DENNIS FRANCHIONE'S SECRET GOSSIP SHEET

So why is he doing this the week of the Baylor game, and not the week of the Texas game? Are there subliminal messages here? Will Baylor pull this one out in Kyle Field?

Wow. Simply wow.

Frantastic!

I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Has he claimed that his father was exhumed and reburied next to Reveille? ‘Cause that’s the only way I see him keeping his job into next year.

Craig James laughing at anything you do is reason enough to be called a fucking idiot. O, do you have kids? Gundy’s going to be asking.

I remember watching the Miami game and thinking, “Why isn’t A&M handing off to their giant?”

Then ESPN cut to Franchione on the sideline, finger squarely in nostril with a “Duuuuhhhh…” thought-bubble above his head.

So, you may have something here.

Fran – Hold the Rope!!!

In the words of Sadly, No!, one of my favorite political blogs:

There’s dumb (D). There’s fucktard dumb (FD). And then there’s clueless fucktard dumb (CFD).

That was somewhere below CFD.

I’m still claiming that I will name my firstborn Orson*.

• Of course, this implies that I get a choice in naming.

Geez, O, tell us how you truly feel about Coach Fran…

I’ve seen ‘bama boosters less fired up about this than you. Although, that didn’t occur until Mike Shula was shown the door to make room for Nick Saban.

New Mexico warned us.

We warned Alabama. When Fran wore a (Crimson) red tie to the Heisman ceremony the year LaDainian Tomlinson was invited to New York (and should have won), I started cutting Fran out of photographs and press clippings. He was dead to me.

Who know what Alabama said to A&M? And who cares? I’m just glad that Fran’s house of cards is currently scattered all over College Station. Fran and A&M deserve each other.

By the way, check Fran’s record with and without Gary Patterson as his defensive coordinator. It’s revealing. We stole Fran’s thunder, kept it, and ended up with some big wins, some nice bowl victories, a couple of conference titles and a top-10 final ranking in 2005.

Two guys were more responsible than any others for the revival of TCU football: Gary Patterson and LaDainian Tomlinson. Most of what Fran did was try to take credit.

Apparently that A&M-Alabama coaching pipeline only works out in one direction.

The scene: Conference call going on right next to my cube as I am reading EDSBS.

Key moment: The clever line about Fran and my grandma a semi and a right of way at the end of a littany of serious points.

Result: Spontaneous, uncontrolled, knee slap laughter followed by unhappy coworkers and quizzical looks on people across the country on the other end of the phone.

Shit I love this site.

Fun Friday theoretical question to the Longhorn fans on the board…

Assume the T+1 game (that’s your local shorthand for UT vs. A&M, right?) is played this year. UT’s out of the national title race and locked in to their post-season destination. A&M is decent enough that an Aggie win might save Fran’s job, ensuring another year or two of Fran-tastic mediocrity at your arch-rival. A loss gets Fran the ax, and puts them in play for the top coaching candidates this off-season, and you can’t guarantee they’ll whiff again.

What do you do? What do you do?

Im trying to see how this is any worse than “Head Ball Coach” premium website offerings.

i ran out of fran jokes like 2 years ago. can this motherfucker just fade into bolivia already???

I was debating who is going to be the next A&M coach…but after reading about Fran’s most recent stroke of brilliance, I realize that they’d probably do better by just not hiring one.

“..he’s too busy emailing those friendly Liberians back with his bank account numbers. "I’m going to roll in my African riches! EXCELSIOR!!!"”

can’t. stop. laughing.

oh god, i’m fucking giggling.

….and crying.

Is Fran-Tastic mediocrity and better or worse than Chan-Tastic mediocrity? Just askin, yo.

Papa Lou BSU,

The scenario you described is exactly what happened last year. That win over an out-of-mnc-contention, crippled Longhorn team is why Fran is still gainfully employed this year. It was the silver lining in the loss.

I love the venom the uat fans still spew Fran’s way — reality check: you guys ate this shit up when he was yours.

100%, no question about it, this little “elite newsletter” was the brainchild of Francis’s personal lapdog, former low-bred sportswriter Mike McKenzie. They’re quite the pair, these two.

Paul Johnson installing the flexbone at A&M, with McGee running the option, Javorskie at Fullback and Goodson in one of the slots. Just let that marinate in your mind for a while. Fran must go!

Brian (#20), It depends on whether you like you mediocrity to be mind-numbingly boring with poor talent wasting the good talent on the team (Chan-tastic!) or if you want it to be mind-numbingly idiotic with horrendously bad coaching wasting the good talent on the team (Fran-tastic!).

Or you could opt for paying too much for cable and getting poor customer service to boot, in which case it’d be Comcastic!

A shame this had to happen the day before their biggest game of the year.

By the way, head over to the texasags.com forum if you want to rubberneck a fanbase melting down.

They do have some interesting next-head-coach Christmas lists.

With convincing home wins against Fresno High and Monroe of Louisiana, Aggies are probably assured a 7-5 record, and are in the thick of the hunt for a Humanitarian Bowl birth. Suck on that Notre Dame.

(As a Longhorn fan I will do everything in my power to help Franie keep his job. )

#25

i was just doing the same thing. as a bama fan living in texas, if you think bama nation is crazy, its only b/c aggie nation has not been relevant of late. they are shit nuts.

Since you didn’t attack his character all you need to know, in any to “my dad was burried in an Alabama sweatshirt” is he talked a bunch of freshman and sophomore players into staying the course to help him rebuild the program despite the NCAA sanctions, then decided to haul ass to A&M.

and #22

the man hadn’t been exposed for what he is yet when he as at bama. not to mention he was winning…something he isn’t doing at a&m.

Shoot, it’s not like Dollar Bill Byrne’s going to fire Fran — that implies he cares about excellence in football. Byrne’s quite happy with mere competence so that he can elevate the less successful programs, as his goal is to win the Director’s Cup.

Have fun, Aggie Fan. We knew what we were losing with Dollar Bill.

Herb,

Honestly – someday, some big school will be smart enough to hire Paul Johnson as their coach, and reap the benefits.

Regardless of what system he runs, he wins, and he puts the right people in place to help him win.

If you don’t believe that, meet me down at City Dock so I can kiss your ass…I’ll even give you 3 days to gather a crowd!!

Q.E.D. – nice legal/latin/math reference

I agree with everything you said there, except where you mentioned his win-loss record and his salary. You people act as though a coach is somehow responsible for every loss and that if he makes more money than 99% of the other coaches out there that he’s somehow a magic man who has all the answers and he should win more games. That’s just not true. Please cease and desist from making such comparisons.
Thank you.
Kirk Ferentz

Bravo on a job well done. I am sure Fran left while he could since the sanctions were coming down, and thank God he did. The beatdown he got 77-0 on a National Television stage was the retroactive revenge of Bear Bryant, since he coached at A/M before Bama, and Fran bolted like a thief in the night. As an Alabama fan, I felt so used, like no call the morning after a drunken fling with Pamela Anderson….. What a piece of work. He freakin talked like Kermit the Frog.
I am sure Texas A/M will build that logpile and put Fran on top before they light it this year.
$1200 bucks a yr for a Secret Newsletter aka Injury Report…. I am sure there are ties to organized crime….for that kind of cash I better get to injure the players myself if I lose money on the game…

“fade into bolivia” would make an excellent indie band name.

Orangeblood,

Re #21: You’re absolutely right that Fran’s continued employment was the silver lining, but it wasn’t exactly the same scenario. The Horns weren’t locked into their post-season destination – the loss cost them their spot in the Big XII title game and a BCS bowl bid.

Liberians are crafty and hilarious.

Any of ya’ll ever received 9 fake USPS money orders totaling over $10,000?

I dont know who is dumber… Fran for trying to peddle injury reports or the dumbass alumni that want advance notice of the mediocrity they will be witnessing on Saturday.

At Herb-

Sweet Jesus, you’re right.

Dave,

Oh, that’s right. It’s just as well.; the team wasn’t in any shape to compete in a BCS game. The other silver lining was OU got the losing end of that Boise State miracle upset. That could’ve been Texas.

#15

You do the only thing you can do. Shoot the hostage, or the dog.

1. - Jeff.

First off, Jeff, no bama fan gives a damn what some dumbass Barner thinks. You barners wish he was still in Tuscaloosa since Saban is kicking your ass in recruiting and will soon be busting that ass on the field. Good luck with Cox this weekend.

Career limiting move

[Coach Kline] Franny sucks. He really really sucks. [/Coach Kline]

How is this news? Have any of you actually watched Aggy play the last few years?

A poster on Hornfans compiled Fran’s record at all his D-1 stops; the results were astounding. Essentially, Fran has compiled a good record by beating up on medicore teams…take those games away, and his winning percentage is way below the Mendoza Line. I think Air Force (while at UNM) and Texas last year were the only ranked teams he’s ever beaten.

Reading Texags is sweet sweet candy. They’re just now coming to the realization that Emperor Fran has no clothes.

I can’t wait to play them on October 13th. Graham Harrell might be yanked by the third quarter after he gets his 500 yards and 6 TDs.

The picture of the ass doesn’t count as Friday bunda does it?

1. - Agree with NoleinTexas: definitely shoot the damned dog!
   Unless, of course, Houston Dale Nutt is available…

Nice work!

This ought to qualify Fran for the Aggies Hall of Honor. Only an Aggie could be so dumb as to sell out his players confidential information for personal gain.

Is that a picture of Coach Fran or NC Gov. Mike Easley? Have the two ever been seen in the same place at the same time?

Bravo!!!!!!! Welcome to the party. I’ve known he was a POS for 5 years.

Fact correction: Fran stated his father-in-law was buried in an Alabama shirt, not his father.

This is a fuck-up of Mackovician proportions.

for #31

Does “hadn’t been exposed for what he is” mean the same thing as “we wouldn’t have listned to reason anyway”?

The coach-worship is some powerful shizz. Good thing the tide fans don’t have time for that shit anymore, huh?

cheesecake?

#52

no it doesn’t.

Longhorns don’t take any pleasure in watching the a&m program auger into the dirt. It’s bad for our SOS and bad for the conference.

For Orson, +1000 cocktails and a side job writing performance appraisals for my more insipid co-workers.

For Fran, take two Nelson Muntz laughs out of petty cash.

cricket chirps Where da Noles at? I feel like poking them with sharp sticks and flinging poo in their general direction. C’mon yaaaaa pansies. Wassamattah? Reflecting on the simple fact that your QB situation is worse than Da’ U and Aubie…combined!

All kidding aside, Franchione’s influence over/respect from his players has been a little questionable ever since Reggie McNeal’s famous eye-roll in the huddle a couple of years ago.

Now consider all these TAMU players who’ve been made aware that their own coach was very possibly shit-talking their play or ability to a select cadre of big-money boosters. How in the world does Fran motivate these guys now? What do you think are the chances they decide to toss the rest of the season just to get their dumbfuck coach out the door that much sooner?

We were snookered, too, so I don’t want to heap abuse on Texas A&M. I hope you A&M guys get rid of him before he causes too much more damage. He talks a good game, but he is a horrible recruiter and let’s too many distractions affect his coaching.

I’d think the IRS needs to look into his $1200 a booster deal and see where the money is going. I doubt it takes that much to run a website. Websites run by other coaches above board probably gathers readily available info from many sources and puts it all on one website. I doubt their handing out super secret info.

Jeff, you need to get a grip. Your team is floundering. Maybe you need to worry about what you’re going to do now that Tuberville is taking Auburn back to its rightful place – the cellar of the SEC. although you might do better once you reinstate Lester the plagiarist.

Doug — I know how. He makes them read “Kim’s Korner” until they want to go out and kill somebody.

I for one feel duped by this news. I was certain that Fridays with Fran was the be-all, end-all of inside dope from Coach Fran.

I nominate Franchionne as supreme college football duschebag of all time….Anyone second this motion?

BTW, if you think this money they paid himwas only for info on the team….then think again.

Fran’s a scumbag. Reminds me of Tuberville. Tuberville has had more success, but he is going down the tubes this season just like Fran. I wonder how the Eufala National Champs are going to salvage the season. Maybe it’ll get better once the plagiarist is reinstated.

I second the motion. Where at TAMU can we send donations of tar and feathers?

And where’s our Friday Bunda?

I think Coach Fran just revealed himself as one of the missing Peacock brothers.

He offered the bigwigs 12 minutes free suckling each month.

“Why, yes, they’re leaking right now, thank you very much.”

#58

i was wondering the same thing. i talked to an aggie about 18 months ago who started for both rc and fran, and was the kind of player who was a coaches wet dream…played hard, played hurt, made grades, etc. he said fran was an fucking asshole and he never did get the respect of most of rc’s recruits. now obviously those guys are gone, but i wonder if the feeling in the lockeroom has changed much.

is there going to be cheesecake or are we going to have a problem?

At this point one has to ask the question: Exactly what has Dennis Franchione done right in his career since recruiting LaDanian Tomlinson.

You guys do realize that a simple google image search can provide you with all the bunda you can handle.

Nice job. Coach Fran is unquestionably “mentally challenged,” but the title of biggest dip-$hit in college football still has to go to Houston Nutt. I’d love to see a comparison piece on these two geniuses. (I’d love even more to see Nutt coaching A&M next year). Their track records and decision making characteristics are vomit-inducingly similar.

I was thinking about if Houston Nutt had done this, what the reports would say…

then I realized that he obviously wouldn’t have time to do this shit, he’d dish out txt hits from practice.

now why the hell couldn’t you have posted this two months ago when i was freezing in lima and the hate could have kept me toasty warm.

keep coach fran out of bolivia, btw. that particular demise is reserved for badasses on the scale of che guerra and butch cassidy & the sundance kid.

Fran didn’t recruit Tomlinson. Pat Sullivan did. So to answer your question, he has done absolutely nothing in his career to be considered a good coach.

Coincidentally, SMU tried the reverse approach in the 80’s. Their booster supplied a newsletter weekly to the players… handwritten on $100 bills.

Thank you. That’s all I can say right now Orson, Thank You.

Can we get some cheesecake…I keep coming back to this site hoping to see bunda, and I’ll I’m greeted with is the ugly mug of that fucking idiot Fran.

I’ll = all

Wow. Simply wow. -1

All bunda requests. -1

Fantastics / nice works -1

Here’s a tip. When you are telling one of your stories, try to have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener.

-Steve Martin

Substitute “reader” for “listener”, and add “,motherfucker” for the EDSBS version. Rinse. Repeat.

Jeff, I can’t believe you had the AUdacity to post that after the AUsome season slogans provided by Tiny Terry Bowden.

If Coach Fran was actually selling proprietary injury information to a select list, in addition to the aforementioned doucheiness of it, is it also illegal? It seems like inside injury information would be useful to gamblers, and I have to imagine that a coach selling info useful to gamblers would cross into non-Kosher territory pretty fast.

Also, fuck Rutgers. The prof in the NYT article is a blowhard, but the counterallegations of racism are BS.

#83
It’s called a violation of the HIPAA act of 1996 – and if applied to this case – he could be charged with a felony.

$1,200 buys a lot of little debbies. Hit the bricks Fran

I’ll chime in and add that Franchione made my all time greatest douchebags in college football when he left Alabama. Especially after he talked players into staying despite the sanctions, only to turn around and seek greener pastures. Abandoning a team is an inherently douchey thing to do but his goading the players into staying with talk of seeing things through and over coming hardship was particularly vile. Plus it lead to the ouster of R.C. Slocum who by most accounts is a real standup guy who was having success at A&M. Teams that shit can good coaches just to catch onto something more shiny deserve ever ounce of grief they get, a’la Solich at Nebraska. Idiots.

Sounds to me as if leaving that fucking shithole Alabama is the only smart thing he has ever done.

complicated series of snaps

No. 71:

Pat Sullivan recruited LaDainian Tomlinson. LaDainian played his first season at TCU under Sullivan in 1997.

Fran inherited Football Jesus.

Totally Fucking Frandiculous

Crabs veins have ice water running through them…plus a lil’ vinegar.

“keep coach fran out of bolivia, btw. that particular demise is reserved for badasses on the scale of che guerra and butch cassidy & the sundance kid.”

Here, here Kleph. Thank you for sticking up for the Land of the Aymaras. Fran is not worthy of going to the land where the ruins of Tiwanaku provide evidence that something really badass happened there. Unlike Fran’s coaching carreer. Moving 200 ton stones without the wheel is awesome. Doing it at an altitude of over two miles leaves one speechless and breathless!

Orson,

 It has only taken you five years to realize this?

 I wanted Fran gone after the 2003 season (It didn’t take long to see his hype was better than he was.).
 I’m hopeful I may get my wish, and soon.

Let’s get Sammie to talk to Coach Fran about Jay Whitlow and his dog and see what we can do if Jay was in Texas or if Jay was in Alabama I mean if Whitlow is sure that his dog is terminal and has rabies what could Jay do in Texas vs. what could Whitlow do in Alabama regarding ending the life of the dog without Jay having to pay the Alabama vet or the Texas vet to do the deed for him but Whitlow is clear that he doesn’t want Coach Fran to have anything to do with this and end up like Micheal Vick.

Did Franchione really pick his nose on national TV? And then not wash his hands? I’ll bet those Alabama football players are glad now that he didn’t come and shake their hands goodbye.

I love how everyone thinks they know everything that went on between Dennis Franchione and Texas A&M. The fact is you only know what the lying idiots told the public…you have know idea what went on behind closed doors…like how Bill Byrnes is a freaking liar and knew everything about the news letters…when Franchione was packing up his things to leave Bill Byrnes came in to tell him he was so sorry for doing what he did a betrayed him and blah blah blah…of course you all wouldn’t know anything about that Dennis Franchione is my uncle and I stick by him 100% no one really knows what football coaches have to go through. So why don’t you ask people who actually know instead of listening to the stupid media!