SOUTH CAROLINIANS AGAPE AT SCOOTERS, MAGIC TRICKS

by Orson on Oct 19, 2007 1:41 PM EDT

Helmets are for football, sissies.

South Carolina football players are taking to two wheels to get from point A to point B on campus by purchasing scooters. The fact that you know this means South Carolina is playing Vandy this weekend, and therefore has little to talk about football wise save Spurrier shuffling quarterbacks, which qualifies as news nowhere.

The locals' response to the scooters is the part we find actually newsworthy:

"You pull it up right in the motorcycle or the bike racks. You get some weird looks, but it saves you money," said receiver Scott Spurrier, son of USC coach Steve Spurrier.

Josephiah, what be that tarnation cursed machine what runs without pedals or ruckus? Satan's Motion Throne let loose to wreak havoc and damnation from its tiny headlights, that's what it is! Shoot it, Josephiah! It's like them Velociraptors in Jurassic Park, but with one glowin' yeller eye like the horned goat of the apocalypse! Alert the congregation! We'll have none of it 'til the last puttering wheeled-devilchair leaves this world in the flames what it came from! Kerosene, Josephiah! Kerosene NOW!!!

(HT: Out of Conference.)

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My God – progeny has sprung forth from The OBC’s Spawnspout.

by Gentleman Masher on Oct 19, 2007 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

where’s the bunda, and no more blanco bunda like last week, Fridays are for dark meat

by mp on Oct 19, 2007 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

Good God, judging by the tire marks on the road, it looks like he just did a 50-ft long burnout. What’s he got in that thing?

by PW on Oct 19, 2007 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

Betta lock that shit up tight. Muthafuckas be stealin’ yo shit all the time. Hells, I might be stealin’ yo shit too.

by Jabar Gaffney on Oct 19, 2007 2:03 PM EDT reply actions

Is it bad I know exactly where that picture was taken?

Click clack indeed.

by ToldYaHeCouldReallyGo on Oct 19, 2007 2:21 PM EDT reply actions

D-Mac said he would run that shit over with his oversized tires.

by The Last Dragon on Oct 19, 2007 2:37 PM EDT reply actions

One must be careful when stealing Jabar’s scooter. he is liable to hold yur head underwater in Lake Alice, and then slide into the visitors locker room to pick up some cash.

by capitol F on Oct 19, 2007 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

Was it Lake Alice? I thought it was a retention pond by the dorms.

by PW on Oct 19, 2007 2:42 PM EDT reply actions

Could have been multiple bodies of water. Jabar was very defensive of his scooter.

by Orson Swindle on Oct 19, 2007 2:44 PM EDT reply actions

Gentleman,
You’re statement is factual (son Steve Jr and a couple of ADPi daughters), but Scottie was adopted, and thus is not actually of the spawnspout. Consider it a real-world Nature v. Nurture experiment.

by panhandler on Oct 19, 2007 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

Jesus, I used “You’re” instead of “Your.” Where’s that Eng. Lit. degree? Oh yeah, catching oil under the car….

by panhandler on Oct 19, 2007 2:57 PM EDT reply actions

@MP,
You, sir, are obviously not Catholic.

That said, bring on the Bunda.
I’ll confess my sins on Sunday.

by GamecockTony on Oct 19, 2007 3:45 PM EDT reply actions

GT – I thoguht fish was allowed on Fridays. That being said, ain;t nothing wrng with the bunda on Fridays…. unless it’s your neighbor’s bunda. Then make sure you don’t covet that funky stuff.

by Out of Conference on Oct 19, 2007 4:01 PM EDT reply actions

The article didn’t elaborate on just how awesomely comical Balkman was on a scooter…and it wasn’t just any scooter, it was one of those miniature motorcycle scooters, like in “Planet Terror.”

by robert on Oct 19, 2007 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

Renaldo Balkman + scooter was a legendary combination. I’m glad his legacy lives on.

by impirius on Oct 19, 2007 4:47 PM EDT reply actions

Well, you know what they say about riding scooters…

by Kahuna on Oct 19, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions

Arkansas’ whole team has scooters I know. They get them through the athletic department for a reduced rental fee.

by Braeden on Oct 19, 2007 5:26 PM EDT reply actions

The University of Georgia football team laughs at your upstart scooter fetish, at least until it produces a solid arrest record.

by MaconDawg on Oct 19, 2007 7:21 PM EDT reply actions

What the hell does Steve Spurrier’sson need to worry about money for?

by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 19, 2007 9:19 PM EDT reply actions

OOC, you give this to O so that he can mock our people?

For shame on you.

Off to see a nailbiter versus the Chippewas.

I hate you, Tommy Bowden.

by Coop on Oct 20, 2007 7:40 AM EDT reply actions

HA! The Iowa football team has been riding these things for years. They look absolutely RIDICULOUS. Also, everyone pretty much assumes boosters are buying them for the players—why else do they all have the exact same black & yellow one?

by Wahoowa on Oct 20, 2007 3:04 PM EDT reply actions