CAPTION CONTEST: RIVER CITY RIVALRY
That’s college football’s most Dadaist rivalry trophy, the River City Rivalry, being hoisted in triumph by its unlikely holders, the Pitt Panthers. Pitt upset Cincy in the game, thus delighting long-suffering Pitt fan Chas and further stunting the hype surrounding 2007 Cincinnati’s renaissance.
It also means Pitt gets to hold the strange trophy for a year. What the hell they’ll do with it is anyone’s guess since it seems to be designed to be both impractical and unwieldy all at the same time. We can only guess at its uses, and what they’re saying at this happy, joyous moment in Pitt’s recently dismal football history.
“WOOOOO! We’re turning this party all the way up to PITT!”
“And now Marco…summon the Old Ones! Now!”
“Who left the blue-whale-sized rectal thermometer out here?”
“Help! It’s getting warm and vibrating! Someone help!”
“Look! ON! Wannstache. OFF! No Wannstache. ON! Wannstache! OFF! No Wannstache.”
“Hey! HEY! What the hell am I supposed to do with this hunk of shit? GUYS!”
Leave your own below.
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1
D'Jango says:
“I keep trying to turn back time to when I could have gone to a better football school, but this dial doesn’t seem to work.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:12 pm
2
Texas_Dawg says:
Clammy—>Harmless—>Mild—>Wild—>Sexy—>Burning—>Passionate–>Hot Stuff—>Uncontrollable—>PITT
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:17 pm
3
Captain Awesome says:
Caption aside, the dude in the bandanna (Darrell Strong) looks like he’s humping that thing into next week.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:17 pm
4
Oops Pow Surprise says:
Well, Captain Awesome took care of everything I came here to say.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:19 pm
5
Sabanite says:
LOOK! A big bottle of ketchup!
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
6
Nothsa says:
I’d hit it.
At least based on bandana guy’s expression, that trophy can give far more than it gets.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
7
PW says:
“Holy Shit…a trophy! Who’d have ever thought a Wannstedt-coached team would ever fucking hold one of these?!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
8
Majorly English says:
After being bamboozled by the Naval Academy earlier in the year, Wannstache takes the “join ‘em” approach by acquiring as much maritime paraphernalia as his PayPal account (wannstud69-24-7) can muster.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:24 pm
9
Senor Pez says:
“Whoo!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK18wQA-tHs
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:27 pm
10
BloodSpite says:
Ooh! Look! It moves!
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:28 pm
11
Papa Lou BSU says:
“Cool! Remote-control mini-boats! This is just like going to Kennywood! Somebody go get some tokens…”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:28 pm
12
Otis! says:
“No Whammy! No Whammy!! NowhammyNowhammy!!!!….. STOP!
FUCK! Wannstache.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:29 pm
13
KongHorn says:
Avast! Full speed ahead to “This is the last game we’ll win this season!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:30 pm
14
Little Lebowski Urban Achiever says:
With the Wannstedtor 3000, your team can go from god awful to mediocre in 2.7 seasons.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
15
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“Scotty, set engines to Time Warp Factor 5, set it back before we hired Wannastache!! STAT!!! Make sure it goes Ching-Ching before you hit the button, we dont want to be stuck in a paradox and have 2 Wannastaches running around!!!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
16
DC Trojan says:
Dude, look out, that’s a time machine, you’ve just moved it to “Mark May returns!” Nooooooooooooooo!
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
17
NativeSon says:
Where’s the siren? They said this thing had a siren! GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN!!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:47 pm
18
Little Lebowski Urban Achiever says:
Damnit Collins! Quit screwing around. Wannstedt wants this back on his yacht by sunset!
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:47 pm
19
Mr Pelican Pants says:
“Today, in the Pittsburgh Press, the headline reads “An Old Tyme Double Decker Riverboat went over the Pittsburgh Falls ,during a botched robbery attempt, the engine controls were taken, and all 100 people that were on board are missing or presumed dead. 3 suspects swam off, and are at large wearing blue, cheap looking athletic jerseys.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:52 pm
20
lance harbor says:
Is that the “bring back Jackie Sherrill” option right under Pitt?
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:53 pm
21
Doug says:
“Full steam ahead . . . to Charlotte!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:54 pm
22
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Some lady in Germany called. She says “Quit flicking my lights on and off.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:54 pm
23
Doug says:
Or
“Yeah, Darrell Strong looks like he’s having a blast right now, but just wait until I pull the lever from ‘Fellate’ to ‘Non-Anaesthetized Prostatectomy.’ “
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:00 pm
24
jebus says:
“Mah EYEZZZZ!!! Ya SHOT STEAM IN MAH EYEZZ!!”
“Your other right, Collins! Turn it to your other right… goddamnit…”
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm
25
MalibuJuice says:
“Iceburg Dead Ahead!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm
26
Land of Os(borne) says:
Okay, upper right. Is that the world’s largest umbrella or am I seeing things again?
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:06 pm
27
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Hey guys, ya gotta try this new thing called the Orgasmotron 6000!! Its even got its own throttle!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:10 pm
28
Mr Pelican Pants says:
This is the weirdest Penis Pump I’ve ever tried, hell it takes 3 people to work it, but it Guarantees results, better than the Extendeze!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
29
Kerwin4two says:
Gramma says we gotta hit the “Play Max Credits” button to get the superjackpot
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:15 pm
30
JPMelk says:
Wannstache: Re-verify our range to target… one ping only.
Vasili Borodin: Captain, I – I – I just…
Wannstache: Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please.
Vasili: Aye, Captain.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:18 pm
31
robert says:
I don’t care how you do it…you must sink the Wannstache.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:24 pm
32
Tailgator says:
“How do you turn this thing to hookerville?”
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:28 pm
33
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Wheres the Belt to this Belt Massager? Wannastache wants to try it out.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
34
Mr Pelican Pants says:
Dude on the left:
Stop Stop Stop!!! Dont Pull on the Handle!!! This is the Eunuch Maker 2000, not the Orgasmatron 6000!!! They got the wrong one!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:33 pm
35
One And Done says:
When the going gets rough & the stomach acids flow, and the cold wind of conformity is nipping at your nose, when some new trendy atrocity has brought you to your knees… come with us & we’ll sail the Seas of Cheese….
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:37 pm
36
One And Done says:
What I get on eBay for dis 5hit?
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:40 pm
37
One And Done says:
Hard starboard to Port Palko, biiiiiitches!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
38
One And Done says:
Giant cheese grater… activate! Gonna be some off da chain parmesaaaan up in heeeeeyeeeeerereeeee
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:44 pm
39
One And Done says:
I bet if we stand just like so, somebody will make a fark out of us…
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm
40
Xaryn says:
Coach Wannstadt’s motivational team tour of the Titanic Museum goes horribly wrong….
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:50 pm
41
Jeremy says:
Don’t pull too hard…you might bring back the lithping Wlat Harrith…PANTHERRANTS!
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:00 pm
42
PSUrob says:
“It reminds me of the heady days of Marino and Curtis Martin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again – at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the River City Trophy.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:06 pm
43
chris says:
“I keep pumping in quarters but this thing never pays out!”
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:07 pm
44
Jackson says:
“*sigh*….just put it next to the foosball table.”
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:08 pm
45
Brody says:
CRANK DAT!
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:09 pm
46
haybeav says:
“Crank dat soulja boy”
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:16 pm
47
bamaman181 says:
Now, I’ll just set this thing back to 1976… the last time Pitt football was remotely freaking relevant!!!
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:19 pm
48
Doug says:
“ADDDDDDRIIIIIIAAAANNNNNNNNN”
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:48 pm
49
Mr Pelican Pants says:
In a weird turn of events, the Homeland Security Advisory System is now elevated to….. Threat Level Pitt????
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
50
MCab says:
WE WON A THROTTLE! WE WON A THROTTLE! WOOOO!
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:52 pm