South Florida, 2nd in the BCS. The science fiction scenario of falling asleep for decades, awakening, and finding the world inhabited only by eyeless nuclear mutants has arrived: you are, whether you like it or not, staggering around the streets yelling “IS ANYONE OUT THERE?” at the fact that South Florida is the second-ranked team in the BCS.

Ohio State claims spot one, followed by South Florida at two, Boston College at three, LSU at four, and Oklahoma at five. Army’s 1947 squad is number six, the nation of Bolivia is at seven; acclaimed chef Eric Ripert and his kitchen staff are at eight, and finally, the nine spot is occupied by a sweet 2005 Dodge Ram dualie and chrome pipes with the Idaho plates 323 AAJE. The truck’s owner, Steve Redding of Boise, Idaho: “What the fuck is my truck doing in the BCS standings?”

Nebraska wants blood atonement, or at least yon internet tells us so. The fact that coach Bill Callahan and Steve Pederson may not have jobs after this year is yeah-duh-obvious; what’s pending is the celerity of their departures. Much traffic and scuttlebutt ensued this weekend re: CallaPederson’s impending demolition, with different permutations of the rumor involving a purge of the defensive crew, Callahan’s departure, Pederson’s departure, or variations thereof.

We like our WAC defenses like we like our gay men: FLAMING. Sunday night college football still feels like we’re watching a local sports network replay, but nevermind–the desperate take all the football they can get, and we watched Boise State and Nevada troll up 1266 yards of total offense in a triple quadruple overtime win for Boise, 69-67.

An appropriate punishment for both defenses would be a divine smiting, which is basically what happened to them anyway. The first three plays of overtime all went for first snap tds; Nevada broke the string by merely gaining yards on the fourth snap, but redeemed themselves by scoring on the next play.

The point total is the highest for a single game since the NCAA began keeping records in 1937.

Fire Coach Fran. Hire us. We’re serial, yo: Aggie powers-that-be, hire us to call your plays for the rest of the season. We’ll do it for a tenth of what you would pay Dennis Franchione, and we’d be fun! Jorvorskie Lane on outside runs! Steven McGee throwing 60 times a game! Punting on second down! It can’t be more absurd than the game Franchione called against Texas Tech, which the 12th Manchild sums up in one brilliant graphic.

Oh, and did we mention we’d have smoothie day every Wednesday? Smoothies, motherfuckers!

Speaking of motherfuckers…

Boom, motherfuckers! Ahm Auburn DC Will Muschamp, and ahm in your television, cussin’ ur earz.

(HT: Sports By Brooks.)