ONE HUNDRED PINTS: AFTERNOON GAMES LIVEBLOG
by Holly Anderson on Oct 6, 2007 3:44 PM EDT
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3:30 PM Holly: The half-open eyes of a belligerently drunk nation turn now to Dallas and the Red River Shootout, to the Longhorns and the Land Thieves, but I only have eyes for Neyland. If the last week of football didn't convince you that no one watching has a shred of a clue what's going to happen tonight, turn back the clock to the last meeting of the Vols and Dawgs. Tennessee, down by ten at the half, scored thirty-seven points in two quarters to win 51-33, only the second team to hang more than fifty between the hedges. "Expect the unexpected" will be the rule. That, and "We're giving up at least two punt returns for touchdowns." Take it to the bank.
3:33 PM Holly: ohgod. ohnonono. Steve Beuerlein just pointed out that "Tennessee is always in the game with Erik Ainge at quarterback." DO NOT TEMPT THE FOOTBALL GODS, BLAZER BOY. If Ainge goes down in this game I'm coming for your entrails.
3:44 PM Barstoolio: Oh, for fuck's sake. Perhaps focusing on "finishing" over the last two weeks in practice could have included some "starting." Miami's 27-point second half wasn't enough to overcome the flat first half and the loss of two starters to injury. Purdue and NC State, I trust that you understand the only thing that can salvage this day is the utter destruction of Tressel and Bowden, and should that not happen, I will burn your states to the ground. I want the ground spongy with their blood and their towns laid to waste. Time to drink the pain away.
3:46 PM Holly: TOUCHDOWN, ARIAN MOTHERFUCKING FOSTER. ...and the glee is supplanted immediately by apprehension, because here comes our defense.
3:56 PM Holly: ...and they appear to be both alert and here to play football. I know this isn't how livebloggery works, but I'm a little hesitant to do anything but report the facts of this game and make fun of ugly Athens coeds in the stands, for fear of jinxing our chance at a conference win.
3:59 PM Holly: Whoa. Clicked over to Texas-OU to find John Chiles in at QB. Didn't expect to see that this early.
4:01 PM Barstoolio: I am working with the options of NC State/FSU and Iowa/Penn State. Either way, the unmistakable odor of tapioca and mothballs is wafting from the television.
4:03 PM Holly: Arian Foster's name means "water bearer" and "holder of knowledge". Honey, you just hold on to the damn ball this week and leave the heavy thinking for Sundays.
4:04 PM Holly: ...all right, that came out wrong. Arian, we love you. But you understand why were a little surprised to see you breaking tackles and with positive yards next to your name, right? Keep it up. You're doing great. Text message from hetero lifemate at Neyland: "Arian, I only yell because THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU."
4:07 PM Holly: But as delightfully strange as that is, it can't compare to seeing our defenders knocking down opposing players. That's kinda like glancing around in traffic and glimpsing a duck driving a car.
4:09 PM Holly: Haven't Texas and Oklahoma both suffered enough in the last seven days? What sins could they possibly have commmitted in the intervening week to deserve the dulcet tones of Paul Maguire?
4:13 PM Holly: Just a disgusting late hit on Colt McCoy. Lovely, Sooners. And here's Maguire, trying to excuse it. McCoy follows up with a pretty pass to Sweed. Shake it off, kid.
4:15 PM Holly: LUCAS TAYLOR (not our QB) to Coker for a 56 yard TD. I take it back. Seeing trick plays from this team? THAT'S like watching a duck driving a car. If you need me for the next few minutes, I'll be blowing kisses in the general direction of Coach Cutcliffe.
4:21 PM Barstoolio: Happy Valley has got to be the dumbest location name in college football. How do they even get excited? It's like trying to get pumped to play in Skippy Kid Ridge or Rainbow Fun Hill.
4:22 PM Holly: WE JUST BLOCKED A PUNT. We are Tennessee. Tennessee does not block punts. I clapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my shriek with such force that I cut my lip. Holy hell, this could be something. (Yes, followed with 30 yards in penalties, just so we know it's still the Vols playing.)
4:26 PM Holly: A Georgia defender just streaked straight through the line to Ainge with terrifying speed. Too bad he'd already completed a bullet train of a pass to Austin Rogers for the first down.
4:27 PM Barstoolio: Holy shit. FSU's kicker is like a giant sandy redneck bear. He's terrifying.
4:26 PM Holly: I can't believe this. Touchdown Hardesty. Extra point up and good, and our new kicker's on the longest perfect start streak of any UT kicker, ever. 21-0 Vols. It feels like time has sped up. This isn't easy to articulate or to snark about, but...they're playing like Tennessee, all of a sudden. These are the boys we know. Just in time for the balance of our conference schedule. (Still: Caution. Remember last year, and remember last week. This is far, far from over.)
4:31 PM Holly: LOLZ!!1 There's a little corner window over on ABC with Bob Stoops talking in it, but the angle's distorted and his head looks like a perfect trapezoid.
4:40 PM Holly: Ainge took the guard off his broken finger for today's game, and he's back, baby. 110 yards passing in a quarter and a half, the latest to freshman WR Moore for 45 yards. Over on ABC, Texas leapfrogs ahead, 14-7.
4:43 PM Holly: Aaaand...touchdown. Arian Foster, all is forgiven. 22 yards, not a finger laid on him. Time to start drinking and Photoshopping. HOLY SHIT MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON, y'all.
4:43 PM Holly: Hypothetically, while I've got to the place to myself, how many different ways would Swindle come up with to kill me if I embedded a Rocky Top mp3 in this post? Discuss.
5:01 PM Holly: Giggly stat from CBS: In the last four quarters of meeting, Tennessee has scored 65 points to Georgia's nine. And that'll take us to halftime. Was it good for you? Me, I need a cigarette.
5:07 PM Holly: All right, halftime. Let's review.
- Texas hanging in with OU, 14-14 at the half.
- Alabama, up a suspiciousy slight 16 points on Houston in the 3rd.
- Iowa, down 13-0 to Penn State at halftime, which ain't that bad considering their season to date--that defense is still doing its thing and doing it well.
- 'Noles tied with NC State, 10-10.
- South Florida...tied 7-7 with Florida Atlantic?
- Michigan manages to scrape a win against mighty Eastern Michigan, 33-22.
- West Fuckin' By-God Virginia juices Syracuse, 55-14.
- [TEAM REDACTED] over Wisconsin, 31-26.
- Kansas and PeteJayHawk over KState, 30-24.
- Auburn over Vandy, 35-7.
- Wake over Duke, 41-36.
- DaCoachO over La Tech, 24-0
- Maryland defeats Georgia Tech 28-26. The Turtle can't help you, Chan Gailey.
....and in Knoxville, the Tennessee Volunteers lead the Georgia Bulldogs, 28-0 with two quarters to play.
5:20 PM Barstoolio: Howard Schnellenberger is old (Seriously, I was under the assumption he was interred under the Orange Bowl at midfield or something) but has managed live long enough to be tied with USF at the half. The rabid Bulls fans in Tampa are preparing torches. Hose down your children!
5:23 PM Holly: We're back, and Ainge is promptly sacked. That's rare for this line, but two things we need to not not NOT do right now: Get lazy, and try to stuff the ball up the middle on every play. Let's finish this thing. (And I mean "finish" in the Mortal Kombat sense, boyos--I wanna see some spinal columns.)
5:28 PM Barstoolio: I wonder if anyone's tried to go over Niagara Falls in Joe Pa's chest?
5:32 PM Holly: Touchdown, Georgia, on what you have to call a beautiful catch by Goodman. He basically snatched it right out of Vinson's face. Vinson landed funny on his wrist but hops up fast enough. 28-7. Over in Dallas, Nate Jones just made a nifty catch for the Lonhorns. McCoy follows up with a pass to a TE whose number I didn't catch--shades of last season. They're in the red zone and driving. Still 14-14.
5:39 Holly: Seeing is believing--we're throwing the damn ball. And it's working. Ainge is being allowed to run this thing his way, and it's a credit to our coaching staff (I know!) that they're going with what works rather than shoving Foster into the middle of the line every play.
5:46 Holly: Daddy calls from the game to confirm that yes, in fact, that was Tennessee that just went for it on fourth and short...and converted. The sky has turned to sackcloth.
5:51 PM Holly: Foster's THIRD touchdown of the night, once again inducing apparent narcolepsy in the Georgia front seven the second the ball's in his grasp. 37-7 Tennessee.
6:02 PM Holly: Georgia gets off a 66-yard punt. Impressive...problem is, that means they just gave it back to Erik Ainge.
6:10 PM Holly: Young John Chavis' hair FTW!
6:11 PM Holly: Texas and OU are all tied up as the 4th quarter begins, 21-21. Someone in the metro Chicago area kindly find Texy and PB, shoot them full of adrenaline, and set them loose in the nearest bar.
6:16 PM Barstoolio: FSU/NC State on lightning delay gets me to Dallas just in time to see Colonel Mustard sideline reporting with a shaky cam. That was...disconcerting.
6:16 PM Holly: At least you didn't get the motherfucker in the boater hat.
6:26 PM Holly: Meanwhile in Dallas: OU's up 28-21, and Colt McCoy just got picked off...right as Stafford's intercepted in the endzone by Marsalous Johnson. There's an exTREMEly suspicious pass interference call, and Georgia moved up to the 2. Touchdown to a wide open Tripp Chandler, made all the more loathsome by virtue of being named Tripp Chandler.
6:32 PM Holly: Text from brother at Neyland: "Dear sociopath in black shirt: I'm sorry your team sucks. Please sit down." If I know him, he's sneaking up behind the guy to get a look at his cell so he can send this message to him personally. If this turns out to be the last post, I had to go take care of his bail.
6:40 PM Holly: Matthew Stafford, intercepted out of his own endzone. Fulmer's covered in Gatorade and capering about in a manner more suited to a man a third of his size. ROCKY TOP, BABY.
6:51 PM Holly: Your final score: Tennessee 35, Georgia 14. Fuck and yes. Now, to sweat out the last two minutes of the Red River Shootout. Texas down by seven with two minutes to play.
6:56 PM Holly: Update from LSUJoshua: "We were walking down to see the band and Mike the Tiger and caught these two girls peeing on bushes. We asked them how it was going, and they said "Pissalicious". " Hey, like Georgia's pass defense!
6:57 PM J-Money: I'm back! I just turned on the Clemson-Virginia Tech game in time to hear one of Clemson's players being referred to as "lightly used", which is the same way a friend of mine refers to his former wife. I'm not making either piece of that up.
6:58 PM Holly: It's not gonna happen for the Longhorns, and that's so painful. Trash prevails: OU 28, Texas 21.
7:05 PM J-Money: I didn't expect Duke to play like that... most of the time, their games would have exactly the same outcome if none of their players had any arms. It was 34-9 in the middle of the 3rd quarter. Final score? Wake 41, Duke 36. I cursed at a woman wearing a bonnet.
7:07 PM Holly: And that's naptime...see y'all back for the night games thread in an hour or so. GOVAWLS!!
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I’m pretty damn sure [TEAM REDACTED] just ran the fumblerooski against Wisky. Either way, Wisky clearly isn’t as good as they’ve been ranked. Something about not playing any form of defense whatsoever can cause a team to lose like that.
by BeardGuy on Oct 6, 2007 3:48 PM EDT reply actions
Jebus, that’s J-Money’s doing. She should be back soon.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 3:51 PM EDT reply actions
Photo is appropriate: both OU and Texas need to stop the bleeding.
I’m rooting for the meteor to hit the Cotton Bowl in an hour.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 3:51 PM EDT reply actions
Holly,
UT/Georgia over Texas/Landthieves?
Maybe after last week, luster of some, but…
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 3:52 PM EDT reply actions
i’m personally doing a meteorite-dance and directing the chanting up towards neeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-land while the game’s still tied. i’m not sure who i’d rather see charred to a crisp more, COA’ RIK or fat phil, but both at the same time would be heaven-sent.
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 3:55 PM EDT reply actions
I wish I had an award to give to J-Money for that photoshop.
by Disgruntled Goat on Oct 6, 2007 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
I’m a huge Vol fan myself. I went to Cal but a roommate was from Knoxville. He took me to a few games at Neyland and its something else.
Cal/Stanford was pretty much sleepwalking. This was before Tetford but the times I’ve been balk it hasn’t changed that much.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
Dear Derrick Williams,
More fair catches inside the 5, please.
kthxbye
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
Over/Under on the number of Vince Young clips shown during the RRS?
by BeatleBuckeye on Oct 6, 2007 3:59 PM EDT reply actions
+100 flask swigs to J-Money. Gratuitous Big XII abuse is always fun for a Saturday afternoon.
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 3:59 PM EDT reply actions
goddamnit Dawgs, get it together…
phone is ringin’, ohmagawd…
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 4:03 PM EDT reply actions
You got to give it to that fortresslike Tennesse D-line.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 4:05 PM EDT reply actions
i’m gonna have more fun playing ipsofacto on this game….lessee….gators drop 59 on creamsicles…creamsicles drop X on dawgs….gators favored by 910238203918298 points in swamp east! hooray!
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 4:07 PM EDT reply actions
They held. How cute. Maybe Chavis should grow his mustache back. He looks and the play like wooses without it.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 4:11 PM EDT reply actions
FSU O-line is as good as usual. We’re never going to know if Antone Smith could have been a good RB.
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 4:12 PM EDT reply actions
Iowa fans are currently celebrating 2 consecutive punts that travelled more than 20 yards.
Yeah, it’s like that.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 4:14 PM EDT reply actions
jebus: The net on that second one was 17 yards.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 4:16 PM EDT reply actions
Colt McCoy still sounds like his voice hasn’t broken yet. Even Paul Maguire is mocking him.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
jebus @ 21 – when we drove to clemson to see FSCW get beat, we noticed that the local sports-talk radio guys were commenting on what “terrific punts” they were making. we were thinking “can you imagine what depths we’d have to reach before HRH mick huber would get excited about punting?” yeah. it’s like that.
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
Barstoolio: don’t forget the reek of ointment.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 4:19 PM EDT reply actions
OPS: Take your statistics and stuff em. I was talking about the beauty of flight, math man.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 4:20 PM EDT reply actions
@ 14
like ma bell i got da ill communications…
couldn’t let your awesome beastie reference go unnoticed.
by gerry dorsey on Oct 6, 2007 4:24 PM EDT reply actions
It would be super helpful if GA would start tackling and if we would quick trying to run it up the middle, I think the Vols have figured that out.
by jamiedawgfan on Oct 6, 2007 4:28 PM EDT reply actions
Holly,
Colt’s concussion will be aggravated just by the frequency of those tone coming from the booth.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 4:30 PM EDT reply actions
So it would appear that that extra week is enough time for Tennessee to find a new defense. And running back.
Oh, hey look! Another touchdown!
Hello, whiskey. Take a seat here next to me, please.
by Cerbera on Oct 6, 2007 4:30 PM EDT reply actions
There is no suffering that is ever “enough” for Oklahoma and Texas.
by Hallux Valgus on Oct 6, 2007 4:31 PM EDT reply actions
It would be super helpful if GA would start tackling and if we would quick trying to run it up the middle, I think the Vols have figured that out.
Only because that’s OUR modus operandi.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 4:32 PM EDT reply actions
My wife is now pulling for Tennessee because it will make Cal look better. Not living in Alabama any more, I need to know whether this is grounds for divorce in California.
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 4:36 PM EDT reply actions
Nice. Two 15-yard penalties after you block a punt.
Way to go, UT.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 4:36 PM EDT reply actions
What the fuck was up with those Penn State fans? Did they think painting themselves like the Insane Clown Posse was a great idea?
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 4:41 PM EDT reply actions
dammnit ainge looks good…i think the shot of the GA fans about sums it for me…time to start drinking to kill the pain.
by jamiedawgfan on Oct 6, 2007 4:43 PM EDT reply actions
@ vandy j. forget divorce, california’s a no-fault state. i’m gonna see if that’s grounds for homicide….
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 4:43 PM EDT reply actions
VandyJ @32
I went to Cal and am also a Tennessee fan (primary allegiance to Cal) – Vols do it again -seem to have found a running game. Thus I rooting for Tennessee with particular enthusiasm although it all come down to USC.
I’m not sure but I seem to recall from Law School that California has some common law marriage thingy and one you’re stuck in that shit she’s got you by the balls, marriage certificate or no.
To be sure, divorce doesn’t seem like such a bad idea right now. My wife watches about 10 hours of football a year but her Heels just won and she’s in in blue fuckin’ heaven. Hope she sobers up some before people come over for the late games.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 4:47 PM EDT reply actions
AFLAC Trivia question: Joe Paterno was a football and basketball star at Brown University. Who was his basketball coach?
Martin Van Buren?
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 4:48 PM EDT reply actions
#36:
Indeed. All hope is not lost… but it is starting to wander. Perhaps it is time to move the Maker’s Mark from the cupboard to my hand.
by Cerbera on Oct 6, 2007 4:49 PM EDT reply actions
Flipping from the Iowa to the Tennessee game is like going from Jonny 5 to the T-1000.
Sweet 7lb13oz baby jesus in a bucket we fucking suck.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 4:53 PM EDT reply actions
Did Penn State hire Hilary Duff to make a commercial for them? That was bizarre.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
So I’m fairly new to this whole losing in a blowout thing. How many drinks does it take to erase the memory?
by Biggus Rickus on Oct 6, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
Jebus & OPS:
The Hawkeyes and the Nittany Lions are helping set college football offensive theories and game planning back a couple of decades today.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
@ Biggus Rickus: Just drink however many you drank in the second half of the same game last year.
I’m guessing it was around a dozen?
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 4:58 PM EDT reply actions
Foster gets another TD. 28-0, and that run was too easy. But watch out, I know that Carolina is no Tennessee (yet), but a 27 point halftime lead was no guarantee for us today.
by Digital Headbutt on Oct 6, 2007 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
I wasn’t comparing relative merits of the two UTs. I love them both, for family reasons, but Tennessee’s my alma mater, so that’s where the focus lies today.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
Also, I simply refuse to believe that [TEAM REDACTED] is at the top of the Big Ten standings.
by Digital Headbutt on Oct 6, 2007 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
@ S2N: You know, I keep hearing about this “game planning” thing around here. Just what the hell is that? At Iowa, we just keep it simple, and regardless of the opponent, down, or distance, we just run up the middle twice, throw a screen pass, and punt. We’re rill simple critters.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
S2N – You mind making those comments when Iowa’s got the ball next time? Morelli just scorched us through the air. ANTHONY. MORELLI. I blame you.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:03 PM EDT reply actions
(from a UGA fan) tell your coaches to stop waving their towels. Knoxville is not Manhattan, KS.
by Watson on Oct 6, 2007 5:04 PM EDT reply actions
I’m drinking til I can’t feel feelings.
See you in hell, Fulmer.
by Cerbera on Oct 6, 2007 5:05 PM EDT reply actions
Holly,
My point was that the two Ts have lbeen putrid up to today but so far both look better – Tennessee of the charts – Texas at least respectable.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 5:05 PM EDT reply actions
Georgia is gonna get beat by a bunch of sister kissin, touchy feely cousin huggin, barefoot, Sanford and Son truck drivin, jean jort shirtless overall wearin, orange and white hooten-nannies!!! WTF? So much for Georgia and their “on the road win record” . Crap. Tennessee decides they want to play football all of a sudden. Damn you Phil Fulmer, damn you to hellllllllllllll……….(falls off a cliff, sits in the air for 1/2 second, then falls like Wile E Coyote and disappears in a cloud of puffy dust @ the bottom of the canyon)
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 5:05 PM EDT reply actions
I…MORELLI? There’s not another one, is there? You’re talking about the Penn State one?
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 5:06 PM EDT reply actions
@ Jebus:
This may feed into my theory that Kirk Ferentz is secretly older than Joe Paterno, and simply revives himself in a Lazarus pit every so often, Ra’s al Ghul-style.
Also, shame on the Hawkeyes for making Anthony Morelli look competent on this drive.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 5:06 PM EDT reply actions
@ Digital Headbutt: Tennessee is no UNC and that’s a good thing. That’s a salacious and completely ridiculous comparison.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
Check that @ 53. The Vols looked quite respectable on offense and showed some fight against Cal – I was rooting against them on that occasion but was pleased to see the do reasonably well.
Cal’s offense is damn hard for anyone to slow down – oops, OU just scored.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
Tennessee, putrid? Hardly. Being beaten by Cal and Florida, though incredibly painful, was expected. But they haven’t been themselves, not a bit.
Until today. ROCKY TOP, BABY.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 5:08 PM EDT reply actions
This video by Andy Samberg of SNL explains my theory of what the SEC is like this year. If the link dont work, its a SNL Digital Short -Letter to my Sister. LOL
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymJ50Ql7EF4
no one gets out alive
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
It might be Anthony’s evil twin. I’ll check if he’s got a goatee. Otherwise, I’m busting a beer bottle and giving myself a lobotomy.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
Duly noted, marcillac, and you’re right—it was closer than it looked. I was at that Cal game, and but for a punt return and an interception we’d have been right in that game till the end.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 5:11 PM EDT reply actions
AFLAC Trivia question: Joe Paterno was a football and basketball star at Brown University. Who was his basketball coach?
I’m thinking Methusela?
by CLTDawg on Oct 6, 2007 5:12 PM EDT reply actions
OPS: don’t look at me. Iowa’s defense is the one making him look like a competent QB with a 13-0 lead.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 5:13 PM EDT reply actions
Sweet Jesus make them stop. I can’t take any more. I feel like I should be squealing like a pig or something.
by CLTDawg on Oct 6, 2007 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
Remind me why Kirk Ferentz’s name constantly comes up when big school/NFL head coaching jobs open up again?
by notthequarterback on Oct 6, 2007 5:15 PM EDT reply actions
Holly,
I’m just sain’. Against Cal no. Against Florida, I know it was something of a game for a while but the score was awful and there was clearly no shred of a running game or a defense. Since then they haven’t really had a chance to redeem themselves and that game left quite the hideous impression – for the most part – ameliarative effect of lost wagers excepted of course.
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 5:17 PM EDT reply actions
notthequarterback – he’s already part of the good ol’ boy network — also, other coaches and GMs recommend mediocrities to their peers because they know they can beat them.
How do you think Norv Turner is employed? Ferentz is becoming Norv-like very quickly.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 5:19 PM EDT reply actions
Ferentz is becoming Norv-like very quickly
NANANANANA I CANT HEAR YOU LALALA OHSAYCANYOUSEEEEEEE
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:21 PM EDT reply actions
Man this is the football version of Deliverance,
a bunch of guys from Georgia go down to Tennessee and get molested and murdered after they play nice like with an inbred Banjo player. Whoops, were they ever wrong. I even think if Burt Reynolds showed up with a crossbow and started pickin off players, it would be too late to save anybody. Need a visual of Smokey humpin on UGA XVII, but with the bulldog blindfolded and bent over a football with a tennis ball stuffed in his mouth.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 5:21 PM EDT reply actions
The Norv is made out of plague bacteria and bad milk. Being a Vandy supporter AND a Redskins fan convinces me I must have been Atilla the Hun in a past life. And also a Tide fan…which is like the herpes. It flares up worse some times than others, but not matter what, I can never shake it entirely.
Why am I not drunk yet?
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 5:22 PM EDT reply actions
okay everybody – enjoy the rest of the football and may your team win…
i’m off to the bar to watch the chicago cubs try to save their season.
by notthequarterback on Oct 6, 2007 5:27 PM EDT reply actions
sorry, that should say [sniffle]chicago[sniffle] cubs[sob!] try to save their season.
by notthequarterback on Oct 6, 2007 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
Need a visual of Smokey humpin on UGA XVII, but with the bulldog blindfolded and bent over a football with a tennis ball stuffed in his mouth.
That was disturbing.
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 5:34 PM EDT reply actions
Iowa came out of the half, went backwards 11 yards, then almost threw an interception.
Immolation’s looking not too bad right now.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:37 PM EDT reply actions
20-0 PSU. Time for Oops Arson Surprise.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:47 PM EDT reply actions
So this is where everyone’s hanging out today. Fine work, ladies. Penn State looked like crap in the 1st half but just went up 20-0, so it’s all good. Winning ugly is still winning.
by Peter Cavan on Oct 6, 2007 5:49 PM EDT reply actions
Holly/Barstoolio — Hey, I said earlier in the week that FAU wouldn’t go away easily. They might be Sun Belt, but they’re not bad. USF is coming off the emotional wave of beating WV at home in front of the whole world, and now they’re riding high. I’ve seen plenty of teams fall that way.
I didn’t say it would happen — but don’t be shocked if it does.
/ FAU ’92 :-)
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 5:50 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah Oops…I am surprised too, Giveaway Morelli has played a steady game. Royster might be a stud in time. Too bad we got Zooked last week.
by Touchdown74 on Oct 6, 2007 5:50 PM EDT reply actions
OPS,
From the sound of things, it looks like the Zooker has a real shot to start to come out of Iowa City 6-1, while I was optimistic about this season, I never envisioned this…
What is wrong with the offense? Is Christensen that bad?
by Duke of C-U on Oct 6, 2007 5:50 PM EDT reply actions
OPS,
From the sound of things, it looks like the Zooker has a real shot to come out of Iowa City 6-1, while I was optimistic about this season, I never envisioned this…
What is wrong with the offense? Is Christensen that bad?
by Duke of C-U on Oct 6, 2007 5:51 PM EDT reply actions
nothing to do with any of the games going on today…but archie coming in as the 21st greatest college football player of all time….
wow, speechless.
by ohiostatefan on Oct 6, 2007 5:52 PM EDT reply actions
I said earlier in the week that FAU wouldn’t go away easily.
Oh, no disrespect to them intended from me, at all. I’m cheering for them, in fact—cranky about USF beating my Mountaineers.
by Holly on Oct 6, 2007 5:52 PM EDT reply actions
Christensen has nobody blocking for him and nobody to throw to. This is disgusting.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 5:54 PM EDT reply actions
Jamal Charles saw end zone for Texas and forgot that the ball had to cross the pylon with it.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 5:55 PM EDT reply actions
Does it make me a bad fan that I want the Iowa game switched over so I can watch the Red River Shootout?
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 5:56 PM EDT reply actions
When do you supposed was the last time both Buffalo and Temple won in football on the same day? Never sounds about right to me.
by Year2-Dave on Oct 6, 2007 5:56 PM EDT reply actions
Well, if it makes you feel any better, PSU beat us by 53 at homecoming two years ago…
by Duke of C-U on Oct 6, 2007 5:58 PM EDT reply actions
That was just blatantly awful. How do you, as a defender, let Anthony Fucking Morelli sidestep you? (Never mind give up a PI penalty when he throws it downfield.)
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 6:01 PM EDT reply actions
depression has set in…i had to mute the sound…I cannot bear this.
by jamiedawgfan on Oct 6, 2007 6:06 PM EDT reply actions
Well, I’m back from GT-MD and I have an enjoyable piece of information…I met the REAL orson swindle, not the spencer hall orson swindle. He was chilling with John McCain’s brother. Hahaha.
by Brian on Oct 6, 2007 6:09 PM EDT reply actions
Jake Christensen gets five seconds of time in the pocket. Bewildered by the unusual lack of defenders planting him into the turf, he goes ahead and falls down without a defender touching him.
I’ve never witnessed a more impotent Iowa offense in my life.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 6:10 PM EDT reply actions
Fucking Temple Football Rules!!!!!!!!!!
by Jorgé the Bass Player on Oct 6, 2007 6:13 PM EDT reply actions
Well I’m gonna to go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you, Iowa. I don’t need anything except this.
[picks up ashtray]
And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair. [walks outside]
And I don’t need one other thing, except my dog.
[dog barks]
I don’t need my dog.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 6:18 PM EDT reply actions
There is only one thing worse than Tenn beating Georgia, and thats Cat Juggling!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 6:21 PM EDT reply actions
I’m probably the only Colorado fan ’round these parts right now, but I have noticed an interest in our coach. If anyone wants to see a crappy screen shot of Dan Hawkins in a space suit, um, her:
http://tinyurl.com/28rd69
by Hallux Valgus on Oct 6, 2007 6:22 PM EDT reply actions
Holly — no disrespect taken! Nobody expects it to happen. Just thinking how sweet it would be if it did.
Looks like USF has found their offense, though.
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 6:25 PM EDT reply actions
Jesus Armpit-Fucking Christ, Iowa just looked great there.
Jebus— more The Jerk quotes, please. They clearly seem to help.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 6:27 PM EDT reply actions
(points to Dores) That’s shit.
(points to can) That’s shinola.
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 6:28 PM EDT reply actions
Now that’s the Anthony Morelli we know so well. Throws a pick when he should have taken the sack.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 6:35 PM EDT reply actions
“Execution at the line of scrimmage has absolutely killed Iowa.”
Always great to hear that your team is submarining its own chances before the plays even start. Devastating false start on 3rd and 3.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 6:39 PM EDT reply actions
FSCW’s favorite strategy, pray for rain, seems to be working for them…if that’s the only way they can get past NC state, i can’t wait to get ’em in titletown this year.
in other news, the U lost to UNC. (i just love saying that.)
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 6:43 PM EDT reply actions
Don’t look now, but Bama is working hard to piss away their lead over Houston. What a debacle.
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 6:51 PM EDT reply actions
Last time I listen to my Hokie friend’s lack of confidence in his team…
Beer me that beer.
by dudis41 on Oct 6, 2007 6:56 PM EDT reply actions
And that TD should ice the Penn State-Iowa game. That’s some nice blocking there, boys.
by Peter Cavan on Oct 6, 2007 6:57 PM EDT reply actions
My God, Iowa is 54 yards away from this game hitting the over, My head may m—no, check that, sack by PSU. Under is safe.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 7:00 PM EDT reply actions
Saban’s got to rebuild that team from the ground up. They haven’t even earned how to beat the teams they ought to beat without making it interesting. I wouldn’t expect to beat tennessee or auburn this year, which means another long year of alcoholic haze…
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 7:04 PM EDT reply actions
just got a weird voicemail from DaCoachO:
“CAMRUN ISSADACOACHO HYAH WASSA FEESTIN’ ONNA DALOOSIANATEKKIECOEDS ANNA DA POLEESACOMMAUPPA ANNADEYSAYA ‘COACHO YOUCANNANO EEDA DA TEKKIE COEDS DASSA CANNABAWLISHTIK’ ANNA NOWADACOACHO BE INNAPENATENSHURA ANNA HE NEEDA DA BAYL RIIIIINOW!”
weird. guess i gotta drive up to oxford. see y’all tuesday, i guess…
by Cameron Siggs on Oct 6, 2007 7:07 PM EDT reply actions
Aight, I’m gonna say this one time and one time only. We can score at will,aight, but we like to screw all you gamblin types by sittin on leads and not covering the spreads, aight. Alabama football is supposed to be exciting, aight, so much so that 23-0 in the first quarter isnt too appealing when we could have theoretically went 46-0 at half time and had them 92-0 in the 4th.
Now I’m not one to run score up,aight, so I quit coaching and let my Graduate Assts call the plays once we are up by 20+ points so Major can go get a nap, aight? We only wake him up when they pull within 10 points or we get behind, aight. Is my check ready yet, aight?
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 7:08 PM EDT reply actions
This is a public service announcement:
Food is not the answer. I just went and ate 5 pounds of chicken, noodles, mashed taters, and 3 biscuits. I think I had about 8 tablespoons of butter in there as well. I do not feel better about my team, or myself. I’m so fucking fat and bloated I just tried to drink a beer and it just poured down my cheeks. No room.
Learn from my mistakes. And don’t beat your wife.
Thank you.
by jebus on Oct 6, 2007 7:10 PM EDT reply actions
well Holly – Congrats. I am feeling very Ned Beattyesque right now…..
by CLTDawg on Oct 6, 2007 7:11 PM EDT reply actions
if there is a God, he looks like Howard Schnellenberger.
or they may just be one in the same. while Jim Leavitt looks like some sort of pants-pissing madman on the USF sideline, Howard is in his suit with his well-groomed mustache looking like he owns the world…because he probably does
by J. Peterman on Oct 6, 2007 7:12 PM EDT reply actions
There’s still Bama (of the recent rout of Houston and home loss to UGA), Kentucky and Spurrier.
Tennessee/LSU in Atlanta?!?
by marcillac on Oct 6, 2007 7:16 PM EDT reply actions
Check out Clemson’s purple unis. Not jerseys, uniforms.
“HEY, KOOL-AID!!”
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 7:18 PM EDT reply actions
Anyone else not surprised that Virginia Tech is leading by 17 against Team Grimace?
by Oops Pow Surprise on Oct 6, 2007 7:19 PM EDT reply actions
Chattanooga fans, represent. You’re winnin’, two-nuthin’!
by panhandler on Oct 6, 2007 7:21 PM EDT reply actions
OPS: not surprised at all, but ESPN apparently is – they had this score in the “UPSET WATCH” line on their scoreboard page. Higher ranked team up by 17 in the first quarter. Looks like they’re drinking again
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 7:22 PM EDT reply actions
Did Iowa convert a single third down all game? Halfway through the 4th quarter, they were 0/10 on third downs and had ~55 yards of total offense. I mean, I was watching the game and I can’t believe how terrible they are. It’s such a stark contrast to their surprisingly competent defense.
by BeardGuy on Oct 6, 2007 7:22 PM EDT reply actions
#119
Or ESPN knows that we are all compulsive gamblers.
by dudis41 on Oct 6, 2007 7:25 PM EDT reply actions
Man, as a Alabama fan, is it weird to complain about a win? If Nick Saban gives JPW a vote of confidence,aka, Lovie Smith to Rex Grossman style>>>>>> Talk about Meltdowns…….Mark it down, we are gonna get our asses handed to us in a blowout down the line, we cant even win right. EVERY game has come down to the last play except FSU. I hope he can recruit some freshmen that can step in and play NEXT yr cause we need some new talent at some skill positions quick. My prediction- Auburn 38, us 14.
I just hope we can keep LSU respectable and not end up 48-10 or some shit. I am sure the SEC will have a respectable Bowl showing this year, it aint down thats for sure. Good luck Gators, we all counting on you to at least keep it close and hope Tebow can walk out on his own power afterwards and Harvin doesnt end up shot or flesh wounded if he scores.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 7:28 PM EDT reply actions
OPS @ 117 – +1 to you for Team Grimace.
Seriously, those all-purple get-ups are offensive.
by Signal to Noise on Oct 6, 2007 7:30 PM EDT reply actions
Clemson is on the move…the purple jerseys hurt my head, though…must change channels. can’t wait for FLa – LSU
by jamiedawgfan on Oct 6, 2007 7:31 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, its true even in a ugly win, Bama fans will start drinking heavily since we know something dreadful this way comes, its on the horizon headed this way…..kinda like there is a Hurricane in the Gulf thats a Cat 5 that will be here in a few weeks, and there is nothing you can do but pack up and hope some shit is still left when ya get back, something you can salvage.
This team needs a whole lot of luck and breaks to go their way if they want to break even, my God, we get weaker as Auburn and Tenn get stronger….I feel we are getting hustled by AU and TN, they suckered us in thinking they were train wrecks and we are the polar opposite of that. They show improvement where we are deterioating on a weekly basis. We had a full head of steam then we derailed, and they are getting back on track playing like they are going downhill and we cant get up the mountain. Am I wrong?
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 7:36 PM EDT reply actions
USF 35, FAU 23 — USF got a garbage time TD late, but the stats were very close. Three missed FGs hurt FAU.
Very proud of FAU — played them even all the way, had the ball 80 yards away with two minutes left and a chance to win the game. Can’t get much closer than that. Go Owls!
/yeah, I know nobody but me cares
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 7:42 PM EDT reply actions
Oh God, USF BCS bandwagon is just about to get a full head of steam when the BCS standings come out…..if this LSU-Fla pans out where Fla wins, USF is gonna shoot up the polls like Souja Boy shot up the charts. Its fresh,new and exciting. Big East football…….EAST SIDE!!!!
by Mr Pelican Pants on Oct 6, 2007 7:53 PM EDT reply actions
FAU played a hell of a game. South Florida sure didn’t look like any #6 team in the country. Nice to see that the man who brought Namath to Alabama still knows how to get his team ready to play. ;]
by VandyJ on Oct 6, 2007 8:06 PM EDT reply actions
127 — Maybe, but at least they won’t have to bitch and moan like the non-BCS teams do. Win the conference, and they’re in. None of this Boise whining this year, unless it’s from Hawaii.
by The Big Dog on Oct 6, 2007 8:07 PM EDT reply actions
bama fans rejoice at simeon castille’s money play in the endzone
that has to have you guys fired up for your defense
i mean you turned away the potent houston whateverthefucks with a great defensive effort by keeping them from winning on the last play of the game in tuscaloosa
bama football will soon be exposed and you lowlife redneck idiots can crawl back to your trailers and shut up for a few more years
woot!
by stuart on Oct 6, 2007 8:29 PM EDT reply actions
F. you, Holly. We prevailed, but we’re not trash. Unusual stone for someone in the Tennessee house to be throwing.
by Greg on Oct 7, 2007 12:41 AM EDT reply actions
Do I now have to write “Property of Arian Foster” on my tits? Can I just write “Property of Holly” instead?
by Doug on Oct 8, 2007 8:33 AM EDT reply actions
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