CURIOUS INDEX, 9/25/07

by Orson on Sep 25, 2007 8:56 AM EDT

Just like Chris Leak! On HGH!

Will you sign my Tebow jersey, Chris? Even in a case of mistaken identity, Chris Leak lives in the shadow of Tim Tebow despite winning a national title and SEC championship for Florida. Florida wide receiver David Nelson admits in a Gainesville Sun article that not only was he mistaken for Leak on a cruise this past summer, but handed out autographs as the former Gator qb/basestealer:

Nelson, a redshirt sophomore wide receiver, said he was besieged by autograph seekers wherever he went on the ship.

"With little kids, I didn't know whether to say I'm not Chris Leak," he said. "I didn't know whether to completely embarrass the kid or sign it and tell Chris later. I kind of scribbled."

And, of course, the eclipse moment involving Tebow:

When asked what the response would have been if he had been confused with current UF quarterback Tim Tebow, Nelson said, "the captain would have let me drive the ship."

...because the captain knew that if Tebow drove the ship, he would take them to the lost island of Magumbay, a land where the soil is chocked full of platinum ingots, the trees grow country hams, rivulets of gin spring from the rocks, and the villages are inhabited by sexually adventurous and unjealous locals of stunning beauty. If given the wheel, Leak would have checked down for the Bahamas.

Sure, Dan. The Oklahoma Sooners offensive line averages 6-5, 322 across their starting five, a wall of angry beef they've leaned on in averaging 61.5 points a game. (Their tallest starter has an immortal name for a 6'8", 360 lb man: Phil Loadholt.) Dan Hawkins
has the gameplan to face them, however, likely conceived while chopping melons in half
with his kitana blindfolded in his backyard Zen garden:

"We used to be able to call coaches at midweek in high school and ask if we could play eight-man football. ... I think maybe I’ll call Coach Stoops this week and ask him if we could play with 12."

That would keep the score within 20 points, we think.

Nick Saban doesn't answer his phone. Saban asked for Alabama fans to stay classy after losses, and also divulged that he doesn't answer his phone. Good policy, though messages for football coaches in Alabama usually don't rely on fiberoptic lines.

Badgering her witness in public. A story this good needs a soundtrack. We all need someone to love, right? And sometimes, on special days, you find them in a bathroom stall at a football stadium.

Two Wisconsin fans were arrested for having sex in a women's restroom at Camp Randall on Saturday after a patron reported to a policeman that a couple was "going at it pretty good" in a stall. (Read with Wisconsin accent. Much, much funnier than it already is. The paper goes for the obvious scoring angle, but we focus on your Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth moment of the day in the article.

When Officer Pehler was explaining the citation to the couple, the woman said, "Something to the effect, I know, I know, I did it," Pehler wrote in his report.

The man, on the other hand, said "whatever, no big deal."

(HT: Tony, Senior Sex in Public Bathrooms Correspondent.)

Tweet Comment 44 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

It’s understandable. I asked Jimmah Clausen for his autougraph, (thinking he was the kid from who’s the boss) after the Michigan game. I doubt I was the only one. But I doubt Jonathan would havefumbled that many times. He looks like he has never lost his grip on balls

by yak on Sep 25, 2007 9:05 AM EDT reply actions

I don’t know what’s funnier, the “pants inside out” line, the “going at it pretty good” line, or the “by the way, what’s your name?” line.

by Raider Red on Sep 25, 2007 9:06 AM EDT reply actions

Hawkins is entertaining, and quotes like that are funny, but I think he’s in way over his head. His play calling in the FSU game (or the OC’s, I guess) was awful. One, maybe two, more years at the helm at this rate.

Saban…no time…shit….

by OhioDawg on Sep 25, 2007 9:07 AM EDT reply actions

I’m in ur bathroomz.

Sexin’ ur coeds.

by Rabid Badger on Sep 25, 2007 9:12 AM EDT reply actions

A fuck badger?

by NewAZTiger on Sep 25, 2007 9:13 AM EDT reply actions

Sex in the bathroom of a sporting event is about as classy as it gets. I bet the male Wisconsin fan was just disappointed in his team’s play Saturday night and wanted to distract himself. Totally and completely understandable.

by Edsall is God on Sep 25, 2007 9:14 AM EDT reply actions

You would think sex at a college football game would bring about visions of him looking somewhat like Tebow with the partner resembling a big, creamy piece of cheesecake. However, Camp Randall…Wisconsin…in reality it had to more closely resemble a scene from The Shield with lots of sweat, dirt, urine, and brown and gray hues.

by Mark on Sep 25, 2007 9:25 AM EDT reply actions

“If given the wheel, Leak would have checked down for the Bahamas. "
It’s lines like that that are the reason I love this site.
Oh, and the cheesecake.

BTW – I am not the Tony with the HT on the sex in bathroom story. My only knowledge of sex in bathrooms comes from Digital Underground songs.

by GamecockTony on Sep 25, 2007 9:39 AM EDT reply actions

“…If given the wheel, Leak would have checked down for the Bahamas.” An absolute certainty.

God, I love this site. Oh yeah, and the cheesecake.

by Native on Sep 25, 2007 9:42 AM EDT reply actions

I fully expected a Jefferson Airplane tune for that Wisconsin story, instead I get my favorite Queen song of all time. Well done, Senor Swindle.

by notthequarterback on Sep 25, 2007 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

Looks like our 3rd string QB Henton thought that soliciting a hooker was okay as long as he got back before Tressel’s 10:00PM curfew. Not a lot of facts available yet, but the fact that he was arrested at 8:30 is really interesting.

http://www.nbc4i.com/midwest/cmh/news.apx.-content-articles-CMH-2007-09-25-0004.html

Where was this guy when we needed him 2 months ago?

by tOSUBuckeyes on Sep 25, 2007 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

If the police in Madison don’t stop this sort of behavior, it could spread to places like Indiana.

Think how devastating that could be to fan interest when ticket holders are off pushing doorbells when they should be watching the game.

by blazin on Sep 25, 2007 9:58 AM EDT reply actions

He took a mug shot in shoulder pads?

I guess he wanted to impress her(?).

by blazin on Sep 25, 2007 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

One hopes Mr. Loadholt is a MST3K fan like the rest of us….

by Biff McLargeHuge, Smash Lampjaw, et al on Sep 25, 2007 10:02 AM EDT reply actions

I’m sure the girl is flattered by being “no big deal”.

by TIGERinATL on Sep 25, 2007 10:03 AM EDT reply actions

“By the way, what is your name? "

Her response was omitted from the story.

“Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

by Brewster Crew on Sep 25, 2007 10:08 AM EDT reply actions

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42671000/jpg/_42671799_throw_afp416.jpg

Why does this picture crack me up so much? Even without the bama inference. This guy’s 401(k) must be in the shitter. Blowing off some steam by throwing stones at the poh-poh. We do it in the financial services industry all the time.

by TIGERinATL on Sep 25, 2007 10:09 AM EDT reply actions

who knew sen. craig was a badger fan.

by lawtool on Sep 25, 2007 10:15 AM EDT reply actions

For what it’s worth, Henton is from Georgia.

by tOSUBuckeyes on Sep 25, 2007 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

The pair were taken to the police office in the stadium and told they would be arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct when the man said they were “only peeing together.”

Who woulda thunk? R. Kelly, rooting for the Badgers. I figured he was a Tulsa fan for sure.

by Doug on Sep 25, 2007 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

go to church bitches

http://www.churchofsaban.com/

by mp on Sep 25, 2007 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

@8: I now prefer Olive Garden and Red Lobster bathrooms…It’s a touch classier than Burger King… no offense to Humpty Hump or Shock G.

by lance harbor on Sep 25, 2007 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger…

A snaaaaake, a snaaaaaake!

by Beatuofa on Sep 25, 2007 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

this is why i have a soft spot for wisconsin:
“and the guy says (to the girl), ‘By the way, what is your name?’ "

your football team may be terribly overrated, but your student section is the champion of debauchery

by okiedomer on Sep 25, 2007 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

#10

you have a favorite queen song?? do you have a favorite ex boyfriend too???

by gerry dorsey on Sep 25, 2007 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

Also…I am debating about emailing the writer of that Wisky article to congratulate him. You can tell that he had an absolute blast writing that one, stories like that can’t fall into your lap all that often.

by Beatuofa on Sep 25, 2007 11:03 AM EDT reply actions

Tide tailback Terry Grant remembers Bowden from his recruitment, although it’s doubtful the FSU coach can say the same.

“He never did remember your name or your face,” Grant said with a laugh. "Every time I came, he was like, ‘Who are you?’ I was like, ‘Terry Grant,’ and he said, ‘Oh yeah, I know, you’re that boy from Lumberton (Mississippi).

“I think he was (serious). It was always funny to me.”

by mp on Sep 25, 2007 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

Or for the other extreme, I heard a story once of sex in a porta-potty at Ozzfest. (which in SoCal is out in the desert in summer).

by oc phil on Sep 25, 2007 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Sex in a bathroom stall at a football game. 22 and 23 year olds? Make them 18-19 year olds and you have the best selling porno of all time.

That shit is hot!!!

by Odell 51 on Sep 25, 2007 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

= +10 cocktails.

by Yar. on Sep 25, 2007 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

- If loving Queen is gay, then pour me a fuckin’ cosmo, sailor.

by notthequarterback on Sep 25, 2007 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

#19: That may be, and yet, we never seem to run into those types of problems here at the coed rich University of Georgia. Maybe if he came home he wouldn’t need to drop $20 on a handjob at 8:30 on a Monday, or, you know, our coach could instill some type of moral decency in him….you know, whatever.

by blackertai on Sep 25, 2007 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty sure Snow Patrol is gayer than Queen

by blazin on Sep 25, 2007 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

you’re probably right…liking queen couldn’t be gay

by gerry dorsey on Sep 25, 2007 12:30 PM EDT reply actions

#20,
LMAO at the subtle Golden Hurricane reference.

HAHA!

by capitol F on Sep 25, 2007 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

100 COCKTAILS…. poured on the head of that bitch who snitched on those lovebirds in the bathroom… what the hell??

by PeterPumpkinhead on Sep 25, 2007 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

- Aren’t the guy who attended the Fray concert a while back? While Queen may be gay, I don’t think you are fit to be passing judgement.

by The Last Dragon on Sep 25, 2007 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

Bands that are gayer than Queen:

—Dashboard Confessional
—Savage Garden
—Vanity 6

They’re gay like a lame, bitchy gay guy with a 68 IQ and a $35,000 credit card debt. Queen’s awesome gay like Ian McKellen, Frederick the Great, or a pirate.

Liking Queen does not make one gay. Fucking Freddie Mercury, however, would. (And would require prompt medical attention.)

by Orson Swindle on Sep 25, 2007 1:00 PM EDT reply actions

Do you think you could barter for that prompt medical attention with your shovel?

by Brewster Crew on Sep 25, 2007 1:14 PM EDT reply actions

#36, where’s James Henry when you need him? That bitch deserves to be kicked.

by Clemson327 on Sep 25, 2007 2:13 PM EDT reply actions

Questions for Badger fans:

1. Was Sean Glennon also in the stall?
2. Was there swiss cheese in any form involved?
3. Does this mean Donna Shalala will leave Miami and come back to Madison?

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 25, 2007 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

Worshipping Saban is much gayer than Queen.

by Mr. Wrong on Sep 25, 2007 3:01 PM EDT reply actions

after the FSCW game out west last year, i saw david nelson standing by the street waiting on some family. i had just gotten through congradulating my boys on the team, and was walking over to potbelly’s for some libations, and i stopped and said "hey, nice game. saw those catches back in the UCF game. nice play. looking forward to next season, you;ll get some playing time in then for sure.’
he was like “wait, who do you think i am?” and i said “david nelson, of course.” “you don’t think i’m chris leak?” "no, you’re at least a foot taller and weigh 50 lbs less than him. "

so i can see the man’s frustrations.

by Cameorn Siggs on Sep 25, 2007 4:41 PM EDT reply actions