WANTED: DEGENERATE GAMBLER
Solon, our gambling columnist for the past two years, has retired. He walked away when the dealing was done…just as a gambler should.
The semi-retirement of EDSBS gambling columnist has us recruiting new talent. And when we say talent, we mean it: we’re looking for a degenerate gambler with a bloodlust for even the paltriest of bets. We’re looking for the following:
–Can type quickly.
–Knows college football
–”Knows” betting
–Knows what it’s like to lose possessions to creditors as a result of “knowing” betting
–Has a sense of humor, broad reference base, eclectic tastes, and ability to make point in two paragraphs or less.
–Is not currently incarcerated.
–Will likely not be incarcerated or at least sentenced until the end of bowl season.
If this sounds like you, email us at harumphharumph of the yahoo variety. We offer nothing but bunda pictures we pulled for free off the internet as compensation for a weekly column of picks for the week. We give you 3-1 you can’t resist the call of uncompensated work.












44
Check out http://www.xfactorempire.blogspot.com I enjoy picking every college and nfl game. Last year went 59% against the spread in College and 61% against the spread in the NFL. If you have a minute or two check it out.
Comment by Law Student in MD — September 22, 2007 @ 10:46 am
43
I ask you…who besides me is at work watching horse racing results from bets I made at OTB during my lunch hour? Who is also handicapping today’s MLB card under the pretense of doing something company-related? And most incredibly, I perform all these dubious tasks completely under the radar and remain a prime Employee-of-the-Month candidate.
Yep…I’m afraid to admit that I’m your guy.
Comment by The Bernmeister — September 21, 2007 @ 1:57 pm
42
#37 That shit had me laughing so hard others in the office wanted to know what was so funny, mysteriously(non sport fans) none of them got it
Comment by packerjim — September 21, 2007 @ 1:50 pm
41
Well, I’m 32-17 against the spread in picking SEC and Big East games so far this season. But yeah, I know dick about gambling.
Comment by Biggus Rickus — September 21, 2007 @ 8:13 am
40
#32: That line probably has some consideration in it that Tech has not won a game in Charlottesville since 1990. Much like my beloved Dawgs in JAX, Tech cannot win in that place….and Reggie Ball only had the opportunity to punch opposing teams trainers and throw the ball away on 4th down two time in Charlottesville so that must not be the explanation.
Comment by Talladegger Keglifter — September 21, 2007 @ 7:43 am
39
A hearty thanks to those of you who appreciated the column these last couple of seasons; I appreciated the back-and-forth with all of you. Unfortunately for me, my job seriously sucks ass, and I’ve really got to find an alternative–and, damndest thing, those PhD apps are due during football season.
While I am still making picks–and, predictably, I am off to my best start of the last three seasons, 15-11–there is little doubt that it will all get away from me before too long and trying to juggle all of my bits and bobs would have ultimately made the season a frustrating one.
Now, then, for Bradluen–I have GT this week, but I also had them two seasons ago in Charlottesville, when I was equally perplexed by the apparent gift of a GT +5 line–and I got stuffed when they lost 27-17. I don’t really pay attention to trends, but I was informed that GT had only won up there once since 1990, or something like that–perhaps everyone up there gets fired up because GT blew UVA’s one shot at the big time. Can’t call it.
Comment by Solon — September 21, 2007 @ 3:03 am
38
What are the odds Ed Orgeron is the new Coach at Michigan when all the dust settles? I think he would be more suited to coach along side Coach Leach, as a co-conspirator of sorts.
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — September 20, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
37
1. Gotten that knot in my stomach when Bullshit U drives down the field to score some meaningless TD that blows my cover? Check.
2. Gotten deliriously happy spilling beer everywhere when a meaningless defensive interception for a TD gives me a late cover? Check.
3. Gotten strange looks at a bar when I ask someone if they’ve seen what the Southeast Louisiana - New Mexico State score was? Check.
4. Looked at the payout on a 10 team parlay card and thought “I can do this”. Check.
5. Hearing the Dixie Dynamo say “They got the WRONG team favored!” and winning the bet. Check.
6. Wanting to kill the Dixie Dynamo for telling me “They got the WRONG team favored!”, and they didn’t. Check.
7. Loving every coach who ever runs up the score, or the term du jour, “style points”. Click-clack motherfuckers. Check.
8. Hating every coach who’s ever taken a knee at the end of a game that I’ve got money on and need the points. Check.
9. Experiencing the sheer joy of a game that I’ve got the over on going into “OVER”time. Check.
10. Thinking, “I’ve still got the Hawaii game” at around 10 pm P.S.T. after a looonnngg day. Check.
Comment by Palouse — September 20, 2007 @ 5:47 pm
36
RIP Solon, may you win the Pick 6 and Trifecta in the “real” Big House up in the sky.
Comment by SeaTrojan — September 20, 2007 @ 5:31 pm
35
#32 — something to do with having lost 8 straight games when visiting the Wahoos, and the questionable status of Tashard Choice.
Comment by Will — September 20, 2007 @ 5:24 pm
34
Bradluen- I am with you on that one and like Tech a great deal.
Comment by JoesDeliGatorTail — September 20, 2007 @ 5:22 pm
33
Orson: All I do is lift weights and pick winners.
Unfortunately, I only play 3 to 4 games a week.
Comment by JoesDeliGatorTail — September 20, 2007 @ 4:40 pm
32
Can anyone work out why the line for GT over Virginia is only 3.5? Summing their three games, the Cavs have been outscored by Wyoming, Duke and UNC: a motley crew if ever I saw one.
Comment by bradluen — September 20, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
31
I always wanted to be the obnoxious, over the top, gameday prognosticator. Except I would do it with WWE flair, with Pyrotechnics, strobe lights, strippers, Pac Man Jones with a guest apperance throwing money in the air, megaphones, fist fights, midget tossing, and that would just open up my first pick.
I’d be called the Weatherman- and I would give a 40% chance of a win, with a 20% chance of an upset. Nobody gets mad at real weatherman and he is wrong half the time.
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — September 20, 2007 @ 4:25 pm
30
But! But I’m 16-4-1 this year! I can also look into a camera and scream for 30 breathless seconds for you to call my 800 number for my FIVE MILLION STAR TRIPLE MASTER LOCK LEAD PIPE TO THE SIDE OF YOUR MOTHER’S HEAD LOCK OF THE EPOCH.
Comment by Run Up The Score — September 20, 2007 @ 4:14 pm
29
Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That’s not much of a crime.
Bart: Through Charlie Weiss’ colon?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here.
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — September 20, 2007 @ 4:08 pm
28
Here is my resume: I love football: an injury kept me from the pros, but my football background makes me a brilliant predictor of games’ outcomes. Needing money, I left Vegas for Manhattan to work for Walter Abrams advising gamblers. Walter has a doting wife, a young daughter, and a thriving business, but he has problems: a bum heart, a belief he’s a master manipulator, and addictions barely kept in check. Basically he tried to screw me outta some cash, some picks didnt go my way, and now I am looking for a home. I have to be paid in cash and I need to stay off the grid, must be referred to as the “mysterious Mr. X”
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — September 20, 2007 @ 4:00 pm
27
The Sheriff is near.
Comment by drogue — September 20, 2007 @ 3:56 pm
26
apparently this is not news to most with the way the line has moved and continues to, but those crazy mormons are gonna pound AF. i’d lay 21 if i had to. max hall throws for 400+ and AF won’t score 10. if their games last week didn’t shake out like they did, this line would be 17 at least. i also like BC and the FAU/UNT over. if you’re feeling frisky, take ole miss…a bet that looks so bad, it’s gotta be a winner.
Comment by Love Me Some Frogs — September 20, 2007 @ 3:41 pm