SWEDES ARE EVIDENTLY LOUISVILLE FANS

by Orson on Sep 24, 2007 5:54 PM EDT

Losing to Syracuse is painful. When you do it as preseason top 10, possible Big East champion, it's...it's nauseating to anyone watching it happen, really, because Syracuse reeks. Stinks. Like rotting antelope carcass stuffed with pigeonshit thrown into a vat of five spice powder and then deep fried in a vat of oil skimmed off Drew Rosenhaus' head and served with a side of assfries. We don't even know what assfries are, but if they existed, they would be the proper side dish for Syracuse football.

The only proper reaction to the death of Louisville's dreams is nausea. Apparently, this Swedish television personality was watching the third quarter off camera.

BORT BORT BARF!!! For a more complete verbal picture of how bad the end of the game was between these two armless men trying to headbutt each other to death, consult with the 5.0 Guy, a sick bastard who was left dry-heaving by the inept finale to the game. Keep in mind: the word vomit is used copiously here, and predates said Swedish rebooting footage.

GOOD GOD, THIS GAME SUCKS.

I have to say, in the few minutes I watched this game I was as appalled as anyone could get. I know it's just Syracuse and that's why there were so many empty seats. But that was only the beginning.

I picked up the game late in the second quarter working on some shelves in my house. Low and behold, Syracuse has successfully identified their ass from a hole in the ground and have managed to go up 14-7 on Louisville. This can't last for long, I think.

I WAS SO WRONG.

Louisville was apparently of the mindset that they desperately needed to lose this game, and lose in the same fashion as Syracuse usually does: via horrendous blunders unseen before by their fans. After a Louisville punt, the Orangemen make a small return. During the next drive, I was amazed at the utter and abject lack of defense on the part of Louisville. Showing complexity on par with a pop-warner squad, Syracuse ran the ball twice for a yard or less right up the gut and into two very fat defensive tackles. At this point, it's obvious that a.) Syracuse can't run & b.) it's third down, and they have to pass the ball. So what does Syracuse do?

Play Action. FOR A TOUCHDOWN.

The futility of Louisville's effort was off the charts. In the fourth quarter, with less than five minutes to go, they refuse to go for it on fourth down, and punts to the powerhouse Syracuse Offense. For the love of God, the drive was painful to watch. Two runs stuffed, long pass complete. Two runs stuffed, long pass complete. The pattern was going to result in a touchdown until Greg Robinson remembered that, ah yes, I am supposed to lose here. Calling yet another play action, his QB has a mental meltdown and manages to fumble by accidentally hold the ball too far from his body and having it knocked away by a fullback. Fumble is recovered by the to-this-point absent Louisville D.

In a move straight from the Marty Schottenhiemer playoff hand book, Syracuse proceeds to run a prevent zone coverage to try and stop Louisville's passing attack. Mind you, only a minute and a half remains on the clock, Louisville has two timeouts. Predictably, the Orange defense is shreded by out-routes and long passes behind the corners, getting them to the red zone in less than 20 seconds. Feeling confident that their plan was working, both corners contributed pass interference calls (painfully obvious) to ensure that TD is scored. Which it is, on a busted coverage over the middle.

So, with the score 38-35, Louisville opts to onside kick again. They had tried one earlier and kicked it too deep allowing Syracuse an easy recovery. This time, they screw up again, but kick the ball . . . four yards. It could have fallen off the tee and rolled farther. At this point, I'm about to vomit in my lap as it feels like both teams are trying really hard to lose.

Continuing my pain, I watch the final drive (oh, btw, Louisville still has both time outs and 56 seconds remain) as Syracuse clumsily tries to run the ball with a max gain of two yards. On third down, someone got the memo on Louisville's D and actually rushed the passer and forced a bad throw. In a bold move, Syracuse runs a PLAY ACTION ON FOURTH AND LONG AND FREAKING GETS A FIRST DOWN AND MORE. I don't know what the fuck is going on in Louisville, but Jesus, just about anyone, even John L. Smith, could have done better.

In desperate (and fittingly moronic) move to get the ball back, Louisville's Linemen decide they have to swipe the ball away from Syracuse's center as it's being snapped. However, they fail to remember the part about the ball moving first. Two (not one, two) penalties, Louisville gives up, and allows the kneeldowns. My personal favorite was seeing Brian Brohm on camera looking pissed that their only chance was blown by a God-Damned Kicker.

I can hear the "Big L-East" guys gearing up.

On the plus side, I will be filing a resume with UL to take the soon-to-be vacated D Coordination spot, as my championship Youth Football defense probably would probably look really nice right now as opposed to what they've got.

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Comments

what the fuck is that chick saying?? i gotta say…that is some tremendous stage presence. somebody get that broad a breath mint.

by gerry dorsey on Sep 24, 2007 6:02 PM EDT reply actions

Hey, I think I took that chick to prom.

by hailstate on Sep 24, 2007 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, that was the best comeback since Texas Tech’s second-half performance in the Insight Bowl. I would call for 100 cocktails for Cute Flu-Bitten Swedish Game Show Lady, but probably what she needs right now is some ginger ale. or Pepto.

by Doug on Sep 24, 2007 6:09 PM EDT reply actions

Now that’s what you call “blowing chuncks”.

by The Last Dragon on Sep 24, 2007 6:10 PM EDT reply actions

I’m sure that Brohm was pissed that a freaking lineman had picked off one of his passes, too. Fortunately, it looks like Urrutia’s going to ride pine for this week’s heartbreaker.

Note to the Brothers Grim, er, Brohm: I am getting tired of this habit of spotting the opponents a touchdown or two before the offense kicks in. Stop it, already. Twice in a row, the Jack Armstrong shit hasn’t worked. What ever happened to building a nice fat lead, and then squatting on it?

by PJ from NU in SF on Sep 24, 2007 6:20 PM EDT reply actions

New kiss of death: Callahan has given Lil’ Red defensive coordinator Cosgrove the dreaded vote of confidence. Hmmmm, where have I seen this before (hint, Shula, hint)? Mediocre coach gets big off-season K extension, team plays like shit, then someone gets the “full backing”, up next, the pink slip.

by Der Schatten on Sep 24, 2007 6:40 PM EDT reply actions

Gotta give her credit — she didn’t miss a beat.

by The Big Dog on Sep 24, 2007 6:43 PM EDT reply actions

I tried to watch this game.
I think if you really want to lose, you have to want it more than your opponent. I believe Louisville simply wanted it more than Syracuse did. And that men, is how you dooz it, Louisville style. I believe a Murderball team on defense would have stopped Syracuse quicker. My Granpa’s Nursing Home Flag-football team, The Serenity Acres Bedpans, would have at least tripped em up with their walkers while giving a 3 Mississippi rush.

by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 24, 2007 6:43 PM EDT reply actions

OK, she’s not drunk and speaking in tongues. While she is talking fast Stockholmska (and my experience was in Skane, the south, 10 years ago) her problem is that she’s – no kidding – on her period and feels sick. And at the end, she asks for an answer from Niklas and he says “empty” and that was wrong. Now you know the rest of the story.

by UgasTexan on Sep 24, 2007 6:44 PM EDT reply actions

I’d still hit it..

by CapstoneAlum on Sep 24, 2007 6:49 PM EDT reply actions

That was so Linda Blair without the blue face or 360 degree head swivel. From her perch on that stool, I would say her yack stream cleared a good 6 or 7 feet. That is impressive for someone apparently NOT playing the Brent Musburger Drinking Game. http://www.fanblogs.com/ncaa/005660.php

by Hunker Down Dawg on Sep 24, 2007 6:58 PM EDT reply actions

Capstone —

Yeah, but would you kiss her? I mean, that’s devotion. No, check that — that’s love.

by The Big Dog on Sep 24, 2007 7:11 PM EDT reply actions

Kiss it? Kiss it? It’s DIVISION ONE SWEDISH POON! IT’S TITANIC TEUTONIC TITTIES! This ain’t junior prom.

by Der Schatten on Sep 24, 2007 7:15 PM EDT reply actions

Oh hey, don’t get me wrong! Mouthwash is only a drugstore away. And junior prom ain’t what it used to be.

by The Big Dog on Sep 24, 2007 7:38 PM EDT reply actions

Why does Chris Leak get blamed for everything?

by kidproquo on Sep 24, 2007 7:56 PM EDT reply actions

Punk and rally! I’m in love…

by Kemp on Sep 24, 2007 7:58 PM EDT reply actions

or Puke and rally!

by Kemp on Sep 24, 2007 7:59 PM EDT reply actions

Thanks for the press! Nothing like starting off in the top 10, laughing our asses off at Michigan and Texas and Notre Dame early in the season, and then having our new coach set our program back 10 years in the span of a few games. Oh and our Arch-Rival Kentucky is having their best year since the 1970s!

For those who are curious, UofL actually DID have a good defense last year….we did go 12-1 and win the Orange Bowl. And we slowed down Slaton/White enough to let our offense score more points. So there.

Anyway, without telling anyone (literally there were NO pre-season articles or even rumors out of practice), and even though we still have the same D-coordinator from last year, we have switched our scheme to a Cover-2, whereas for the last 3 years we’ve had an aggressive, everyone blitzing from different angles D designed to get our offense back on the field as fast as possible (whether the other team scored or not).

Also, there’s no discipline, our coach fails with basic strategy (time outs, challenges, when to go for it on 4th down, etc), the OC has decided to not let Brian Brohm call new plays at the line, and we’ve lost at least 4 starters to injuries, maybe more because the coach won’t tell us…really, everything has gone wrong.

For those who are interested, cardchronicle.com is a great Louisville blog that has, uh, chronicled the season thus far. (Note: I am not officially affiliated with cardchronicle.com).

by CardsFan922 on Sep 24, 2007 8:05 PM EDT reply actions

I thought Swedes were Philly fans… especially after those ugly Swedish flag-colored uniforms the Eagles wore sunday

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Sep 24, 2007 8:07 PM EDT reply actions

“I’d still hit it.. – Comment by CapstoneAlum”

As I was reading down the list of comments, I was wondering how far down I would have to get before someone would post that.

FWIW, I’d still hit it, too.

by WB on Sep 24, 2007 8:33 PM EDT reply actions

Thirded.

by Doug on Sep 24, 2007 9:31 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah goold old Louisville…get the citizenry convinced that their team is top dog and take their dreams away. Perhaps, as an encore, Pitino can go iron Gillispie’s jock to really make it stick in.

by magpie on Sep 24, 2007 9:46 PM EDT reply actions

That Swedish broad is pregnant, first trimester. Or as the Swedish say, “proogneut”.

I know “morning sickness” better than the back of my wife’s head over a toilet.

Apparently someone already hit it. And scored!

by Rival on Sep 24, 2007 10:07 PM EDT reply actions

I’m guessing the same people who would hit it are the ones who would hit the drunk chick in the Sean Glennon photo…

by R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger on Sep 24, 2007 10:09 PM EDT reply actions

The truth of this is far worse. She just found out she has to do Burger King commercials with Charlie Weis.

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 24, 2007 10:30 PM EDT reply actions

I’m trying to go fram by frame, but I’m pretty sure those are in fact meatballs she just whorfed all over the key grip.

by NoleinTexas on Sep 24, 2007 10:31 PM EDT reply actions

once again, things like this show why women don’t belong in the workforce.

by adam (the gay one) on Sep 24, 2007 11:51 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, that’s how I felt after watching Georgia win, then drinking a dozen PBRs on a Richmond parking garage rooftop with some other USC grads. Maybe it was just the PBR, but I’m blaming Mark Richt, just to be safe.

by Newspaper Hack on Sep 25, 2007 12:41 AM EDT reply actions

When Brian Brohm was on the phone in the 3rd quarter, I was pretty convinced he was actually talking to his agent.

“Get me the hell out of here! I’ll play for the Falcons next week! Get Petrino on the phone! If I stay here much longer, I’m going to strangle Urrutia.”

by Edsall is God on Sep 25, 2007 9:20 AM EDT reply actions