MMM KISSY KISSY: TONY LOVES TIM.
Rodin’s done it. Gustav Klimt did one, too. But the funniest and most touching work of art we saw this weekend was Tony Joiner’s rendition of The Kiss, delivered to one Mr. Tim Tebow on the Florida sidelines following a Florida TD.
For the record, as long as they both play like they did on Saturday, we don’t care if they’re wearing muscle shirts and PVC pants and doing the gayboy two-step to Crystal Waters on the sidelines in between chugging Cosmos. 59-20 is fabulous no matter who you’re kissing. After Saturday, the least we owe Tebow is a kiss on the cheek, which he’d never demand.
Now, Grossman? He’d be holding his balls and demanding a harem. That’s just what the Sex Cannon did and does, baby.
(If you want the actual story on the emotional journey of Tony Joiner without the irony, click here, or watch Joiner interact on family night in last week’s ESPN fluff piece here. )
By the way, if you’re looking for ESPN video on Florida’s victory…you won’t find any. It doesn’t exist on ESPN and their video page, just as the potentially epic Florida/LSU game won’t be make Gameday, either, as ABC owns the rights to the Red River Shootout that same Saturday. Michael Eisner says this is not the game you’re looking for (this is not the game we’re looking for…)









1
ALGator says:
Gosh, I love that theme music. FEEL LIKE FALL BABY!!!
September 17th, 2007 at 11:11 am
2
Dave says:
I’d put money on Gameday being there for LSU-FLA. It’s too big of a game to ignore.
Having said that, I’m sure they’ll have some sort of secondary gameday stage setup up in Dallas though with Rece, Holtz and May there. I could only imagine what kind of signs they would make for Lou Holtz.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:11 am
3
Stockman says:
The mouse has killed Gameday, may it RIP.
Damn that kiss was sexy.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:12 am
4
cmax says:
you would have so blasted these two, with both barrels no less, and without the atoning second to last paragraph, had they played for any other team than florida.
i’m just sayin’.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:13 am
5
gerry dorsey says:
don’t sell short the idea of gameday saving up their lsu cred for the saban bowl on nov. 3rd. the hatred and bitterness are palpable.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:15 am
6
okiedomer says:
gameday should be at the lsu/fl game, since that game features two very good teams squaring off, while OU/tx should be a debacle of half-a-hundred proportions
September 17th, 2007 at 11:16 am
7
Othniel says:
Ack. The USA Today piece is 1000x more gay than that manly show of sideline affection.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:18 am
8
Coop says:
Yes, at one time ESPN would set up shop for Gameday at the best game in the nation on that day, and it didn’t matter whether or not ABC/ESPN had the rights to show that game or not.
There is self-promotion, and then there is what Disney has done for their games.
I can barely stomach SportsCenter now, and only watch the WWL for live events, and the college football recap shows.
ESPN, personified, is now Stuart Scott, sadly.
It was not always like this, as we all know.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:20 am
9
Scalz1 says:
Any chance of a Tebow-Stafford gang spoon coming up on the internets ?
That would be worthy of pay-per-view.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:23 am
10
Dave says:
8
I couldn’t agree more with the Stuart Scott reference. well done
September 17th, 2007 at 11:24 am
11
mlmintampa says:
Well, UF-LSU is still technically a TBA game in terms of a network. But, I’m guessing it’s not Lincoln Financial.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:24 am
12
Orson Swindle says:
Cmax–
We make no bones about that fact. We would have.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:25 am
13
GoneGator says:
Gameday, like Dick Vitale and Chris Berman, started as something interesting until the suits got a hold of it. And is there a more humiliating role in the sports world right now than ESPN showing Desmond Howard’s waiting in the truck taking notes until Herbstriet gets up to leave to do the crummy ABC game so he can steal his chair on the Gameday set?
September 17th, 2007 at 11:25 am
14
DC Domer says:
SMQ said that ESPN was interviewing some chick for women’s world cup during the 4th quarter of ‘Bama-Arkansas. Seriously, someone needs to chart out ESPN’s big advertisers and start a consumer boycott of them…
September 17th, 2007 at 11:31 am
15
Rival says:
#13
I thought the same thing watching this weekend.
“And now to Desmond Howard who’s sitting on the bus typing on a computer. No, really.”
…I bet they make him sit in the back of the bus, too [/hate whitey]
September 17th, 2007 at 11:37 am
16
lilac-a-go-go says:
Methinks the infamous LSU homeaux incident should now recede to the archives since the Tebow has just kicked down the closet door.
Staying in vein, who needs Gameday anyway? We already know that Courso hearts chainsaw.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:44 am
17
gerry dorsey says:
“FUCK DISNEY!!!”
…and all of its subsidiaries including espn, abc, etc.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:49 am
18
LSUJoshua says:
11-
Incorrect, CBS is televising LSU/UF as the evening half of a double header that saturday.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:56 am
19
Allahver Fist says:
I’m less worried about teammate Joiner’s smoochies on Timmy T than a peck from teammate Death.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
20
TG says:
Vern acutally mentioned EDSBS by name at one point. I only caught a piece of it. I know it was in the 1st Q since that’s all I saw.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
21
Refuse to stab a pig says:
Wow Allahver, nice pic. I guess death has found a third career after guest starring on Family Guy.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
22
PeteJayhawk says:
Tim Tebow and JI JIM THOME are the same person, I think.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
23
PDXGoneGator says:
Tony wishes he knew how to quit Tim.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
24
PDXGoneGator says:
Damn, Allahver.
You’re right. He looks a bit like Bill (”you ghostin’ me, muthafucka”) Duke in “Predator”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUo1p44w6dY
September 17th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
25
stapler says:
-14
Yeah, what was that all about?!?!
For the Bama/Ark game they did a phone interview with a female UNC soccer player who was in China. Her parents had gone to UGA and UF, and her brother had gone to Auburn. Despite all this, she was a die hard Bama fan and wanted them to win the game. I’d have rather listened to a native Chinaman’s opinions on the game than her drivel. She was kind of hot though. Must’ve been a really round about way of pitching some product that I totally missed.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
26
Blog Goliard says:
Surely one day a television executive will rise in Los Angeles and become a competitor-devastating, industry-changing, world-historical figure by doing simply this:
Don’t screw with something good.
MTV became significant and popular and profitable by running music videos. So MTV should probably have kept running music videos. ESPN became significant and popular and profitable by showing sports. So it should probably have kept running live (or recently-taped) sporting events all day, rather than give itself over to “ESPN Original Entertainment” debacles or 75-hour blocks of poker.
(WHICH IS NOT A SPORT! OR INTERESTING TO WATCH ON TV! AND IT WILL BE RIGHTLY SEEN SOMEDAY–SOMEDAY SOON–AS A CRAZY FAD EVERY BIT AS EMBARRASSING AS MEMBERS ONLY JACKETS!)
*Ahem*. Sorry. That tends to happen to me now and then. Sorry.
Anyway, in the same vein, SportsCenter used to be more informative and entertaining, and oriented towards an attention span at least slightly longer than a mayfly’s. It was at least as much about “here’s what happened in sports today” as about “ooh! look at this! ooh! look at that! now vote for your favorite for no reason whatsoever!”.
Call me crazy, but I think it should probably have stayed much as it was. Now there’s out-of-control noise and graphics, and out-of-context absurdities like the “Ultimate Highlight”, and intrusive sponsorship of everything up to and including the hosts’ nose hairs. I can watch fifteen minutes’ worth and afterwards have no recollection of who won what in anything that day. I blame them first and foremost for the increasing crass highlightization of all sports.
And now the evil geniuses are pulling ever harder on College GameDay. Forget the long-term wisdom of making a marquee show irrelevant by refusing to send it to the site of a gargantuan game if it’s on another network…how does this make the Mouse more money even in the short term? Are there really millions of college football viewers out there who will forget about watching the CBS game if ABC/ESPN are pimping a different one?
Eh, maybe Mencken was right. I give up.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
27
PDXGoneGator says:
Goliard,
Right on. Nothing blows like Ultimate Highlight. The edits are so fast and choppy that I’m pretty sure Beckham just kicked a ball to Derek Jeter, who threw somebody out at the 50-yard line. Then there’s that voiceover douchebag. When he says, “The…Ultimate…Highlight” it always sounds like he’s taking a massive dump. And then what? Spinning rims. What the fuck? Seriously. What the fuck?
September 17th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
28
Out of Conference says:
Back to The Kiss – is it me or does Tebow also pucker up for the kiss, even though Joiner’s just delivering a cheek peck? Look at Tebow’s lips after the kiss. It just looks like his lips are in the finale stage of having just puckered up for a peck.
Hey – not that there’s anything wrong with it. From what I’ve seen in the season thus far, I’ll take a kissing Tebow over a punching Mitchell anyday and twice on Saturdays.
September 17th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
29
the man with no name says:
EDSBS was mentioned as Tebow threw a TD pass…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn1wFD4jI04
…and it was glorious.
September 17th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
30
Beatuofa says:
Has it actually been confirmed that Gameday will be at the Red River Shootout, or is everyone just assuming based on ESPN’s synergy laden craptastic cross promoting history? I thought they didn’t decide officially where they’re going until the week of the game.
September 17th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
31
Nic says:
Maybe it’s just me….but i was always of the assumption that college gameday AND espn both went to hell in a handbasket the minute they decided to let ‘Big and Rich’ do the opening song. Just me?
September 17th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
32
Blog Goliard says:
Having Pink open an NFL broadcast was worse.
But yeah, good point.
September 17th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
33
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Man Rule – Yellow Flag:
Men kissing on the gridiron is some sort of “Man Rule” infraction.
September 17th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
34
Blog Goliard says:
And again I wonder, who is the target audience here?
How many football viewers sat in their living rooms before, saying to each other: “Y’know, this game between USC and LSU should be great…but it’d be *really* great if they got Big and Rich to open the show first.”
I say the over/under is somewhere in double digits.
September 17th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
35
spartymike says:
-25
+1 on the use of the word “Chinaman” in proper and appropriate context…I’ve waited a long time to hear that done.
September 17th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
36
R.D. Baker - Retired Blogger says:
Joiner, with the KISS!
September 17th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
37
Blog Goliard says:
“Chinamen on Football”
Now that would be a worthy addition to the ESPN schedule.
Especially if they had Billy Ray Cyrus cut them a bitchin’ theme song.
+2 to spartymike for giving out the savvy +1.
(Knock-on pluses are allowed, right?)
(And wouldn’t “Knock-on Pluses” be a good name for a band?) /Dave Barry
September 17th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
38
asim says:
Apparently GameDay is going to be at Alabama-Georgia in Tuscaloosa.
September 17th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
39
NewAZTiger says:
Listening to ESPN radio is something akin to this, except with more sponsors: “And now we go to the Firestone Mailbox hosted on the Cialis Mail Servers located in the Coors-Light Cool-Zone Server room on the Disney-Owned ESPN Campus.”
September 17th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
40
Out of Conference says:
RE: Gameday at the BAMA – UGA game
Part of me wants to say wtf but then part of me (the desparate part) says this can only make our victory over UGA in Athens all the more significant.
meh … the wtf part is winning out.
September 17th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
41
The Last Dragon says:
I read Joiner’s lips. He whispered in Tebow’s ear, “Later I’ll show you my fuck lion.”
September 17th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
42
Palouse says:
Nevermind that kissy crap….who’s got the video of Cam Newton running the Tennessee defender THE FUCK OVER.
September 17th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
43
CLTDawg says:
OoC – your victory WAS insignificant because we tried to get blown out on multiple occasions and your boys couldn’t do it. They beat a vastly inferior UGA team by 4. Not too good. We were way over ranked to start the season, and you guys were way under ranked. And FWIW, Gameday being there has nothing to do with us being there – It’s all about Saban. And the fact that it will be a better game in all likelyhood. You guys may not score on LSU. Shit, the Atlanta Falcons probably couldn’t score on LSU. And I feel fairly confident in saying we wouldn’t either.
September 17th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
44
bradluen says:
35: I was a Chinaman bowler for my cricket team when I was 12.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left-arm_unorthodox_spin
As far as I know, I was the first actual Chinese person to bowl Chinamen since Puss Achong. “Left-arm unorthodox spin” is a cooler name though.
September 17th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
45
bradluen says:
Oh, and Brancusi’s “Kiss” owns Rodin’s.
http://www.usc.edu/programs/cst/deadfiles/lacasis/ansc100/library/images/393.html
September 17th, 2007 at 9:35 pm