BLOGTOBERFEST: DEFEATED EDITION

The one Al Borges uses has just two sides.

The right side – Hand ball off to Ben “Crabcake” Tate or “Super” Mario Fannin – whomever happens to be lined up behind me.

The left side – “Chuck and Duck”.

BTW—did we mention that you are the toughest, most accurate vagina we’ve ever seen?

Here you all are talking about some as unimportant as college football and Britney Spears just lost custody of her kids!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!

#1-

Replace “right side” with “first down” and “left side” with “third down” and you’d be spot on.

Remember when Cox completed just about every pass against Florida? Yeah, that was cool.

BTW, surprising that no one has pointed out Cox’s almost interception in the latter part of the fourth quarter. If an unknown (by me, at least) cornerback or safety catches an across the body duck thrown off the back foot, this game is completely different.

There’s only one way a vagina can get this tough – and thats from abuse. Lots and lots of abuse. Short Sacks. Long Sacks. Gang Sacks. I’ve taken more Sacks than a Florida State Sorority Girl at All You Can Guzzle Bukake night at the Zeta house.

It makes a girl tough.

I was never quite as bad as that kid, but I was close enough. I’ve since learned that adult substances and sex relieve lots of stress. That, and I got tired of my friends laughing while I made an ass of myself.

Wow, I just sent an e-mail to you containing a link to that crybaby video, and when I refresh the page, it’s up here already. Don’t I feel worthless and slow.

2-1 odds that at some point in his too young life, that kid has kicked a dog. Hard.

Still depressed. Time to drink. (go gators).

Yeah he’s not pissed about the game, he’s pissed about the lack of beer. A Shiner Bock to you sir. Thank us later.

And now Orson has an ad where you “Slap the Sumo Wrestler’s Belly” game. Leave Phil alone — That’s just mean.

I think Tuberville heard the kid. He hears everything.

After 3 minutes of the most vicious profanity he could conjure to spew at the TV:
 
“I’m not gonig to church anymore!”

did I hear that right?

I wish our playbook at Arkansas was that complex….

actually, the more I think about it, the Arkansas playbook is way more complex than that!! it is a 3-D playbook, i.e., 3 spinners!

spinner 1: run/throw
spinner 2: darren/felix
spinner 3: left/right

nobody tell HDN he could fit that on one spinner with 8 spaces…

Normally this defensive line would be the best in the conference by leaps and bounds….except floriduh’s about the play one even better.

ellis hugh by 2 scores.

I think I’m going to have to integrate the Wheel of Offense into our drinking system. As it is, drinking every time a helmet flies off and once per 5 yards of penalty distance is still too pedestrian.

I have a cousin whom he and some of his friends are just like that. It cracks me up. Everytime.

His mother obviously never breast fed him.

Ohio State fans think that kid’s perfectly reasonable.

Who knew Rusty from European Vacation was a Gator fan?

Kid needs some time on Orson’s boat. And some Mangione.

1. - I wasn’t going to mention I thought I heard that exact same thing, because it was too zany to assume that its what he said, but I guess he must have.

I give the lad an A for football knowledge – knew that Meyer had a time out remaining and also knew that he makes $4M for calling said time out (along with jackhammer QB draws).

Disappointed he didn’t break anything, needs to step it up for the post LSU meltdown.

I used to be like that kid too… But being a Notre Dame fan, I had to adjust my in-game emotional outbursts… Also tripled my alcohol intake(especially this year!!!).

Why would a Gator fan meltdown over a loss to LSU? They’re a good team.

I always try and throw my tantrums behind closed doors. Doing it in public is just asking for trouble.

Will “Topper” Collier’s an expert on Auburn football.

Just ask him.

The spinner is pretty accurate, except for the “Tebow Middle” and “Tebow Right”. That’s a bit too advanced.

Did Mr. 2 cents steal that wheel from Rich Rodriguez and just change the names?!?!

FWIW, I feel that kid’s pain. That’s what I was doing during the WVU-USF debacle. If UF hadn’t joined us in the wasteland of tragic upset, I couldn’t even be on this website. Oh the humanity.

And to make it worse, I live in Columbus, and tOSU got a first place vote in the coaches poll… Why does it cry Precious?

Spread offense works everywhere but nothing works as well in the SEC. We care about defense down here. The only way to slow down the spread is with gobs of face melting speed and a defensive line that don’t take no mess.

Oh, and incomplete passes.

Sure seems to be a lot of scoring taking place within the “defensively superior” SEC.

When face-melting speed meets panty-fading speed, you get a 20-17 game won by a field goal.

I notice that video is from a Cane fansite. Interestingly, of my friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who support teams other than the Gators, none of the SEC or Nole fans rubbed in the loss; even the Auburn fans I know were gracious about their victory. Strangely, the only people who made it a point to call me and talk shit were a singular Buckeye fan (who admittedly must be happy to see anybody beat the Gators at anything, since they are obviously incapable of it) and literally EVERY Cane fan I know. And the while the Buckeye fan was humorous about it, the Canes fans were for lack of a better word really ugly about the whole thing, which I found really odd because in my mind, we’re not even rivals. Oh well, you stay classy Dade County!

He also says “Jesus fucking jellybeans”

That video is priceless!

$100 says this kid is a EDSBS regular.

That kid was me the last year during the Bama-Auburn game watching Chris Capps “play”.

Just replace Tebow with White, Harvin with Reynaud and the hail mary play for “Slaton off-tackle against a man front” and the spining wheel works for WVU.

1. — Old resentments die hard. Truth be told, most so-called ‘Canes fans couldn’t name more than two or three players on the team. Probably the biggest shit-talkers I’ve ever seen when they aren’t hiding under a rock.

Don’t get me wrong, though — they DO have some great fans. But there just aren’t many of them.

I am not going to talk shit, because i AM thankful for the good game that i hoped it would be, as well as the fact that I was predicting a straight-up win last week after i received that “about to get laid” feeling in my stomach, which during this season of games and my exploded drinking binges just hasn’t happened as much as it should have… i’m almost glad that Every Day Isn’t Saturday, or I wouldn’t ever get laid, or anything else done for that matter… but is that so bad? I guess not if i can’t remember anyway…

Is it just me, or does that look like it was shot in the commons area of a dorm room?

#34

To be totally honest, seeing Florida loss did not do anything for me. I didn’t laugh, I didn’t feel better about losing to them 3 times in the last year, and I didn’t enjoy seeing them or their fans suffer. See I’m not like that-Florida beat us straight up-not because of speed, not because they are from the SEC, but simply because when it counted most their coaches, players, and entire staff put it all together and executed a perfect game plan. We did it to Miami in 02 (albeit it was a much closer game and not a humiliation) and Florida did it to us in 06. I can live with that. In fact, I want to see the Gators do well and dominate the SEC like Spurrier did. Why?

Because there is no lower form of life on this earth than an Alabama fan. No one is more arrogant, no one is more prideful, no one believes their rightful place is at the top of college football more, no one has paid more for players (200K to a HS coach to steer players to Bama) no one else sings “we just beat the hell out of you” to Vandy fans after a 10-13 win at Vandy, and no one talks more shit than a Bama fan.

So to that end-I hope the Gators win the SEC every year and 100 national championships-just so I don’t have to hear about #13 from random Bammer fan.

Florida “lose”

I find it amazingly difficult to believe that a Buckeye can complain about the fanbase of another school. On sports talk radio in Columbus last year, callers and hosts alike were claiming that Troy Smith, Ted Ginn Jr, and Anthony Gonzales would all be Top 5 draft picks. That being said, I’m glad that we can all come together here after this hellish weekend of hell and suck and live in peace in a world where no one throws a bubble screen against press coverage.

I just threw up in my mouth after typing the words “bubble” and “screen” in the same sentence….

THANKS RICH!!

How dare those uppity Alabama fans want to be good. How dare they have pride in what they have accomplished, thats like unamerican. How dare they have an after game chant to celebrate a victory. Though I guess we are the team that got caught whose boosters paid the most to steer some players to them, until I guess the NCAA decides to investigate Reggie Bushsters Millions. I guess we should slip them the 500 dollars while they are in school, like some other schools do.

Here’s the original youtube without all the miami sports blog crap on it. I think the sound on this one is better too. And seeing Miami written under this youtube masterpiece kind of hurts it, if only just a little.

Somebody needs to taze that kid.

People are mistaken if they simply think Florida was overlooking Auburn. Some real weaknesses were revealed here that people may have suspected but gave no voice too. Florida is way too narrow on offense and they had faced no real test until Auburn. Tenn is decimated on that side of the ball as they have showed all year. Auburn was the first defense ranked in the top HALF of tha NCAA that Florida faced. To date, they also haven’t faced a rushing attack ranked in the top half either. Now you’ve got the number 1 D and one of the most versatile rushing attacks coming at you. I don’t have to mention the Florida pass defense, do I?

Florida will not be able to simply get their heads straight and threaten LSU. They’ve got to answer some serious questions and answer them quickly.

1. 41: “How dare they have pride in what they have accomplished”

Uh, the Alabama fans haven’t done shit. That’s the problem — they think they have. And for most of them, it’s their only accomplishment in life, real or imagined.

Certainly, most of them do not have a degree from Alabama, have never attended Alabama, and have never been inside any building on the campus except the stadium, if that.

37

I would totally agree, but only if you substitute tOSU for Alabama. And that’s coming from an Auburn fan.

Damn…nice bama beatdown going on in here. I like it…carry on.

Hey, that kid need to get laid. When I was his age, Playboy would take the edge off when the pages werent stuck together. I bet there are fractures from hitting the wall. I foresee in his future :Dui,domestic violence, probation violation, resisting arrest, obstruction of justice, and anger management classes….after Florida announces Tim Tebow is going pro after his Sophmore year, 1st time ever.

#45, you’re absolutely right that there are Bama fans like that.

You’re also absolutely right that NO other school has any amount of fans that are just like that. None.
Don’t even bother saying that Bama has more of them, there’s absolutely no way to get any sort of quantitative delineation of their numbers.

tOSUdude is a troll. Everything is about Bama with him.

Alabama is Daywalker U.

Out of curiosity, did anyone else see Humanity Advanced nearly decapitate a UNT player with a stiff-arm?

Imagine that stiff-arm meeting the Quentin Groves space-alien noggin. It has downright Thermidorian implications.

Too bad Groves will not be there to take it. He’s out for some time.

I don’t get all the doom and gloom?

A kid who doesn’t even make it into the game program scored a touchdown for us this weekend. Take that Cap’n Caveman!

I say this past weekend rocked the house.

tOSU – correction, I think they paid $250 k for the player in question.

tOSUFuckeye,

Alledgedly, we paid 40K for Means. A gross waste of payola IMO but I don’t run that show. That was a much poorer investment than Maurice; kudos to the land of Cheese Wiz for keeping that retard eligible for a couple of years.

Every team in the SEC would own you if you played in a real conference. And Starkville is more glamorous than Cleveland.

Fuck you.

“Alledgedly, we paid 40K for Means.”

Actually, a federal court found that you’d paid at least $150,000 when Logan “Fell Up The Stairs” Young was convicted. But I’m sure that was the first time anything like that ever happened. After all, Means was a once-in-a-lifetime talent and all.

#41

That’s like defending a guy caught raping his mom with a sarcastic, “How dare he show affection for his mother!”

tOSU’s illogical hate of Bama, as i’ve told you all before, is because the Bear slept with his grandma and might be his grandpa for all anyone knows….that and the fact that they won’t let him watch porn on the computers in the library down here.

1. Amen.

1. “there’s absolutely no way to get any sort of quantitative delineation of their numbers.”
   Reheheheheealy? THAT is your defense? That since we can’t physically count all of the dumb rednecks that constitute the majority of your fanbase, then we can’t say your fans suck worse? That’s a brilliant argument. Right up there with "How dare they have pride in what they have accomplished".
   I grew up surrounded by Alabama fans, as did most people that talk shit about them, which leads one to believe that what is being said is not heresay or nonsense, but fact. I have also been to games and other scholastic or social visits at every other SEC school and many in other conferences, so there is my basis of comparison, and here are my findings:

Alabama has far and away the most redneck, ignorant, classless, disrespectful fans in the Country. Period. The End. I DO separate “Fans” from students and alumni, to some degree, because a fair 80% of Alabama “fans” are not students or are they alumni, of this or any institution of higher learning. In fact, most of them are painters or electricians or brick masons or garbage men, but i digress…
Now I will admit that ALL schools have their dreggs of a fanbase, but the Tide Faithfull win this contest hands down. Give us a big Rammer Jammer, you won at something again.

1. Amen.

1. “there’s absolutely no way to get any sort of quantitative delineation of their numbers.”
   Reheheheheealy? THAT is your defense? That since we can’t physically count all of the dumb rednecks that constitute the majority of your fanbase, then we can’t say your fans suck worse? That’s a brilliant argument. Right up there with "How dare they have pride in what they have accomplished".
   I grew up surrounded by Alabama fans, as did most people that talk shit about them, which leads one to believe that what is being said is not heresay or nonsense, but fact. I have also been to games and other scholastic or social visits at every other SEC school and many in other conferences, so there is my basis of comparison, and here are my findings:

Alabama has far and away the most redneck, ignorant, classless, disgraceful, disrespectful fans in the Country. Period. The End. I DO separate “Fans” from students and alumni, to some degree, because a fair 80% of Alabama “fans” are not students or are they alumni, of this or any institution of higher learning. In fact, most of them are painters or electricians or brick masons or garbage men, but i digress…
Now I will admit that ALL schools have their dreggs of a fanbase, but the Tide Faithfull win this contest hands down. Give us a big Rammer Jammer, you won at something again.

For those of you who don’t care about Auburn or Alabama, the remainder of the top 5 most obnoxious fans I have witnessed:
2: West Virginia (You’re not the best team in the world- please shut the fuck up abotu it)
3: Texas (everything’s bigger in TX, especially egos and assholes)
4: Virginia Tech (too soon?)
5: LSU (shocker- obnoxious drunks in the bayou- but still one of my favorite places to go to a game)

Obviously this kid pays for Urban Meyers contract out of his own pocket, so to be visibily upset is understandible.

BKYM, you are so full of shit your breath stinks. There are some decent AU fans on here(you know who you are) but you are the type that give Auburn fans a bad name. Who gives a shit if you think we are ‘redneck, classless’ and whatever else you said…YOU’RE AN AUBURN FAN, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK THAT. According to you, we also cheat, steal, murder, rape, pillage, and kick puppies….because we are your rival. But in honesty, if we had beat Florida at home, we wouldn’t have come on a website that is run by Florida alums, packed with Florida people, shouting “Yeah suck it Tebow, choke on it bitch”, “urban meyer is classless for calling a timeout to try to get in the kicker’s head”, and whatever mindless bullshit that was shared with all of us. We’d have taken our win and enjoyed it. Didn’t you all have some more important things to do, like put your AU tags back on your car that you took off after the MSU loss? We are proud of our team at all times….not just when it is convenient. Like I said, this isn’t directed to all of the AU fans on here, just mr. big shit talker and the morons like him. Worry about your own team.

#61, think maybe you’re a little biased? And why is it that you think your anecdotal evidence is proof of fact? Because you’ve talked to other people? Oooh, wow, I’ve talked to other people too and we’ve all agreed Auburn fans are the worst. Therefore it must be true.
You have no way to prove your argument, you have only your opinion, and please don’t treat it as fact.

For the record, here is my opinion of the worst fanbases:

1-119 (tie) all.

Who let the kiddies out of school early?

Oh, and that kid needs to have his ass beat.

been to tuscalooose 1nc. game day saturday. back in the high-powered-offenselolz-somehow-drafted-brodiecroyle-days and man… wut a site. bama beat some bs school and acted like they just upset lsu – talking so much shit. i was even rooting for bama (as a guest i thought i might as well) and then got shit for being a “faggot nole”. classic bama shitz for sure. well, for all the weak ass seasons fsu has had since 01, it felt good to beat bama on saturday.

Really enjoyed the Patton reference.