You know, sadness is for suckers. Anger? No. Anger is an energy, anger is a gift, and anger properly applied can do all kinds of things, like getting you into a fight with a stranger and landing you in jail, or getting you to hijack a plane at a small residential airport, start the engines, and drive it around the interstate without taking off at 125 miles an hour. Both interesting and potentially educational experiences, as well as felonies, sure–but at least they get you out of the house.

And when Papa Chaos comes at your door, you know what Kentucky coach Rich Brooks does? He tells him to fuck off, because he thinks it’s bullshit. In looking for reasons to smile today as a football fan, we looked high and low.

And yet only two things brought us out of the funk of a snapped 11 game win streak:

1. A 12 year old threw us a touchdown pass in a pickup game on Saturday. Pressure in his face, all of five feet tall, through two defenders and into our hands. Just a blistering, perfect spiral we didn’t even have to clench–the friction of the ball spinning stuck it to the palms and fingers. It was flawless and ineffably beautiful. He had a shit-eating grin on his face that exceeded valuation in currency or commodity.

2. This picture of Rich Brooks giving blood, because he really does look like he thinks this is all bullshit. We know he’s fond of the word bullshit, but just take a look at that face and tell us he thinks there’s five things in this world that aren’t bullshit besides scotch, kickass football, Mrs. Brooks, The Wild Bunch, and a nice leather armchair. Because he doesn’t, asshole. There’s bullshit all around him, especially this doctor bullshit he’s going through at the moment, and then the press conference bullshit, and then the bullshit dinner he’s got to talk at when they give him some bullshit rubber chicken and ask him to bullshit about kickass football when he could be drinking scotch, watching The Wild Bunch, and checking out Mrs. Brooks’ gams as he sits in his plush leather armchair.

And today, that’s all the inspiration we need.

Rich Brooks, when reached for this article, thought it was complete bullshit.–ed

Sad pandas need new bamboo. Fortunately, others are growing it as we speak.

You, too, can run the spread option against Auburn. Courtesy of Mr. 2 Cents, a handy study aid for those playing along at home with the 2007 Florida offense versus Auburn and Ole Miss.

When it works, it’s beautiful> When it doesn’t, Cuddles calls us at 2:45 in the morning Sunday asking “Remember when Auburn beat Florida?” Spin the wheel!

Enjoy the Enjoyment has the news that Washington’s recovering DB Jordan Murchison from the injured list. Murchison had been suspended on a domestic violence charge as well as on an assault charge, making the Huskies’ line up “deeper and jail-eyer” in the words of the site.

The International Bowl must be holding out a shred of hope that Notre Dame is going to go on a tear and become bowl eligible, since their site features the Fightin’ Irish’s fight song as their theme music.

Brian at MGoBlog went through thirty minutes of hell. And like Dante, he’s pretty freakin’ eloquent about the whole thing and survived to talk about it in damn near poetry.

Auburn has a whole new season ahead of them, according to Will Collier. Perhaps true, though we can’t imagine them playing a better game than they did Saturday night. Will also brings up the spectre of the spread-option not working in the SEC, which we, like Rich Brooks would say, politely think is bullshit. What doesn’t work is getting your ass whipped by a superb and very angry defensive line. Norm Chow couldn’t coach around that kind of menace.

And eight people can’t be wrong……if they find this funny. BTW, it’s not us. We were in the stands, remembering that moment back in January when, wearing garlands in our hair, we listened to the little slave boy in the chariot behind us whisper that all glory is fleeting in our ear.

In the fog of post-loss Monday blear, a shining motivational light shines through the blackness, a ray of motivational sunshine so blinding you can’t help but stumble sightless with optimism into the black doom of the coming week. That light? Colorado coach Dan Hawkins’ blog, which is everything you imagined it to be and more.

(NB: We actually have thought about doing a Hawkins parody blog, but have trashed the idea completely after reading the real thing. Again, stupid reality tops our wildest expectations. Stupid reality! Angry fist!)

A few choice excerpts should suffice. First, he’s lyrical:

I knew we would win on Saturday. Why? Our guys had a body of work that they could draw from. Their experiences had given them what they needed to form the proper frame of mind. All that was needed was for us to go out and sing our song and do our dance! Dance we did.

Colorado football–it’s like Showboat or Mamma Mia, but with jockstraps and concussions and stuff! The best trick play they ran all day was actually a Jerome Robbins number combined with a few nipped formations and shifts taken from the Boise State ‘04 playbook. JAZZHANDS 21 RETRO ZIP SLIDE DELTA HUT HUT HUT!!!

Speaking of ABBA: Hawkins knows his Swedish pop, too. But this didn’t surprise you.

It’s a big sacrifice. Especially because they wore this.

Took my wife to Red Rocks on Thursday night to see ABBA. Why? Well, it was for her birthday. Now, I love music, but I can say I’m not much of an ABBA guy, but my wife is. You stay married for 25 years by making sacrifices for each other.

Sitting through an ABBA concert is an admirable sacrifice, except for “Fernando.” Everyone should love “Fernando;” it’s Swedes singing rhapsodically in phonetic English about the Mexican Revolution. Very little trumps that in the mindfuck department.

And he’s not done, this time, it’s pure motivational speech for you, reader:

My point? Good things happen to good people, quit trying to win and just be a winner, focus on the process not the product, and as Coach Hurdle says, “Just keep pumping the pump.”

This also happens to be the motto of several adult sites we’re fond of, of course. Read the whole thing, of course–Hawkins has to be writing this himself, though if he’d like to subcontract to have us ghostwrite the whole thing, we’ll do it for free, though it wouldn’t be half as good. Pulling out Og Mandino quotes? That’s some pro shit right there. (HT: Matt.)

The rumor that Franchione’s resigning today? Bunk, we think. More later.

Staying, my pretties. Excelsior!

Memphis Tigers defensive lineman Taylor Bradford was shot and killed by an unidentified gunman on the campus of the University of Memphis around 10:00 p.m. Sunday night, according to WREG-TV in Memphis.

Bradford was returning with friends to his apartment to get his keys, according to witnesses, when the gunman shot Bradford. Bradford was taken to a local hospital shortly afterwards, and died later that night.

The shooting took place at an apartment complex owned and operated by the University of Memphis. We wish there were other details here, but there’s not much at this point–just an incident so violent and random even WREG’s headline pops with a totally genuine exclamation point.

Hey! How was your weekend! Great? No? Too bad! Ours was awesome! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!

It felt and looked a lot like this!

Ah, football, you fickle, evil, irresistible trollop. You always win.

Curious Index along in a bit.