Okay, being the premiere football program of the decade may not be all humdrum excellence and hourly romps with ruthlessly waxed, polymorphously perverse and willing sex partners. There are thrilling, unpredictable things happening on the field, and one of them is sophomore cornerback Shareece Wright, one of our nominees for Concussion Farmer of the Year thus far.

We’re not saying he hit him in bounds, or even hit him in a legal or intelligent way. We’re not even saying he didn’t hit him off the bench, actually–judging from the video, Wright could have been chugging down a blueberry and asskicking excellence flavored protein shake on the sidelines at the start of the play and then rushed over to hit Locker, for all we can tell.

However, he did hit him really, really, really hard, and it certainly looked awesome enough.(Rules be damned!) Get him to pay attention to the white lines on the field and stop attempting to become the second coming of Kevin Everett by leading with the helmet as he’s wont to do, and we’ll be talking hot magical pain pancakes in cleats here. They don’t hand out new spinal cords, you know, though they do sell slightly used ones in Tijuana.