–Smoove shennanigannery on the field goal block return when USF tossed the ball forward on “fumbles” not once, but twice. Doing it once is just being a dick; doing it twice is asshattedness of an inspired degree.

–Ray Rice carries the ball 93 times in a game. Balance!

–Matt Grothe: ugly Chris Rix without lead poisoning?

– Oh! And Delbert Alvarado misses a FG! Never let your personal rapper be your kicker, too.


I made it? I made it! Shooting pistols of praise atcha, Jesus! Photo by Rich Schwartz, AP.

–Craig James says “WOOOOOOOOO” when one player knocks the hair off another player. This is EXACTLY what we do. We’re not sure whether we should knock 20 points off our IQ on this realization.

–Matt Grothe’s dad has a goatee. The goat is the non-ironic mustache of the new millenium. You met your friend’s dad once–he had a mustache, and it disturbed you. That’s the role played by the goatee now. If you meet someone with a mustache, they either have an overly active irony gland, or they are a Crimean War veteran.

–On the Allstate commercial with the guys saying “Hey, that’s Bobby Bowden. I’m gonna touch him.” He’d turn to ash. That’s highly inadvisable, especially since we’d come after you with a crowbar for ruining Florida’s three game win streak against Bowden the Diminished.

–James/Flutie exchange of the night:

Flutie: “Hey, you would have loved that money–many carries in college”

James: “Um…”

Flutie: “You did go to SMU.”

James: “Eat knife, you fucking Canadian midget” (stabs Flutie)

–Rutgers varying up their spies on Grothe. Excellent tradecraft on their part.

–My god, I’d eat Bret Favre’s pubic hair served in a cream sauce with porcini mushrooms over fresh linguine. Sorry, the spirit of Peter King can possess you at any time, as it just did.

–Rutgers has a player named Zaire Kitchen. That’s a name you sign into a Taipei brothel with, though Oops Pow Surprise tops this by suggesting that he has a brother named “Cameroon Parlor.”

–Brilliant field goal fake for TD only validates our entire NCAA 03 offensive strategy.

–Sign seen: “Ending South Florida’s Perfect Season Now.” It’s cheating to use that many words to make four letters. There should be a European Union agency with overpaid bureaucrats to enforce these things.

–Oh, Christ. Jim Leavitt’s speaking in tongues. It looks more Old Testament than New Testament. Fowler’s succinct underscore to a shot of Leavitt snarling: URRRRRRNNNNGGGGHHH.

–Grothe sacked seven times. Gads.

–Playing “Shout.” Rutgers football–it’s a white wedding! The music at a redneck wedding is more diverse than the all-white and sleeveless tee montage played during a Rutgers game. We were halfway there long before the half, and during the fourth, we were in fact living on a prayer.

–Rutgers adjusted at the half and sent dogs after Grothe for the entire half, and at no point did South Florida fully adjust. Jump balls into single coverage, yes–but never a roll-out, no getting Grothe out of the pocket, nothing to dissuade overload blitzes from Rutgers. Dammit, Craig James makes another point we agree with, thus taking our IQ into Andy Warhol territory. This season has made mongoloids of us all–agreeing this much with Craig James is empirical evidence of this.

–Jim Leavitt, welcome to the boathouse. MAO!