Houston Nutt, eight seconds from squandering a heroic performance by the best running back not named Herschel Walker we can remember in a 41-38 loss to Alabama:

(HT: Hokie Andrew.)

People write great shit all the time on other blogs. We encourage you to read them, most especially after the always huge week three of the season.

Aw!

Superb semantic analysis of the USC/Nebraska game, provided to you by AJThoughts. Pete Carroll would club a baby seal, sure–but it would instantly split into three baby seals, each instantly cuter than the other. Oh, and puppies. There’d be puppies, too.

SMQ’s militantly awesome as always. How much so? He called New Mexico’s upset of Arizona and it justifiably proud of doing so. Deny the fact that you had no idea they even played, much less that it was an upset for the Lobos, and you are the father of lies.

The HogBlogger says that Houston Nutt’s teams have followed up an opening SEC loss with a second loss every year in the Nutt era, just as they did against Alabama. McFadden’s rumored concussion had much to do with it, but why let Casey Dick throw and not run out a bit more of the clock–in a game where Bama eventually won with 8 seconds left–may be the inescapable noose/query of Nutt’s 2007 season. Screw may–is the inescapable noose.

Private jets. Sometimes they land at Auburn. It’s never too early to put the brands to a rival, done with great subtlety by Todd here.

Not good looking, but certainly well-ventilated.

Clay Travis takes his beating like a man. We still owe him ten dollars for Florida not blocking a punt, something we can live with, we suppose. He also mentions that we had our shirt halfway down to the navel. Totally true: when you’ve got a plush landing strip for ladyjets as we do, you’ve got to ventilate that shit with diligence.

Did Boise State pump in crowd noise? Joe Glenn, Wyoming’s coach, certainly thinks so, per the Wizard of Odds.

Tony thinks Florida could be scary good. Which is always nice.

Note this about Oregon: Even Oregon fans think they’re superb this year, notwithstanding the fact they played a punch-drunk Michigan team. We hop no Duck bandwagon due to past burns with Belotti teams that didn’t pay out and await further evidence–though their mascot certainly seems to have the right spirit.

We would, too, if we’d lost to ISU.

Black Heart Gold Pants can’t possibly blame Texas lineman Lance Tillison for DWI after the Hawkeyes’ loss to Iowa State–especially since he was caught with the DJ Screw Starter kit of weed, alcohol, and cough syrup in his car. Purple drank is sometimes the only sanctuary in this cruel world, be you Hawkeye or strug-guh-ling Texas defense.

BlockU, in celebrating their complete and crushing victory against UCLA, works up some caption magic the Economist would be proud of, sirs.

Duke’s losing streak: A touching retrospective from Nathan at AOL.

Bill’s life as the ur-BC blogger is about to become totally greatz0rz and he knows it: not only can he hand out stellar grades to the Eagles following the requisite Chan Gailey letdown game on Saturday night, his Eagles face the worst Notre Dame team ever later this year with an offense piloted by rising LARGE AWARD NOT TO BE NAMED FOR FEAR OF COPYRIGHT VIOLATION BUT FUCK IT WE’LL SAY IT ANYWAY THE HEISMAN SUCK IT DOWNTOWN ATHLETIC CLUB candidate Matt Ryan. You were there from the jumpoff, sir.

We don’t have anything unkind to say about the Tennessee Volunteers; losing 59-20 to Florida in hellacious heat and noise on Saturday was unkind enough. (Why was Florida still throwing deep in the 4th quarter up by 20 plus? Because you were still on the field. This is Sparta.)

Instead, we wish to praise the one person we saw besides Rico McCoy working his asscheeks off for Tennessee: the Tennessee Water Boy.

Look at those perfect circles!

Not enough can really be said to praise the whirlwind diligence of the collective Tennessee hydration squad on Saturday. Prepping a team for the Dantean furnace of a full game in the Swamp is to the sideline support team what K2 is for a team of mountaineers: the ultimate challenge. Despite a full squad of players and coaches sweating a collective Lake Okechobee of perspiration in the spongy bermuda grass of Florida Field (on a day so mercilessly hot they ran out of Gatorade at the concessions stands on the student side of the stadium,) the Tennessee sideline crew not only lost no one due to cramping, but also managed to:

a.) Keep the cups in those perfect little circles the entire time. We’re not exaggerating. In between watching Tim Tebow throw balls through the chests of Tennessee defenders for long gains, we maintained a steady eye on those circles. Not ten seconds passed before the removal of a cup and the replacement of a cup. Obligatory comment by our brother-in-law Boridicus: a circle is the same shape as a donut, natch.

And b.) The Tennessee crew was moving fast enough to not only hydrate the whole team with the precision of a SEAL team knifing their way through a jungle encampment, but also hand out beverages to the Tennessee fans sitting in the first four rows. Of all the comments we heard on Saturday from Gator fans to Vol fans, two stick out: “Stay hydrated!” and of course, the obligatory “Fuck you!”

So 100 COCKTAILS TO YOU, Vol Hydration squad. Know that on a day of great loss for your team, you played like champions and others took note of your tireless efforts to make thirst your and the team’s bitch. Which it totally is.

Transitive Property Football Herpes is no laughing matter, citizen. It does not sleep. It comes in the guise of a friend and leaves you burning in places you never imagine could burn. And it’s spreading, citizen, like a wildfire across these beautiful gridirons of our nation.

The good news is that, with proper protection, it’s preventable. And we at EDSBS Labs (”Bringing You The Future, One Past At A Time!”) have identified the index case, method of transmission, and its chief wellsprings. Remember, these three steps will help those seeking to avoid catching “the Spanish Friend” from football encounters:

1. Use protection. Max protection, if necessary.

2. The best defense is a good offense! A spread offense with a mobile quarterback, if at all possible.

3. Wash hands immediately after contact. Hand sanitizers are not enough–a full washing of the hands can do more to prevent infection than almost anything. Sing Yankee Doodle while washing with warm water and soap–this is more than enough time to kill 99.99% of germs, and is an easy way to safely interact with carriers.

4. Beat them in football games.

Vigilance, citizen! Good health is just a good offensive line away. Recruit, wash, and spread your way to a transitive football herpes-free life! Only together can we tackle this problem together.

Rodin’s done it. Gustav Klimt did one, too. But the funniest and most touching work of art we saw this weekend was Tony Joiner’s rendition of The Kiss, delivered to one Mr. Tim Tebow on the Florida sidelines following a Florida TD.

For the record, as long as they both play like they did on Saturday, we don’t care if they’re wearing muscle shirts and PVC pants and doing the gayboy two-step to Crystal Waters on the sidelines in between chugging Cosmos. 59-20 is fabulous no matter who you’re kissing. After Saturday, the least we owe Tebow is a kiss on the cheek, which he’d never demand.

Now, Grossman? He’d be holding his balls and demanding a harem. That’s just what the Sex Cannon did and does, baby.

(If you want the actual story on the emotional journey of Tony Joiner without the irony, click here, or watch Joiner interact on family night in last week’s ESPN fluff piece here. )

By the way, if you’re looking for ESPN video on Florida’s victory…you won’t find any. It doesn’t exist on ESPN and their video page, just as the potentially epic Florida/LSU game won’t be make Gameday, either, as ABC owns the rights to the Red River Shootout that same Saturday. Michael Eisner says this is not the game you’re looking for (this is not the game we’re looking for…)

The Curious Index will be along in a minute. However, rent’s due, and someone’s check most definitely did not bounce. Holly, valiant Vol fan and sports bloggette from Ladies… and Snarkastic made a bet with us: if Florida won their matchup against Tennessee, then she would have to write a certain phrase on her boobs for our perusal and the rest of the universe’s, as well. If Florida lost to Tennessee, we would have had to sing Rocky Top and record it for posterity’s sake.

(This may sound lopsided. However, we hate Rocky Top like nothing else. Seriously. We might rather voluntarily dive into an Olympic pool filled with sulfuric acid than sing the song.)

This happened on Saturday, among other events:

RHINO RHINO RHINO!!!

…meaning Holly had to pay up. And being the honorable, courageous fan she is, she paid up. Given that Tennessee has given up over 40 points to two opponents already this season, she’ll need all the courage she can muster. And a shirt, evidently

Click the jump to see the fine artwork of victory drawn onto her rack. Salut! to Holly.

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