Tonight’s ESPN tilt, in addition to reeking of revenge for Florida State, should earn your viewership for at least ten other reasons.

10. Jim Grobe’s mesmerizing tradition of taking a power nap in the middle of the third quarter.

The laid-back Grobe…so…sleepy…

9. Chris Fowler’s pregame chili-fueled vengeance gas, vented in bilious, eye-scorching clouds in retaliation for being forced to sit in a box with Craig James for four hours a week. Watch James wince if you don’t believe us.

8. Three words: TOUCHDOWN, DE’CODY FAGG!!! If he can’t beat the shit out of any man living after being saddled with that name, life’s simply not fair.

7. Fake name to watch, Wake Forest: Chantz McClinic. This is the name you’re supposed to sign in with at public health when you get your syphilis test done. Negative! Dodged your wily arms again, Spanish Pox!

6. Fake name to watch, Florida State: Mister Alexander.

5. Erin Andrews sideline duel to the finish with Jenn Sterger should result in spectacular decapitation finish. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

4. Xavier Lee should score numerous times for both teams. He’s giving like that.

3. Watch because his dead eyes will show you the evil you know is in your murky soul.

You know nothing. Hell is only a word. The reality is much, much worse.

2. Enjoy the festive tradition of Wake Forest losing four quarterbacks to injury before November. If this occurs tonight, tight end John Tereshinski will take over and then throw 3 tds for a victory for the Demon Deacons.

1. The possibility that Bobby Bowden drives to the game and, mistaking the gas pedal for the brake when parking, drives through a fence and onto the field, injuring 23 people and forcing a forfeit for the Seminoles.