Woof!

Pirates tend to have a raunchy sense of humor and should, what with all the wenching and pillaging of booty. Euphemisms make for romance! Remember that they both essentially mean robbery and rape, mind you, which is why real pirates are total assholes who don’t wear eyepatches and who do carry RPGs when they plunder Taiwanese freighters off the Horn of Africa.

(Seriously: vigilance, reader. Pirates are everywhere. Be aware.)

We remain fond of the fake variety, though, especially the ones in Lubbock who attend Mike Leach’s Pirate School. Oh, and they make festive t-shirts, too, like the one cocked up for this week’s game against Texas A&M. Did you know that, in addition to making huge bonfires, grabbing their balls in unison, and participating in complex group cheers, the Aggies have a collie as a mascot. Why? Because Lassie’s no commie, dammit, unlike that liberal pinko Alger Hiss of a dog, Rin Tin Tin.

FYI: We actually got an advance copy of this t-shirt from Dennis Franchione last Thursday. He’ll send you next week’s rival t-shirts for just twelve hundred dollars a year. You say crazy, but who was pimping this shirt on Saturday in Baton Rouge? Only Dennis Franchione’s official 145th best friend, yours truly, according to his Facebook page. We can feel the envy from here.