CAPTION CONTEST: RIVER CITY RIVALRY
by Orson on Oct 22, 2007 5:06 PM EDT
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That's college football's most Dadaist rivalry trophy, the River City Rivalry, being hoisted in triumph by its unlikely holders, the Pitt Panthers. Pitt upset Cincy in the game, thus delighting long-suffering Pitt fan Chas and further stunting the hype surrounding 2007 Cincinnati's renaissance.
It also means Pitt gets to hold the strange trophy for a year. What the hell they'll do with it is anyone's guess since it seems to be designed to be both impractical and unwieldy all at the same time. We can only guess at its uses, and what they're saying at this happy, joyous moment in Pitt's recently dismal football history.
"WOOOOO! We're turning this party all the way up to PITT!"
"And now Marco...summon the Old Ones! Now!"
"Who left the blue-whale-sized rectal thermometer out here?"
"Help! It's getting warm and vibrating! Someone help!"
"Look! ON! Wannstache. OFF! No Wannstache. ON! Wannstache! OFF! No Wannstache."
"Hey! HEY! What the hell am I supposed to do with this hunk of shit? GUYS!"
Leave your own below.
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“I keep trying to turn back time to when I could have gone to a better football school, but this dial doesn’t seem to work.”
by D'Jango on Oct 22, 2007 5:12 PM EDT reply actions
Clammy—->Harmless—->Mild—->Wild—->Sexy—->Burning—->Passionate—>Hot Stuff—->Uncontrollable—->PITT
by Texas_Dawg on Oct 22, 2007 5:17 PM EDT reply actions
Caption aside, the dude in the bandanna (Darrell Strong) looks like he’s humping that thing into next week.
by Captain Awesome on Oct 22, 2007 5:17 PM EDT reply actions
Well, Captain Awesome took care of everything I came here to say.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 22, 2007 5:19 PM EDT reply actions
I’d hit it.
At least based on bandana guy’s expression, that trophy can give far more than it gets.
by Nothsa on Oct 22, 2007 5:23 PM EDT reply actions
“Holy Shit…a trophy! Who’d have ever thought a Wannstedt-coached team would ever fucking hold one of these?!”
by PW on Oct 22, 2007 5:23 PM EDT reply actions
After being bamboozled by the Naval Academy earlier in the year, Wannstache takes the “join ’em” approach by acquiring as much maritime paraphernalia as his PayPal account (wannstud69-24-7) can muster.
by Majorly English on Oct 22, 2007 5:24 PM EDT reply actions
by Senor Pez on Oct 22, 2007 5:27 PM EDT reply actions
“Cool! Remote-control mini-boats! This is just like going to Kennywood! Somebody go get some tokens…”
by Papa Lou BSU on Oct 22, 2007 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
“No Whammy! No Whammy!! NowhammyNowhammy!!!!….. STOP!
FUCK! Wannstache.
by Otis! on Oct 22, 2007 5:29 PM EDT reply actions
Avast! Full speed ahead to “This is the last game we’ll win this season!”
by KongHorn on Oct 22, 2007 5:30 PM EDT reply actions
With the Wannstedtor 3000, your team can go from god awful to mediocre in 2.7 seasons.
by Little Lebowski Urban Achiever on Oct 22, 2007 5:38 PM EDT reply actions
“Scotty, set engines to Time Warp Factor 5, set it back before we hired Wannastache!! STAT!!! Make sure it goes Ching-Ching before you hit the button, we dont want to be stuck in a paradox and have 2 Wannastaches running around!!!”
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 5:38 PM EDT reply actions
Dude, look out, that’s a time machine, you’ve just moved it to “Mark May returns!” Nooooooooooooooo!
by DC Trojan on Oct 22, 2007 5:44 PM EDT reply actions
Where’s the siren? They said this thing had a siren! GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN!!!!
by NativeSon on Oct 22, 2007 5:47 PM EDT reply actions
Damnit Collins! Quit screwing around. Wannstedt wants this back on his yacht by sunset!
by Little Lebowski Urban Achiever on Oct 22, 2007 5:47 PM EDT reply actions
“Today, in the Pittsburgh Press, the headline reads “An Old Tyme Double Decker Riverboat went over the Pittsburgh Falls ,during a botched robbery attempt, the engine controls were taken, and all 100 people that were on board are missing or presumed dead. 3 suspects swam off, and are at large wearing blue, cheap looking athletic jerseys.”
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 5:52 PM EDT reply actions
Is that the “bring back Jackie Sherrill” option right under Pitt?
by lance harbor on Oct 22, 2007 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
“Full steam ahead . . . to ”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meineke_Car_Care_Bowl" rel="nofollow">Charlotte!"
by Doug on Oct 22, 2007 5:54 PM EDT reply actions
Some lady in Germany called. She says “Quit flicking my lights on and off.”
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 5:54 PM EDT reply actions
Or
“Yeah, Darrell Strong looks like he’s having a blast right now, but just wait until I pull the lever from ‘Fellate’ to ‘Non-Anaesthetized Prostatectomy.’ "
by Doug on Oct 22, 2007 6:00 PM EDT reply actions
“Mah EYEZZZZ!!! Ya SHOT STEAM IN MAH EYEZZ!!”
“Your other right, Collins! Turn it to your other right… goddamnit…”
by jebus on Oct 22, 2007 6:02 PM EDT reply actions
Okay, upper right. Is that the world’s largest umbrella or am I seeing things again?
by Land of Os(borne) on Oct 22, 2007 6:06 PM EDT reply actions
Hey guys, ya gotta try this new thing called the Orgasmotron 6000!! Its even got its own throttle!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 6:10 PM EDT reply actions
This is the weirdest Penis Pump I’ve ever tried, hell it takes 3 people to work it, but it Guarantees results, better than the Extendeze!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 6:12 PM EDT reply actions
Gramma says we gotta hit the “Play Max Credits” button to get the superjackpot
by Kerwin4two on Oct 22, 2007 6:15 PM EDT reply actions
Wannstache: Re-verify our range to target… one ping only.
Vasili Borodin: Captain, I – I – I just…
Wannstache: Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please.
Vasili: Aye, Captain.
by JPMelk on Oct 22, 2007 6:18 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t care how you do it…you must sink the Wannstache.
by robert on Oct 22, 2007 6:24 PM EDT reply actions
Wheres the Belt to this Belt Massager? Wannastache wants to try it out.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 6:29 PM EDT reply actions
Dude on the left:
Stop Stop Stop!!! Dont Pull on the Handle!!! This is the Eunuch Maker 2000, not the Orgasmatron 6000!!! They got the wrong one!!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 6:33 PM EDT reply actions
When the going gets rough & the stomach acids flow, and the cold wind of conformity is nipping at your nose, when some new trendy atrocity has brought you to your knees… come with us & we’ll sail the Seas of Cheese….
by One And Done on Oct 22, 2007 6:37 PM EDT reply actions
Hard starboard to Port Palko, biiiiiitches!!!
by One And Done on Oct 22, 2007 6:41 PM EDT reply actions
Giant cheese grater… activate! Gonna be some off da chain parmesaaaan up in heeeeeyeeeeerereeeee
by One And Done on Oct 22, 2007 6:44 PM EDT reply actions
I bet if we stand just like so, somebody will make a fark out of us…
by One And Done on Oct 22, 2007 6:45 PM EDT reply actions
Coach Wannstadt’s motivational team tour of the Titanic Museum goes horribly wrong….
by Xaryn on Oct 22, 2007 6:50 PM EDT reply actions
Don’t pull too hard…you might bring back the lithping Wlat Harrith…PANTHERRANTS!
by Jeremy on Oct 22, 2007 7:00 PM EDT reply actions
“It reminds me of the heady days of Marino and Curtis Martin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again – at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the River City Trophy.”
by PSUrob on Oct 22, 2007 7:06 PM EDT reply actions
“I keep pumping in quarters but this thing never pays out!”
by chris on Oct 22, 2007 7:07 PM EDT reply actions
“sigh….just put it next to the foosball table.”
by Jackson on Oct 22, 2007 7:08 PM EDT reply actions
Now, I’ll just set this thing back to 1976… the last time Pitt football was remotely freaking relevant!!!
by bamaman181 on Oct 22, 2007 7:19 PM EDT reply actions
In a weird turn of events, the Homeland Security Advisory System is now elevated to….. Threat Level Pitt????
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 22, 2007 7:50 PM EDT reply actions
The scary part is the Uconn loses two games and Pitt runs the table, the BCS is forced to have an 8-4 team. Hey, if Pitt could do it in 2004, why not 2007?
by John on Oct 22, 2007 7:57 PM EDT reply actions
“Yo dawg, how long we gots to pretend this means somethin?!”
by BGibs on Oct 22, 2007 8:02 PM EDT reply actions
My name is Talky Tina, and if you don’t stop making fun of Pitt you’ll be sorry.
by TalkyTina on Oct 22, 2007 8:39 PM EDT reply actions
This must be the machine that was selling the World Series tickets this morning.
by Smyth on Oct 22, 2007 9:02 PM EDT reply actions
dude in bandana speaking to #30, with great emotion and rapid breaths…
“Crank it harder, bro, that’s it, keep on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”
by bamaman181 on Oct 22, 2007 9:10 PM EDT reply actions
I told you dawg – stick your dick in one of them holes and I’m slicin’ it off……..
@ NativeSon – +1000 – you win
@ Doug – Keep the Wannstache away from Charlotte. We want to keep our women safe from that thing.
by CLTDawg on Oct 22, 2007 9:20 PM EDT reply actions
FUCK YEAH WE’RE MORE MARGINALLY RELEVANT THAN THOU CRANK THAT LEVER AND SHOW THEM THEIR LACK OF MARGINALITY
by bup bup bup on Oct 22, 2007 9:36 PM EDT reply actions
And with one pull of a magic lever, Conredge Collins (#30) sends an anvil out of the sky, crashing down on the Wannstache.
by Digital Headbutt on Oct 22, 2007 9:38 PM EDT reply actions
“Where the hell did this come from and why does it say ‘Tebow left, Tebow right, and Tebow up the middle’ ?”
by Pants McPants on Oct 22, 2007 9:39 PM EDT reply actions
“Who put this boat thingy on top of my Connect Four game?”
by Rex Cramer on Oct 22, 2007 9:48 PM EDT reply actions
And with one flush of the fanciest toilet in Pittsburgh Cincy’s season goes down the drain.
by letsplaytummysticks on Oct 22, 2007 10:01 PM EDT reply actions
White guy in background (jersey #72) from South Georgia: That’s right darkies, ya’ll carry this shit back to coach’s office .
by Out of Conference on Oct 22, 2007 10:08 PM EDT reply actions
Taggart: Dang, that was lucky. Doggone near lost a four hundred dollar handcart.
by Out of Conference on Oct 22, 2007 10:10 PM EDT reply actions
As you can see … and likely smell … once the Shitodometer reachers “Maximum Pitt”, you can be sure that somewhere in the surrounding area is a foul football-like substance.
by Eirishis on Oct 23, 2007 12:03 AM EDT reply actions
“Someone Please Set This Thing To Stop So I’ll Never Have To See It Again.”
“Argh, we stole this from capt’n leach’s office.”
by formerlyanonymous on Oct 23, 2007 12:14 AM EDT reply actions
Damn Coach Wannastache and his scavenger hunts!!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 23, 2007 12:25 AM EDT reply actions
When I flip this switch, let the daylight firework show begin!!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 23, 2007 12:45 AM EDT reply actions
nativeson wins…he totally read my mind….damn…all i gots is still…
GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN WOOOOOOOOOOO
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 23, 2007 2:48 AM EDT reply actions
“It won’t beat Navy, but it’ll make the Kessel run in three and a half parsecs.”
-
or
-
Beating Navy ain’t like dustin’ crops, boy! You go in without planning and you could end up losing to a service academy or coming out and throwing with a freshman QB.
by blackertai on Oct 23, 2007 4:55 AM EDT reply actions
Is that a prop from the new movie “Harry Potter & The Outing of Dumbledore???”
by Touchdown74 on Oct 23, 2007 7:44 AM EDT reply actions
Capt. Wannastache: Did we wake you up?
Willie: No sir, we’ve been up since the crack of noon.
by Heath on Oct 23, 2007 8:33 AM EDT reply actions
Wanny comin around I see. Yeeaaahhh boooooyyyyy Pitt is comin back!!
by chris on Oct 23, 2007 8:46 AM EDT reply actions
After a long fought battle we finally have the final piece to our time machine, the chronodemastonictor.
by cgb on Oct 23, 2007 9:16 AM EDT reply actions
Dude, pull my crank!
Um, ok.
sound of long and satisfying fart
Oh, dude, you didn’t? oh, m*th*r f*ck*r RUN, RUN AWAY
by I R A Darth Aggie on Oct 23, 2007 9:23 AM EDT reply actions
“I should have worn my singlet and cape for this!”
by Mr. Ashley Russell on Oct 23, 2007 11:34 AM EDT reply actions
In an unprecedented River City Rivalry finish, the Pittsburgh Panthers defeated the Cincinnati Bearcats in a triple overtime contest of barometric connect three. Neither team was able to connect three pieces, so a seventy-thirty decision in favor of the Panthers gave Pitt the victory.
“We felt it was the right decision,” Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt remarked after the victory. “We were up two to one, and we had them pinned pretty good… no way they connected on that board!”
Cincinnati scored first, but the tables turned in the third quarter when a low settled in over the area. Squalls continued into overtime. The Bearcats came close to evening the score at the end of the final OT when a favorable pull was foiled by a sudden gust of humid air, resulting in a ‘stop’. Cincinnati could not overcome two second half pulls landing in Pitt territory, turnovers that changed the game’s complexion.
“We clutch as f*ck baby!” shouted the Panthers’ Conredge Collins over the on field celebration. Collins had both scoring pulls.
Pitt faces its biggest test of the season next week at undefeated South Florida. Wannstedt: “We’ll need some help down there next week.. they have a tremendous home field. It’s late in the season and a high’s rolling in, so I’m liking our chances.”
by d. on Oct 23, 2007 2:03 PM EDT reply actions
The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the trophy: eleven, eleven, eleven and…
- Oh, I see. And most trophies go up to ten?
Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
- Put it up to eleven?
Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
by Tailgate Shogun on Oct 23, 2007 4:45 PM EDT reply actions
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