EDSBS ROAD TRIP: BATON ROUGE
by Orson on Oct 8, 2007 4:34 PM EDT
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PrintSomewhere in Louisiana late on Friday, a drunk hunter shot himself, fell on his knife, slashed his femoral artery with a jig, or otherwise mortally injured himself in the course of trying to catch a fish or convert a happy, walking live deer to tasty venison sausage. And rather than going to the hospital or even calling for help, he simply lay down on the deck of his boat or sat back in his tree stand, gazed at the purple sky, and said something to the effect of "Lester, you brought this on yourself. Might as well finish what's in the flask."
This is because there are things you do not know about going to an LSU game on Saturday night in Baton Rouge. We'll explain all you need to know in a few simple bullet points.
Cheers from Baton Rouge. Mandatory remark about obvious homosexuality of opponent included on t-shirt.
Everyone's there. Lester accepted fate as he bled to death, and just as well, since Lester was a dead man walking. No one was in the emergency rooms, nor in the morgues, nor in the dispatcher's seat. Every single person in the state of Louisiana was in Baton Rouge, professionals, ne'er-do-wells, rapscallions, and professional ne'er-do-wells and rapscallions, to watch LSU play Florida in Tiger Stadium. Babies went unborn; ships sat unloaded at the docks. Dogs circled a spot on the floor three times and then lay down on the floor, passed out until their woozy owners returned 48 to 72 hours later.
On Friday night, a quick drive around the campus confirmed our suspicions.
It felt like a tour of a war camp of some unnamed guerilla army on maneuvers. Figures moved under trees in black silhouette against Christmas lights that read "LSU" across the front. Cars prowled, sniffing out prime real estate for tents. Televisions flickered behind the mesh of screen netting. People crawled all over the campus a full 24 hours before gametime. At Florida, show up at 12 p.m. for an 8 p.m. game, and you may tailgate anywhere you like; at LSU, show up at noon, and you may park in Slidell and take an airboat into campus.
Again: patients are left on the operating table sometime around late Thursday. That's how devoted LSU fans in full flood are to tailgating.
Batter fry it, or the terrorists win. Everything not cooked in a huge iron skillet over a gas burner is cooked in a huge aluminum pot full of oil over a burner. At our own host's tailgate, LSUJoshua batter-fried two turkeys, a pork loin, and a 2002 Hitachi portable television just to prove a point: anything may be batter-fried. He did not actually batter-fry a television, btw, though we did spend a good and drunken five minutes starting at the bubbling oil contemplating the act of dipping our cell phone in batter, tossing it in, and then eating it just to see what would happen. It just seemed appropriate at the time. Enough vodka and creole-butter-infused fried turkey meat does odd things to the brain.
Fuck you means "I love you." That's what an optimist says, at least, since we assume it was reaching out to other fans, and not garden-variety hostility. We racked up five "fuck yous" and two "faggots" walking around in Florida gear before 11:00 a.m. Central time, including a hearty "Hey, fuck you!" from a guy who, after two minutes conversation, gave us a beer and welcomed us formally to Baton Rouge.
Much of the faggotry centered around our beautiful baby Rhino of a quarterback, Tim Tebow, who throughout the day performed a dazzling array of hypothetical homosexual acts: he was fucking us, or we were fucking him, or he was sucking our cock or vice versa through a glory hole somewhere in the Baton Rouge metropolitan area. How any of the fans knew such specific and accurate locations for anonymous sex was beyond us, but whatever PR company is representing the glory hole operation in Middleton, Louisiana needs to up their fees, since we had three different people suggest we check it out after the game. It must be the most glorious hole of all.
Nevertheless, once you got past the threats of bodily harm, the lack of decorum suits the outgoing blogger very well. We actually had this exchange with a guy after the game.
Hammered to bejeezus guy: HEY, WE FUCKING KICKED YOUR ASS.
Orson: Yes, yes you did.
HTBG: I should kick your fucking ass, man.
Orson: It's a great environment in there. Loud as hell.
HTBG: You enjoyed it?
Orson: Yes, I did.
HTBG: Come here, man. I love you.
Orson: Yes...I...I love you to, Hammered To Bejeezus Guy.
HTBG: (Kisses us on the cheek.) I'm Tony Joiner baby! I love you! I'm gonna steal your car!
The improbable three Fs of the LSU football fan: Friendly! Fucked up! And Fucking Hostile!
The tiger is real. You know that there's a live tiger on campus at LSU. And that they parade it around before games. And that you're going to see it. But seeing it registers the lunacy of the whole event at a level that only the visual can really deliver: it's a live goddamn tiger in its own bizarre cage/car, staring out at all the fresh meat it could possibly ever want from behind mesh and generally looking very, very unimpressed with the whole affair. The crowd loses all sense when it arrives, bringing LSU pregame out of the realm of mere "pep" and into a conflation of sport and primitive totem worship.
The tiger, meanwhile, gets to play the part of Philip Fulmer behind the glass at a Krispy Kreme, watching all the tasties float by him with zero chance of him actually getting his massive mitts on any of the goods.
Tiger Stadium is proxy Mardi Gras. Something cuts Tiger Stadium loose from the fetters of reality. Perhaps it's the brown liquor buzz peaking with the setting of the sun, or the lurid dark purple the sky turns just as the sun is sliding beneath the horizon, or the combined and complete attention of 92,000 people all focused on one communal point of attention. We've read about the intangibles of playing in a place like Tiger Stadium before--the vague "something" described alternately as "special," "different," or "MY GOD I'M NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE ALIVE"--and scoffed.
We scoff no more. It's real, live, and tangible enough to hang your freshly slaughtered baby alligator carcass on in a pinch. (We met a tailgater who, in festive fashion, had slaughtered a baby alligator that morning in order to prepare it for the tailgate. Tiger meat's a bit harder to come by. Thanks, Chinese Medicine black market! Assholes.)
It's as loud as The Swamp, yet somehow more unhinged. When the USC score was announced, the reaction was loud enough to cause a rhythmic buzz in the ears, a noise not unlike that of a didgeridoo in full throat in the wastes of the Australian Outback.
That voodoo's real. When the "Four Corners Salute" gets cranking, it's like listening to a 747 made entirely of fired clay crashing into a field of shattered glass. Getting a snap off effectively is in itself a game ball-worthy achievement. Combined with the orgy going on outside the stadium for five miles in any direction, it's the gold standard for any other college gameday experience. Any of them. It is peerless in terms of demonstrated intensity, lunacy, commitment, flair, and menace. At several points in the day, we were convinced we were going to be killed, injected with creole butter, and thrown in a deep fryer...but only in the most festive and accommodating of ways, of course.
In the end, the hat remains undefeated. Les Miles went for it on 4th down five times and made all five. Justifiably, LSU fans are fascinated with hats, including Les' huge white beamer of a skull cover and their own. We summed up the action Saturday night with Mario and his own lucky hat as Pantera's "Walk" thumped along in the background.
More on the actual x's, o's and implications of the game tomorrow. But it's Columbus Day, and we're going to celebrate the renowned genocidaire by catching up on our sleep after a napless weekend in Baton Rouge. We drove there, drove back, and in between enjoyed 36 hours of outright madness covered in brown liquor and a tasty roux of football, screaming, and tiger-striped lunacy. We are sorely in need of a defense that can get a three-and-out, some Aleve, and a good nap.
Thanks again to LSUJoshua, who gave us his ticket so that we could experience to the maelstrom that is Tiger Stadium. We only owe him our firstborn in return. Cannon Dorsey Swindle actually sounds pretty tough already.
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a slidell reference!!!! whoo hoo!!!!
all you have written is true…and all of it makes lsu a very unique, special place on gameday…and ultimately what makes you hate them if you are not with them.
by gerry dorsey on Oct 8, 2007 4:44 PM EDT reply actions
Now I’m even more excited about my trip in two weeks! Seriously, though, where should I park?
by BovineKid on Oct 8, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve heard similar “reviews” about Tiger Stadium.
Hopefully someday I too can make it over there for a game, and escape unbattered.
by BDoc on Oct 8, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
Great work, and as a Tiger fan, I am glad you were able to have a good time despite the game and some of the rougher treatment. I literally woke up from a nightmare early Sunday morning that the game was still going on and that Tebow was on the loose again.
by RL on Oct 8, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
HTBG: (Kisses us on the cheek.) I’m Tony Joiner baby! I love you! I’m gonna steal your car!
I am completely heartbroken I missed this game, no kidding. Outstanding.
by Holly on Oct 8, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
I hope to god if the U.S. is ever invaded again it is through Louisiana. The whole invading army would get ‘lost’ in the bayou and end up in a deep frier as a snack for the locals.
Correct me if Im wrong, but I understand Mike VI to be the first siberian tiger. Are there plans for a bigger cage for game day?
by tzubear on Oct 8, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
What was amazing to me (though possibly not to the CBS execs, assuming some aurally-sensitive member of the PTC was watching) was that a few rounds of the “Fuck you Tebow” chant made it on the air in the first half.
It’s one thing for a crowd to unite in the occasional “bullshit” chant after a bad call, but this was a thing of offensive beauty.
by Will on Oct 8, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
I never receive Christmas or Birthday cards from my great-aunts and great-uncles in Slidell.
I can always count on them for a phone call and a heartfelt “fuck you” the week of the Auburn game.
by kt on Oct 8, 2007 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
tzubear, if I’m remembering my Mike articles correctly, the current Mike is half-Siberian. And Wikipedia backs me up on this: “Mike V (a Bengali-Indochinese mix) was the fifth live tiger since 1936 to act as the university’s mascot. Mike VI is a Bengali-Siberian hybrid.”
Some folks go for hybrid cars, LSU, hybrid tigers.
by Will on Oct 8, 2007 5:00 PM EDT reply actions
Its actually Middleton Library on campus that is the place from anonymous man love. Some investigative reporting thanks to Foot-tapping Larry Craig. I guess there are websites to find where to go to find these public restrooms and Middleton Library is one of them.
by bamafanintigerland on Oct 8, 2007 5:03 PM EDT reply actions
The good news is that’s probably the best game day report I’ve ever read. The bad news for us is that if you keep writing like that, it’s only a matter of time until we have to subscribe to something to keep reading it.
by DevilGrad on Oct 8, 2007 5:04 PM EDT reply actions
The tiger is half bengal half siberian. This is a special season down on the bayou. Les Miles is here on out to be known as coach Lesticles
by Robert Boudreaux on Oct 8, 2007 5:13 PM EDT reply actions
Glad to hear you enjoyed your visit. I think you described the LSU Gameday experience pretty well.
P.S. Middleton is not a town in Louisiana. It is the name of the Library on campus. Although, the gloryholing used to occur in the Coates Hall bathroom – just ask David Pollack.
by Eric on Oct 8, 2007 5:13 PM EDT reply actions
I know this is off topic and about a week late, but people seem to be into chicks giving the 1 finger salute.
So here’s to you, CJ Spiller. You would have had a touchdown if your lineman wasn’t a dirty cheater. Instead you are getting the bird from a girl on live TV. Chantastic…
by Yeller Jacket on Oct 8, 2007 5:25 PM EDT reply actions
@ #8-kt
so you can imagine my life growing up in slidell as a bama fan/lsu hater.
by gerry dorsey on Oct 8, 2007 5:27 PM EDT reply actions
Please tell me you saw the…
Tebow (heart)’s
Coach
Urban
Meyer
…sign at Gameday. Did anyone get a picture of this?
by Dr. StrangeCock on Oct 8, 2007 5:30 PM EDT reply actions
Absolutely spot-on. The craziest place on earth on Saturday’s in the fall. Great read.
by bitterhorn on Oct 8, 2007 5:42 PM EDT reply actions
The reason everybody knew where all the glory holes Mr. Tebow frequented in the Baton Rouge area are is there happened to be a front-page expose in the LSU student newspaper last week. Consequently nobody will be using the 3rd floor bathrooms in LSU’s library ever again.
by Billy in Baton Rouge on Oct 8, 2007 5:43 PM EDT reply actions
Larry Craig just caught the next plane to Baton Rouge.
by Dr. StrangeCock on Oct 8, 2007 5:45 PM EDT reply actions
Yeller Jacket, you got her number? She is the hawtness.
by Unhappy Monkey on Oct 8, 2007 5:45 PM EDT reply actions
The tiger, meanwhile, gets to play the part of Philip Fulmer behind the glass at a Krispy Kreme, watching all the tasties float by him with zero chance of him actually getting his massive mitts on any of the goods.
Phil calls B.S. on that one. I bet he does his best Orgeron impression and goes apesh!t on that assembly line only to wash his fresh doughy treats down while laying under the warm glaze fountain.
by Geaux Irish on Oct 8, 2007 5:45 PM EDT reply actions
i dont know if you caught this, but we tiger fans not only deep fry things, we also like to, chop it up and stuff it into some sort of animal intestine and make a delicious suasage out of it, grill it, or put it in a gumbo. and our tiger is gonna be over 700 lbs, let that sit create a fear roux in your collective psyche.
by werewolffan on Oct 8, 2007 5:46 PM EDT reply actions
Apologies to Gator Nation. I turned on the game and my Florida boys had a nice lead. It was downhill from there. My fault. Shoulda never turned it on.
why couldn’t all of those LSU players who gut hurt during the game have gotten hurt in the game with South Carolina?
At this rate we’ll be playing Oregon in the ratemycameltoe.com bowl in late December.
by PDXGoneGator on Oct 8, 2007 5:50 PM EDT reply actions
So is everyone in awe of my awesome and stunning gaffer skills with the flashlight? I smell Oscar nomination.
I tip my hat to you Orson. What a great time. And thanks for putting up a picture that my Mom won’t be ashamed of. You actually made me look decent. But I don’t remember taking that picture with that kid. I am proud that my cocktail matches my shirt. That’s style.
by LSUJoshua on Oct 8, 2007 5:51 PM EDT reply actions
Florida put up a much more impressive fight than my Hokies. In 2002 when the Tigers came to play in Blacksburg they traveled in a herd or RVs and arrived on a Tuesday. They were like squatters on campus sporting colors and signs all week. They setup a shanty town in our commuter lot making bad parking worse. The night before the game there was a huge brawl downtown between all the LSU fans and the VT fans. The police ended up tear gassing everyone. It was crazy.
Also Dr. StrangeCock I have the Tebow Heart’s CUM picture on my blog: http://www.collegegameballs.com/2007/10/06/gameday-signs-week-6/
by cgb on Oct 8, 2007 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
Mike VI’s christian name is Roscoe. I sorta like that better than Mike…but only for a short while. Gator player ‘chomping’ at LSU student section—retarded; Gator fan ‘chomping’ on LSU fan’s creole tailgatin’ vittles—anytime.
by Yeaux Yeaux Ma on Oct 8, 2007 6:03 PM EDT reply actions
Mike VI is supposed to be eventually become approx. twice as big (over 700 lbs.) as any of the other Mikes as well. Apparently the Siberians get much, much bigger than their Bengal counterparts.
by One And Done on Oct 8, 2007 6:06 PM EDT reply actions
balanced coverage i would say. it’s always good that an independent source be on hand to dispel the rumors about burning cars, overturned porta potties and the like. i think i can speak for the entire alumni base when i say we have no desire to see you guys in atlanta. shame someone had to lose on saturday but i think we can all agree that it was a game and atmosphere for the ages. geaux tigers.
by booty for prez on Oct 8, 2007 6:08 PM EDT reply actions
About 15 years ago I went to see the Aggies play in Baton Rouge. There was a really ratty dormitory under one horseshoe, and that happened to be where the visitor’s entrance was. We’re at the end of a ~20 yard line to get in when I see a window open four stories or so up directly over the gate — and some dude starts whizzing out the window onto the unsuspecting crowd below.
That’s one hell of a home field advantage.
We got into the stadium to discover that the last minute seats we had bought put us between a two sousaphones in the Aggie Band. They provided great cover, because we had to duck down to avoid the empty pint bottles that rained down whenever the band played.
They rolled the tiger cage up to the tunnel from the visitors’ locker room and gave good ol’ Mike a sharp poke or two just before the Aggies came out. The game was over before kickoff.
I’ve been back since to see games in which I had no rooting interest, and I tell anyone who asks that there’s no better place to see a college game than Tiger Stadium at night.
by c adams on Oct 8, 2007 6:13 PM EDT reply actions
woah, so I see my Tim Tebow + Middleton Hall Stall Glory Hole photoshop actually DID make it onto someones college gameday sign and filter it’s way through the internet until I found it once again sitting here on my computer.
What a wonderful place we live in?
by louby on Oct 8, 2007 6:14 PM EDT reply actions
If you thought the gator was wild wait till you see what we do to that Elephant when we head down to Tuscaloser…. FUCK YOU KENTUCKY, YOUR NEXT!
glad ya had fun.
by Gatorbabykiller on Oct 8, 2007 6:20 PM EDT reply actions
i miss it so much, the youtube clip of the crowd really hit home.
by Boudreaux on Oct 8, 2007 6:35 PM EDT reply actions
“Tiger Bait” coming out of the mouth of every trashed 19 yr old did get a little tiresome, but the “HEY! FUCK YOU”s never got old. I hadn’t been to LSU since I was a kid, probably because I had a drink dumped on my head by a fan…wearing purple…who cussed out a 9 year old…I digress. I was surprised that for every screaming jackass, there was a fan that actually seemed to apologize for it. Now I know how it feels coming into Ben Hill Griffin as an opponent. The parking was insane though, I got to Baton Rouge from New Orleans about 10am and still had to park in a field with an Oil derrick in it. Not kidding.
by Tailgator on Oct 8, 2007 6:41 PM EDT reply actions
My highlight of the Red River Shootout is as follows:
Aggressive Texas Fan gets in face of Docile OU Fan. Shouts Fuck OU. DOUF is with gaggle of hot cougars. ATF is with gangsta kids and thugged out twentysomething doormat girl. While DOUF and ATF exchange obscenities the girls start going at it. Barbaricly.
Now your visual at this point should be a full out fisticuffus right? Wrong, thugged out twentysomething doormat girl has managed to romantically engage one of the hot OU cougars. Before we know what has hit us, two OU girls and one UT girl are in a triple kiss with 4-6 breasts exposed (couldnt get the best angle). All attention from the fight is diverted to the lesbian triumverate of ecstasy. ATF has now chanelled his energy to join the crowd in the “show your tits” chant, while DOUF scurries off all butthurt that his girls are down with the street love, with little thanks that his hereim saved his ass from getting manhandled on the street. The cops come in and break the girls up, but dont remind them to pull their shirts up. The girls walk about a block before realizing their cans are exposed.
My buddy took pictures that I will share when he forwards.
by Jimer on Oct 8, 2007 6:46 PM EDT reply actions
Sending Orson to do a report like this from every stadium in the SEC would make one hell of a Travel Channel show . . . well, maybe Showtime, after all the profanity, simulated teabagging and glory-holing, and other hoped-for nudity.
by DevilGrad on Oct 8, 2007 6:47 PM EDT reply actions
Can we pay the French to take Lousiana back? Please?
by PSUfanNYC on Oct 8, 2007 7:02 PM EDT reply actions
“Sending Orson to do a report like this from every stadium in the SEC would make one hell of a Travel Channel show”
That’s so crazy, it’s freaking brilliant. Also, with Orson being the international sportiste, he could cover urine-bomb tossing futbol games and such worldwide.
by bitterhorn on Oct 8, 2007 7:11 PM EDT reply actions
Scariest.Fucking.Place.Ever.
Louder than the Swamp.
Drunker than Ole Miss.
More hostile than Jordan-Hare.
Grammar poorer than in Stark-vegas.
Nominally more teeth than in Neyland.
And a live fucking tiger. Take that shit, Ralphie and Revelrie!
by Der Schatten on Oct 8, 2007 7:15 PM EDT reply actions
It’s funny that the French have a reputation for being rude to outsiders, but I’ve never experienced that at all when I’ve visited France. The two places I have experienced outright rudeness and hostility have been Qubec and Louisiana. There is something about the Francophones being away from the mother country that seems to turn them into assholes. (New Orleans does not count, it is a wonderful city).
by oc phil on Oct 8, 2007 7:19 PM EDT reply actions
@ 29
its stories like yours that make it tolerable for an sec boy to live in dallas. i’ll give you my email address and you can send me pics.
by gerry dorsey on Oct 8, 2007 7:41 PM EDT reply actions
OC Phil,
I assume you mean Quebec city and not the provance as a whole. I found the people of Montreal to be VERY friendly, and hot too.
by tzubear on Oct 8, 2007 7:55 PM EDT reply actions
Superb and superbly accurate (based on my groggy yet vivid recollections of the event) of the festivities in Baton Rouge on a football (Friday) – Saturday – (Sunday).
by marcillac on Oct 8, 2007 7:56 PM EDT reply actions
Please, oh please, oh please beat KY….so we can beat you to a pulp. Ya’ll made tebow look good…you lslooser wimps. Fear the Tubs and AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by TUBBS on Oct 8, 2007 7:58 PM EDT reply actions
Having married a Slidell girl & LSU grad, I can say there is no more crazy joint in all of football.
700 level in Philly? Mere amateurs.
Having been to several games there, both as opponent and mere spectator (wearing my UGA hat), the treatment is the same. They mess with you just to see how you react & as long as your aren’t a dick, they will love on you and feed you some of the best food you’ll ever eat.
by CLTDawg on Oct 8, 2007 8:12 PM EDT reply actions
Hunter Thompson would be proud. Great writing. Don’t ever stop. You have the gift.
by patrick dunn on Oct 8, 2007 8:14 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, I’m going to whip this out the next time some Duck fan states Autzen is as loud and crazy as a SEC venue.
BATSHIT CRAZY FANS OF THE SEC, UNITE!!!
by Brandon Cox's Vagina on Oct 8, 2007 8:20 PM EDT reply actions
LSUJoshua, your mother may not be ashamed of the way you look in the picture but I’d love to see you stammer through your explanation (and provide visuals as nesc.) of what the other guy’s t-shirt means.
This assumes, of course, that your mom is not the type woman who already knows what the phrase in question means. By the description of the hospitality you extended to a fellow member of the Nation, she probably has no clue what it means.
by Irwin Fletcher on Oct 8, 2007 8:36 PM EDT reply actions
How do you know LSUJoshua’s mother didn’t iron on those letters after she used a strap-on pair and tebagged tebow herself?
by Brandon Cox's Vagina on Oct 8, 2007 8:50 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, you left out any reference to the wackiest sight you typically see when in Red Stick on a Sat night… pretty ladies all in a circle at the edge of a grassy lot, with one in the middle squatting to make water
Now I want to blame some pervert LSU admin official who is totally obsessed with seeing ladies pee so he (it has to be a he) decided to lock all on campus bathrooms forcing ladies to expose their business to the great outdoors. Problem is, lots of campus’ have locked school facilities to prevent abuse… yet other campus have taken it upon themselves to provide facilities to the masses. Not LSU. Between ladies who deem drinking large quantities of beer a socially acceptable idea and and a paucity of places to put the beer once it has been used, we find that women (and of course men) reverting to their less cultured selves when in Baton Rouge. And when viewed through excellent field glasses you can enjoy sights that normally are reserved for moms boyfriends or gynecologists.
has anyone ever seen this in Oxford, Gainsville or Nashville? Ever see it happen twice? I saw it no less than 4 times while walking prior to a GA-LSU game… and have never seen it at any other venue in the SEC (and I have been to them all).
comments?
by Futbawl Fan on Oct 8, 2007 8:53 PM EDT reply actions
The Tiger is half Siberian, half Bengal (most mascots previous have been Bengals), the Coach is half Odds-Maker, half Defibrillator (most coaches previous have been inept or assholes).
Great write-up. Glad to hear you had a good time. It’s good to know, smell of bourbon on the field or not, that LSU is its own place on the map. Hit us up earlier for requests than you did this time, and we’ll make sure you have tickets for ’09. Tebow will likely be tutoring Chuck Norris in the Zen of the Quarterback Draw by then.
by 4EverLSU on Oct 8, 2007 9:47 PM EDT reply actions
I guess what you gain in intensity and commitment, you lose in academic achievement. However the most important stuff I learned in life was outside of a classroom.
by Brian on Oct 8, 2007 9:51 PM EDT reply actions
Excellent write-up. I am at work in a room full of Tiger Fans. We all laughed our ass off and couldn’t be prouder.
by David O on Oct 8, 2007 9:59 PM EDT reply actions
Arrests in the murder of Memphis footballer Taylor Bradford…
http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2007/oct/08/memphis-police-holding-3-suspects-bradford-death/
I hope they fry…
by PJ from NU in SF on Oct 8, 2007 10:06 PM EDT reply actions
Watching that Tiger Stadium video caused my computer to get the Blue Screen of Death, serial. I hate LSU.
Hopefully the Tuberville that dares you to take the points shows up as opposed to the Tuberville who doesn’t give up a damn.
by AUAlum on Oct 8, 2007 10:08 PM EDT reply actions
yes, my experiences at LSU have been very similar. Minus the 2 tons of sugar and keg of kiss-ass you threw on top.
#41, throw in something about a stench worse than a guatemalan prison toilet, and I couldn’t explain that scary-ass shithole better.
by always rebellious on Oct 8, 2007 10:09 PM EDT reply actions
I went to UGA/LSU in ‘03(?) and was totally and completely unprepared for how awesome the experience was. And I mean “awesome” in the non-slang use of the term, as the Dawgs lost that game in a battle much like last Saturday’s game. The pregame ‘Hold that Tiger’ is enough to make the trip – it puts all other pregames (“Enter Sandman,” etc.) to shame. It’s got that great mix of traditional early-20th century fight song with a primal, martial tweak…makes your hair stand on end. Someone wrote a few years back that when the band plays the first four notes, every LSU alum in the world stops what they are doing and looks out into the distance, as if they were called home by the mother ship.
I always look forward to LSU home games on TV, and enjoy seeing the Tigahs play intersectional games (VTech was awesome) just to see the visitors blown up into a puddle of football by the noise, ferocity, and intensity. The LSU/ND Sugar Bowl last year was also particularly fun.
I have a soft spot for LSU now and cheer for them whenever one of my teams aren’t implicated.
by SDF Fan on Oct 8, 2007 10:38 PM EDT reply actions
Great article. I haven’t laughed that hard since the hogs ate my baby brother.
Geaux Tigers
by taco on Oct 8, 2007 11:34 PM EDT reply actions
Dick Jauron just pulled just pulled an Urban Meyer, calling a time out just before the last second field goal, and just like Meyer, the kicker made the second time.
by John on Oct 9, 2007 12:13 AM EDT reply actions
#47: I married a Slidell girl and OM alum and moved to Mandeville. Anyho…I realize now what it must be like to live in South Boston…LSU fans are like Chowda heads or Philly fans who love their teams with a purple passion, but will try break bad on you if you dare look at them wrong.
by hailstate on Oct 9, 2007 12:18 AM EDT reply actions
Mike VI’s christian name is Roscoe.
I’m having a hard time seeing Roscoe / Mike VI as a tiger who has accepted Jesus into his heart. The average tiger doesn’t give a shit about transubstantiation, when you promise them a body and give them a cracker, you lose an arm, and they re-affirm as a pagan.
by DC Trojan on Oct 9, 2007 12:25 AM EDT reply actions
There are not that many French here. Cajuns yes. The pre-games are an experience in themselves. Great review of the happenings. Just think if Alabama was a home game this year!!!! many fans will not forgive Saban. We could sell 50,000 tickets to that away game if they were to be had. Go Tigers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by Eric of New Orleans on Oct 9, 2007 12:54 AM EDT reply actions
I was trying to find a good way to explain southern college football to my yankee friends on Long Island. I just found the perfect description. Great article.
by GTSteve on Oct 9, 2007 1:36 AM EDT reply actions
And I have no recollection of that picture. Or that kid. I just know we were on our way to see the Golden Band from Tigerland and Mike the Tiger. Credit Orson for that pic. That kid looks stupefied.
by LSUJoshua on Oct 9, 2007 2:17 AM EDT reply actions
You appear appropriately sloshed in that pic Joshua, or at least well on your way. Well played sir.
by BJ and The Bear on Oct 9, 2007 4:50 AM EDT reply actions
Who cares what percentage of Siberian Mike is? Deep fry that motherfucker.
by JohnInHuntsville on Oct 9, 2007 6:35 AM EDT reply actions
A timely bit of information on gator consumption in Louisiana:
http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2007/10/gator-its-whats.html?mbid=rss_epilog
by Fesser on Oct 9, 2007 8:06 AM EDT reply actions
hmm yeap. pretty accurate. you’re right #23, they also like to stuff meats inside of other meats… inside of other meats, or inside other things that once had parents. and im not talking turduckens either. when in 2001, 2003, and 2005 i made the trip to B.R., i once asked my friend and now LSU alum why mostly all their players outweighed ours by a few hundred lbs… his answer, or from what i could discern was “MEKEM BIG DOWN HEA. WE DO FEEDEM BOYS!!1 GAWWHAHAHA!!”
one of the biggest mistakes ive made in my life was to sit in the student section in 2001. those kids hated the spur dog just as much as any other sec team. my lsu friend assured me that it would be ok – he didnt think anyone would, you know, kill a girl who’s 5 feet tall. wrong. it wasnt even like i was chomping or anything. a few loogies and a colt mccoy -esque concussion later, i made it out alive. although, had it been a night game, i probably would have died. but the sausage stuffed through a pork tenderloin was delish, and the derogatory comments welcomed.
tiger stadium A++ would do business with again.
by m on Oct 9, 2007 9:41 AM EDT reply actions
“It is peerless in terms of demonstrated intensity, lunacy, commitment, flair, and menace. At several points in the day, we were convinced we were going to be killed, injected with creole butter, and thrown in a deep fryer…but only in the most festive and accommodating of ways, of course.”
I’ve been trying to think of a way to describe this to outsiders for 15 years. You took two paragraphs. Thanks, Orson. Hope you had a great time. Hope you got lots to eat and drink. Come back anytime, Tigerbait.
by TigerNacho on Oct 9, 2007 10:05 AM EDT reply actions
I know that I’m biased but I still think that Lane is louder. This is mostly due to the design because it’s shaped like a steep-sided bowl on all four sides. There is almost a parabolic effect as the noise is actually focused on to the field by the concave shape of the stands.
However, I was truly humbled by my trip to LSU earlier this year. They are the greatest fans. When I got off the bus, I was tigerbaited by 3 five-year-old girls wearing cheerleader costumes. The rest of the day was great. It started to suck when the game started and then proceeded to get suckier and suckiest until the end of the game.
Things that I will remember the most:
1) All the food and beverages offered by their fans.
2) The smell of their port-a-johns was something that I never want to experience again.
3) They have a fucking tiger? How great is that? We got a puffed up turkey mascot. It can’t kill anybody.
4) The absolute devestation wrecked upon my team by LSU.
by pfhokie on Oct 9, 2007 10:16 AM EDT reply actions
God I hate LSU. But having grown up in Slidell, I do admire the insanity that goes on all weekend when they play at home.
by The Last Dragon on Oct 9, 2007 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
What a great blog! …and excellent description of gameday in BR.
and a Slidell reference, too!
I miss Louisiana sooo much….
by LSUfaninMiami on Oct 9, 2007 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
For all those saying you hate LSU (Barners, Slidel residents, etc), just know that Rosco being the Christian that he is LOVES his enemies. And by enemies I mean you.
by TBone on Oct 9, 2007 11:02 AM EDT reply actions
Anybody have a link to a good Youtube “Four Corners Salute”?
by Tricky Dick on Oct 9, 2007 11:27 AM EDT reply actions
Eric of New Orleans: LSU should hang 50+ on us; no question, regardless of the coaching situation.
However, I almost wish this year’s game was in BR. I believe we are the only team with a winning record in your stadium, even at night (23-7-2). History will be about all we have on our side though. It’s usually a close game and a battle, but that’s unfortunately doubtful this year. LSU should win big. If not, then Miles is the newest resident of Ann Arbor.
by Bama93 on Oct 9, 2007 11:46 AM EDT reply actions
Please, oh please, oh please beat KY….so we can beat you to a pulp. Ya’ll made tebow look good…you lslooser wimps. Fear the Tubs and AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhh man, that’s priceless…. This message has been brought to you by the team that recently lost to State at home… The very same Cow College that LSU beat 45-0 at their place.
by MDT on Oct 9, 2007 12:03 PM EDT reply actions
Fuck you means "I love you." That’s gold Jerry! I shall remember that when LSU comes to Sabaloosa on November 3rd. It will be a love fest like no other.
by dash on Oct 9, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
#64: Glory Holes and Catechism in the same thread, nice.
Am I the only one who sees a ‘96 comparison? Florida didn’t deserved to win the game, but may be the better than FSU/LSU. Of course, maybe the ‘97 comparison is more apt, 2 SEC losses (one to LSU, thank you DoJo) and the Fulmers sneak into the SEC championship. I’m buying season tickets for 2016, wake me up in 9 years.
by North 2 on Oct 9, 2007 12:16 PM EDT reply actions
I need to send this to Michigan’s athletic department. PLEASE MAKE A HOME-AND-HOME HAPPEN.
And once I go down there and make it out alive (though I doubt the Wolverines would fare as well), I would enjoy seeing the baffled faces of LSU fans who trek to Ann Arbor for tailgating, as they are given hearty, earnest, welcomes, cans of Stroh’s and turkey sandwiches on a serene golf course at 10 a.m. I think the utter gentility of the whole experience would send them back home reeling at the non-insanity of it all.
by Flop on Oct 9, 2007 12:29 PM EDT reply actions
Unfortunately, it’ll never happen flop.
We don’t know where to get wolverine meat down here. If we can’t deep-fry or cook your mascot in a sauce piquant, it’s hard to make it on to our schedule. Unless your 1AA. Then we might make exceptions.
by rut on Oct 9, 2007 12:42 PM EDT reply actions
77 – here you go. I had to find one from a pretty lame game so that the band actually picked up on the audio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1QP0u0lVZA
by TigerNacho on Oct 9, 2007 12:48 PM EDT reply actions
Fucking stellar article! I am an OU fan and graduate who married a Baton Rouge girl and moved down to this hell hole. Well I will admit there is no other place to be for the last four months of the year than Baton Rouge. Luckily I married into 4 season tickets and a parking pass. I went to OU/Miami this year while missing the LSU/VT game. Had a great time in Norman, but my wife said I missed the best tailgate and loudest stadium ever. Well at about 2:30am when we left LSU this past weekend she changed her mind. That was the best tailgate and the loudest she has ever heard the stadium.
Boomer Sooner and Geaux Tigers
by SoonerTallboy on Oct 9, 2007 1:09 PM EDT reply actions
One more thing…sorry,
My wife and I went to the LSU/Florida game last year and that place has nothing on Tiger Stadium. Yeah, it got loud, but not even close to Baton Rouge.
Also, the tailgating sucks there. Have to be on private property to have an open container? Can’t wank around with your favorite beverage? WEAK! We still managed to have fun until gametime though.
by SoonerTallboy on Oct 9, 2007 1:31 PM EDT reply actions
Technically, Michigan doesn’t have a mascot, but you could deep fry Mike Debord.
by Dave on Oct 9, 2007 2:15 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve been to lots of stadiums, including being in BR for a night game, and I’m telling you, In-Front-of-The-Student-Section at Jordan-Hare is the loudest place on earth (and for those who don’t follow along, this is coming from a Bama fan/grad/employee).
Now, admittedly I’ve only been there for Iron Bowls, so maybe they’re not as loud for other teams. I know Orson thinks Bryant-Denny is one of the loudest stadiums in the world because of that ‘05 Bama/UF game, but he only has a sample size of one. He doesn’t realize that was in fact the loudest game ever played in Tuscaloosa by far ,and that on the average Saturday it sounds a lot like the Big House. Though the North Deck has helped.
All of this is to say that, you’re ears buzz like that in Death Valley because they’ve been buzzing since you finished that 14th shot of Vodka after downing your 6th sausage after downing your 7th beer after downing 4lbs of deep fried turkey…. not because of the noise.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Oct 9, 2007 3:26 PM EDT reply actions
- 79 Tubs will enjoy a nice Cuban at your 50yd line. Don’t forget about your 3 point offensive masterpiece last year in JHS.
by PROTHRO'S GOOD LEG on Oct 9, 2007 3:39 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve been at Jordan-Hare for games against LSU and UA,T. I’d be hard pressed to say which was more intense.
And even though I came closer to throwing a drunk Bama fan over the railing than throwing the drunk LSU fans, I think I prefer the Bama fans in general.
The younger LSU fans are way too crude and obnoxious even though I did indeed hear some LSU apologize for other LSU fans.
by War Eagle on Oct 9, 2007 4:04 PM EDT reply actions
in reply to post 52
I guess you were to drunk or just to ignorant to loo karound and find one of the many port-o-let cities huh?
by Gatorbabykiller on Oct 9, 2007 4:35 PM EDT reply actions
peterpumpkinhead,
I guess you just want to ignore the fact that most everyone in the nation knows Death Valley is one of if not THE loudest stadium.. and then there is the small fact of having caused a moderate earth tremer.. but hell why let facts get in the way of delusion right?
by Gatorbabykiller on Oct 9, 2007 4:43 PM EDT reply actions
This article is as good as it gets. DV is unlike any other spot on earth. The greatest thing about LSU is the fans and the worst thing about LSU is the fans. First timers are always blown away. The swap is loud and you have a beautifull campus but Death Valley is the great nighttime venue in sports. Daytime is a different deal. Tebow is a warrior and I hope we do not play ya’ll in the Atl (sucks to play that game there very much an advantage for eastern teams). 28-4 FEAR THE HATT, and start early FUCK BAMMA
by hammondtiger on Oct 9, 2007 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
I went to the 05 UT@LSU game and afterwards it felt like every drunk LSU redneck was convinced that I was Rick Clausen and that I was the one that chucked the ball into the stands…. Quote of that night? “That’s Rick Clausen and he killed Jesus.” My lord that was scary.
by MeytonPanning on Oct 9, 2007 5:49 PM EDT reply actions
- Tzubear: Actually my bad experiences were in Montreal but of course every place has good and bad people in it, so YMMV.
The places I’ve run into the most friendly and welcoming people have been Costa Rica and New Zealand.
by oc phil on Oct 9, 2007 6:35 PM EDT reply actions
OC Phil,
Maybe I’m just prettier than you ; )
I’ve heard that from all who have gone to New Zealand. Not suprised. All kiwi’s I have known have been very outgowing, giving, and unpretensious. Every one of them made good with what they had available. The result was they enjoyed life and the others in it.
by tzubear on Oct 9, 2007 8:27 PM EDT reply actions
- Why of course we’re the only college that has tailgates abundant in alcohol and food. Especially in the south.
by MCab on Oct 9, 2007 10:16 PM EDT reply actions
Great article and totally true.
@59 – I was at that UGA-LSU game as well, and that’s the only game I’ve ever attended where my ears actually rang for long periods of time. I’ve been to many big rivalry games in a variety of SEC stadiums, and Tiger Stadium is by far the loudest, and wildest. I was well fed and threatened with physical harm several times an hour before the game. After the game (which we lost), everyone was my buddy.
by Russ on Oct 9, 2007 11:55 PM EDT reply actions
- They don’t care as long as you are on the South side of University Ave and have that purple drank in a cup, also you didn’t happen to be there when we were ranked #1 (and had the other #1 lose during the game) did you?
by Tailgator on Oct 10, 2007 3:58 AM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Thanks for stopping by the tailgate for a while. I hope we showed you a good time. Why no mention of the RCR headbutt?
by UncleJud on Oct 10, 2007 9:48 AM EDT reply actions
Nick Saban, Nick Saban, Nick Saban, Nick Saban, Nick Saban
by Les Miles on Oct 10, 2007 11:20 AM EDT reply actions
- That Purple Drink in the cup is called Creep. It will get you everytime! Besides the Burbon that is what gets the crowd so fired up.
This article cracked me up. I have been sending it to all my friends even the ones that went to FL.
By the way poor Tebow (Not!) had to get a new cell number! Shouldn’t taunt the Tiger student section like that! They will get you!
by Bosco on Oct 10, 2007 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
#77
I think this is a better video of the pregame, the golden band marching down the hill.
by Meathead on Oct 10, 2007 4:33 PM EDT reply actions
Thanks for coming down. We had a blast. Josh’s handling of the flashlight was unprecidented. Hopefully you will be come back this year. LONG LIVE THE HAT!!!
by Mario on Oct 10, 2007 8:21 PM EDT reply actions
joshus – what the heck are you doing in this picture? it’s so weird to see you after it’s been so long. a friend of a friend emailed this to me and as i started reading it and scrolling down – there you were! – amara
by amara on Oct 10, 2007 10:50 PM EDT reply actions
This is an excellent article. Glad to hear you had a good time! -iluvdatiger
by iluvdatiger on Oct 11, 2007 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
There’s not many teams that we play whose mascot we cannot cook and eat in some delicious fashion before the game.
by blc on Oct 11, 2007 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
It’s hard to explain gameday in BR using the written word, but you nailed it. Good Job.
Just for the record, we are NOT FROM FRANCE. We are decendants of the Acadians from Nova Scotia who were horribly exiled from their homeland by England (those bastards). Families were split up and loaded on boats and set adrift. Some landed up and down the east coast, but most made their way to Louisiana, where they could exercise their religious views (Christianity) without being persecuted. Cajuns work hard and party hard because of their past. We will also give you the back of our hand if you deserve it, but will also give you the shirt off our backs if you are a good person.
The way we tailgate is the way we live our lives. Let the good times roll, because a dark cloud is always just around the corner.
Geaux Tigers.
by ROPE on Oct 11, 2007 1:21 PM EDT reply actions
I can attest to the fact that the Middleton Library Gloryhole is the gloriest of all holes. Teboe gave me the best bj of my life last Saturday.
by GloryholeTiger on Oct 11, 2007 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
Hey TUBBS, AUalum, wareagle or whatever you are,
Yes we might have made Tebow look good but i recall two games a few weeks ago when S. Florida and MS. State looked pretty good. Dont let it go to your fat ass, no mascot having heads just because you beat Florida in the last seconds with a field goal. The only thing better than playing at 7:30pm in Tiger Stadium is playing at 8:00pm in Tiger Stadium. You better bring your vaseline because we owe you a fucking after the one we recieved last year from your refs.
by bigfatlsutigerfan on Oct 11, 2007 4:50 PM EDT reply actions
When I went down for the USC/LSU game it was insane. The bitches there are hotter than anything I’ve ever seen in my life. 12 year old kids yelled tigerbait at me and I cried. I want to go back again.
by SonofSpurrier on Oct 11, 2007 4:51 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah you right.
Well done. I’m glad other fans appreciate the Tiger Stadium and LSU tailgate atmo almost as much as we do.
And I’m sorry if I encountered you sometime on Saturday and said “where’s your fucking jean shorts, fucker”?
by TCL on Oct 11, 2007 6:59 PM EDT reply actions
http://www.mikethetiger.com/index.php?display=habitat
Please don’t think that little cage Mike is in during the game is his normal enclosure (someone left a comment about that) – he is VERY well taken care of (follow the link above).
Glad Josh showed you guys a good time!
by Andree on Oct 11, 2007 7:51 PM EDT reply actions
Here is a link for all of you Florida fans. Oh yeah and Auburn to. AU fans i hope you recorded this game so you can watch it over and over while rubbing one out.
by bigfatlsutigerfan on Oct 12, 2007 11:36 AM EDT reply actions
FOOD: We also like to throw things in a big pot filled with a sometimes random array of veggies and red cayenne pepper and BOIL the shit out of it! Shrimp, Crawfish (please don’t call them crayfish) and Blue Crabs are the usual suspects. The closest thing to it outside of Louisiana is steaming things, which is not nearly as cool as a 150 qt pot big enough to fit a teenager over a “jet burner” that when fired up, roars like a DC-10. Add much beer and you’re set.
GREAT Article, growing up around LSU football and tailgating, I never grasped how odd it must be for an outsider. To me (and probably most LSU fans), anything otherwise would be strange…
You’ve actually given me, a lifetime LSU fan, a new appreciation of LSU Football BECAUSE it is so Odd and different.
Rock On.
by Chesty Puller on Oct 12, 2007 6:38 PM EDT reply actions
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