CURIOUS INDEX: 9/21/2007

by Orson on Sep 21, 2007 9:50 AM EDT

That's HEDLEY!!! HEDLEY!!! His mind awash in rivulets of thought, Dennis Franchione left the field following last night's 34-17 loss to the Miami Hurricanes and went straight into the arms of the one who always listens: Froggy.

We could pull out the condemnation of how despicably the Aggies played versus an amped-up but still not fearsome-looking Miami team--but why do that when paid announcers did it on the air last night for us? Among the comments made by Messrs. Flute and James:

"They're playing high school defense out there."
"3rd and 2, and you take a timeout, and they come back with a quarterback draw?"
"Now that's a man who's fond of being sodomized on national television."

That last one wasn't said, actually. But it should have been. Jorvorskie Lane, mammothback, got 2 touches the entire game. The defense allowed rag-armed Kyle Wright to complete screens, short passes, and even a few underthrown deep balls for long completions. Somewhere, in a bunker amidst a pile of books on samurai warrior code, old African ceremonial masks, and a slew of Wendy's drive-thru bags, Mike Leach is sitting with steepled fingers crafting his request to the AD for one more digit to be added to the Red Raider home score display.

Actually, we'll need that extra digit pronto. Like, tomorrow. Texas Tech is about to play the 93rd ranked pass defense in the nation, Oklahoma State, who already faced a Leach-esque offense in Troy, who passed for 388 yards on the Cowboys. Again: they might need extra shiny digits all over that scoreboard, because Pirate School is about to put on its master's class.

Just look into my eyes. Urban Meyer is no amateur hypnotist, if recruiting tales are to be believed from recent Gator commit Will Hill:

"He just kept staring at me a few feet away, and he kept repeating, 'Will Hill! Will Hill! Will Hill!'" said Hill of Meyer's star gazing. "I just said, 'Coach I'm coming here, and he just hugged me and was so happy. He had a strong hold on me."

(HT: Dave.)

Some mothers are motivational like that. Mom motivates Wang. Well, sometimes they do.

Don't forget your towel, Irish!

Notre Dame's waving the white towel. The scourge of the power towel spreads from trendsetting K-State--don't forget your towel!!!--to Notre Dame, where students wearing green to begin with will be waving white towels in an approximate match to the colors of this week's guest pummeler opponent, the Michigan State Spartans. (For the record, towels should only appear in football games to wipe up sweat, vomit, blood, and cocktails made of the aforementioned substances. We hate them. Scream. Wave your hands. Stand up. Give a shit. But please, oh god Jebus and Ganesh in heavens above, do not wave a motherfucking towel like you're semi-retarded Phil McConkey down there.)

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Comments

“that uppity lawya hit me in the head with a shovel!”

by gerry dorsey on Sep 21, 2007 9:57 AM EDT reply actions

Now if that don’t beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last lawya in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that’s more uppity than any lawya. I AM depressed.

by skinnyphatman on Sep 21, 2007 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

Tech’s O in sore need of Wang. Seriously. We need the kid big time to shore up the line.

by Hokie Andrew on Sep 21, 2007 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

ND’s white on green effect with those towels: At least they’ll guarantee that we’ll be cheering for a winning team! Seriously, Mich St. has owned ND @ ND for the last 5 times (remember the flag planting in 2005?).

Rumor has it that ND’s AD Kevin White is trying to get the game moved to E. Lansing as well as trying to convince MSU to bring back Johnelle for a reprise of last year’s monumental collapse in the rain.

by Geaux Irish on Sep 21, 2007 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

What do you expect from A&M? They run a damn 4-2-5 defense. Idiots.

by The Last Dragon on Sep 21, 2007 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

“up yours, lawya”

by adolf oliver bush on Sep 21, 2007 10:14 AM EDT reply actions

I can’t believe the Pokes are only a 6-pt underdog!

by MiseanAuFan on Sep 21, 2007 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

I never underestimate the ability of Michigan to fuck up a decent start to a season. That said, it’s hard to imagine this Notre Dame team beating Eastern Michigan, let alone the junior Senator.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 21, 2007 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

Add a State to that Michigan. God damn it.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 21, 2007 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

Not that it wasn’t true before you made the correction.

by Boston Nick on Sep 21, 2007 10:20 AM EDT reply actions

Hah, Notre Dame, quickly sinking into the proletariat with the decidedly working class gimmick of towel waving, after generations of suckling off the success of past generations. Karl Marx says: “hervorragende Leistung!”

by Brian on Sep 21, 2007 10:33 AM EDT reply actions

i knew it wasn’t long before we’d wave the white towel of surrender

by okiedomer on Sep 21, 2007 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

“Bonjourrrrr, yah cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!”

by Anonymous IV on Sep 21, 2007 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

Someone’s getting tripped while they run the Disney Marathon.

by The Great Barstoolio on Sep 21, 2007 10:52 AM EDT reply actions

Gotta love the Towelie reference, especially with that “time to talk” ad right at the top of the screen…

it’s time to talk…. don’t forget to bring your towel!

by mickeysice on Sep 21, 2007 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

“guest pummeler” – ha, how true!

Craig James – “Now that’s a man who’s fond of being sodomized on national television.”

Doug Flutie – "Craig James, now if there were a camera in our rom last night it would not be any different, Craig James. Isn’t that right my sweet little bitch, Craig James? "

by King Harvest on Sep 21, 2007 11:09 AM EDT reply actions

It looked like the entire ’Canes team took an elevator down to the field to whoop TAMU.

Also, supposedly Geno Hayes and Joe Surratt were arrested early this morning in Tallahassee. I haven’t heard what they were charged with yet.

by BDoc on Sep 21, 2007 11:14 AM EDT reply actions

I’ll be the first one to ask………….did Will Hill have a “this lawya is effing crazy, I’m doin’ whatever it takes to get outta here without him eatin’ me” look on his face when he committed?

by justanotherbuckeye on Sep 21, 2007 11:18 AM EDT reply actions

We love that you love Texas Tech.

by Red Blooded on Sep 21, 2007 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

This is what happens when Coach Fran stays in one place too long – he tries to recruit!

Bad Coach Fran! Bad!!!

by Eric on Sep 21, 2007 11:44 AM EDT reply actions

Mom encourages Wang…

What was the name of that movie where the mom’s stuck in bed with a broken leg and her teenage son has to take care of her and they end up committing a carnal sin on her bed?

That was messed up.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Sep 21, 2007 11:51 AM EDT reply actions

Spanking the Monkey.

I saw it at the Reitz Union. Waaaaay back in the day. Was disturbed.

by The Conscience of a Nation on Sep 21, 2007 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

Cartman: “You’re stupid!”

Towelie: “YOU’RE stupid!”

Cartman: “You’re a towel!”

Towelie: “YOU’RE a towel!”

Cartman: …

by Dave on Sep 21, 2007 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

#21, that is just messed up. If I remember there was case of some kid raping his mom in Alabama in the past year or so. That is really messed up.

by Anonymous IV on Sep 21, 2007 12:26 PM EDT reply actions

The only thing more shocking than Texas Tech’s pirate schooner coming from 31 down last year in a quarter and a half in the Insight Bowl was that they only had 7 (7!) points 38 minutes into the game against the Minnesota secondary. OSU looks like the ‘85 Bears with a chainsaw for a dick compared to Minny’s D.

This is without doubt the most shocking 38 minutes of football ever played. – the Gophers shutting down Texas Tech with 5 weeks of preparation…just mind blowing. Who passes for more yards this week – Texas Tech or Purdue? You should be able to bet (on Purdue, natch) on this sort of thing.

by gopherdroppings on Sep 21, 2007 12:27 PM EDT reply actions

Really. White Towels.
Good lord.

Did anyone see Mark May present Lou Holtz with a towel last week? While presenting he was giving advice on what he can do with it?

Lous response “I can use it to mop up the floor with you.”

I wonder if it were to take place who would win?

Lou’s finishing move would use a tie that is loose around the neck, rolled up sleeves, and spit.

by Odell 51 on Sep 21, 2007 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

I could see Lou chewing off Mark May’s face a la Hannibal in Silence of the Lambs. Either that or saying something like “I’m going to cut off your ear and turn it into a boot,” and then doing it.

by Domer Guy on Sep 21, 2007 1:57 PM EDT reply actions