THIGHS-MAN TROPHY REPORT

Re: ND’s pass defense

You could pass, or just run for 200 yards per game. Hmmmm, what plays would I call as an OC?

That said, salute to the ND back four nonetheless.

http://www.hart4heisman.com

Reading this Thighsman brief is good, but a little clunky. While your prose is brilliant, some type of visual aid to easily identify which candidate is on top in the poon rankings would be nice.

I propose some type of “Tangometer” (or “Tang-O-Meter”) for illustrative & hilarious purposes.

Of course, having no graphic or computer skills, I must offer this as an idea only and hope that some enterprising young buck might fill this void.

Hell at this point I’d have no problem getting Matt Stafford level booty. Some UGA girls is better than all at most schools.

I know the pickins are slim* out in West Texas, but I have to think Graham Harrell is running the Purple-headed Raider just as efficiently out in Lubbock.

His numbers make Matt Ryan’s look like Buck Belue’s, circa 1980.

(*see what I did there? a veiled Blazin’ Saddles reference?) out

Have a feeling Ryan and Rice would rather not win this award given the derth of talent available at their respective institutions – even including Boston JCs.

Now if AU pulls another road upset this week, I suspect more than one Auburn girl will be willing to experiemnt with Brandon Cox’s vagina.

Praise for ND? What the? And to think that I was going to post something about Orson getting linked to by CNN . . .

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/17/trailer.sexoffender/index.html

You should have another level called Antonio Henton or Darryl Hand level of booty (the prostitute thingy remember?). You could include such players as the ND O-Line, Illinois’ offense, and that guy from Uconn who snapped the ball for a 21 yard loss when they needed a field goal.

and just like the heisman race, the #1 qb in cfb gets no love…at least none from anyone other than Oklahoma co-eds…seriously, i told my wife the other day that i would be so proud of her if she’d offer herself up to Bradford

oh, and va tech v. catholic aggy is next week

@ 5

actually gentlemen, although i’ve never been personally, word is lubbock has some serious honeys…maybe the best in texas. they certainly represented at the cotton bowl a few years ago.

more from the limited knowledge dept. i think chase did well with the poon in high school, so i can only imagine his success on a college campus.

“I know the pickins are slim* out in West Texas…”M

Ahhh, not necessarily true. Tech has it’s share of incredible hotties that didn’t have the grades for Texas or the $$$ for SMU. That gimmick offense no doubt keeps Harrell on a pile.

That’s Gentleman, buddy…singular!!!

Anyway – just upset that I left the word “offense” out after “purple-raider”.

I lived in San Angelo briefly, and I will say that the one TTU girl I knew out there was imminently poundable.

Did I? Of course I didn’t… sigh

Well, Chase Daniels is obviously out of the running, because he eats boogers.

Staff needs to pull it while he can because he’s going to wake up with a Lorenzen-like physique sooner than later, methinks…

I’d vote for Colt Brennan. With any other QB (Woodson & Ryan included), Hawaii has at least two losses and is never talked about by anyone. Hawaii is going to go 12-0 and play in the Sugar Bowl because they have one unbelievable player and a bunch of crappy ones.

If it’s not Brennan, I would vote for Brian Brohm (averaging 395 yards a game and his team is 4-3 despite playing without a defense) or Mike Hart (do the literal carry team on back thing).

Matt Ryan is preparing to be exposed by Va. Tech.

The defender who should get the nod for “token New York City invite” is George Selvie at USF. He has 37 sacks and 142 tackles for losses. That’s pretty ridiculous.

@ 15

Ummm, think you’re kinda missing the point of “Thighsman”…

Saban for Heisman bitches

Wow – leave it to the UConn guy to kill the party.

Continue, please…and great Dan Orlovsky or Skip Holtz anecdotes you’d like to impart?

I’m pretty sure Orson just writes weekly Thighsman posts as a convenient excuse to show off his endless array of sexual euphemisms.

#14…Stafford is definitely sporting the fatkid face…

Ah, the glories of youtube. Now I can count myself as one of AHUNDREDANDSIXTYFUCKINGTHOUSAND people who have laid witness to some overgrown midwestern kid munching on self-generated freezedried mucous.

Minor point, both Virginia Tech and Boston College have games against Bye University this weekend. The Hokies host the Eagles next Thursday night.

Sex for good play? I’m a dude, I’m married, and I started a website called www.ihearthart.com.

I have a mancrush.

16,18 – I just want to spread the love for Brennan whenever I can because I was stoned off my ass Friday night and that game blew my mind.

Did someone ask for an Orlovsky antidote???

-Late July, I go out to a bar with some girl friends I know in Fairfield County. They promptly get picked up by Alfred Fincher (Saints/UConn LB) and Fincher takes the bait, says he’ll come back to their place for an after-party. I’m with the girls because I’m trying to do one/any of them. So we’re at the place playing beer pong, waiting for FIncher to arrive…and he shows up with ORLOVSKY!!! I squeal like a 12-year old girl, though quiety, and try to get the courage to ask him to play beer pong with me. But he plays only with Fincher, while I play with the girl I’m trying to nail who is in love with Orlovsky. In the most intense beer pong game of my life, I hit the final two shots to secure the victory. And I get the girl!!!!

(Found out later that Dan-O is actually committed to his girlfriend and turned her down. So I was just next in line. And I’m pretty sure Fincher had a really good time with my slutty friends.)

So this has nothing to do with anything, but apparently someone informed Jay Mohr that colleges field football teams. He decided to write about it. Why am I reading Jay Mohr you ask? Morbid curiousity. That someone can be so consistently inane and unfunny yet still be compensated is enthralling. So here it is: Mohr on college football.

My favorites are the “funny” rhetorical questions:

“Why are there 11 teams in the Big Ten?”

“Why is there a Western Division to the Southeastern Conference? "

“Why are Pittsburgh, Cincinnati and Louisville in the Big East when they are further west than Miami, Boston College, UCF and Maryland? "

Astounding.

“I’m trying to do one/any of them”

Nice diversification of your time investment. But it’s like covering the option: at some point you must commit and hope its the one with the football (or open and willing vagina).

24 – Wow. I mean….wow. I have never read Jay Mohr and, as a writer myself, I could feel my brain oozing out of my ears. I don’t know whether to thank you for pointing that out or calling you an a-hole because you pointed that out to me. I’m cold.

So is Brian Brohm being punished because is new coach is mildly retarded and the defensive coordinator is even dumber? In terms of teh hottness, his girlfriend is a number 1 stunner.

Edsall,

And he gets paid actual money (I’m pretty sure) to write those articles. On the bright side, if websites are looking for phoned-in articles without even a touch of humor or insight I could totally get a job with one of them. I think my blog is quite a strong resumé.

The New York media’s “amazing immunity to college football fever” is not absolute. Rutgers footbaw news falls somewhere between equestrian sports and the saltwater fishing report in the papers. The other 119 teams never surface in the ocean known as the New York sports media unless some player or coach is suing Isaiah Thomas or being considered for the next manager of the Yankees.

Back to Thighs-man…
Getting Cock-blocked like a sumbitch in Columbia still makes one a contender, huh? Then I should be a motherfawkin Archie Griffin after my days trolling for leg at South Carolina.

30 – The problem with the New York papers is that the city is full of Notre Dame’s subway alumuni, passed down through the years, because so many of the people there either didn’t go to college or went to schools without football (Columbia, NYU, St. Johns). Notre Dame is the college football school of NYC, thus the college football school of the mainstream media.

Well said, TigerInATL. I tried to explain this to a group of drunk d-bags I didn’t know once.

We were in a house of beautiful women, who had just happened to be talked into coming back to the d-bags place…and one of the girls brought me along.

I said “I have that one” now you guys go get the other ones.

I’ll give you one guess what they did…okay, I’ll just tell you…they all took turns hitting on the girl I was with, and no one got laid.

33 — When I said “one/any of them” it meant that I had to take some, survey the situation and see what the possibilities were. And then make a decision. For example, there was one cute girl I was interested in…and then I was informed she was six months removed from having an abortion. No thanks. You have to do some research or you’ll blindly lead yourself into an abortion clinic or worse.

Edsall, Contrarian

The last time the New York media provided thorough or intelligent coverage of college football the city was still called New Amsterdam.

#33

sorry, but i have to question your analysis and judgment – if a girl just had an abortion, you know she puts out, thus she’s a prime target – plus, you also know that if your condom happens to have as many holes in it as the louisville secondary and you slip one past the goalie, she’ll take care of business

Anyone at USF eligible for the Thighs-man? (I’m having trouble remembering the last edition.) You’d think the recent popularity of the team would awaken the libidos of all current and recent female USF graduates due to their exciting new social status. Plus, I always thought of them as community college girls, so there is massive potential there.

36
Unless she is ridden with guilt from it and now refuses to have sex and if she does makes you doublebag it and pull out.

Re #38 – or, you could point out that no-one ever got pregnant from getting eaten out and then taking it up the ass. Not to be too blunt or anything.

B in Hawaii has got to have it? Have none of you ever been there? You don’t go to school if surf’s up. You get the best of the cali / japan /russia / malaysia mix of girls that will give you a blonde haired, green eyed surfing chick with a ahawaiian accent who can hula dance, party, and still get up for the first ride..or second

I’m a UF kid. I love g-ville girls ‘cause they’re so friendly. but hawaiian chicks are still my domestic favorite