That’s HEDLEY!!! HEDLEY!!! His mind awash in rivulets of thought, Dennis Franchione left the field following last night’s 34-17 loss to the Miami Hurricanes and went straight into the arms of the one who always listens: Froggy.

We could pull out the condemnation of how despicably the Aggies played versus an amped-up but still not fearsome-looking Miami team–but why do that when paid announcers did it on the air last night for us? Among the comments made by Messrs. Flute and James:

“They’re playing high school defense out there.”
“3rd and 2, and you take a timeout, and they come back with a quarterback draw?”
“Now that’s a man who’s fond of being sodomized on national television.”

That last one wasn’t said, actually. But it should have been. Jorvorskie Lane, mammothback, got 2 touches the entire game. The defense allowed rag-armed Kyle Wright to complete screens, short passes, and even a few underthrown deep balls for long completions. Somewhere, in a bunker amidst a pile of books on samurai warrior code, old African ceremonial masks, and a slew of Wendy’s drive-thru bags, Mike Leach is sitting with steepled fingers crafting his request to the AD for one more digit to be added to the Red Raider home score display.

Actually, we’ll need that extra digit pronto. Like, tomorrow. Texas Tech is about to play the 93rd ranked pass defense in the nation, Oklahoma State, who already faced a Leach-esque offense in Troy, who passed for 388 yards on the Cowboys. Again: they might need extra shiny digits all over that scoreboard, because Pirate School is about to put on its master’s class.

Just look into my eyes. Urban Meyer is no amateur hypnotist, if recruiting tales are to be believed from recent Gator commit Will Hill:

“He just kept staring at me a few feet away, and he kept repeating, ‘Will Hill! Will Hill! Will Hill!’” said Hill of Meyer’s star gazing. “I just said, ‘Coach I’m coming here, and he just hugged me and was so happy. He had a strong hold on me.”

(HT: Dave.)

Some mothers are motivational like that. Mom motivates Wang. Well, sometimes they do.

Don’t forget your towel, Irish!

Notre Dame’s waving the white towel. The scourge of the power towel spreads from trendsetting K-State–don’t forget your towel!!!–to Notre Dame, where students wearing green to begin with will be waving white towels in an approximate match to the colors of this week’s guest pummeler opponent, the Michigan State Spartans. (For the record, towels should only appear in football games to wipe up sweat, vomit, blood, and cocktails made of the aforementioned substances. We hate them. Scream. Wave your hands. Stand up. Give a shit. But please, oh god Jebus and Ganesh in heavens above, do not wave a motherfucking towel like you’re semi-retarded Phil McConkey down there.)