WANTED: DEGENERATE GAMBLER

Andy Gasser, If your reading this, I nominate you.
I don’t know about your type speed, but I do know that in Vegas you always win the bets, were like 1 run from the Dodgers away from hitting an 11 team parlay, and even bet on teams such as ECU and UNC football. You sir, are either an idiot, or know about football, and since you make more than me, I hope it’s #2. Even tho two weeks ago you said No Way PSU covers 18 on ND and ND = Surefire win vs. MSU, I’d still trust ya.

Holy crap- I can’t believe you found that clip.

It scared the shit outta me when I was about 7 and saw that on The Muppet Show

Is Art Schlichter available?

You wanna bet??

Dammit S.I.W.!

I was all good until the “ecletic tastes”. I’m more “obscure”.
Shit.

eclectic, even. Glad there wasn’t a spelling requirement there.

how many games does said degenerate need to touch on per week?

i do bet bet a fair amount of mid-majors
i don’t bet much sec, b/c all you southerners are fucking crazy

Do you want the Scottish-Cheap-Bastard approach? I can swing that. I could realistically fake knowledge.

Hey, I didn’t get a harumph out of you. Watch it.

thank you. i miss that gambling column like none other.

Somehow, I don’t agree with the idea brought forth in this article.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/stewart_mandel/09/19/open.letter/index.html

I think it’s a poor idea and particularly bright. I think there are better ways to solve this problem.

Scalz1, don’t read too much into “ecletic tastes”…that’s just a fancy way to say “nerd knowledge”. 90% of the readership qualifies for that requirement!

Obligitory Toledo fan joke in three, two…

i nominate last dragon. he’s a degenerate….and he’s a gambler….i’m just not sure if he’s a degenerate gamber.

Thanks for the explanation of Solons absence Swindle. Now we have the difficult task of replacing him. Since Ace Rothstein is fictional and reposting Phil Steele’s picks is copyright, Im at a loss.

I suppose I could do it in a pinch, but am only 53% over the last few years and only really make money during bowl season after I have seen every team’s body of work. While I am not incarcerated, or in danger of being, I also lack the soul enriching experience of creditors taking my life away.

Oh, and the type fast thing is a problem too.

1. - I accept the nomination and I believe I qualify on all counts. Thank you for your support.

#12,

We’ll take the n****** and the c****, but we don’t want the Irish.

[/Irish accent]

(Yeah, I had to censor it. It’s friggen hillarious, but I just couldn’t type it out.)

So Brew Crew, whatever happened to Cleavon Little?

Cleavon Little passed away, didn’t he?

Kenny Rogers is dead to me after the halftime ‘performance’ of the UGA/UT game in ’05.

IMDB says Cleavon died in ’92 of colon cancer. R.I.P. (belated)

FISH ON!

Last Dragon- send your acceptance speech to Orson and get to pickin/postin.

Ah yes, back in my youth, when children’s shows featured important life lessons involving smoking, drinking, gambling, and death.

Today’s generation are soft because of gay purple dinosaurs and shit, I tell ya.

apparently this is not news to most with the way the line has moved and continues to, but those crazy mormons are gonna pound AF. i’d lay 21 if i had to. max hall throws for 400+ and AF won’t score 10. if their games last week didn’t shake out like they did, this line would be 17 at least. i also like BC and the FAU/UNT over. if you’re feeling frisky, take ole miss…a bet that looks so bad, it’s gotta be a winner.

The Sheriff is near.

Here is my resume: I love football: an injury kept me from the pros, but my football background makes me a brilliant predictor of games’ outcomes. Needing money, I left Vegas for Manhattan to work for Walter Abrams advising gamblers. Walter has a doting wife, a young daughter, and a thriving business, but he has problems: a bum heart, a belief he’s a master manipulator, and addictions barely kept in check. Basically he tried to screw me outta some cash, some picks didnt go my way, and now I am looking for a home. I have to be paid in cash and I need to stay off the grid, must be referred to as the “mysterious Mr. X”

Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That’s not much of a crime.
Bart: Through Charlie Weiss’ colon?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here.

But! But I’m 16-4-1 this year! I can also look into a camera and scream for 30 breathless seconds for you to call my 800 number for my FIVE MILLION STAR TRIPLE MASTER LOCK LEAD PIPE TO THE SIDE OF YOUR MOTHER’S HEAD LOCK OF THE EPOCH.

I always wanted to be the obnoxious, over the top, gameday prognosticator. Except I would do it with WWE flair, with Pyrotechnics, strobe lights, strippers, Pac Man Jones with a guest apperance throwing money in the air, megaphones, fist fights, midget tossing, and that would just open up my first pick.
I’d be called the Weatherman- and I would give a 40% chance of a win, with a 20% chance of an upset. Nobody gets mad at real weatherman and he is wrong half the time.

Can anyone work out why the line for GT over Virginia is only 3.5? Summing their three games, the Cavs have been outscored by Wyoming, Duke and UNC: a motley crew if ever I saw one.

Orson: All I do is lift weights and pick winners.

Unfortunately, I only play 3 to 4 games a week.

Bradluen- I am with you on that one and like Tech a great deal.

1. — something to do with having lost 8 straight games when visiting the Wahoos, and the questionable status of Tashard Choice.

RIP Solon, may you win the Pick 6 and Trifecta in the “real” Big House up in the sky.

1. Gotten that knot in my stomach when Bullshit U drives down the field to score some meaningless TD that blows my cover? Check.

2. Gotten deliriously happy spilling beer everywhere when a meaningless defensive interception for a TD gives me a late cover? Check.

3. Gotten strange looks at a bar when I ask someone if they’ve seen what the Southeast Louisiana – New Mexico State score was? Check.

4. Looked at the payout on a 10 team parlay card and thought “I can do this”. Check.

5. Hearing the Dixie Dynamo say “They got the WRONG team favored!” and winning the bet. Check.

6. Wanting to kill the Dixie Dynamo for telling me “They got the WRONG team favored!”, and they didn’t. Check.

7. Loving every coach who ever runs up the score, or the term du jour, “style points”. Click-clack motherfuckers. Check.

8. Hating every coach who’s ever taken a knee at the end of a game that I’ve got money on and need the points. Check.

9. Experiencing the sheer joy of a game that I’ve got the over on going into "OVER"time. Check.

10. Thinking, “I’ve still got the Hawaii game” at around 10 pm P.S.T. after a looonnngg day. Check.

What are the odds Ed Orgeron is the new Coach at Michigan when all the dust settles? I think he would be more suited to coach along side Coach Leach, as a co-conspirator of sorts.

A hearty thanks to those of you who appreciated the column these last couple of seasons; I appreciated the back-and-forth with all of you. Unfortunately for me, my job seriously sucks ass, and I’ve really got to find an alternative—and, damndest thing, those PhD apps are due during football season.

While I am still making picks—and, predictably, I am off to my best start of the last three seasons, 15-11—there is little doubt that it will all get away from me before too long and trying to juggle all of my bits and bobs would have ultimately made the season a frustrating one.

Now, then, for Bradluen—I have GT this week, but I also had them two seasons ago in Charlottesville, when I was equally perplexed by the apparent gift of a GT +5 line—and I got stuffed when they lost 27-17. I don’t really pay attention to trends, but I was informed that GT had only won up there once since 1990, or something like that—perhaps everyone up there gets fired up because GT blew UVA’s one shot at the big time. Can’t call it.

#32: That line probably has some consideration in it that Tech has not won a game in Charlottesville since 1990. Much like my beloved Dawgs in JAX, Tech cannot win in that place….and Reggie Ball only had the opportunity to punch opposing teams trainers and throw the ball away on 4th down two time in Charlottesville so that must not be the explanation.

Well, I’m 32-17 against the spread in picking SEC and Big East games so far this season. But yeah, I know dick about gambling.

1. That shit had me laughing so hard others in the office wanted to know what was so funny, mysteriously(non sport fans) none of them got it

I ask you…who besides me is at work watching horse racing results from bets I made at OTB during my lunch hour? Who is also handicapping today’s MLB card under the pretense of doing something company-related? And most incredibly, I perform all these dubious tasks completely under the radar and remain a prime Employee-of-the-Month candidate.

Yep…I’m afraid to admit that I’m your guy.

Check out www.xfactorempire.blogspot.com I enjoy picking every college and nfl game. Last year went 59% against the spread in College and 61% against the spread in the NFL. If you have a minute or two check it out.