Mike Gundy, the coach of the Oklahoma State Cowboys and noted hair gel afficionado, got a crucial win on Saturday over the Texas Tech Red Raiders (yarr) after getting off to a disastrous 0-30-2 start–a start including a hapless defeat to Troy that bordered on organizational anarchy on the field. (Like, Louisville secondary bad.)

To celebrate, Gundy walked in with a copy of the Daily Oklahoman, pointed at a column about OSU qb Bobby Reid, and zeroed on Jenni Carlson. He then placed his hands on either side of buttocks, applied pressure, and ripped her several new assholes in a three minute tirade you may watch hyah:

In car crashes and other moments of extreme significance to survival, time becomes very plastic, slowing down to a geological crawl, like when your wife is attempting to pick out the proper desk lamp at IKEA or during any baseball game. We can only assume that the hummingbird of time slowed to a millipede’s creep during the rant, since we think the focus of Gundy’s overcaffeineated stare is Carlson herself, sitting in the room and taking her thrashing in person.

As for how sensible this is? We cut the man ample slack. He works for T. Boone Pickens. We’re sure he gets paid by the week in barrels of oil and piles of cash with no contract. He has his primary booster leveraging life insurance policies to make death work for the benefit of the program. He coaches in a conference with Mack Brown and Bob Stoops in his division. We’re surprised his head doesn’t explode like Krest’s in Licence to Kill with the slight pressure change from walking indoors to outdoors.

(Massive HT: Peter.)