MILES: SHOW ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE
by Orson on Sep 20, 2007 12:46 PM EDT
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Get paranoid, college football coach: those dames could be spies!There are certain teams, coaches, and schools of thought in college football that treat any and all knowledge of their football team's operations as covert, recondite secrets to be squirreled away, put under glass, protected by lasers, buried in the Chamber of Secrets and guarded by only the fiercest of trained attack weasels. This includes information on injuries, the playbook, the sum of the training facility's waterbill, and the current brand of pants worn by the coach.
Look, I'm not going to talk about the pants. I'll talk about injuries. But I won't disclose the nature of the injury. Or whether exists. You ask me if it's raining outside? Sure it's raining. I can't see a window, right now, but sure, you say it's raining, then it's raining. I'm still not talking about the pants. Or the window. Or rain. Next question.
This philosophy stems from two schools of coaching, as far as we can see: the Hayes/Schembechler "Screw the Bastards" Academy of Codgery Coaching, and the "Fuck the Bastards" Parcells/Belichick school of coaching, where coaches often do their best "Bartelby the Scrivener" impression ("I would prefer not to") in the face of even the most innocuous of questions. The whole idea is that such information will give an edge to the opponent, even in the face of rampant evidence that being tightlipped and confrontational only gets you a.) more press for being a grumpus in the public eye, and b.) snickered at when Pete Carroll and Urban Meyer will happily fax you the entire playbook and injury list while you guard the buffet menu like the formula for aerosolized anthrax.
This week's representative of the "Screw the Bastards" PR school is Les Miles, a Carr/Schembechler disciple who will talk specifically about injuries...as long as you're using only his words in relation to said injury.
"I think if you would review your own personal stance at how you report injuries - if it comes out of my mouth you use it," Miles said. "If it doesn't, if you root for your team and if in fact this is your team, then you would choose not to report anything that doesn't come out or described by me. I know that everything is news, but sometimes news doesn't help your team. I would encourage you to see it my way. You should be respectful of the team that you cover."
Coming next: mandatory purple and gold in the booth! (We point; we snicker.) Like Colbert said about the President to the Washington Press corps: your job is to write down what the president says, and then print it! Just put "coach" in for "president," then repeat on a daily basis.
Fortunately, Miles has the gorilla with a chainsaw for a penis working for him right now. He can spray as much dumb as he likes from the pulpit, and his team will rip teams in half for him. Until they don't, his Joan Crawford posturing (SHOW ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE!!!) will go giddily unnoticed. And with what they've got...that could be a while.
ps. Paranoia---it's contagious!
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In related news, the first game for their new pussy cat has been pushed back to the UF game…
by Sabanite on Sep 20, 2007 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
All wire hangers have been removed from the locker room.
by seventyeight on Sep 20, 2007 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
That guy is living on borrowed time.
He’ll be in Maize and Blue within the year if he is smart.
by Tarpon on Sep 20, 2007 1:03 PM EDT reply actions
It seems the hat is on a little too tight, might want to adjust it a bit…
by Sabanite on Sep 20, 2007 1:08 PM EDT reply actions
Not to mention his “I’m honest when I say I’m deceptive” quote.
by Bill on Sep 20, 2007 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
In defense of UGA – why wouldn’t you close your practices when preparing to face a Belichick disciple?
by Eric on Sep 20, 2007 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
Is a coach being a dick/idiot/uber-sensitive to media scrutiny a real story?
or is it just because les unfortunately gives horrid soundbites?
i just think this is meh.
by CK on Sep 20, 2007 1:36 PM EDT reply actions
Les is still in a bad mood after the noise from Haley Lafontaine’s last sleep-over party kept him up all night.
by DevilGrad on Sep 20, 2007 1:37 PM EDT reply actions
Off topic…
what ever happened to solon? I need some picks.
by tzubear on Sep 20, 2007 1:46 PM EDT reply actions
way to rock the melville, dude.
next up? camus!
by matty blue on Sep 20, 2007 1:50 PM EDT reply actions
I second tzubear, picks are in order.
by JoesDeliGatorTail on Sep 20, 2007 1:53 PM EDT reply actions
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean the world isn’t out to get me.
by Bamaleg on Sep 20, 2007 1:54 PM EDT reply actions
#7
Let’s approach Richt’s decision a wee bit more logically, shall we? Here’s a little ditty called the Occam’s Razor Game™:
Richt’s offense is a work in progress; the a defense still has questions; he’s playing a lot of young, unfocused players, in their first road game, against a good team. Ta-dah! Think any of that miiiiiiight have something to do with this?
Innuendo really isn’t becoming.
by Der Schatten on Sep 20, 2007 1:56 PM EDT reply actions
#10
laughed so hard I sprayed coke on the computer…
by Confused on Sep 20, 2007 1:56 PM EDT reply actions
The best part about this comment is I feel it increases the karmatic likelihood we sneak out of Baton Rouge with a victory on October 6th. I figured we had no shot with all the karma we had to use last year (Moss ex machina blocked kick against USC, etc) but I am feeling much better about it now.
by Slow, Fat and White on Sep 20, 2007 1:59 PM EDT reply actions
I like that Les has Spurrier in his head. Unfortunately, it won’t matter Saturday.
by Out of Conference on Sep 20, 2007 2:03 PM EDT reply actions
Actually, it appears Urban Meyer is a bit paranoid too, since he kicks people out of practice and closed practice to the public in the summer. I don’t really care, though, since we pay our money to watch them on Saturday, not M-F.
by baconboy on Sep 20, 2007 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
Of course, in defense of Les, I will not say anything that he hasn’t already said.
Except I agree with #19, OOC: even though the chic reference to the dark side is in the visage of Dick Cheney (http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0907/Darth_Cheney.html), Darth Visor can still screw heads up with the best of them.
Very nice lierary reference. Do you guys have one wall of sports quotations, and another of literary references, then still another of stupid Notre Dame fan pictures?
by Southern Papa on Sep 20, 2007 2:17 PM EDT reply actions
- -
1 million monkeys + 1 million typwrites + 1 million years = EDSBS
by Brian on Sep 20, 2007 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
And yes, Brian, now is the time for all good fans to come to the aid of their favorite teams.
by Southern Papa on Sep 20, 2007 2:28 PM EDT reply actions
come to think…actually I fucked that up
should be "
by Brian on Sep 20, 2007 2:32 PM EDT reply actions
25+ comments about a Les Miles article and no mention of Hayley Lafontaine. Get with the program people!
by Go Blue, Eh! on Sep 20, 2007 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
Hey dipshit@ #26: did you see #9?
How dare you dis DevilGrad.
by Southern Papa on Sep 20, 2007 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
Oops, somehow missed that one. I’ll just slink back under my rock.
by Go Blue, Eh! on Sep 20, 2007 2:57 PM EDT reply actions
- - Not the example Jim Delaney was trying for
by Out of Conference on Sep 20, 2007 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
Just think – both LSU and Alabama have off-weeks before the epic matchup of the Hat vs the Midget.
by NewAZTiger on Sep 20, 2007 3:34 PM EDT reply actions
If forced to choose, who would you like to be your head coach – Les or Nutt?
No third choices & logical reasoning wanted.
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 20, 2007 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
Les Miles.
The Hat, the Brittney Spears Microphone, the Press Conferences. No logic behind that, which is beautiful.
by NewAZTiger on Sep 20, 2007 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
The SEC has such great coaches compared to the ACC. I mean the personalities of Spurrier, Nutt, Orgeron and Meyer alone blow the ACC coaching personalities away (and not just on the field). The ACC coaches are either dead (Bowden) or boring (Beamer, TBowden, O’Brien).
The SEC is so cool.
by pfhokie on Sep 20, 2007 4:10 PM EDT reply actions
- When did Nick Saban take Terry Bowden’s place?
by NOLAtide on Sep 20, 2007 4:56 PM EDT reply actions
The day after he signed with Alabama. During the 2 years that he was out of the SEC, Terry got wider than he was tall, so he had to surrender midget status for meatball status.
by NewAZTiger on Sep 20, 2007 5:51 PM EDT reply actions
I’ll say this about Les Miles: He’s an asshole. I’m hoping the OBC can serve him a big bowl of humility on Saturday.
by Alan on Sep 20, 2007 6:03 PM EDT reply actions
The man’s been inept in front of the podium for years. That’s nothin’ new…that’s like sayin’ Tubbyville’s ears could help him reach stratospheric altitudes. We’ve blogged about this forever. His rhetoric is reaching national audiences because he’s in the limelight with a decent team. The SC and UF games will be telling in showing the world if he has enough asscash to cover the checks his mouth is writing.
by 4EverLSU on Sep 20, 2007 10:23 PM EDT reply actions
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