Florida State’s offense may still be “ugly,” according to Jimbo Fisher, but one inescapable dynamic of Sunshine State football has perked up for the ‘Noles: arrests. A longstanding rule of football among the triumverate of Florida, FSU, and Miami is that the number of run-ins with the law usually correlate positively with on-field success. (For instance, Florida celebrated a national title by having an offensive lineman discharge an AR-15 in public. Fiesta siempre!)

If that rule holds true, the Noles are bound for glory once again, with the first baby step of the journey beginning at Potbellies, a Tallahassee haunt where fullback Joe Suratt and most important starter type linebacker Geno Hayes were arrested for FnDC. The gory account, courtesy of the Tallahassee Democrat:

Petroczky tried to escort Hayes from the scene, but Hayes resisted. Petroczky took him to the ground, but Hayes continued to resist. Malafronte then shot him with his Taser.

No reports have suggested that Hayes at any point said “Don’t tase me, bro,” so he’s already pretty far up in the cards with that.

In addition to that Hayes was told he’d be tasered, thought about it, and decided to see if he could tolerate the pain of 10,000 volts and then whip the guy’s ass. That’s dedication to shedding your blocker if we’ve ever seen it. Not even voltage can stop Geno Hayes from getting to you! Except, um, it did, meaning Jimbo Fisher might start bugging the sideline staff to see if he can get a few of the offensive line’s gloves wired up in the bye week prior to FSU’s matchup with NC State next week.

(Kevin suggests that with Surratt’s felony charges, his days at FSU may be done. His best defense may be claiming post-concussive syndrome, induced by close contact with Reggie Nelson.)