VIEWER'S GUIDE, WEEK THREE: WE GOT THE RHYTHM
by Hannibal Montegna on Sep 14, 2007 11:23 AM EDT
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PrintWeek Three, and you, viewer, should be rounding into form. Getting to the couch a few minutes late for kickoff was understandable in the opener, tolerable last week, but now your cheeks should be sliding into that groove with precision, smorgasboard at the ready, by the time Corso begins blindly gyrating beneath whatever ridiculous mascot head he’s picked this week (hint: probably not a rooster any time soon). Your conditioning should be improving: fewer, faster, better-timed trips to the bathroom, longer periods with no non-gridiron thoughts interrupting your focus. Return flips from commercial breaks should be precise, as the logos for all the sponsors you intentionally avoided over the previous two minutes are fading from the screen.
You know the names now. You know the story lines. You know the records. The time for I-AA body bags is past. It’s time to execute.
TGIF, UNLESS YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WATCH...
OKLAHOMA STATE at TROY (7:00 • ESPN2)
Quarterback controversy for the Cowboys, who for some very strange reason are on the road against the Sun Belt for the second week in a row: Bobby Reid was Mr. Hype, the blue chip made good as a sophomore, but he was weak at Georgia in the opener and went down last week against Florida Atlantic, briefly ceding the position to Zac Robinson, whose official number according to the NCAA is "#1X." But Robinson threw for three touchdowns, and Reid may get the quick hook from the lineup if the Cowboys aren’t mowing down Troy pretty quickly. Watch For: Judging from the Trojans’ 49-point yield to Florida in the first half last week, the offensive explosion we’ve been waiting for out of Oklahoma State.
On to Saturday’s feast...
NOON: THERE IS A YOUTH SOCCER GAME. GET THE ORANGE SLICES IN TIME FOR...
Your Saturday morning belongs to this man.Main Course: PITTSBURGH at MICHIGAN STATE (12:00 • ESPN)
Uh, on second thought, take your time with the orange slices. Pittsburgh is 2-0 thanks to 24-point beatings on Eastern Michigan and Grambling, but Pitt is still beat up, without its best offensive player, still not completely sure who to book for the emergency room play at quarterback, still coached by Dave Wannstedt and still smarting from losing this game big at home last year, anyway.
The Spartans are still at least a week away from the soul-crushing disappointment than sets both wings on fire and sends the season hurtling into oblivion. Watch For: The high, high probability than Wannstedt will be forced to turn to the Panthers’ third different quarterback in as many weeks if Kevan Smith is ineffective or injured.
On the Other Channel:
CENTRAL MICHIGAN at PURDUE (12:00 • ESPN2)
See, this is a program decision that pisses me off: it’s not like Central Michigan-Purdue is just a horrible game – both teams were in bowls last year, there’ll be a ton of points – but, you know, it’s obviously secondary to its mediocre competition (Pitt-Michigan State). Meanwhile, the same network is showing one of the three most compelling games of the day, Arkansas at Alabama, at 6:45 p.m., putting it up against the end of Florida-Tennessee and the start of USC-Nebraska, automatically making Arkansas-Alabama the most difficult game of the day to focus on if you have any interest in either of those other marquee games. I’m sure the SEC is not eager to kick off at 11 a.m., and there are contracts, etc. – the Big Ten always has the early games, the SEC always has the evening – but it only makes the best games are unnecessarily difficult to watch. Watch For: A ton of points. If you haven’t seen quarterbacks Curtis Painter or Dan LeFevour (and admit it, you haven’t), both are operating prolific spread attacks against rock bottom pass defenses.
Provicialism: Akron tries to improve on its two-point, three-first down effort of a week ago at Indiana and Buffalo comes off one of the most lopsided wins in school history for a beatdown at Penn State on the Big Ten Network (both games at noon Eastern). Southern-fried Lincoln Financial action gets depressing, even moreso than usual, as participants in both the featured ACC (Virginia at North Carolina, 12:30 EDT) and SEC (Mississippi State at Auburn, 12:30 EDT) games come in close to the frayed end of their ropes already. And though Iowa and Iowa State (Noon EDT) command one of the highest single-game ticket prices in the country, but can only get on the air via Worldwide Also-Ran Versus.
MID-AFTERNOON: DRUM. HAND DRUM WITH ME...
Yes, fans, yes, I hear it. My mitts are twitiching to beat the coffee table into rhythmic submission. It sounds like...
Main Course: TENNESSEE at FLORIDA (3:30 • CBS)
Glad to see CBS and its frantic theme back after taking off the non-conference preliminaries, even if by the second quarter I know I’ll be cursing Verne "I’m Lonely, So Lonely" Lundquist’s desperate, jowel-jiggling catchphrases in between seething anti-corporate tirades directed at the annoying in-game, on-field logos superimposed in the secondary ("Third-and-long, brawt to you bah...Home Dee-po!"). Also good to have the pivotal UT-UF throwdown back in its traditional time slot ("traditional" = "when I first remember watching it," i.e. the early-to-mid-nineties).
This marks not only the annual elimination game for the SEC East race, but the first time most of the country will see Tim Tebow in a full game as a starter. He’ll be without Bubba Caldwell, and possibly the tendonitis-ravaged Percy Harvin, too, but against Tennessee’s sketchy secondary, the nation expects nothing short of perfection. Watch For: Because your girlfriend wants you to, surprisingly, and not just to ogle Tim Tebow, she promises. Please. Grow up. Because why would she want to spend hours of her day off gazing longingly into the emerald green eyes of some overgrown teen heartthrob whose inarticulate, slightly acne-scarred hunkiness will awaken her nostalgic – as well as, unbeknownst to you at this seemingly comfortable stage of the relationship, increasingly frustrated – adolescent longings, eventually sending her on a downward spiral destined to end on the lurid back pages of Scout.com, thereby bringing the omnipotent wrath of Homeland Security down on your laptop with child pornography charges that you can’t prove you’re not guilty of, resulting in a decade-long, rape-filled prison sentence, a series of ever tighter-fitting ankle bracelets, embarrassing encounters with neighbors and lifelong scorn from tomato-wielding old ladies? You just want to make the love of your life happy, right? [EDSBS legal would like to note that Tim Tebow is a 19-year-old sophomore, and therefore eligible to be gawked at in lewd and inappropriate fashion by adults of both genders. He is also an upstanding and unstoppable citizen. Acts of potential perversion and/or illegality are attributed only to the reader and his/her significant other, who, pursuant to that one video tape you swore would not wind up online, are likely to commit such acts, rather than Mr. Tebow, who is muscular and not into that sort of thing. We regret any confusion.]
On the Other Channel:
OHIO STATE at WASHINGTON (3:30 • ESPN)
Such a volatile investment of the viewer’s time: at once, OSU-Washington could pay off as the most intriguing match of the day, or could go down as you really always knew it would, with the Huskies’ star fading in the grasp of a long, slow 17-6 Buckeye chokehold. Watch For: Every fan owes it to themselves to see the Tebow-esque redshirt freshman Jake Locker, he of the outrageous "messiah" hype from the Northwest, who has lived up to his terrible billing in his first two career starts. Ohio State’s defense allowed 68 yards and three first downs last week – it was Akron, but triple those numbers, and it’s still a dominant performance, which makes this Locker’s "for real?" game for a national audience.
NOTRE DAME at MICHIGAN (3:30 • ABC)
Technically, somebody "has to win" here, but the fates of both teams have been so bad, and are so much worse going forward with a pair of true freshman quarterbacks, and have sustained such misery in their respective fan bases in such a short amount of time, that I’m tempted to predict the same outcome I envisioned for years (before Boston won it) on the occasion of a Red Sox-Cubs World Series: a 3-3 tie deep into the fourth quarter, possibly into overtime, and a devastating earthquake or other disaster cancels the finish. If only I thought either defense was capable of holding anyone – even Jimmy Clausen – to only three ponits. Watch For: Sweet, sweet schadenfreude. An epic afternoon in sadism.
Clausen vs. Mallett. Do we really have to?TEXAS at CENTRAL FLORIDA (3:30 8 ESPN2)
Of all the games on the viewing slate Saturday, this is the only one that screams "unmitigated blowout." Watch For: A much better game than anyone expects from an inspired UCF against lethargic Texas, which wakes up sometime in the third quarter to swat away yet another mid-major fly. This is the first game/dedication of the Knights’ new, on-campus Bright House Networks Stadium, and the first home sellout in school history.
The Wild Card
ARKANSAS at ALABAMA (6:45 • ESPN)
You can’t in good conscience turn away from a tight Tennessee-Florida game, but this one has the same level of intrigue, and possibly the same long-term relevance in the SEC title race. Here is our first chance to learn how Alabama is or is not really different under Saban than it was under DuBose-Franchione-Price-Shula, and how Arkansas is prepared to respond to the ridiculous melodrama of its offseason. Watch For: Ostensibly, Darren McFadden and Felix Jones heroically plowing into ten-man fronts, dragging and throwing off tacklers like Uma Thurman cutting down the Crazy Eighty-Eight in Kill Bill until eventually swarmed over by the sheer number of defenders keyed on them. But you also know these are the two craziest fan bases among a paradise of crazy fan bases in the SEC, which makes them the craziest in the country and possibly the world, and if ever something truly bizarre was set to happen – a contingent of Arkansas fans led by Guz Malzahn and Beck Campbell storming the field to kidnap Nutt, an assassination attempt on Nick Saban by a Tider who loved the coach so much he grew to hate him, like Mark David Chapman – this must be that game. I would expect nothing less than a soccer riot, or someone projecting incriminating text messages from Houston Nutt’s cell phone on the Bryant-Denny Jumbotron. Someone in the crowd is going to be arrested, is what I’m saying, maybe a lot of someones, and here’s hoping the Leader won’t have too much dignity to cut away.
EVENING AND LATE NIGHT: WEEKEND AT BOBBY’S
Main Course: SOUTHERN CAL at NEBRASKA (8:00 • ABC)
You’re LOOKING LIVE! at fabulous Lincoln Stadiumm where, thank god, Brent Musburger wont have to deal with any more goddamn hippies in the oak trees!:
No, as we know from T.J. Simers’ in-depth reporting from the Heartland, Nebraska is pretty much only farms and farmers and cows and corn and lonesome highways and, like, actual work and that sort of thing. In fact, there are no trees in the state of Nebraska, naturally, and if there were, the only people who’d be in them are smartass, condescending Hollywood types who got knocked up there after opening their mouths one time too many.
Watch For: The first good look at the USC’s Storm Troopers of Destiny, for one, but also the possibility, however remote, that Simers has to eat his words when he calls the game "a foregone conclusion." If Bill Callahan can motion the slightly ailing SC defense to sleep, and Sam Keller can repeat the 347 yards he threw against the Trojans with Arizona State in 2005 without repeating the five interceptions, there’s a chance. There’s about an equal chance SC will win by 30, but that should be something to see, too.
On the Other Channel:
LOUISVILLE at KENTUCKY (7:30 • ESPN Classic)
So many points, such little time: Kentucky’s defense ranked 118th in the nation last year and allowed more than 450 yards last week to Kent State; Middle Tennessee score touchdowns on its first five possessions last Thursday in Louisville. The two offenses, meanwhile, have combined for 243 points in four games. Watch For: With eight months to go, it’s still possible to say something like this and it be plausibly true, so I’m going for it: Brian Brohm and Andre Woodson might be the first two quarterbacks picked in next April’s draft. Might be. See? They might. Woodson might have a breakout game in a UK upset, but as the kind of game Louisville’s defense had last week was hardly worse than the norm for Kentucky's, the draft thing seems more likely.
BOSTON COLLEGE at GEORGIA TECH (8:00 • ESPN2)
A possible preview of the ACC championship (you did know B.C. and Tech are in different divisions, right?) and completely underrated game of the week. Both teams are off to 2-0 starts of dubious merit, because none of the four teams they’ve crushed under their combined boot (Wake Forest, Notre Dame, N.C. State and Samford) have won a game yet. Unless, of course, you count Samford’s two-point victory over Western Alabama, which would be charitable of you, but not very helpful toward assessing Georgia Tech. Watch For: The impact on the ACC race. True to its word, B.C. has opened up the offense under Matt Ryan, where Tech has played it close to the vest with Taylor Bennett in a couple easy, run-driven wins against overmatched defenses. If it can do that against the Eagles – B.C. has allowed 58 yards total on the ground in two games – Tech is the favorite at home.
BYU at TULSA (9:00 • CSTV)
Post-defeat, rebounding could be much easier for BYU without a visit like this, to a quiet team hoping to establish itself as better than just a C-USA darkhorse with a win, even if that win is more likely to be counted against the slumping Cougars than it is to earn reward for a team whose mascot looks like Powdered Toast Man. Watch For: Visual evidence of Gus Malzahn’s insanely up-tempo offensive philosophy at Tulsa, which is very revolutionary, if you didn’t know.
Bobby Bowden. In the Rockies. At midnight. Think a less morbid version of ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’.FLORIDA STATE at COLORADO • (10:00 • ESPN)
Both of these proud programs are reeling, searching for some sort of identity, but frankly, it’s just a little late in the day to be thinking about that sort of thing, isn’t it? If FSU fans watch this game all the way through, it will be 1 a.m. at the earliest back in Tallahassee before weary handshakes are exchanged; even in the Rockies, it won’t finish until after 11 p.m. local time. But what do you think this, a morning Easter egg toss in the park? This is Division I football, brother, and if you’re not willing to play it into the wee hours with no oxygen, then you can go home. Watch For: Bobby Bowden passing out in the second half. I’m not kidding: he’s in his late seventies. He’s in the mountains. He’s up way past his bedtime. He’s going down.
Provincialism: Regional Fox networks out West are clogged with 10 p.m. games, so ignore this if you’re east of the Rockies: Idaho at Washington State on FSN Northwest, San Diego State at Arizona State and New Mexico at Arizona on FSN Arizona, San Jose State and Stanford on FSN Bay Area and, earlier in the evening (6:30 EDT), Idaho State at Oregon State on not one but two FSN affiliates, FSN Northwest and FSN Arizona. Louisiana Tech visits Cal for an old-fashioned beatin’ on Comcast Northwest. Hawaii is back on the mainland (it never left, actually, after making the 4,000-mile trip for a conference game with La Tech last week) for a game with Hawaii UNLV on the confusingly-abbreviated Mountain West network, Mtn. Back east, so to speak, Duke and Northwestern break out the Hume for the Big Ten Network.
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Somehow the ESPN Regional telecast of UConn/Temple was omitted from the viewer’s guide…
I like the slate of games tomorrow. Nothing big at noon while I’m watching the UConn train roll on, though Pitt/MSU is mildly intriguing. Three great games at 330. The night games are good too though I wonder why Kentucky/Louisville is on ESPN Classic. Does everyone get that now? I’m glad I do, that game is more exciting that USC’s impending beatdown of Nebraska.
You have to love the fact that the SEC has two stop the world games, none involving its best team, while the ACC has a primetime game with its two best teams right now that no one gives a flying fucknut about. Ooohh Georgia Tech versus Boston College! Feel the excitment! As a BC hater, let me point out that the return of Tom O’Brien wasn’t enough to generate a sell-out. Fuck BC forever.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 11:35 AM EDT reply actions
Woah… Idaho plays 2 games on Saturday? (Idaho State plays @ Oregon State… not that anyone cares)
by psuedosilent observer on Sep 14, 2007 11:39 AM EDT reply actions
If the Sabanites win, the Orc drumbeats from deep within Moria will begin anew; calling for the straw festooned scalp of one Houston Dale Nutt and his merry band of misfits.
by drogue on Sep 14, 2007 11:41 AM EDT reply actions
I believe Hawaii plays UNLV not Hawaii. But if they were playing themselves, that would explain original Colt’s numbers.
by RowdyRoddyPiper on Sep 14, 2007 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
i agree with your bama/arky predictions. here is why i think there will be large quantities of fireworks…b/c the arky offense is both predictable AND unstoppable at the same time. that is a recipe for the bama nation (and lord saban) to lose their shit. so tivo it if you can’t watch it.
by gerry dorsey on Sep 14, 2007 11:46 AM EDT reply actions
There is no shame in sharing a network with THE HOME OF EARLY-ROUND NHL PLAYOFFS, sirs.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Sep 14, 2007 11:48 AM EDT reply actions
Mentions of Humanity Advanced AND DanLeFevour in the same EDSBS article?
ITS CHRISTMAS FUCKING EVE IN THE WHEAT HOUSE!!!
fucking a I can NOT wait until I wake up tomorrow and start the drinking
by Jerkwheat on Sep 14, 2007 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
Sabanite secondary can take the week off. Monk is on the shelf. I’ll be very surprised if Arkaloid passing yardage gets into triple digits.
6 down linemen and 5 linebackers should be enough.
by drogue on Sep 14, 2007 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
Goddammit! Have some patience! It’s on the way!
by Orson Swindle on Sep 14, 2007 11:58 AM EDT reply actions
Channeling Eric Cartman…
CHEESECAKE!!! CHEESECAKE!!!
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 12:02 PM EDT reply actions
Re: Cocks feud with Gameday.
Never trust a guy named Hyman. Seriously.
Oh, and Jimmy likes his receivers open… which is exactly where they should be against Meeechigan’s ‘defense’.
by GamecockTony on Sep 14, 2007 12:03 PM EDT reply actions
I agree the the ‘Backs passing figures will top out at 64… but then, when Batman and Robin each rush for 164, and Batman throws a 64 yd touchdown pass, people will overlook the Penis brother’s dismal performance.
On another note, here are some surnames from Arkansas: Nutt, Dick, Dick, Tuck
by Adam on Sep 14, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
“Provicialism: Akron tries to improve on its two-point, three-first down effort of a week ago at Indiana and Buffalo comes off one of the most lopsided wins in school history for a beatdown at Penn State on the Big Ten Network (both games at noon Eastern).”
Sir —
The Zips got beat by the Sweatervests last weekend. While you are right to note that Buffalo may go from the penthouse (or at least a solid thrashing of Temple) to the outhouse this weekend, all reference to the BTN should include an obligatory note that it is available only with a satellite dish, two rolls of duct tape, and some baling wire. Or just a simple, “Fuck Jim Delaney.”
Those of you with ESPN Game Plan also can catch the Miami-Cincinnati game, as the oldest rivalry west of the Alleghenies touches down in Oxford this year. New UC coach Brian Kelly thinks UC’s too good to visit Oxford these days (I could rant on this at length but won’t), and the fact that the Bearcats got thrashed 44-16 the last time they visited and haven’t won in Oxford during this century has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Kelly’s placement of the “we’re BCS” card. Nope. No way. No sirree.
by DevilGrad on Sep 14, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, you’ve led me to understand how the NCAA’s Univac lists players with duplicate uniform numbers. The answer is “consistenly inconsistent”, which is about what I expected.
100 cocktails to you, sir.
by PJ from NU in SF on Sep 14, 2007 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
- - UConn v. anyone “feel the excitement” INDEED!!
second thought…do any Alabama/Saban followers know if he’s got a hot niece. seems the kid over at secpoon.com got himself into some troubles with such things, and I was wondering if anyone might have more info and/or pics, since he took em down and i didnt have an RSS feed on this.
by Brian on Sep 14, 2007 12:09 PM EDT reply actions
I predict Humanity Advanced lines up at QB for the whole game, and the Hogs spring the WVU offense on Bama.
On the other side of the ball – John Parker Wilson gets hit so hard, he’s finally seperated into John Parker and John Wilson.
Really – I just want Saban to get his wake up call.
by Eric on Sep 14, 2007 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
My God,
So much to bet on, so little time. I’m hoping Fla will cover and Tebow really has “S” on his chest. This will be that game that shows the Southeast what Fla really has. Tebow needs to out do his Washington doppleganger so he can get the jump on the 2009 Heisman race now.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 14, 2007 12:10 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, that 3:30 kickoff is nice to see again. Enough time to shake off a hangover like a Tebow stiffarm beforehand, and lots of time acreage afterwards to fill with even more drinking before the sun comes up.
Unfortunately, the anticipation of the game on Saturday has me running on NST. Or “Nick Saban Time”, where I don’t have time for any of this shit between now and then.
by BDoc on Sep 14, 2007 12:12 PM EDT reply actions
Give me a single wing with Humanity, Felix Jones, Peyton Hillis, and Mike Smith all out there and once and say the hell with it all. YOU CAN’T STOP THE CRO-MAG OFFENSE!!!! YAAAAA!!!!
by Jerkwheat on Sep 14, 2007 12:13 PM EDT reply actions
Three-for-one is a GREAT DEAL if you’re a GODDAMN TREEHUGGER!
You tell ’em, Brent!
by PeteJayhawk on Sep 14, 2007 12:16 PM EDT reply actions
- …and Le Tour de Lance
- Why wait? Drink now, hoss.
by UgasTexan on Sep 14, 2007 12:17 PM EDT reply actions
#16
I cannot believe Alabama is favored in this game. Arkansas is a ranked opp. and Alabama is favored by beating Vanderbilt? How did that happen? Now this screws my gambling “strategery” all up. Damn now that Monk is a non issue, all we have to do is have some one sell out on defense and try to give Mcfadden a concussion. I think we need to invoke the “Special Guest Defensive Player” this week and have Dorsey stop by for a series or 2. Are tranquilizer dart guns illegal in SEC play? If we can get 4 good darts in Mcfadden before half time, we can put him down before he tramples a few cornerbacks and they get stuck on the bottom of his cleats like in Jurassic Park when the T-Rex ran wild, which is what this game will look like, IMHO.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 14, 2007 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
Looks the bar has already been set for the 2007 You Talkin’ To Me Award.
http://houserockbuilt.blogspot.com/2007/09/blogjammin-grimly-satisfying-evening.html
http://mgoblog.blogspot.com/2007/09/vicious-electronic-questioning-notre.html
Their trash talk on the bum-fight bowl is a riot and along the way they debunk the WWL myths about what’s wrong and why in the hunt for rock bottom.
(Orson, It’s ND’s offense and Michigan defense that are competing at cluelessness. Even last year with an older OL you noted “ND can’t run”. If they go 3 and out too many times the improved defense won’t matter. They need either a run threat or a deep pass threat to make the short passing game work without Quinn)
by canuck on Sep 14, 2007 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
19 -
Just bet the house on USC and count your winnings.
More easy money, lines from BoDog
1) UConn -30. Please. Might be 100-7.
2) Cincinnati -7. Come on! Might be 56-3.
3) Auburn -13 over Miss. State. Auburn mad. Auburn stomp.
4) UNLV +17.5 vs. Hawaii. Hawaii sucks on the mainland, they have zero defense and UNLV almost tasted sweet victory briefly against Wisconsin. They’re hungry for it because a taste of a sugar is worse than none at all. They want it this week. I’d take UNLV straight up if I could.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 12:27 PM EDT reply actions
19 -
Just bet the house on USC and count your winnings.
More easy money, lines from BoDog
1) UConn -30. Please. Might be 100-7.
2) Cincinnati -7. Come on! Might be 56-3.
3) Auburn -13 over Miss. State. Auburn mad. Auburn stomp.
4) UNLV +17.5 vs. Hawaii. Hawaii sucks on the mainland, they have zero defense and UNLV almost tasted sweet victory briefly against Wisconsin. They’re hungry for it because a taste of a honey is worse than none at all. They want it this week. I’d take UNLV straight up if I could.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 12:27 PM EDT reply actions
WHAT!!! No Gene Chizik/ISU on TV this weekend? Do the schedulers have a sane mind? And no Syracuse???
The FCC shold investigate this…
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 14, 2007 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
Oops, sorry. I changed one word and it posted twice. My bad.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
God I love livin on the West Coast. First game at 9 am mofos! Wake and bake + bloody mary = blissful coma by 12:30 OSU/UW tilt. Hell the Condoms beat down of the Huskers will be over at 8 pm! Then it’s WAC-tastic goodness and Pac tasty treats on random cable channels till midnight. Bliss man, total bliss.
Can’t wait for Oregon to play down to Fresno’s level for 3 quarters only to pull it out at the very end. C’mon Bulldogs, we beat UM! Lie down, roll over!
by samsquantch on Sep 14, 2007 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
We fortunate enough to live on the West Coast get games at 9am all the way to the random WAC games on obscure cable channels that end at 1 am. And I will watch almost all of them.
I am going to need the jaws of life to get off the coach tomorrow night after multiple bong hits, brews and grub. God I love this sport.
by Sunnyvale Samsquantch on Sep 14, 2007 12:36 PM EDT reply actions
God I love the CBS theme song! I’ve been waiting over nine months to hear it again. Certainly puts that Big & Rich crap GameDay uses to shame.
by Beast44 on Sep 14, 2007 12:37 PM EDT reply actions
30 – I spent one fall weekend out visiting a friend in L.A. last year. The wake & bake on the West Coast is so awesome it should be illegal. On the East Coast, you do that, you get stuck with Gameday with two hours and all that does is get you too excited for games that won’t happen for a while. On the West Coast, you just jump right in, wake & bake and say goodbye to any hangover. It’s too sweet.
31 – The CBS theme song is what college football sounds like to me. I remember, as a young Notre Dame fan, literally getting goosebumps hearing that song before any of the Catholics vs. Convicts games with Miami.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
“will awaken her nostalgic – as well as, unbeknownst to you at this seemingly comfortable stage of the relationship, increasingly frustrated – adolescent longings, eventually sending her on a downward spiral destined to end on the lurid back pages of Scout.com”
Funniest “scary funny” line. Ever.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Sep 14, 2007 1:10 PM EDT reply actions
- - that’s pretty much my Saturday, except I swap the Bloody Marys sometimes for Po’mosas (cheap beer wtih OJ.)
If you’re not as blitzed as Brent Musberger is by the time the evening game comes on, you’re not doing it right.
by Signal to Noise on Sep 14, 2007 1:17 PM EDT reply actions
Edsall-
It’s great, you can watch a live college football game while eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and fourth meal!*
- (paid for by Taco Bell-a subsidiary of Pepsico. All rights reserved)
by Sunnyvale Samsquantch on Sep 14, 2007 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
the reason it’s so fun to drool over tebow is because he’s so sweet and innocent. but then again, personal experience tells me that often, those that seem so innocent are the ones that are most kinky.
at least that’s what i tell my pillow at night.
also, will orson be at the game tomorrow? i am my grandma’s personal chaperon for all home games, so we’ll be partying 1940’s style.
by adam b on Sep 14, 2007 1:21 PM EDT reply actions
If there isn’t a “Musburger is my DD” sign at Gameday, I will be immensely disappointed in my people.
by Land of Os(borne) on Sep 14, 2007 1:25 PM EDT reply actions
I give tomorrow’s lineup an Ass/Couch/Plasma Screen Equity factor of 7.5
by drogue on Sep 14, 2007 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
I remeber back to the mid-90’s too when LSU was just coming back (for 4 year under the Gerry D) when it was FL-TN during the day then LSU-Auburn at night. It was that way for like 4-5 strait years. Wow…dam good times.
by GeauxNats on Sep 14, 2007 2:02 PM EDT reply actions
I am so pissed that I’m going to miss (a) Central Michigan at Purdue (have a friend at Purdue) and (b) USC at Nebraska because, well, ACC beckons.
Damn you schedulers!!
by GTSteve on Sep 14, 2007 2:05 PM EDT reply actions
More easy money, lines from BoDog
3) Auburn -13 over Miss. State. Auburn mad. Auburn stomp.
Auburn should win, and Auburn may cover… but Auburn is never, ever easy money as a favorite. Never.
by HFS on Sep 14, 2007 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
42 – I agree that usually, I stay away from all Auburn games at all costs because they never do what they’re supposed to do. Their great teams never win by enough and their decent teams bite me in the butt. They killed me twice last year, first by beating Florida and then laying a stinkbomb against Georgia. Still, they have to crush Miss. State. Tuberville will have them all jacked up, especially on defense, and MSU is barely a respectable team anymore. Even if they play poorly, they’ll win 24-0. An easy cover.
If it’s not, well, you may not see any comments from me next week. Or ever as my concrete shoes at the bottom of the Connecticut River will prevent me from doing so.
by Edsall is God on Sep 14, 2007 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Thank God the FSU/ColoraDanHawkins game is late. I’ll have time to leave Gainesville, employ my ‘astigmatism in my right eye/double vision’ trick to fool the impending DUI sobriety test after being pulled over in Palatka (3 for 4, bitches!), and arrive on my couch to drink Yuengling and watch old man losing. And drink more Yuengling. And more. And more – all the while holding it in my bladder until I see a FSU player tap Blobby Bowden on the shoulder and ask him to share the oxygen.
Then I piss myself, Division I style.
Oh, and fuck Tennessee!
by Allahver Fist on Sep 14, 2007 2:27 PM EDT reply actions
All I am asking for is the loser of the Mich/ND game to be banished to oblivion. I am so sick of all the media attention it makes it hard for me to even enjoy the Domers’ skid.
Orson, are you saying Brohm and Petrino are reunited in 08’s NFL draft?
by fotodog on Sep 14, 2007 2:39 PM EDT reply actions
Who is really gonna watch the NCAA version of “Who’s More Pathetic?” with ND/UM? Its just gonna be 100,000 people watching a pillow fight w/ 2 pillow biters at QB.
by Mr Pelican Pants on Sep 14, 2007 2:40 PM EDT reply actions
McPants:
I am going out of my way to catch the Mich-Notre Dame fiasco of a game.
As bad as Michigan is, Notre Dame is worse, and I am going to enjoy seeing the former genius – Weis – flop in front of a national tv crowd.
Was Weis a cheater with Bellechik at New England? The next time he wears his bling, I hope someone asks him, inquiring minds want to know….
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 14, 2007 3:09 PM EDT reply actions
Bank on it.
Petrino takes Brohm in first round next year. Then, the next phase of the apocalypse occurs……..
by Techie on Sep 14, 2007 3:16 PM EDT reply actions
Betting Locks Redux: Buckeyes more than cover at Washington. Book it.
Just because Inflatable Charlie Cheesburger has been exposed as a fraud does not instantaneously make Ty a soooper geniuuuus, nor does it make him a “big game” coach, despite the drooling desire of the race pimps and hucksters at ESPN who want desperately to chafe the semi-crusty scab of prejudice and reopen that tired controversy.
by SherlockHemlock on Sep 14, 2007 3:21 PM EDT reply actions
Here’s a more in-depth preview of the big 10 network games, as Orson overlooked some of them.
http://landthieves.blogspot.com/2007/09/big-10-network-games-preview.html
by HeadThief on Sep 14, 2007 3:33 PM EDT reply actions
- - Sherlock:
Ty is no genius either. If he were, then why did he take sloppy seconds at Notre Dame?
Though, Ty does have a track record of reviving teams, such as taking Stanford to the Rose Bowl, and currently taking Washington on a fun winning ride.
While Charlie Cheesburgers has a track record of zilch, nada, zip as head coach. He seems cut out to be a good spear carrier, since he does not have what it takes to be a leader of men.
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 14, 2007 3:41 PM EDT reply actions
Weis was pretending it wasn’t a rebuilding year. Lllloyd’s pretending he hasn’t already retired.
But hey it’s that a 4 Heisman Clausen vs. 3 Heisman Mallet pillow fight for heaven’s sake. Mallet was only going to get 3 on account of going #1 in the NFL draft after his junior year. The red zone will be huge with a guy who can’t make completions under 80 yards.
by canuck on Sep 14, 2007 3:44 PM EDT reply actions
Step on up, ISU AD Jamie Pollard, in the “Dumb Administrator Quote of the Year” competition:
“I look at it as a positive, not negative,” he said. “What other state has 100,000 season-ticket holders for major college football?”
Um, Michigan? And Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arizona, Oklahoma, California, Colorado, Louisiana, South Carolina, North Carolina, and maybe Washington?
[Howard Dean] YEEEAAAAAARRRGH! [/Howard Dean]
Yo, Jamie, that’s only 18 other states. Get out more, my friend.
by Papa Lou BSU on Sep 14, 2007 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
Two notes:
No. 1, the reason why this game is on ESPN Classic is because Rich Brooks and Mitch Barnhart were tired of watching the “Caits” get punked on ESPN/2 on the opening Sunday night of every season. All of the buzz would immediately go out of the program with fans, recruits, media, etc. on day one. So when it came time to renew the contract with UofL for the series, they conditioned it on being able to play the game on the third weekend of the year whenever it was held in Lexington. This way UK would purportedly get more time to prepare, and, because the third weekend of the season always has a ton of great games, no one would be watching when they inevitably got thrashed. So ESPN Classic it is. Next year this game will be back on Sunday night of Labor Day weekend on ESPN, in Louisville. The moral of this story is that UK is desperate for success in football.
No. 36, Taco Bell was sold by Pepsico to Yum! Brands, which, coincidentally, is based in Louisville.
by SDF fan on Sep 14, 2007 4:52 PM EDT reply actions
“Po’mosas”……..You sir, are both a scholar and a gentleman.
by Simon Kenton on Sep 14, 2007 5:08 PM EDT reply actions
This weekend’s Division I-A Barbaro Bowls!
Duke at Northwestern: Crummy Game of the Week (Yes, I ripped off Steve Harvey’s “Bottom Ten” designation of the shittiest game)
Idaho at Washington State: Remodeled restrooms at Martin Stadium + Sen. Larry Craig (an Idaho alum) = Hours of foot-tappin’ excitement!
by The Duke of Wazzu on Sep 14, 2007 8:33 PM EDT reply actions
- 33 – on the east coast or midwest, normal operating procedure after the wake and bake is a game or two of ncaa or madden followed by a quick food run, and then a reburn before the big 10 games start. (fuck the big 10 network and their hoes) GO BUCKS.
by the way, this is my first post and i fuckin hate florida. that being said, this is the sweeetest mothergrabbin site i have ever laid eyes on. all you fuckers make me laugh. matter of fact, i dont know how i ever functioned during football season without it.
by bulletproof sweatervest on Sep 14, 2007 10:20 PM EDT reply actions
FUCK PIG!! Bacon tastes good.
ROLL TIDE!!!
by John P. Graves on Sep 15, 2007 1:41 AM EDT reply actions
Gosh, let’s just sit back and enjoy. What is what will be answered after Saturday. I am stooopid enuf to thank we can beet au-barn.
No snide comments on this one. I intend to drink well & watch in cool & scenic Blowing Rock.
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 15, 2007 1:42 AM EDT reply actions
BACON TASTES GOOD. PORK CHOPS TASTE GOOD. I love the smell of pork in the morning. It smells like victory!!. I will enjoy catching a NUTT at Bryant-Denny this evening.
ROLL TIDE!
by John P. Graves on Sep 15, 2007 2:30 AM EDT reply actions
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