Panthers. Pitt upset Cincy in the game, thus delighting long-suffering Pitt fan Chas and further stunting the hype surrounding 2007 Cincinnati’s renaissance.
It also means Pitt gets to hold the strange trophy for a year. What the hell they’ll do with it is anyone’s guess since it seems to be designed to be both impractical and unwieldy all at the same time. We can only guess at its uses, and what they’re saying at this happy, joyous moment in Pitt’s recently dismal football history.
“WOOOOO! We’re turning this party all the way up to PITT!”
“And now Marco…summon the Old Ones! Now!”
“Who left the blue-whale-sized rectal thermometer out here?”
“Help! It’s getting warm and vibrating! Someone help!”
“Look! ON! Wannstache. OFF! No Wannstache. ON! Wannstache! OFF! No Wannstache.”
“Hey! HEY! What the hell am I supposed to do with this hunk of shit? GUYS!”
Leave your own below.
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51
bayareablue says:
damn, this thing weighs like 300 courics!
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:53 pm
52
John says:
The scary part is the Uconn loses two games and Pitt runs the table, the BCS is forced to have an 8-4 team. Hey, if Pitt could do it in 2004, why not 2007?
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:57 pm
53
BGibs says:
“Yo dawg, how long we gots to pretend this means somethin?!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:02 pm
54
TalkyTina says:
My name is Talky Tina, and if you don’t stop making fun of Pitt you’ll be sorry.
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:39 pm
55
Smyth says:
This must be the machine that was selling the World Series tickets this morning.
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:02 pm
56
bamaman181 says:
dude in bandana speaking to #30, with great emotion and rapid breaths…
“Crank it harder, bro, that’s it, keep on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:10 pm
57
CLTDawg says:
I told you dawg – stick your dick in one of them holes and I’m slicin’ it off……..
@ NativeSon – +1000 – you win
@ Doug – Keep the Wannstache away from Charlotte. We want to keep our women safe from that thing.
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:20 pm
58
TAL says:
The sad state of college athletics and gambling.
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:23 pm
59
bup bup bup says:
FUCK YEAH WE’RE MORE MARGINALLY RELEVANT THAN THOU CRANK THAT LEVER AND SHOW THEM THEIR LACK OF MARGINALITY
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:36 pm
60
Mike says:
“How quickly can we chrome this bitch?!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:36 pm
61
Digital Headbutt says:
And with one pull of a magic lever, Conredge Collins (#30) sends an anvil out of the sky, crashing down on the Wannstache.
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:38 pm
62
Pants McPants says:
“Where the hell did this come from and why does it say ‘Tebow left, Tebow right, and Tebow up the middle’ ?”
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:39 pm
63
Big Red says:
“Our lasers are set to ’stache”
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
64
GamecockStew says:
Flava Flave!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:46 pm
65
Rex Cramer says:
“Who put this boat thingy on top of my Connect Four game?”
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:48 pm
66
letsplaytummysticks says:
And with one flush of the fanciest toilet in Pittsburgh Cincy’s season goes down the drain.
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 pm
67
Out of Conference says:
White guy in background (jersey #72) from South Georgia: That’s right darkies, ya’ll carry this shit back to coach’s office .
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:08 pm
68
Out of Conference says:
Taggart: Dang, that was lucky. Doggone near lost a four hundred dollar handcart.
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:10 pm
69
jamiedawgfan says:
ALL ABOARD for LOSERVILLE! WooHoo!
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:38 pm
70
chris says:
which way do make beer come out coach
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:02 pm
71
Eirishis says:
As you can see … and likely smell … once the Shitodometer reachers “Maximum Pitt”, you can be sure that somewhere in the surrounding area is a foul football-like substance.
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:03 pm
72
formerlyanonymous says:
“Someone Please Set This Thing To Stop So I’ll Never Have To See It Again.”
“Argh, we stole this from capt’n leach’s office.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:14 pm
73
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Damn Coach Wannastache and his scavenger hunts!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:25 pm
74
Mr Pelican Pants says:
When I flip this switch, let the daylight firework show begin!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:45 pm
75
Cameron Siggs says:
nativeson wins…he totally read my mind….damn…all i gots is still…
GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN!!ONE!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!!!#$@!!!
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:48 am
76
NDTom says:
“Does this thing go up to 11?”
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:57 am
77
Brody says:
PREPARE SHIP… FOR LUDICROUS SPEED!
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:13 am
78
Ben says:
The Tardis is ours!
October 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 am
79
blackertai says:
“It won’t beat Navy, but it’ll make the Kessel run in three and a half parsecs.”
-
or
-
Beating Navy ain’t like dustin’ crops, boy! You go in without planning and you could end up losing to a service academy or coming out and throwing with a freshman QB.
October 23rd, 2007 at 3:55 am
80
Touchdown74 says:
Is that a prop from the new movie “Harry Potter & The Outing of Dumbledore???”
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:44 am
81
Heath says:
Capt. Wannastache: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we’ve been up since the crack of noon.
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:33 am
82
chris says:
Wanny comin around I see. Yeeaaahhh boooooyyyyy Pitt is comin back!!
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 am
83
cgb says:
After a long fought battle we finally have the final piece to our time machine, the chronodemastonictor.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:16 am
84
sweeptheleg says:
oh we throwin some rims on this btch.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:18 am
85
I R A Darth Aggie says:
Dude, pull my crank!
Um, ok.
sound of long and satisfying fart
Oh, dude, you didn’t? oh, m*th*r f*ck*r RUN, RUN AWAY
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:23 am
86
Brian says:
Somebody put speed holes in our trophy.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:40 am
87
Hossnfeffer says:
Hell Yeah! Phasers set to – 5 and 7!
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:20 am
88
Mr. Ashley Russell says:
“I should have worn my singlet and cape for this!”
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:34 am
89
Spats says:
“Connect Four!!!”
October 23rd, 2007 at 11:03 am
90
d. says:
In an unprecedented River City Rivalry finish, the Pittsburgh Panthers defeated the Cincinnati Bearcats in a triple overtime contest of barometric connect three. Neither team was able to connect three pieces, so a seventy-thirty decision in favor of the Panthers gave Pitt the victory.
“We felt it was the right decision,” Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt remarked after the victory. “We were up two to one, and we had them pinned pretty good… no way they connected on that board!”
Cincinnati scored first, but the tables turned in the third quarter when a low settled in over the area. Squalls continued into overtime. The Bearcats came close to evening the score at the end of the final OT when a favorable pull was foiled by a sudden gust of humid air, resulting in a ’stop’. Cincinnati could not overcome two second half pulls landing in Pitt territory, turnovers that changed the game’s complexion.
“We clutch as f*ck baby!” shouted the Panthers’ Conredge Collins over the on field celebration. Collins had both scoring pulls.
Pitt faces its biggest test of the season next week at undefeated South Florida. Wannstedt: “We’ll need some help down there next week.. they have a tremendous home field. It’s late in the season and a high’s rolling in, so I’m liking our chances.”
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm
91
Tailgate Shogun says:
The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the trophy: eleven, eleven, eleven and…
– Oh, I see. And most trophies go up to ten?
Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
- Put it up to eleven?
Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
October 23rd, 2007 at 3:45 pm
92
BloodSpite says:
So…where does the beer come out at?
October 24th, 2007 at 9:25 am