Just like Chris Leak! On HGH!

Will you sign my Tebow jersey, Chris? Even in a case of mistaken identity, Chris Leak lives in the shadow of Tim Tebow despite winning a national title and SEC championship for Florida. Florida wide receiver David Nelson admits in a Gainesville Sun article that not only was he mistaken for Leak on a cruise this past summer, but handed out autographs as the former Gator qb/basestealer:

Nelson, a redshirt sophomore wide receiver, said he was besieged by autograph seekers wherever he went on the ship.

“With little kids, I didn’t know whether to say I’m not Chris Leak,” he said. “I didn’t know whether to completely embarrass the kid or sign it and tell Chris later. I kind of scribbled.”

And, of course, the eclipse moment involving Tebow:

When asked what the response would have been if he had been confused with current UF quarterback Tim Tebow, Nelson said, “the captain would have let me drive the ship.”

…because the captain knew that if Tebow drove the ship, he would take them to the lost island of Magumbay, a land where the soil is chocked full of platinum ingots, the trees grow country hams, rivulets of gin spring from the rocks, and the villages are inhabited by sexually adventurous and unjealous locals of stunning beauty. If given the wheel, Leak would have checked down for the Bahamas.

Sure, Dan. The Oklahoma Sooners offensive line averages 6-5, 322 across their starting five, a wall of angry beef they’ve leaned on in averaging 61.5 points a game. (Their tallest starter has an immortal name for a 6′8″, 360 lb man: Phil Loadholt.) Dan Hawkins
has the gameplan to face them, however, likely conceived while chopping melons in half
with his kitana blindfolded in his backyard Zen garden:

“We used to be able to call coaches at midweek in high school and ask if we could play eight-man football. … I think maybe I’ll call Coach Stoops this week and ask him if we could play with 12.”

That would keep the score within 20 points, we think.

Nick Saban doesn’t answer his phone. Saban asked for Alabama fans to stay classy after losses, and also divulged that he doesn’t answer his phone. Good policy, though messages for football coaches in Alabama usually don’t rely on fiberoptic lines.

Badgering her witness in public. A story this good needs a soundtrack. We all need someone to love, right? And sometimes, on special days, you find them in a bathroom stall at a football stadium.

Two Wisconsin fans were arrested for having sex in a women’s restroom at Camp Randall on Saturday after a patron reported to a policeman that a couple was “going at it pretty good” in a stall. (Read with Wisconsin accent. Much, much funnier than it already is. The paper goes for the obvious scoring angle, but we focus on your Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth moment of the day in the article.

When Officer Pehler was explaining the citation to the couple, the woman said, “Something to the effect, I know, I know, I did it,” Pehler wrote in his report.

The man, on the other hand, said “whatever, no big deal.”

(HT: Tony, Senior Sex in Public Bathrooms Correspondent.)